From the MMORPG chat:

I learned today that I have a big family.
YYY: Did you get out of the room?
YYY: Praised
Xxx : (

ra0ued: Dear brothers and sisters, let me push you now.

Students discuss what to carry on the exam
She said she loves chocolate. Or maybe Ferrero Roche?
Vitalik: Eleanor, she said the car belt is not subject to. Maybe a career.
and Porsche?

Dmitry Gushkov: He’s still cuddling to you, right?
Kiwi is no. He is in love with July.
Dmitry Guskov: and Julia knows about it?
Kiwi: The Horse
Dmitry Guskov: Does it respond to reciprocity?
Kiwi: But he has a wife and a child, and Julia is a lesbian =)
Dmitry Guskov: Damn
Dmitry Guskov: I have no words
Kiwi :D

Evaluate the work of the Russian Post on a five-point scale:
1 – Not bad
2 – well
3 - very good
4 – Surprisingly
5 – Excellent

xxx: Brothers, let me tell you, what kind of wickedness can a neighborhood office be arranged so that they will take off the naher?
YYY: You can go to them and start shaking.
YYY: singing something from Stas Mikhailov's repertoire
Zzzz: Hm... in principle, you can’t shake.

I sit in the FSB building, before me weighs a sign that the use of cellular communication, any means of communication is prohibited. It becomes boring, I decide to use the phone without a burn. I accidentally launch the application YandexNavigator and here the good voice of the girl from the phone reports:" The connection to the satellites is established"... There were many surprised eyes...

A recent conversation with a friend

I: "I dreamed today that we kissed".
He: “Either you didn’t get to sleep before sex, or it wasn’t me.”

Men are such men.

The news:
The criminal authority, the biggest "theft in the law", was murdered.
The best comment:
"Is there anything out of it?"

Thousand where?
I will give you back what you wear.
I asked you where you are now? But about a thousand good that you reminded
Tagged: fucking

From Habr.
I just can’t figure out where the water on Mars has gone.

Yyy: I think the absence of water on Mars can safely be considered as proof of the presence of Jews on Mars.

We are three in the office.
I prefer nicks, a colleague1 cries for apples, a colleague2 for an old man on the windows.
I prefer to walk or use public transportation, a colleague1 dreams of "Gelendvagen", but while riding on "Tiguan", a colleague2 - on the seven.
I have a tablet on Android, a colleague1 has an iPad, a colleague2 has a W8.
I have a computer working with Ubuntu 9.04, my colleague1 - macOS, my colleague2 - W7.
When the boss came to know who was sitting with whom, he asked only one question - "How did you not kill each other only?"

Yes, rounding up about Panthenol: it and other skin lesions (cuts, cracks, scratches) treat at once. He would be crossed with BF glue – Darth Vader would walk with his native hand and on his two.

Yesterday at the Rambler:

"In Georgia found a network of secret gay agents."

This fucking, comrades, apocalypse is approaching.

Because of the fact that I rarely go to Facebook, there is always panic when you see the inscription "What’s happening, Daniel?" in the status field.

In the morning on the radio told about the initiative of the deputies from the "Apple" (Patriarchal Assembly). My aunt invites the students to distribute condoms. The case, in general, is good. But knowing your favourite country, an ad immediately appears on the deanate: "Pont Wednesday condoms are issued from 12 to 15" OR "Students who have debts on the winter session, condoms will not be issued". OR" When receiving condoms have a certificate from the library about the absence of debt". Lots of students.

Veronika
This is "rushed fo yo")

Valentina
And the translation?

Veronika
specially dlya tebya)

Speaking of medicine. My nephew told me. The Medical University. Of the 20 members of the group, 19 people pay for the exam. And after all, the exam is necessary, "medical", not a philosophy.
I’m from other times, but students, are you all studying like this now?

I bought a new washing machine. Long looking for the right one. Finally, the wife stopped choosing a large machine of German assembly, which is also more expensive than everyone else in order and in terms of reviews is superb. formed the delivery. The drivers delighted me. The first thing they said was to pull this bandour out of the elevator. "And who buys such graves?"I immediately felt like an invisible man. And taking into the apartment said to each other, "Well, even if this shit all sold out, in the store there were normal machines left... now I look at my wife and think not if we broke through?

From the review on Yandex Market on the Phillips phone:
Phillips can be carried in a pocket without a hood for 3 days and not looking at each socket with desire, for me this is important. Although,, I was just offended by the rosette in my childhood...
The disappointment is the light. You can forget about it at all! During the day from it even the sunny day dims, and at night the light of this lamp causes me claustrophobia and once I even cried.