bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135240
 26.10.2016
Well, nature did not count on you to fight or to carry weights.

Oh well? Go, approach a strange cat and try to take away a cat from her. Then, when you heal wounds, you will tell how nature did not count on the fact that the female would have to protect the young. In fighting, you know, not only physical strength, but also speed / agility is important.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135239
 26.10.2016
Comments under the photos, where the drone pulls a very plausible dementor:

Yorino: What to be afraid of? Casting the Patronus and going on...

SpiritX64 is the 12th caliber cartridge. Gif Gif

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135238
 26.10.2016
XXX: %Link to the news that an American reporter left to film in gay porn%
UUU: Well, she was a prostitute, she remained a prostitute.)
ZZZ: (looking carefully, recalling years of journalism work)
WOW: Everything is OK. You were young and needed money.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №135237
 26.10.2016
I was caught by cats in their nightly races and I threw out all their toys.
Yesterday I hear - again something is playing, and in the morning I found a cocoa from a pot in the kitchen
Smart cats have made their own toys

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135236
 26.10.2016
Russia is such a country where you cannot perform the arias of Christ in a regional theatre, and you can fuck a dog on the federal channel.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135235
 26.10.2016
This is what "number" says:
xxx: I know one undoubted advantage of the film. Due to some mysterious physical and chemical processes, it is not possible to remove 200 identical frames of food on it. Selfies are not very good. Scientists, of course, fight, but they say nothing promising to us.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135234
 26.10.2016
to this:
The problem in the next, maybe someone will tell you, with an intense drive on full drive, there is a knock (right) at a full stop, for example, on the lighting, the movement begins to disappear, in the cold everything is normal and when driving too.
Where is the recording? In the crystal ball from here you can't see the necklace and can't hear it.
Maybe my grandmother is wrapped on the drive, and on the lighting she tries to reach the clutches.

pass there to the citizen, let him look, maybe he has a screw cut in the brake support clutch or he is twisted. was such. Symptoms one in one. At the braking there is a crash on the wheel disk.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №135233
 26.10.2016
A guy enters the office, begins to talk quietly, and he looks so young as he is 15. I didn’t understand what he said and I asked, “What did the boy want?” He looked so strangely, approached, asked to sign a paper, and there his name. I recognized her, I remember in the Yuri department there is one. I ask, “Dad, what do you do here?” It turned out that this was an employee, four years older than me.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №135232
 26.10.2016
The case was long ago. At that time, my sister and I did not leave the parent's nest and lived in peace and love, because the age difference was quite large (10 years). So at that time my sister was about 17 years old (well, and I, respectively, about 7), the very time when everyone starts seriously dating. This did not bypass my sister, which, objectively, is a pretty girl. But there was one strange tradition - it cost her new boyfriend at least for 5 minutes to come home to us, as after a few days they separated. And I’t say we had a bad family or house, no extremes, a decent home, good, good parents. There was only one “but” – I! I grew up as a fairly sociable boy and never missed the moment to talk to a newly-cooked friend. And I loved to tell about my sister, namely how after her smells in the toilet or how she ate the sausage that fell on the floor, and the other gesture of living together. And they all listened with interest and laughed even at the time, and I was still hot and hot... This is how I put my sister, although I loved it very much.



By the way, the sister still found a husband and has been living in a happy marriage for 5 years. I recently told her about my childhood habits. He replied, “If you knew how many fools you saved me from.”

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №135231
 26.10.2016
......
No, you paid for yourself all that time. You studied at school (100%), went to kindergarten (certainly), you will be paid a pension, you will be treated and if you are taken by an ambulance, in case of disability they will give a benefit, in case of children they will give maternity capital. You paid for that for 10 years. And the rest of the time we pay for you - who has not worked for 10 years officially, but for a lifetime.
......
I don’t know if you’re a robot. The scheduled program? Parents paid taxes for kindergarten and school, they haven't been treated for free for a long time - you can stand in a line at the clinic for free, the ambulance comes with a cardiographer only, it's easier to call a taxi, warmer and softer, you will die faster for disability in the rows, it's better to drown than for our retirement, I won't say about the maternity capital, not a woman. So the throw did not pass.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135230
 26.10.2016
Basic - Book
to this:
Tell the title of an English fairy tale, where the character gets stuck in a hole, goes home for a tail, expands twice and gets out of it. The whole story consists of such moments.

Any story "Do not listen to anything", for example
I was with my father and my mother a little girl; I went somehow into the woods; I saw a tree in the woods, and in the tree a double, and in the hole a fried peppers nested. I downgraded my hand - it does not climb, I downgraded my foot - it does not climb; I bended and jumped - and I jumped there all. I ate, I wanted to go out; it wasn’t here! Painful fat from food made, and the hole is small. I, the good man, guessed, ran home for a tail, cut a hole and got out.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135229
 26.10.2016
and Danone:

Explain the logic of such creatures as Childfrey cats? With cats, hemorrhoids are no less, and the benefits are more from children.

Do your cats go to kindergarten, then to school and universe? Do your cats up to 2 years old not use the toilet? Do your cats ask hundreds of questions that have no answers, and if they do, will it not keep them from asking the first question (every day)? Your cats are born out of your body and then eat from it. No, I am not arguing about return. But with hemorrhoids you obviously exaggerated.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135228
 26.10.2016
A: Why do all the girls and aunts love gay porn so much?
In gay porn, a man, before he clings, and cries, and cries, and cries, and cries his ass. It will lead to orgasm. Do many grandchildren have such happiness?
A: Blin, Chel... I’m even afraid to ask where you know it from!
O O O O O

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №135227
 26.10.2016
You are good, of course:

The aunt who came a couple of times to help was sent (we have mutual dislike with her), but was surprised that the children had 2-3 dishes, the house was clean (which was not with my wife), and I was still...

My wife was fooled. Keeping the house clean while caring for young children (think, sitting at home without exit) for 1-2 weeks is still okay, but after a few months there is apathy. It’s hard for the brain when nothing else happens in life.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135226
 26.10.2016
MC E1

The Maritime@
This is where you go with your family. well to there, festive to eat and that the small in front of the eyes was and busy tightly?)))
CostanTM
That is obvious :D

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №135225
 26.10.2016
An irresponsible citizen took money for business. Then I just took loans. Lending to repay loans...

At some point he decided that the time had come and, having gathered the family, collapsed in an unknown direction.

The creditors burned a year and began to forget the bad. But here - such luck: the spouse of the citizen posted a photo of the child on Instagram near the entrance. With a geo.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135224
 26.10.2016
The husband got sick, the doctor called the house, the cat (healthy Maine Coon, scary but very curious) with the sound of the homeophone runs on the window to hide. In the words of my husband:
M: They were here and the doctor scared each other.
I: How is it?
M: Well he came down from the window and started smelling it.
M: in the back
M: She jumped up on the chair
M: He was scared that she was jumping and broke out of the room.
M: She realized his size and jumped again.
M: Ahtung in general
I: What did you do? Looking at the stinking cat with a glance "and that shake will"? xd
M: No, I fell into a stupor, or they jumped all.)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №135223
 26.10.2016
xxx: Imagine the theme of future masterpieces.) Evgeny Onegin will be the offspring hunter of nerds (his uncle, who trained the most honest rules), Lensky was killed by vampires, and he was undermined, and now Onegin is avenging for noble (and slashy) considerations, and Tatiana didn't get along with him, because she was the heiress of the vampire clan and in general married to the main nosferat. Raskolnikov killed the old lady because she is the evil agent of aliens who want to conquer Earth and prevent Sunny Marmelade from ascending to the galactic throne. Mummy's dog has risen in the form of a hellish wreath to avenge, and it can only be stopped by the superhero Gerasim, but since the film is for the children's audience, then in the end Mummy and Gerasim still beaten over the corpse of the super wicked man (who is guilty of everything and in general prepared the Apocalypse), and Mummy returns to the side of good.

YYY: You look: as if your fiction was not noticed by some Spielbergchuk (a mixture of Spielberg and Bondarchuk, a bulldog with a rhinoceros). Or next year we will see on the posters "Evgeny Onegin makes a retaliatory blow", "Idiot. Revenge of the Sith, and the movie with the next zombies "Dead in the soul" (not the soul, but in the soul). Although, if you share the profit - let yourself, the screen (unlike paper) will endure everything.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135222
 26.10.2016
Yes, I’m also in favour of carrying children in a shirt and on a rope. Sometimes it’s good to do the same with your parents.

This is the child. the mine. In an inadequate age one and a half - two years. It is reliably fixed in a wheelchair - it cannot move itself, it can bite only if it is almost in the mouth to get into the hand or something else.
Fuck you get into this car!
There is no subway, I cannot judge it.
What about a box with a dog that weighs as much as this child and more? He is without wheels.
And there are twins and weather - have you seen those wheelchairs?
This is what I do – there are burners for children. Where to buy a mouthpiece?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135221
 26.10.2016
There is a saying that a real man must be able to hide his fear.
YYY: Is it not said where exactly to hide it?
xxx: No, but from personal experience I can say that he is usually hidden in his pants.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna