bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105062
 05.11.2014
I have become a provider :-)
I put a servacle, connected to it an access point unparalleled, I give free Inet to those who want :-)
Gorbachev: tough
Can you get closer to me? I have a big problem with this in the hospital.
The access point is called Free WiFi from ZyXEL U-1496E+ and has a speed limit of 14,400 bytes. Back to the end of the 90s! Oh yeah! I could only dream of that!
Gorbow: I don’t have to give anything. The Jewish Internet ?

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №105061
 05.11.2014
I understand that we have a lack of chats on the internet. What, his mother, for fashion took in dialogues here to enter? No matter what the site was created for this, I will go here to raise the mood for myself, rather than re-read your discussions 10 times. Gathered here scientists crazy, in the universities, show your knowledge (no matter what topics) and not here.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105060
 05.11.2014
From Zems

I go to the boss, shake my foot and say:
I want a weekend!!! to
- You can't - he says - or no one will work.
And I tell him: by law, it’s a weekend! Why do we not have them?! to
He said, “I didn’t invent it.
Here comes Alexandra, my assistant:
Alexey, what are you doing?
Weekends with the boss.
Alexey, you are the boss. And the development manager, and the CEO and the only founder. Go away from the mirror, I have to shave.

In short, if I understand everything right, there will not be a weekend...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №105059
 05.11.2014
Skomoroh100: And we were taught. When you go out on the road, look to the left... and then to the right.

SocketP: This is no longer relevant. Now going out on the road - look in all directions at the same time and walk, like a mine field.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105058
 05.11.2014
The girlfriend is cared for by two representative Americans in Moscow, the process of selection is going on:
MV: You understand, one is low and the other is high, with one I can't wear heels, and with the second I only have to walk on them!
November: so what did you set up, one low, the other high, what in your understanding is low, and what is high?
MV: One head above Obama, and the other head below Obama.
November: Do you now measure Americans in Obama?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105057
 05.11.2014
Found in the airport:

Announcement: I am selling a cat. Kakaet everywhere, go out on the street and there Kakaet, sleep Kakaet, Perdit constantly bored already or exchange for a magnetol.

O_O

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105056
 05.11.2014
Today I realized that you should not hope for a miracle when buying a shampoo for hair growth. Only the remaining hair grows faster.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105055
 05.11.2014
Did someone take anything from you personally?
Why did I have colleagues who opened cafes, dance studios, internet projects and still are all alive, healthy, do not swim in gold, but there is enough bread with oil?
Why is there a well-known IT community on the letter X, where people often publish stories of their success / failure, but at the same time none of them have taken anything out with properly drafted contracts?
Why is there also the same community on the letter X, a search engine on the letter I, an antivirus? Why are there thousands of companies that make profits and no one takes them away?

My parents were taken away. The acquaintance of his father wanted to put him in jail, but when he began to resist decided to kill him. He currently lives in Canada. A friend's father agreed to give up the business and revenged from the deadline. Running a long time. Uncle lives in NY because in the 90s he traded auto parts very well.
On the resource X is a non-representative sample. You only see successful projects. By your logic, you can say that anyone can become a billionaire, because in the Forbes of hundreds of them.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №105054
 05.11.2014
Have you heard of geocaching?

xxx: the people lay a hole, leaving coordinates and marks to find the hiding place, and then those who want to take the hiding place, if they want to leave there something of their own.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Something was so. A taxi driver told me what the drug addicts are doing. They pay money through the internet, and then go to get their portion out of the bucket.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №105053
 05.11.2014
Americans and Europeans are probably now biting their elbows: was it hard to send humanitarian aid to Mordor when he was hungry in the early 1990s? You see, there would now be five or six decent European countries...

What kind of humanitarian? Did Wikipedia tell you?
— — —
This was told to me by the Italian sauce, French baby food, and American corns.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №105052
 05.11.2014
In the cup:

I can’t have a companion with him. He is such a true lover that, as the classic said, the truth cuts the uterus in the eye. It is unpleasant to me. Here is.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №105051
 05.11.2014
The difference.

What is the difference between shit and shit?
The caliber.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №105050
 05.11.2014
comment to the article "How to recognize a beaten machine" about what you need to look at gaps, places of boiling, coincidences of semi-tones of all parts
Bagurban: ah) another brother told that he was driving somehow with a friend on his car, and that all the way his car praises, brother and asked: - are you going to sell?
He says yes – not beaten, not painted!
What the brother answers - those spices that you cooked it, if the windows were closed, or around the place of welding on the glass, traces of metal drops remained...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №105049
 05.11.2014
From Habr, cro:

My dog liked to scratch the bone into small pieces and bury them under my pillow, in tapes and put another piece in a plinth. So Lenovo went on with Page Up, Page Down, Home and End.

One of my acquaintances drank without drying every weekend, but became sober on Mondays. Then he started drinking every day. I stopped communicating with him the day I realized that I could not perceive the clarity of his mind. Just like the new functional keys of Lenovo laptops.

Chinese people, think about it.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №105048
 05.11.2014
This is what professional choice means. In the announcement of the sale of the car on the main photo (view from the front to the left and just below) - quite a cultural appearance. At the price, it is obvious that it is a little bit bit, but I wonder how much? I open the advertisement and look at the second photo. It feels like a house-size meteorite has fallen on the rest of the car.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №105047
 05.11.2014
No, I don’t understand our dad :facepalm: Working physically, in the tranche from morning to night in any weather – even under rainy rain, even in a 20-degree frost. Treat the teeth without anesthesia - it is not to what can be treated - himself refuses even free (why? Do not tolerate anything? I am the one who has no patience for him. But the slightest cold is FSE, the end of the world. Today I woke up with a fever, all morning proving to me that he had Ebola. On my question - where (even interested :wink: ) developed a whole theory - we bought the car, it went from Korea, came two weeks ago - here is the type from there. A A A A A A A!!! to

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №105046
 05.11.2014
The news:

Patriarch Kirill found a cure for confusion
Construction of the first Buddhist temple in Moscow


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №105045
 05.11.2014
Romantically...

I'm a bad romantic, one night I walked on the balconies to the lady in the window, broke the fork, broke the pots with flowers, awakened my dad.
had to marry.

____________________________
Didn’t you save the cat?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №105044
 05.11.2014
Well then tell me how the story ends, let’s.

They all ended up the same way – they lived long and happy.
Yyy: and morality is always like that - all trouble from the bab

Yes, Tsarevich kissed the frog, thinking it was a princess, and died in convulsions, because the frog turned out to be a terrible leaflet, one of the most poisonous earthlings on the planet. End of Story.

You will never have children.

xxx: I know

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105043
 05.11.2014
by laugh_with_me

Cats have an interesting feature, Pratchett noted. If there is a cat somewhere, it is clear that it has always been there. Even if no hint of a cat was seen here a minute before. You look at this pleasant striped face and you understand: first there was a cat, and already around the cat began to grow grass and crawl all sorts of fools, then - to jump from the sable-toothed tigers. Around the cats an ancient man broke down. They set up a fireplace, spread fire in the shadow of the cat. Near the cat, a village was built, and then a city. And while the builders grabbed the boiler specifically for this nine-storey, the cat was squeezing nearby, and it had to be pulled out a hundred times from there, because it was interesting. So they built: they excavated a cubic meter of land – they got a resistant cat, they dug another two cubic meters – they got it again. A popular wisdom says: if you unravel the closet, you can find a lot of interesting and about a hundred times the same cat.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna