Good news: my gas leak sensor is working
Bad news: My gas leak sensor worked

The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The next best time is today".

The best time to plant a tree is April-May. September-November before the frost.

All my experience of work (ten years, plus a couple of years of student work) literally screams about one thing: in Russian reality, the more in the office they talk about "corporate culture", "compliance with corporate norms" and other "values", the less likely they are to observe elementary ethics. Probably because an employer who treats employees normally doesn’t need to hit their heads with the color differentiation of their pants.

But here’s what you’re doing, can’t you spend a thousand twenty and buy a decent suit?!", told employees with an average salary per department of 15 thousand rubles, is a symptom.

I work in technical support. In the morning, the chief was caught by a site of an aithishnik healer. % of quote:

I activate the energy channels led by my mandate and the powerful I AM presence.

He said, “No, Noah? Here are the names of the girls – the printer doesn’t print. The printer is sealed. That is what it is!"

In short, I took the phrase on armor. and ;)

In Germany, in the contest for the best idea for environmental protection, the idea of killing all Negroes was once again winning with a big slide!

Sonaris: I’m not a programmer, I don’t know what a joke is, but I know that yawa tea grows twice as long and requires half a cup under a bag.
Programming in Java is the same.

Americano in russian, pizza in slice, teachers in business...and other busy ideas by Dmitry Anatolyevich.

When I was a conductor, we sometimes had concerts on Sundays. Naturally, the orchestra hated such days, as the weekend was covered with a copper basin. And one Saturday evening, the police call me and say, “What about tomorrow’s concert?” “Em, and he didn’t go as planned,” I replied. “I don’t know, tomorrow at 10:00 start!” And all the trouble is that all the events in the army were photographed and sent to the higher command, such as a photo report. I have no program, nothing. and Saturday evening. In short, I called my guys, I say: tomorrow at 9.40 you are dressed, in shape, in the club. The Sunday. A full club of soldiers. The leader goes out and is silent. I photograph him. The leader leaves. Soldiers are confused. A trunk with a tube comes out. He stands in a position and is silent. I am photographing. The soldiers laugh. The trunk is leaving. Further, in different combinations, musicians with instruments come out, everyone is silent, I photograph them. There is wild roast in the room! After all, I say, “Thank you all, the concert is over. Now all get up!” Everyone stands up, the officer still. “Show a stormy applause, I’ll shoot it, and I’ll turn the Terminator on to you!” Applause, I photograph, I release musicians on the weekend, I take pictures. It took 5 minutes and everyone was happy. Especially the deputy was pleased what a good concert came out on the photographs. He never knew the truth.

The neighbor knocks at night.
I ask: “Who?”
He said, “Do you need salt?”

When Fira said, “Itsha, you’re the best,” he realized there was a competition somewhere.

Basically cinematic:
In 2008, a short animated film festival showed a cartoon about a postman who, before spreading the mail, opened letters, and replaced bad news with good. The movie is called The Post. Only with this name to find it on the network proved unrealistic. Suddenly somebody will tell the animation studio or the country of production.

Idiot tasks are discussed in primary school:
We live with a grandmother who can’t tolerate animals, so we didn’t have them. And here is that silly topic with pets. I have a daughter and so-called, and it just got out of itself. I already explained to her in the 108th circle why we don’t have and can’t have animals, which means we won’t write or glue anything in this chapter. And it’s not all behind:"Why is it? Why?" I said:"Because we have a grandmother!!The daughter turned away and I considered the topic closed. But, damn, a few days later, my grandmother caused me a wild scandal. My daughter began to boast of her with this album and showed her the page “My Pets” with a glued grandmother’s photo and a signature of a cowboy “Instead.” My grandmother" On the scream of my grandmother, she said that my mother said so.

In the vast majority of 3D films there is nothing but a beautiful picture. The plot is crushed from the finger, the characters behave like ended idiots, the whole story is either a huge plot hole, or a banal donut. Pepper has a picture.

You’re saying it’s like most 2D movies are something different.

I accidentally sent my photo, where I was naked, to all my acquaintances. Not only was it terribly shameful, so I was almost ruined on labels and envelopes.

xxx: I want to give up my motherhood, but it doesn’t work out (((
P.S. I have such dreams.

When I was a child, my mother often put me before the choice:
Are you going to soup? Or I will put it in the toilet.

Since the discussions about “Debuts!” are going on here...
I want the "Go to the oppa" button, some people love to walk in the "white coat".

About cats, big and small. Suddenly a philosophical question arose, turned to a friend-veterinary.

I: Listen, but here are the big cats, the tigers there, the lions, they react to valerian like the small ones?
The Dw: O! I do not know. We have a lion and a tiger, I’ll try.
I: Maybe I should not? Is it little.
DW: Well, on the gastarbayters, let's check, take two, one shed valerian and see.
I am :???! to
dv: all in science, experimental group and control -)))

Good Doctor Ibolith, Blatt...

Regarding the tests, he reminded:
My wife and I are in a supermarket in a row. In front of them, a couple breaks their goods. And here the cashier aunt, looking at a bunch of pregnancy tests, says:
For reliable operation enough two, maximum three.
A woman falls into a stupor, rushes to say something, but her husband drives her:
In fact, three-year-old girls are cool only the first fourteen years.
And there was so much deafness in his voice that even the treasurer looked at him with pity.

This morning, I meet a schoolboy (years ten), wandering in the direction of school, concentrating on pinning the ice, something whirling under his nose. Getting closer with amazement recognized "I love you, life, which in itself is not new..."
Motivation is our all, guys ;)