In 1868, the French merchant Jacques Bryan came up with, as he thought, a wonderful way to get rich. After the fierce success of the Orenburg floats at the Paris World Exhibition, French, London and Berlin fashion women struck their husbands, demanding to buy them a shell or sweater from the world's thinnest Orenburg floats. It was almost impossible to counterfeit Russian products: even the fur of Angora goats was one and a half times thicker than the Orenburg and after a long socks slid and fell, while the strange Russian t-shirts, violating all the laws of nature, became softer and fleasier. Demand grew, French ladies waited for three to four months for orders for Orenburg t-shirts, and Russian merchants, engaged in the sale of puffy products, were soon hanged with gold watches, diamond rings and silver chains, like Gypsy barons.

Jacques Bryan decided to buy beautiful Orenburg goats in Russia and breed them on a farm near Toulouse, and patent his products. Having drawn up a plan to wipe the nose of Russian trade, Jacques went to St. Petersburg, taking with him as an interpreter the elderly messier de Auguste, who in his youth was a teacher of French at a landlord estate. The journey did not happen from the very beginning: on the way to St. Petersburg, the sea was storming all the time, and Brian's messenger turned out several times a day, so that he walked on Russian soil losing five kilograms. And when the railway ended, and I had to get to the Orenburg hole, trembling in the chariot on the wheels, the old messier to Augustein accelerated the ischias. Hundreds of kilometers under the accompaniment of the old nuts: "Sitting in Toulouse, eating croissants and drinking croissants" - not everyone is able to withstand this. But Jacques Bryan was a strong nuts, and the breadth of Russian spaces did not scare him.

On the advice of knowledgeable people, Brian sent letters in advance to three Orenburg landlords, who were famous for the best goats - the landlord's people, who came without an invitation to the explorer, could, for good, point to the side and send them without goats and without money. Of the three recipients, one goat farmer Losev, a large landlord, whose possessions were located 25 verses west of Orenburg, responded to the French proposal.

Losev, a possessor of large buttocks and a great practical mind, sent the guards ahead and met the guests while they were riding the steppe. Being convinced that before him there were neither barracks nor starvation, he invited the French to the lord's house, fed, according to the Russian custom, until the outbreak, and advised Mr. de Auguste to apply from the sciatica a compress from the cabbage leaf and black radish.

When it came to the auction, Brian asked what price Losev would give him a dozen goats and a dozen goats.

“A thousand rubles in silver,” said Losev modestly.

A thousand rubles? But this is a robbery, messie, for this money you can buy thirty great horses!

You didn’t ride five thousand horses. And the road here and back will cost you both half that amount. The deal was fair.

The French tried to trade, but Losev was relentless. Tom was cut off. Brian personally examined the goat and goat, signed a deal, received a puppy shell as a gift for his wife and went home with a well-depleted wallet.

Goats, like unpretentious animals, survived the journey safely, and Brian has already begun to count profits in his mind.

But it was worth the goats to find themselves on a French farm, on bay lawns and in an excellent insulated camp, as unexpected problems began. Three months later, the wonderful puch, without waiting for the first haircut, began to fall and hang on the goats. The concerned Frenchman urgently telegraphed to Orenburg: "The hair is rotten. All the goats in cows. What to do?” Soon came the answer: “I know how to help your burn. I will send you a recipe for 1000 rubles. The Loss.”

Brian immediately collected the money and deported him to Russia. Losev did not lie and sent a recipe: in order for the puff to be thin and sprinkled, you need to feed the goat in the morning and evening with a crushed crust, and water it with mineral water. Cut the old, corrupted wool so that it does not hinder the growth of a new, silkish.

Brian immediately ordered a monthly supply to the farm of one hundred barrels of mineral water from Grenoble, and a huge cane cube was brought from the carrier: Brian's pregnant wife tried the mill and found it to taste good.

So the thing went: at 8 a.m. and 8 a.m. the animals were fed with sludge, and the messenger Bryan personally watched for his goats to drink only the expensive mineral and would not swallow during the day water from any sludge.

After three months of such a diet, a new one grew up in the place of the old shrinking feathers, which no longer climbed or collapsed, but was much rougher and shorter, and almost no different from the wool of ordinary French goats.

In desperation, Bryan sent another telegram to Orenburg: "The goats had a rough wool. Everyone has one. Please help with advice.” Soon came the answer: “I know how to save the situation. Get a recipe of 1500 rubles. The Loss.”

Brian cried out from the annoyance, but put it in the safe and sent more money to Russia. The rescue recipe did not make itself wait: you mel-to let us less, Losev wrote, and in the evening feed the goat with vegetables: pumpkin, carrots and cabbage in equal proportions. On one grass, goats will not give puff, because there is not enough potential in the body.

The Frenchman immediately committed to correct the mistakes and began to increase the capacity of the goats. The animals began to get the best cabbage and carrots from the surrounding farms, the reception of the meal remained only for breakfast, and, in addition, on the advice of one peasant woman, a special soft bed was brought to the goat farm so that the animals felt complete comfort and did not experience stress.

Three more months passed, the goats were noticeably amused by the good content, the nausea grew, but the ugly puff fell all out finally. Messier Brian drove veterinarians from all over the province to the goats, who were looking for a skin disease, but when neither depriving nor parasites were found, it remained to resort to the last remedy, and Brian again sent a telegram to Orenburg.

The goats lost their last poop. Please help. No means helps.”

Losew replied, “It’s an eye. There is an ancient rite for cleaning cattle from rot and dirt. Send 1500 rubles. The Loss.”

What was Brian doing? He sent Losev more money, and after some time he received a envelope sealed with a surgeon stamp. In the envelope was described how to remove the spoil.

“At full moon, take 300 raw eggs, 25 pounds of olive oil, 25 pounds of talc, half a pound of beetle flowers, mix and rub the goats in their sides three days in a row.”

Waiting for the full moon, Brian, not trusting anyone such an important procedure, personally broke in a large pelvis 300 eggs, weighed with accuracy to a gram of oil and talc and prepared ointment. Three days in a row he dried the goat with this ointment, which, by the way, on the third day began to dive with a dried egg, although it was put in a cold cellar for the night.

The result of all the efforts turned out to be zero, except for the fact that for the goats in the first days flew whole clouds of flies and cattle, attracted by the sharp smell of unfresh organic matter.

Here to messier Brian came on summer vacation nephew from the University of Lyon. Listening to the story of the horse-animal husband, he decided, “Here’s what, uncle. Stop tormenting the goats. Before you, an English scientist had already tried to grow long-haired Mongolian goats in Dartmoor - three years later, there was nothing left of their long wool. The climate is not that. In the Orenburg province in the summer +40, and in the winter minus 40, here the goats and appeared this thick protective puff. In Toulouse, where there is no snow in the winter, this protection is useless to animals.

Since then, Jacques Bryan began to respect scientists even more, abandoned the goat and engaged in winemaking.

The advice of the day in a women’s magazine: “Be sure your vibrator and electric shocker are of different colours.”

As a 12-year-old, I was walking with my dad in the summer and we were captivated by the smell of shale. I don’t know what kind of child foolishness it was, but I decided that I’t eat a shale. I decided to try the ribbons. They were brought with a huge kissman and had to cut them through with a dull knife and bite the flesh, breaking and stretching the ribs with small child palms. I refused my dad’s help and towels, and he quietly watched all this wildness and atrocity. When I finished, he said the following:

"You know, in a few years you will become an adult girl, boys will start calling you on dates... and when you are invited to a restaurant... you just... well you know... don't order a shorter ribbon.

When a woman rests, a man is calm. When a man rests, a woman becomes nervous.

October, the beginning of November - the barley season, no longer hot, water tolerable temperature, winter storms far away, beauty and only...
Especially on weekdays, a few people, roll on the beach and read the adventures of Fandorin - which is possible after duty.
The day-to-day leaves the first, which with an easy schedule means - freedom comes three hours before sunset, rushing to the beach, I again feel like a schoolchild who escaped from the lesson, except that instead of the Baltic Sea - the Pacific Ocean, the sand is bigger, instead of the Jurmal pine - palms, and the schoolchild sat...
Usually there are many children on the beach, families often go out with overnight stays, children of all ages rush to the shallow water, dig in the sand, try to please the fish...
I go swimming and I, swimming, go out and see - a company of 4 adults, having finished eating, approaches the edge of the water and... wash the dishes and the cutting board, oil spots float on the surface, next to the children!
I’ve never seen anything like this, obviously uncovered pigs.
They come back with a second portion of dirty dishes, young guys with dirty habits and cheap white garbage tattoos from mobile parks.
I’t have done that, if I were you, I would say it loudly.
Why is that more?! - with a challenge, say, read us, old whisper, a lecture, and we will send you deliciously!
Well, we will go another way.
You see, there are children...
And what?? to
Children tend to be proud, sometimes cuddling.
And adults, especially the elderly, with incontinence.
Here I am, I regret, I could not stand, I urinated, you apologize the old man...
The silence.
Without words they gathered the dishes in the bag and left, resentful, with disgust on the face.
Who would know that wickedness and wickedness are relatives?c) Michael Ashnin

If programmers come to power, then entire ministries will be replaced by a small script.

The mayor of one town in Karelia, in response to the question which city-forming enterprise they had, thought for a second, and then said:

Local Police Department. 120 people are working.

For some reason, we have people who pour out the social borscht, cooked by all of us and paid for by us, on the basis that they have a pollovnik in their hands, decided that they are feeding us.

We, like any other municipal organization, are subject to the administration of the city. Recently, there was a comic incident, which in principle wants to cry. I get a call to include an error check in Word. I look at this as a little knowledgeable and see nothing, the check is enabled, the document is virginly clean without a single red emphasis. I can tell you that she has 5+. But the principal does not give up and complains that the document was returned from the administration, the economic department found a lot of spelling errors there! And after talking to them on the phone, I just killed...

"See in the text - "Costs for PREVENTIVE MEASURES", you everywhere in the document is written with an error! What is this word Pre-VEN-TIV-NE? (They were asked by the readers.

There is a word in Russian: PRIMITIVE! Correct it and send it!”

Then it became so offensive. They sit there “up” and govern us.

Russia is such a big country that it doesn’t notice small people at all.

Did you not notice that people in the countryside are much less in a hurry? Likewise, they have more work - feed cattle, feed cows, garden, garden, farm, and all this without weekends - and rush less. They talk completely differently. without a hurry. and gradually.

I learned this way long ago when I had to work in a Lithuanian village.

I need to get to the mail. I came here recently, where the mail - I don't know yet. But I can communicate with the locals already - I watched. My grandfather works in the garden. I know him now. But approach and ask, like in the city, “Please tell me, where is the mail here?“Not in any case! This is both unusual and ignorant and, in general, throws a shadow on all urban - rude, and only.

Hi Sir, I am starting. God to help. Your potatoes have grown beautiful.

“Hello, lady,” the grandfather rattles, “yes, it’s growing well this year. It has not rained for a long time...

Yes, I agree, we need rain.

I wait. The conversation slowly continues.

Where did the girl come from? From the capital? Long distance from the capital. - What does the lady in the capital do? is studying? And then what will he do? Teaching the kids? Good thing... Good thing... And what is the lady looking for?

Here is. You can ask where the mail is. And then polite and not in a hurry to say goodbye, wishing you all good luck.
........................................................................................

I’ve lived in the millions of Los Angeles for a long time. But the ability to communicate in this way still serves me with faith and truth. The manners and here a little rural - strangers greeting on the street. In addition, a lot of rural people live here. Especially from Latin America.

I have to buy a very important gift today. After work, I go to a small children’s clothes shop nearby.

“Buenos Dias, sir, I greet the hostess. God to help. How is the trade today?

The mistress is blooming. You can finally talk to someone quietly and humanly. We exchange opinions about the weather, discuss the upcoming holidays... Finally, the gentleman is interested in what I would like to buy. I explain that I need a very nice dress for a three-year-old girl. I will be visiting my country soon. This is a gift for the little daughter of my friends.

Where is your country? The hostess is curious, laying on the shelf a whole bunch of small dresses with a bunch of clothes (Latin fashion).

Geography is well taught in Mexican schools. But she hardly remembers such a small country as Lithuania – Lithuania. No, of course he does not remember. But when I explain that this is near Poland, the gentleman is reviving. Yes Yes Yes! The Polony! From there came His Holiness Pope Juan Pablo Segundo. How, how of course!

From somewhere comes the little daughter-in-law. She points to a pink dress with a lush sweater and a tail:
This is the most beautiful! She will be a real princess!

I decided to follow her advice. After all, she knows best what little girls like.
She puts the dress in a beautiful box. And suddenly he breathes up and says, crossed:

Oh my God, what a distance! People also live...
........................................................................................

In a few months I will be in Lithuania. The dress has a great success. The little girl doesn't want to shoot him - she's in him like a real "plincessa".
Friends begin to drag me through different towns and villages - to show what has changed, what remains as it is.

In one of the towns, I go to a small shop. And it all repeats again. As in a dream, it repeats itself. Only in another language.

Hi you lady. God to help. How are the affairs...?

So, family health... weather... types of crops...

"Pani speaks Lithuanian well," the hostess compliments me, "but the lady is not there. Probably come to visit. from where?
From California, I answered.

The owner is dying for a moment. He thinks. Trying to imagine this distant unknown California. of another planet. is terrifying. to be baptized.

How far away! Just think! People also live...
........................................................................................
Yes is. People live everywhere. Everywhere people are people.

2019 year. The first words: “Attention! The film contains scenes of eating sausages.

I went to the store. I go and put everything in my basket. Oh! The creatures! Kids love it, I will take it. Date of validity: 26th October. and crying! I kindly call the employee of the store (well little, the director of freshness is sick). I say:

You are dead here.

Oh oh oh! Thanks, I’ll clean it now.

It is in his hands!) 3 packages of damaged products.

I am pleased that I saved some anonymous from a date with a friend of Faisans making further purchases. I go back to the box through the milk department and what am I, shit, seeing? The creature, the fucker! The same people who ordered to live a month ago! Well, I think I will arrange for you! For the whole store:

Girls, you are late here.

They resort to the fool who has taken the delay and the boss of the store.

- Young man, well why scream, she just walked behind the basket to pick up the delayed goods...

A fresh story. I just told them today.



So, in one of the villages of the Chelyabinsk region there are two neighboring areas. The owner of one is a man, the owner of another is a lady.



History is silent, because of what they snack that the man filed in court with the demand to remove the bath on the lady's site. It is said to be 2.5 meters from the fence, and should be at least 3 meters away.



The first instance he passed safely and the court decided to remove the bath to the devil's mother. However, it was smooth on the paper, so we forgot about the strawberries.



First, while the trial, it turned out that the fence of the man stands 20 cm on the section of the lady. Following the established tradition of good-neighborly relations, she filed with the court, demanding to remove the fence.



And, secondly, appealed the decision of the court on the question of the bath, and, while the case was awaiting consideration in the regional court, took out of the bath the stove, stove and other bathroom and registered the bathroom as a summer house.



It is foreseeable that the district court has left the decision in force. The ladies are coming to the site to remove the bath... the lady answers – so I have no baths! It was, it was floating. There is a summer house, but there is no bath!



When the tail is ripped, the stewards go to the judge. What to do? The judge, thinking, replies: is the bath indicated in the decision? The Bath! Is there a bathroom on the site? No to! End of IP.



As long as this whole petrification lasted, the court decided on the fence. And since the fence could no longer be registered as a lighthouse column or bridge, the roofs returned to the site to remove the fence.

I close the next object, bring the customer the acts performed and so on.



So what did you bring to me? Work is not finished!

– Victor Semenovich, all the works are finished, the receiver has signed, there are only CCs to sign, here are they.

How is it? And the rubbish? Wow, how much is it!

You personally removed the rubbish from your account. They said you will do it with your own strength.

But he stayed in the contract. Here is the item "...the contractor carries out... cleaning and disposal of garbage...".

The contractor carries out construction and installation works, launch and repair works, as well as the cleaning of the territory, the export of garbage in the amounts established by the estimate, which is an integral annex to the contract. “To be precise.

Well here. It is in the contract! Finish the work.



In the evening I consulted with the director:

He tells me what I will do. He says it is in the contract and does not.

Why is it in the contract and not in the estimate?

- Because the contract is standard, and the volume of work is regulated by estimates and supplements.

The dope?

Well yes. by Dop. of work. and supplementary. which arise in the process.

Is it possible to clean the garbage?

of course.

– Great, clean the territory, take out the garbage, all expenses write me separately.



Two days later, everything was cleaned, the customer signed the acts, the money was transferred.

Three days later, the lawyer of the company sent a pre-trial claim for cleaning expenses + 200k rubles.



The director said so:

If they call you, you know nothing, you did nothing.

I know nothing and have not done anything.

That’s fine, say so.



And six months later the director sentenced in arbitration the full amount under Articles 309-310 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation.



He says it was ridiculous as he shouted in the court “in the contract it is written that they should be removed, let them clean up” and “yes, the services were provided, but within this contract.” The judge quickly understood what determines the contract and what counts.

Since no one disputed the performance of the work, the claim was fully satisfied.

I work as a teacher in a kindergarten. I had an interesting conversation with the manager this morning.

by A.V. Which of the children are you taking to the contest?

List the names and surnames of the children. and what?

You are choosing the wrong kids.

Why is?

Do you know the children whose parents work in the city? You have three such children in your group. Therefore, first of all, these children need to be taken to competitions, actively involving them in all activities.

But I don’t choose children by their parents, I look at the knowledge and abilities of the child. I see where the child can show up.

That is good, but wrong.

Such wonderful leaders drive pedagogy.

Three years ago I had to find a job. At the current location (a small factory in Yekaterinburg) wages were delayed for two weeks, production volumes dropped, no prospects were seen at all. Everything was so bad that the director in an open text advised everyone to look for a new place of employment, not to adorn the situation and promise a quick way out of the crisis.



After publishing my resume wherever possible, I began to wait patiently for responses. And here some time later there is a call from Rostelecom (I am, Rostelecom):



Dramatic gemelyuk!



I am drunk!



- (rt) And you are concerned about the recruitment service of Rostelecom, found on the Internet your resume. Are you still looking for work?



And of course!



In this case, we ask you to go to the interview at this address. The head of the department that needs a specialist has already read your resume and would like to talk to you personally.



No question, I am running!





After such a call, I was upset — even if, because my resume was read not just by some girl-eichar there (sorry me, girls-eichar), but already by my,, future manager! So are interested! I need someone! I will soon be eating normally again.



After flying through all the spring lawns and canyons with dirt through half the city through traffic jams, I entered the RT office, where my arrival was already notified by the pass service and a representative of the personnel department, with whom we went to the office of the head of the department.



To be honest, until then I was never met anywhere: I already mentioned the waiting staff, then I was offered tea and coffee, after which the manager (an intelligent look of an uncle aged 50-55) asked me for permission to smoke in my own office, offering me a cigarette (!) I don’t smoke, but I was pleasantly surprised.



We sat comfortably each in his chair, I prepared to listen to questions, but here the manager begins (and, in fact, ends) this evening:



- gemelyuk, thank you for your attention to our organization as a whole and to the vacancy in particular. We regret to inform you that you are not suited to us.



For the first time in my life, I understood the expression “eye-chop”. Because I couldn’t do anything else at that moment. No, I was previously denied employment, driven with suckles out of the offices, promised to call back and did not call back... I am quite philosophical about all this, well no - so no, luck next time. However, for the first time in my life, I was denied employment without a single interview question.



Obviously, when I realized that since I was not dressing up and not leaving, something wasn’t clear to me, the boss uncle wondered, what was it about?



- (rt) gemelyuk, can I find out the reason for your confusion?



- (I) Eye khm, well, you didn't even ask me about anything, maybe I can tell you something about myself and my skills?



- (rt) No, not worth it, I carefully read your resume, it is very and very meaningful, you really have good knowledge, but specifically our department implies a slightly different specificity of work, in which I will not be able to fit you.



Why did you invite me to an interview? Why was it necessary to call me in principle, if you could simply ignore my resume, since I don’t fit you? I’t know your interest, I’t go here, and you’t waste time in empty conversation with me.



“You know, young man, I believe that it is always necessary to express your opinion to a person by looking him in the eyes. You need to have the courage to personally report the negative decision you have made with respect to another person. So I asked you to come, so that you could hear the verdict from me, not from anyone else.



(I) Walk to the left, but if you didn’t call me, I’t even know that there was a verdict in my case!



(RT) That is exactly what it is! Now you know.



by ZANAVES



So far, scrolling through this situation in my head and telling it to my friends as a joke, I can’t understand what it was? The real position of man, which implies such nobility? Desire to wash? Or just a particular character? :) No one will know it anymore! :D

If the girl agreed to play with you as a fool to dress up, don't be a fool - put the cards aside.

Samara airport should be named Monet, and Saratov airport should be named Manet, so that these cities are no longer confused.

Which word does not exist in Hebrew?

The Sabbath.