bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122917
 12.01.2016
XXX: Detected larvae of an individual claiming "Why are you tired of the decree? You’re sitting at home all day and doing nothing!

Wow: This is one of the things that cannot be understood, only felt. I also once laughed at a friend's joke that in a small decree you can still find time to come together, and a bigger one - no time. Now I know it wasn’t a joke...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122916
 12.01.2016
There are two computers in our department. Both are Ivan.

A new version of the working software has been released, and users do not have the rights to independently install it, a special person must come and apply an admin password.

Open space for 20 people, computer practitioners walk from comp to comp. Voice from the corner:

Ivan can you?

One of the computer workers answers: “Yes, now Ivan will come!” and he leaves the office. I did not immediately realize that he behaved quite logically and there was nothing strange about his actions.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №122915
 12.01.2016
Falcon4uk: Because of these bugs now when I did not shave for weeks two (I have a beard growing), I ask everyone - "And you that, in the hipsters submitted". Pizzeria

Step 3: Get rid of your mouth immediately. Hipsters do not hit the mouth. They do not even have modified phrases for this, such as maffina, switch or fresco.

G500: Why is it? Faispanch is coming. Example: Today I met a neighbor with a beard, asked if he did not go to the hipsters too, in response received a facespanch.

ValitovDenis: These padls leave for normal men less and less opportunities to live a normal, peaceful life.

[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №122914
 11.01.2016
by 19289
Detected larvae of an individual claiming "Why are you tired of the decree? You’re sitting at home all day and doing nothing!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №122913
 11.01.2016
Tonight, at 11 o’clock, I came home from work and saw this situation:



So it turns out that I have to go through the railway. I go in the headphones, I hear nothing. Through the song, a dog’s laughter is heard. I turn off the music and see the dog lying towards people, as if asking for help. Half a minute later, the people who stood next to the dog went to them, I followed them and I came to the dog, we see that there is a man lying on the rails, can not get up, no voice from the cold is heard.



If it wasn’t a dog, it would have been lying down. Again, I am convinced that the dog is man’s best friend. You have to give a medal for that!! to

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №122912
 11.01.2016
11 January 2016:
- I have a roof running here, the next two days off.
Monday, stress...Give the doctor’s phone? Cut off with discount.
The roof is running!
So badly? Can I call an ambulance?
The Finger! I came to the office, and there are loci, drops from the ceiling, the furniture is wet!
In the winter? The Trap? The Luci? I’ll call you and you’ll come in 30 minutes.
and aaaa! I will send a photo! Do not call anyone!

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №122911
 11.01.2016
Svetlana: Ugu, it was "planned" seems to be in the 90s. And my grandmother told me that another type of planned communism at the end of the century and free houses for everyone)))
PSV: Communism was planned for 1980. But the Olympics happened and everything broke down.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122910
 11.01.2016
HurrTheDurr: What only shells will not come up with to bypass marketing schizophrenia. Did the phone in a metal body, can not insert a normal antenna? Make an external amplifier. Reduced the battery to press 1mm thick? We will sell a lithium-ion tumor on the back cover. The phone is so large that it is uncomfortable to get it out of your pocket. We invented a shovel for the shovel - a smart watch. The screen is so glossy that it is hard to see anything in the sun? Put a matte film. As a result, there is some hellish wretch, which is even more unpleasant to use.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122909
 11.01.2016
Q: Is it telling you something?
WOW: Who are they?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №122908
 11.01.2016
DiCaprio knows how to swim in ice water.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №122907
 11.01.2016
Musk promises that in a couple of years you will be able to be in Los Angeles and call a car standing in a garage in New York. and she will come

Zzz if it doesn’t get broken.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122906
 11.01.2016
Student: I will learn, I will become rich, but you will not buy slaves. It is a pity that slavery was abolished.

Student: In university you will only be taught to serve gentlemen (treat, dress, build vehicles for them). If you do not become a master, it is better to be a "free labour force" than a slave. Glad it was cancelled.

It is a pity that it was cancelled. The slave received a supervisor’s audience without any recommendation letters and without a SEO resume. Communication with the supervisor guaranteed employment.


[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №122905
 11.01.2016
There lived a young couple without children. As in the evening we sit with my husband, we hear the guy-neighbor begins to scream long in his room "Light! Light... go here!repeatedly repeating this phrase (the Meladze songs were accompanied). The girl obviously did not come and the guy, apparently, forgetting about the neighbors and about the good hearing, issued "..la your mother!!! Take me away from you!” My husband and I are still a mystery.)

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №122904
 11.01.2016
Once, my 4-year-old niece Mashenka was playing on the balcony. On the floor above stood two men, smoked and naturally through the word jumped the mother-in-law... The sister’s husband also went out onto the balcony and, as a strict father-in-law, guarding his daughter’s ears, addressed the neighbors:

The guys! A child is playing here. You would be more careful in expressions, and you would smoke better outdoors, or smoke pulls.



The neighbors, like decent people, promised that everything would be OK.

Not having time to close the door behind him, the daddy hears the angelic voice of Mashenka:

Dad is gone! You can smoke and wrestle!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №122903
 11.01.2016
The case was in the late 1980s, my father drove from the army on an electric car. I went with my co-worker, there was no money. There were three men standing in the tambour, eating hot cakes. The father, looking at them, said to a friend, "To eat willingly, until the stomach reduces. After a moment, one of these men entered the car and gave him a cake.

As a result, it turned out that these boys were deaf, and when the father was speaking, the other read on his lips, and decided to feed him. He expressed gratitude, but the feeling of shame remained.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №122902
 11.01.2016
Depository 19289
A joke for you.

On March 8, the husband jumped up early, ran to the store, prepared lunch, washed the floors, washed the dust, smooked the underwear. In the evening he fell to bed and thought:
Will they fuck me again?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122901
 11.01.2016
In the evening, I sit and write a plugin for a toy. The toy is old, plus my hands are not quite from there. I start testing. I approach the unwritten, comes out, as it was planned, the tablo: "This name does not want to talk to anyone". A friend standing next to him looks at the screen and thinks:
I’t even want to talk to anyone if my feet were pulled off the floor.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122900
 11.01.2016
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx You don’t know who is in front of you – a hipster, a priest or a terrorist :(

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122899
 11.01.2016
XXX: It is not necessary to ask the men in the ZAGS all the nonsense about sorrow and joy, it is necessary to immediately ask if he is ready to be hungry, guilty and forever all owed. Those who are disturbed should be thrown off the rock. Only strong men should marry. Because the planet should be happy.and c)

YYY: Zohotel was going to throw it down...but then I thought I might have to throw it off the rock =))))))))

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122898
 11.01.2016
Zzz: It’s a bit of a bit, I’m 32 and I’m voted for 65 grandfather.

Girl, it’s time to quit smoking...

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