bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №87814
 03.10.2013
RIA news
by 13:03
The U.S. Army is not ready to fight aliens.
The Air and Space Defense Forces will not fight with extraterrestrial civilizations – they are not yet ready for this, Sergey Bereznyh, an assistant chief of the Titov Main Space Test Center, told reporters on Wednesday.and c)

I don’t even know what to think.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №87813
 03.10.2013
This is:

Letter from a higher organization on the report:
Photographs should not be used to 800 KB each.
electronic format JPEG (not to be translated into WORD or other versions).
With respect, xxx

What type of editor can I use to translate a photo into a word format?

Ward of course. "Insert - picture - from the file" or as there in new versions. I am currently writing the book - half of the photos have been brought in this format.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №87812
 03.10.2013
C website of news:
Judging by the results of the survey, readers do not like bans, do not like mat on the Internet, and deputies do not like them either.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №87811
 03.10.2013
That our life is the time that remains after the Internet.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №87810
 03.10.2013
I quarreled with my loved one, I was sitting in the bus, I was crying... and suddenly, a 5-year-old boy sitting next to me, looked me in the eyes and gently asked, “You are crying because you are fat, right?”

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №87809
 03.10.2013
To all who say, "Why write correctly, we are not in the class of Russian," I wish to meet a surgeon who will operate them with the words: "Why carefully cut and sew? We are not in the class of cutting and sewing.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №87808
 03.10.2013
Yesterday returned from the mother-in-law so evil that the black cat, trying to cross my road, slowed down and stumbled back to the basement. I think he even swung through his left shoulder later.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №87807
 03.10.2013
They buried the flash, broke two standards. c) Habrahabr

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №87806
 03.10.2013
I read today on the dating site in one of the questionnaires:

You reached a girl not when you slept, but when you only sleep with her.

That is, if your girlfriend is not only sleeping with you – it doesn’t mean that she’s crazy, it just means that you didn’t get her. A bit of logic.

I’m constantly asked why I don’t have a girlfriend.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №87805
 03.10.2013
Today I understood the phrase "to get up with cockroaches". In the morning they call "p...as!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №87804
 03.10.2013
Is there not enough brains to understand that the price of candles is a contribution to the needs of the church?
This is like an excise duty, or a mark, or a plane/train/movie ticket.
The price of paper is zero, you pay for a service.
– – – – –
Payment for services of communication with God >_<

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №87803
 03.10.2013
I live in a dormitory, 3 course.
Picture of oil.
My floor at 6 a.m. in the hallway, on the floor, the director's office with the studgorod, the guard and the guard and the people 7 people. From a distant room in which very beautiful girls live, my groupmate comes out, stops and says very loudly "FUUUUH NATRAHALS".
He turned his head to him and he was so sad.
"I’m talking to you"
And went away.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №87802
 03.10.2013
This is the Comrade:

Psh: I'm going to go with C - depending on the order in which I assign the variables, the outcome of the program changes - such as if you ask for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in the store, they sell you and say thank you, and if the lighter and a pack of cigarettes - beaten in the mouth and thrown out on the street.
____________________________
If you first take off your pants and then cut them off, then it will get broken, and if you first cut them off and then take off your pants, it’s not very bad. You do not need to chase here.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №87801
 03.10.2013
In Moscow, a group of attackers with the help of a minibus and cable stole a bankomat from the hall of the pharmacy on Prospekt Mir. There were about 9 million rubles inside.

The Fortress?! to

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №87800
 03.10.2013
From the film discussion:
xxx:"Dubble in the ass fucking. If you were to go out"

ууу : this voice from the video salons of the 80s.... the cock is still alive )))

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №87799
 03.10.2013
Everyone makes jokes about monsters on the floor of the bed, creates a bunch of comics...
And I slept my whole life on the second floor of a two-storey bed and there was always only an older sister under my bed.
She is not an angel ;)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №87798
 03.10.2013
Post of Russia.
He received a notice of an urgent letter, dismissed from work, stood a two-hour line.
No, I will not give the letter. It is still in processing. Yes, the notification has been sent, but the letter will not be given. Come here tomorrow from 9 to 10, or in the afternoon to the neighboring department. Better on Monday. What is urgent? It’s in process, I said.

A pink tape, will it be wrapped?

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №87797
 03.10.2013
I approach the window and see the car blinking in an accident. I descend. On the car no scratches, the brake with feedback alarm does not show. It turned out that the video recorder slipped from the window and fell, and in the fall pressed the emergency button. Calling for help)

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №87796
 03.10.2013
My ex-boyfriend changed his name. He thought his name was wrongly programmed. There was a beautiful, unique name Lost, Loshka Lost
YYY: Did you become a ZAS-RANCEV or GOVNADOV?
xxx: became by grandfather - Evlanov. Improved fate

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №87795
 03.10.2013
xxx: let so much work, no time to write an application for dismissal

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna