XXX is
I registered today.
I now have a licensed daughter.

When I tell my friends that I am a math teacher, they react as if an image from teenage fantasies completely overlooks real school memories.

Sometimes you wait, you wait, you wait.
YYY: and then once and whisper

Mexico has discovered huge gas fields on the U.S. border

The comments:
U.S. scientists have discovered American gas near Mexico
Congratulations to the Americans, sorry for the reservation – the Mexicans, of course. I am confident that the fight against drug cartels will now reach a new quality level – the flight time of the U.S. Air Force is only a few minutes.

You are tired of the Voice of Reason, because this Zanuuda is always right!

All men are brothers
Today the circle has safely closed, and I can already say with full justification that all men are brothers. Well, or almost everything. With the exception of a small percentage of noble professional thieves and various other hatred. Oh, how would it be nice if the key to each door was quietly underneath the carpet, and why do you need the key? And how much strength and fool is sucking out of us this ugly percentage... If every thief is poured on his head all the big and small locks that we bought for him, he will be covered with a many kilometers of iron doors, police regiments, deceived hopes and other security alarms.

I’m not an idealist, I’m just so relieved that people have become brothers.
And this is how it turned out: Two months ago, as usual, I left the garage in the morning. I didn’t like driving that day at all, and I decided to get to the nearest metro station.
But here such a clever whole car rubbish, had to go around a large store for a long time, until the place turned. He got tired, bought a newspaper and humbly let himself be swallowed by the Lenin metro.
In the evening after work, I returned to this station for my meaningless iron friend, I see – and I was closed in the most subtle way by exactly the same car as mine, only the color of the salad.
I look up and find behind the glass on the torpedo a paper with a phone number.
I call :
You are concerned about the person whose car you are.
They closed brutally. go out.
The female voice:
and good night. Sorry, but it happened. The point is that I am not
next to you, and at the other end of the city at work, but you are not for God’s sake.
I’ll let you go in three minutes.
What does it mean at the other end? What three minutes? Who will let me go?
Instead of you!? to
- I'll let go, don't worry, you just have to understand me, because I'm half a day.
Prepare for our conversation.
Girl, don’t shake my head! It doesn’t matter where you are and how much you are.
We were preparing for our conversation, but in the course of three...
Wait and listen, please. I promise you will go through.
Three minutes, but for that you have to come to meet me too.
Okay, I will take the time.
You see the newspaper kiosk.
and well. And here...?
Please do not interrupt, time goes by. Go to his back.
The side.
Usually I am not a fan of stupid jokes, but here in the form of an exception decided to allow myself to make a fool, already a painful voice disposing... After all – what am I losing? My car is close and secure in every sense.
I approached, what next?
Are you there? It is beautiful. Do you see a word written on the face level?
Read it to me.
Go to hell! I decided to play with the toys, so I'll take it now.
Housewives and...
“No, no, no, now you’ll understand everything and in two minutes you’ll be calm.
Go to home. Believe me, I have never fooled you in my life.
It says “Larissa.”
“Super, Larisa, it’s me, and now please tell me your car number.
Why do you have the number? “34 to 60”
Thank you and the last question: What is the transmission?
Your car?
Usually the second. Three minutes have passed.
Thank you, I realized it was you. Now come to mine.
Carefully, so that no one can see, open the gasoline tank.
There is a key with a brick. I closed you, because you have no trouble.
I took care of my sister’s car.
After two minutes with a great mood, I was already driving home, thinking about how pleasant it is to trust people and that not every woman is stupider than any man.

And today, just like two months ago, I turned out of a long queue of standing cars and began to turn around in the iron labyrinth of the same parking lot near the store, but there was no room, even a matte. The clock showed that even on the subway I hardly had time.
I look – stands an old acquaintance – the salad sister of my car.
I resolutely “closed” her, the phone number of that girl I did not save and I left a note on the torpedo – “The debt payment is red”
Late in the evening, when I returned for my beautifully parked horse, I found my key and a note under the tank’s cover: “All men are brothers!”

The best actor of the past five years was recognized Dmitry Medvedev, who brilliantly played the President of Russia. In the episodes (the role of "prime minister") was played by the President of Russia himself.

I have very funny neighbors, constantly giving some pearls. The hearing in the house is good, so I often " enjoy".
A little boy cries and cries around the apartment in the early morning of Sunday and there is a strict and loud cry of his mother: “You are my son and I have the right to kill you!”and "

My childhood dream: a toy that can’t be broken with a hammer.

Doctor: Generally speaking, a toy that can’t be broken with a hammer is a pudge. It is eternal as a toy; it cannot be broken or lost.

I had two poodles. I lost the first one when I was 11, when I showed it to friends and it was lost somewhere during the game. And the second broke at 13 - it broke down when I dropped her from the balcony of the 7th floor onto the cover of the lounge - the pen broke off and the giraffe itself broke... :(

How can you live in a country where in the morning on one of the main TV channels show lessons of self-defense and what weapons are better to carry with you.

<Pornosloneg> in our gender announced a campaign to quit smoking: anyone who wants to write a statement in OK that stops smoking - and get a premium of 15 thousand
<Pornosloneg> In case of smoking: shame and shame from the team, a premium back and a six-month internship in Vladivostok. Or in Murmansk. The salary is not higher than the premium for quitting smoking.
HisDeadShadow: We already laughed at this: for 5 thousand you hire two false witnesses that you smoked, and you write a statement that you quit
<Pornosloneg> 10 pounds in the pocket
<never> I love this country
<never> has done nothing yet, but has already figured out how to fuck / steal

Vilk: As it is said, the warrior called to service all the time only does that he tries to go out of service, to get drunk no matter what, to binge in order to color the harsh days. Any entrusted property and equipment will spoil, break, go out of order before the time. The ability of a warrior to lose anything often strikes even former officers, robbed everything that lies badly, and determines how the warrior lies personally. The damage that the recruiting contingent causes to the armed forces is enormous, it is impossible to compensate for the damage caused by the soldier, there is nothing to take from it.
This problem is as old as the world:
The slaves do a great deal of damage to the grain field, they put the oxen aside, they feed them and other livestock poorly, they carelessly pasture the land, they spend much more seeds than they need, they carelessly take care of the seedlings and get a small harvest.
Columella (42 n. e) the

XXX: Brother Shalom
Hi, how tired I am.
XXX is like that.
XXX: A lot of stuff!! to

St @ FF:
From a conversation with the bodybuilder:
This year it was Friday the 13th.
It is cool! And when?
You won’t believe me if I say it.

Jack8in: xDDDD

St@FF: Wife, explain me the meaning of this joke

Jack8in: O_o

Note issued a message: attention, low battery charge, 391 hours left. and 31 minutes.

If there is no one, then there are two! :)

[20:41:12] OxiMotion: Why does Carlson not rotate in the opposite direction of the screw?
[20:42:21] r_sany51: he wraps and the inertia force of motion pushes him into the front which prevents him from turning against the laws of aerodynamics
OxiMotion: O Lord
[20:45:30] OxiMotion: Please bring a cloth, I will scrape the brains from the wall

Schwartz is old, you can’t... It’s sad.
2 is yes. It is no longer Alan DeLong.
2nd Allan De Loon is no longer Allan De Loon.

Jorg: I have great friends. Stas probably knows everything in the world. Lehi has a golden sense of humor. The grief will always benefit. Lenka his boyfriend in the board, the brain is more cool than any psychologist.
But why, when they’re together, they turn into a flock of stupid butterflies?
Jorg: * went to do repairs in the house and borrow money, because at the last he bought friends from mints *

The city:
News about how Peter's football fans are wearing flyers in their rear pass.

XX: Homosexual and in the fans?
What about Homosexuality? Tell them where the mail works.
YY: This is how the Russian post works...I always knew that it works through the ass.