If you drink with every joy, sorrow will come by itself.

We go into the office with my mother and make a gift for the apartment. I am an uncle of 102 kg, height of 183, not a gift.
Woman at the table: So here are Ivanova Anna Petrovna, Ivanov Sergey Nikolaevich...
I: Yes
A woman putting some (not important) paper on the table: Who of you Anna Petrovna, sign...

...I approached and took the pen – I was offended, screaming...

Children, remember, “coffee” and “whisky” are “he.” “It’s shit and the Ministry of Education!

The neighbor separated from the man, sad. They dropped the products with her. She went to the common kitchen to prepare a salad with crab sticks. I am hungry and my stomach is swallowing.
It takes 30 minutes, an hour. No one asks me to eat. I go to the kitchen, annoyed, well, why can you cook there so long?
And she put his name out of crab sticks, standing out of corn grains now laying around the flower and crying.

I watched two films with Bruce Willis. Both films were recently released. In both, Bruce is a positive hero (who would doubt). In both pictures, epic battles with all sorts of fucking people take place in the same workshop, on the same site. Even the graffiti on the walls are the same. Hollywood is dressed.

Advertising on Ivanovsky Radio:
Have you always dreamed of becoming a model? Do you want to learn how to move and look like famous models? Do you want to do model business? Bring your kids to a modeling studio.

On the birthday of a neighbor in my girlfriend's dormitory (the girlfriend herself, Nastya, is absent):
We prepare meals, friends (p) and name (s):
Oh, what a beautiful bowl! Their own?
and – no, Nostin (
Serving the table:
What beautiful plates! Their own?
And no, the cold...
At the end of the evening, everyone divides, I hear the end of my ear about myself:
What a good guy, careful, caring, educated!!! Their own?
and – No, Nathan... = ((

She made meat in French. He made an entirety. We forget that we have it. So the meat was in the oven of the plate for about a week until, naturally, the smell did not guess and remember. The whole family had the flu and no one smelled it.
My wife tells me: I open the oven, and there is a mold of three centimeters. I ask, did he not talk to you? Almost yes, my wife replied. I remembered the picture from People in Black 2 and imagined – you open the oven, and you from there – Be Famous, Jay. Congratulations to Jay!

The man-eaters spoke 30 words. Modern girls in social networks have gone further: they have 5 words to communicate: clear, understandable, mmm, well, and norms.

Mikhail Zhvanetsky (MK)

We had Tychon, a black, lame, struggling Odessa cat with blades. He came to us to sleep. Sleeping, shaking his legs, all day, it could be carried for 1 leg. Where was he at night? Looking for love adventures in different courts. Tikhon gave birth to a lot of children, like him. I, looking at him, began to suspect that cats also have sexually transmitted diseases. Tychon was not sick, but I had no doubt that he was rolling unknown where and entering disorderly connections. Although my dad, a doctor, said that cats don’t get sexually transmitted diseases, it only occurs in humans. After the turbulent nights, Tychon slept with us like a barley, but at the same time, in general, kept the refrigerator, which had to be opened with him. As someone approached, a loud voice immediately sounded out:"Miau, what is it? Let’s look at it!" They all looked together. The cat said "About this I would eat!"
Tycho could feed himself. He needed a place to sleep and food if he suddenly disappeared. Not here, but in the neighborhood. The cat could move on its own, and, in my opinion, he was coming to us in the tram.

The washing machine broke, the master called.
The filters were blurred.
Making the cleaning, the master explains: "Just before laying the dishes, it must be washed off from the remains of food and rinse under running water."
Is it so bad for me then?

A huge thank you to the Ministry of Justice of the Russian Federation - when everything gets bored on the Internet, it becomes boring and uninteresting - I go into the list of prohibited materials and look for them... There is a suspicion that this list is like a huge advertising board.

Rambo
The Terminator
The Universal Soldier.
Oh school...

Chuck Norris is a cool Walker. Generally...

I: Okay, but you give me up!

Wife: OK, but when the menstrual or throat passes. What before

X: What happened here?
Why is there nobody?
Tagged: cgznm
xxx: no, but not cgznm
Oh my God, it is terrible.

International group of hackers declared Russian cyber war
The Civil War again?

From the forum about taxi drivers:

I was driving here recently. I just sat down and I have a driver here for no reason: "Today I bought an iron battery...."

The year 2100. Google Corporation has established a dictatorship on Earth and pays citizens for finding holes in the laws.

We see something pseudo-scientific on Ren-TV: “Criminal statistics show that in full moon the number of theft and theft is significantly increasing...”.
Our boy’s comment: “So in the full moon it’s better to see!”

I sit in Skype from my smartphone, communicate, while eating seeds. Mechanically spit the peel straight into the screen. The interlocutor through some shame: Suri that did not answer, something got in the eye! He killed!