Yesterday I came from work, there is nothing to eat at home, my wife is sitting behind the comp.

I took it, I burned it.

NN: Was it because of that?

CHC: Not at all. I tell you.

“Today I say to my wife, ‘I want to eat!’ She said to me, “You have a chicken, and I have a chicken, and I have a chicken, but she doesn’t cook nits.” He hasn’t spoken for half a day. % of

I am reading the instructions for a new photocopy. With long viewing, the effects of switching between slideshows can cause hallucinations." Great!
c) DrDeathPanda

Fragment from a questionnaire from a dating site:

I love sex:
The question is fucking. What can you love in sex? I love the epite when the light from the window falls so beautifully on a cute face shaken by screams and stones. And as the breasts jump)

Case of life:
I went home with my girlfriend in the subway yesterday. A man around 35 years old stands next to me and starts pushing me. I turn to him, and he, kicks toward my girlfriend, raises two big fingers up and whispers to me: "Account")))

Do not say monthly - it is disgusting. Say, the mouth has broken.

Horror films help to lose weight
I even know how :)

From Khabrahabra, discuss Samsung tablet with Windows 8:
foxnet: Here is the shit, 900 grams, 8 hours, x86, win8. Who must be killed to get this Device?
Evgeny Shiryaev: The Frog.

Comments on the compulsory winter tires:
The law establishes the beginning of winter on November 1 on the entire territory of Russia. Snow to fall, water to freeze, and tires to grow spikes.

From Chat:
What are you busy with, baby?
I’m crazy, Carlson.

xxx: Now saw social advertising, "Sport will take you out of drug captivity".
I haven’t seen anything I’ve seen running drugs in the morning.
YYY: The first word is a mistake. It was "spirit"

A month ago I wanted to get fired, I stood up and nothing worked.
Today I filed an application for dismissal, did not sign... here I sit... think =)

News on mail:
Onishchenko: masks from flu will emphasize the beauty of women's eyes.
First comment: A humiliating shirt will decorate Mr. Onishchenko.

Over: "Russian police will be obliged to catch smokers". This is the first time I’ve read the "square" :)
CHOK: It would be clear. Silent Moscow.
Over: The sirene is ringing and all the smokers are rushing to shelters. The ashes slowly fall to the ground. and :)

(Written by a woman 24 years old)
The xxx:
A sanitarian came to us. He looked at me and asked "is there an adult home?"
pornography lies

If she’s so smart, then why is it claiming that the phone has been holding the battery longer since it removed the film from the screen?! to

The Lion saved a woman from cancer by biting her breast.

If you have nothing else to show besides your character, you have a crazy character.

Excessive shrimp

We picked up the furniture, some spare parts were left.
Long sought where they could be wrapped, did not find and spit.
About excess screwbacks and other bullets in general there are many fairy tales.
In our kindergarten, when the team groups form in the summer, there was such a story.

The first day, the teacher has children from three groups. They have their own, but most of them are foreign. Everyone is out, only one child remains. He plays in the sandbox. Teacher on the veranda. begins to worry.

Who should come after you?

and Dad!

Daddy, Daddy, you are still sitting there.
There is no Dad.
And all, the garden is empty already, one guard, and ask no one. She went, took the lists, where the phone numbers of her parents to call. He asks.

What is your name?

by Petya Smirnov.

She overwhelmed all the lists. There’s no such child on the list, even if you’re crazy!
And what to do? It would be a understandable child, I would take it home, and it would be over. And here?
And the main thing is sitting, playing like nothing else has happened.
Usually, if the child is not taken for a long time, he is hysterical, and the educator comforts him. Here it is the opposite. A child at least anything, and the teacher is no longer a child's sausage.

Where is your dad?!! to

In the work.

When will he come for you?

He will not come.

Why? →? to

He is watching football. When he is watching football, it is better not to touch him.

Does he watch football at work?

Yes, in the work.

What kind of work is it that you watch football?

He works as a guard.

Where is?

In the kindergarten.

In what?? to

Well, here... in this garden. In the yours. He said, “Come away from your eyes and let me not see you until the end of the game.” Here I sit. Why don’t you leave? Oh oh! You may have been kicked out of the house before the end of the game.

reception of the therapist.
Patient - Doctor, frankly, I did not believe that the medicine you prescribed me would help. But it helped. You are just a magician.
Therapist - In truth, the wizard is a pharmacist. I mistakenly gave you the form on which I wrote the pen.

I have a fast brain.
He does it first.
HGH and so on.
Yippidy yi yippity yay!"