bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №135180
 25.10.2016
YYY> Dick in their oil, transparent, Johnson Baby. Recently learned about a wonderful way to scatter old printed plates into pieces, roasted with oil heated to 300 degrees, lower the charge into it, everything goes away.

BBB> We have oil pressure sensors pressed. At 150 degrees Celsius. So when, sometimes, a joint flows, the oil evaporates in fog. It has never gone, but it is very dangerous. But silicone fluids all kinds of also fade? If they burn, are they also explosive?

MMM> Heaven...heaven has never seen such a shameful boy as you...I read your advice and decided to check. I chased for oil, bought 5 liters and a bowl, poured oil there, heated up to 300 on an induction oven with a thermopar control from the tester. I gently pushed the old mother there... in a few seconds the conders began to tear and I struck the mother out of surprise. A wave of heated oil rushed through the edge of the pot. On the tile and the tester... The Chinese plastic tile instantly bended and the pot nodded. Yet another wave. The tester slipped and fell, but did not break, as it became soft, and smoothly deformed around the floor. The linoleum on the floor also became soft and sticky, and the smell and smell as in a good fire. There was a fire sirene. Something broke in the tiles and pulled out traffic jams. The darkness, the sunshine and the terrible sound of siren. Nirvana himself, the payment broke up.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135179
 25.10.2016
The expression "morning begins with coffee" you look with irony when you work at school.I sit at the first lesson and watch how the schoolchildren run to the classroom with the same question!
"Is the handcuff a spare?"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135178
 25.10.2016
xxx> Take her out of the office someone
yyy> What is this time?
xxx> I walked around the offices and told everyone, "do not worry, we fell DPS SERVER"
yyy> and DPS?
xxx> and p.
Wow> Did you present it at all?
xxx> I have to do that.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135177
 25.10.2016
Meeting of graduates, 20 years of completion of school.

Call people who all these years have been counted in memory under school cliques.

All these wolves, knees, thugs, bald, thick, gray, winnie-poohs, terminators are ringing and relentlessly called into the tube by their full deputy director's name.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135176
 25.10.2016
Now studying at an American high school, I was stunned by the fact that many people there say you is/you was. I tried to find out why. As it turned out, someone jokes, and someone really has serious problems with grammar.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135175
 25.10.2016
Two days played in Civilization 6 (only released).

South American monkeys make stone debris, similar to the tools of ancient hominids.

The first thought: catch up, we need to accelerate in development

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135174
 25.10.2016
The performer takes a loan at the bank for the "wedding" and goes to do his dirty business. The sponsor, however, simply extinguishes his loan, thus, in fact, transferring the money to the performer through the bank without a personal contact.

I add.
And since other, simpler and more anonymous ways of transferring money have not been invented, terrorism is finally over!
Or not?

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135173
 25.10.2016
I am a marketing student. The situation is this: I wander through the sites, in search of info for tickets, I stumble upon some random site (higher hz, what is there and how) and I here by default comes out a chat window, in the spirit, our operator will help you and bla-bla-bla. In fact, this is what a mini-dialogue has been done.)

XXX is Hi! Interested in our services? I can advise. Sometimes it’s quicker to talk than to find the answer on the page :)
You are a robot, Sergey.
XXX: No regrets
YYYYYYYYYYY The first website when everything works as planned (cool)

P.S And you know, immediately even wanted to order something and in general, see what the site is about)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135172
 25.10.2016
The shit continues...

Officially unemployed Vanya is the owner of cayens, homeless millions and several elite apartments in Moscow. For him, 20,000 – one cup of coffee. Maybe even a cake.
Officially, the unemployed Vasya is a shabby, and in the best case, he spends 2 weeks to earn 20,000. There is no suitable work with a white salary for Vas, but there are children and elderly parents who want to eat every day.
Guess which of the official unemployed will not be touched, but will with all their strength support his official unemployed whisper about the sucked tuna eaters?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135171
 25.10.2016
Q: What is your haircut?
Y: No, I am getting younger. I followed the advice of a horse horse from a fairy tale. Three times crossed, buck in the boiler, and so on.
X: Is the cold water turned off?
Y: Ah...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №135170
 25.10.2016
Black smoke from the pipe "Admiral Kuznetsov" informs that the Kremlin has not yet decided who will be elected the new president of the United States.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №135169
 25.10.2016
Sometimes in my youth I had to work as a group teacher of the extended day for first classes.
I usually left a man 20, but it happened that 60 when there were no other teachers. In quiet hours I decided to teach children origami, which for a long time earned a respectable nickname "Teacher on paper".
Somehow, I remember, I urgently needed to go home and I asked the pioneer who was nearby to take care of the children. (The current generation does not know, of course, about such a position in school, but I’m more than sure that such a girl exists in any school, whether it’s called a psychologist or something else.)
Having arranged my urgent affairs, I ran to school, feeling that without me there would be something wrong. Of course, I was right, there was a terrible noise and noise from the school windows. When I broke into the classroom, I saw that three first-class students were attached to the wall by the teacher’s table, and the rest were turning the class up with their feet. Without long thinking, I grabbed the most active of the hats and hanged them on top clothes hooks, wrapped in rows on the wall in the classroom, as was previously supposed. The noise of the team stopped. I turn around — the whole brigade stands with burning eyes in line behind my back, so that I may hang them on the wall too. There was no such puppet theater even in Karabass-Barabass.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135168
 25.10.2016
“Here’s a video where I get into a jeep in the forest through a gasoline tank in 1.2 seconds.
It is cool. Who filmed it?
The bear came by chance.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135167
 25.10.2016
The official is not a human being - it is not a working scheme - pure water is a utopia. A civil servant is a civil servant and the organization of their work should be like in the army, where military servants. As it actually was before. Class and rotation as in the army. And I will swear by a special judgment, harder than the civil.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135166
 25.10.2016
A dog with him, with an amur-timur. Can you tell me, how is the cat Martin, who was caught by the puppet dimensions for? Are you healthy?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135165
 25.10.2016
>>On the side of Donald Trump Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, Mike Tyson, Charlie Sheen, Kid Rock.
How can he lose?

They, if anything, supported McCain in the last election.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135164
 25.10.2016
News: The piloted ship "Federation" will be sent for the first time from the cosmodrome Eastny in 2021 in a unmanned version with Android technology on board.

Did you break the phone and couldn’t get it?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135163
 25.10.2016
xxxh: I play here in the plague, called my disease "pobol".
Popeye almost destroyed humanity.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №135162
 25.10.2016
I just told Sonja recently.
That in school you were fooled that you are studying badly and don't go to the institute
in the institute - that you study poorly and don't finish it
When you finish, you will not be able to find a normal job.
When I found it, I rarely came. It is universal.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135161
 25.10.2016
I bought another wasik.
IG: They are reproducing!
Alex: What is it?? to
IG: the wheels
IG: First you buy an off-road tire, and then suddenly an UAZ appears on it

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna