Hearing voices is already one of the signs of schizophrenia.
Instead of hearing voices is one of the signs of deafness.

We recently visited the U.D.O. concert. We approach the turn to the club, two guys also come in front of us, one of them in a pretty strong support. They stood in line, and there was this dialogue between them:
The first (which is in submission): "And why are we here? Let’s go there!" (Hands on the box)
The second: "Why?"
The first (with a typical intonation for a drunk): "Why??? For the tickets!and "
The second: "We have tickets!"
First (with the feeling of the deepest surprise): "Do we have tickets?and "
The second is "You bought it!"
The first (surprising even more): "I BUYED???and "
The second (showing tickets): "Well, here are they."
The first gets a bunch of money deposited on tickets, looks at it for a long time, divides it approximately equally and tries to get half of the companion.
The second is "Why? I owe it to you"
The first (surprise stumbles): "You owe me money???". Then he stands, thinks something, looks again at the coined pile of money, and says, "We have tickets, and you owe me money. Oh yeah yeah!and "

Good day
Good day!
I need a photo.
What document do you have?
I do not know...
In what format?
Just like documents.
In what documents?
In the usual...
- There is no such concept as "ordinary documents", what format should the photo be?
- Well... * painting a rectangle in the air * - this is what it is!
– Here, look at the samples of photos, what format do you do?
Just like the documents...
In what documents? What format?
I told you – I don’t know!
I have to guess what photo you want, right?
You are a photographer...
Where do you need this photo? Where will you put it in?
I told you – I don’t know!! to

After the holiday, the taxes came by mail. At work, I remove the residues from the card, throw them on my phone and distribute them by expenditure articles. Okay, I think I will go on lunch break to pay taxes, and at the same time I will save lunch money. Everything was thrown with accuracy to a multimeter - 2 payments in the FSN and 140 r. to the child on the phone. No matter, we will survive.
I go to Sberbank, it’s closest to us all. I enter 1 payment, I pay and I want to pay the 2nd with the balance, but it wasn't here.I go to the re-turn, and the terminal is always evading somewhere wrong, and it already has my money. Please wait and go to the consultant. The puffy boy, unwillingly, explained to me that a considerable balance can only be transferred to the phone, and it is impossible to pay a second tax with this money, you need to make other notes. clearly. Apparently, this program is so well written.
I would have noticed that you could hang an ad about this at the terminal, but why bother yourself.

To the wrong-handed man who loaded such a shame into the terminals, I really want to wish that when he goes to the store with the last note 3 days before his salary to buy food, he suddenly wanted to go to the toilet. He will stretch his last pencil to his grandmother at the entrance, and she will fall into some gap with her trembling pencil and say, "Sorry, granddaughter, it's not the season - there is no surrender. Don't be upset, think that you bought a subscription from us, you can go to us for a whole month unlimited."
And he who forgets the announcement, always meet him like him when performing.

Country of action: Baranistan
Install a code lock at the entrance. A housewife passes by and sees this fact.
With an astonished look, he asks:
The code castle? How will the children come in? Print the lock code and hang it on the door.

I work as a driver in a taxi, calling at 4-00 a.m. the girl is sad: Girl, and you can leave (pause...and in the background a fun and very drunk guy's voice) - nahuy from this colloquium!!!! to

Hello Eugene Marxovich! You are worried about the bank.
Hi, you are wrong.
In the sense?
I am not worried about private banking.
In the sense?
I am concerned by the awareness of the impossibility of overcoming my own death and the risk of mismanagement of my own freedom.
In the sense?
In a sense like Kierkegaard. The private bank does not bother me.
–...
and allo.
All good, I apologize, Yevgeny Marxovich
All the good. I apologize to you and Kirchhoff. and c)

Just in the match Kuban - Valencia commentator: "Gazon on the field is very good, it was changed either this year or last year. Moreover, they brought grass from Mojave, interrupting the fashion of carrying grass from the Netherlands.

An elderly lady comes into the store and asks us to take a photo of her. A photographer who is passionate about his work says, “Go, dress up.” After a while, he approaches to photograph the grandmother and, suddenly turning back, falls. She was sitting on her belt naked.

What about Russian rock?
Viva: I don’t know, I’m probably old-fashioned, but the last time I heard Kipelich singing “I’m a freedom” I felt a motorcycle growing between my legs and a bottle of jigulbas materialized in my hand.
Alex: 0 0 0 OK

You understand that it’s really cold in the house when you walk with your dog in the same jacket you’re sleeping in.

to this:
"Maybe I am Benjamin Button?"

Such cases are not rare. Once he watched a scene in the store - a young man brings two bottles of beer to the box and there is a dialogue between him (M) and the seller (P):
Do you sell me alcohol without a passport?
Q: How old are you?
M (modestly so, look into the floor): thirty-four...

To the question:
And WHY the inscriptions on the roads "Happy Birthday!!", "Your forgiveness... " and so on. It lasts longer than the mark????? to

Gro: They are made with love.

xxx: I didn’t get your article for some reason (((
I read it twice to understand.
XXX: I didn’t come by mail!!! to

After the re-examination, I entered the data transmitted by the seller (a 24-year-old girl) in the computer.In one of the lines, a strange name of the product hits my eyes. Long broke my head what is "Mur Dick 65x2".You will not believe. It turns out "Mur Dick" is a (bubble crush) of the Mur Decolon. In the how!

The Italian rescuers:

The head of the administration of Lampedusa, Giuseppe Nicolini, said that rescue work is continuing, and therefore it is not excluded that the number of victims will increase.

to this:

<yagova> In every country where I find a carpet store, I wildly fuck on the backdrop of its work.
<yagova> So I just got a carpet at work!!!! to
<yagova> With the phrase, "you love carpets, you take pictures with them everywhere" :))))
<yagova> A great birthday present for trolls.

For 2 minutes, he could not understand why he ate onion on the backdrop of the carpet, and even took a picture.

Political correctness sometimes gets strange shades.
You are about what?
I was looking for truckers. Here is the assessment:

1) The tariff "Uzbekistan". The price of the 1st loader is 180 rubles. The Hour.

2) Rate of sale "Ruby of Russia". The price of the 1st carrier is 200 rubles. The Hour.

3) Tariff "Grease Elite" The price of the 1st carrier is 250 rubles. The Hour.

by XDD

to this:

Today, for more than 20 minutes, he stood in a row in the district military committee, and all this time the RVK guard listened to the loud communication, which was turned on the fax machine, and recorded on a paper the text of some command... People! Anyone who has acquaintances with the military, tell them in secret: the fax machine allows you to transmit this command in a couple of minutes simply without dictating! Tell them that email was invented in the last century!

This is called a telegram, an archaic thing, but it has a place to be... and yes, it is transmitted verbally by telephone under a record.

In Ukraine from next year will be a contract army.
x> and what about you?

y>A we have gas in the apartment.