bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №120816
 20.11.2015
I bought a cat. The boy. The Scottish Wizard. This is the most joyful monster I’ve ever seen – it will jump, it will jump, it will swallow its legs if you push them out of the blanket. One evening they laid a telecast and stumbled upon the "Courageous Heart". So the cat sat quietly and watched the whole film without looking down. There is an opinion that the voice of the ancestors spoke in it, and it seems that it is time to sew him a kilt and google in the yandex with a discount.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №120815
 20.11.2015
xxx: news: The owner of the spa Blinks of Bicester English village of Bisester wrote a post on Facebook that from now on her owned institution will not serve Muslims (both subjects of the kingdom and foreigners) - "I'm sorry, but it's time to think about the country."
After several complaints from the inhabitants of Bisester, the businesswoman was arrested on charges of inciting inter-ethnic riots.
Democracy in Action: We are all equal, but many are more equal. Is something wrong with you? Go sit down, shit!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №120814
 20.11.2015
About Cars
............
'Is there an article in the constitution that protects breastfeeding, but no article that protects shoe sellers?

If by default it is assumed that the case occurred in Russia, then the entrance to the store can not be restricted with child wheelchairs. In practice - went with a wheelchair a lot, nowhere did not refuse, only in the Volgograd Panorama polite asked to leave the wheelchair in the wardrobe, because. The building is not equipped with pandus and so on. Really, without it there was more convenient, because the passages in some halls are narrow, and the stairs are steep.
This is a museum, not a store. In Hermitage can not be on heels at all.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120813
 20.11.2015
When they invented their glossy iPads, did they think of spotlights on the ceiling, or not?! to

Wow: So, when you put the spotlights on the ceiling, did you think that most devices have bright screens, or not?! to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №120812
 20.11.2015
"yyy: I am waiting for reports about a vertical take-off assembly combine.)))"
Then filled the gasoline and started the reactor.
and quickly smelled grapefruit and oats
Our simple Soviet tractor rose into the sky.
Then he flew back to his hometown. © USSR

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №120811
 20.11.2015
Why do cats sit in boxes? They pay tribute to the Schrödinger Cat.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №120810
 20.11.2015
XXX: Oh, Hah - these cash really always and everybody has! Just different. And those who say they’ve got the same one that doesn’t fuck the brain are fucking! And the only way out is to find one whose hands will not arouse in you the desire to violate the criminal code. Well, or not to look, drink beer, play computers, fuck prostitutes and eat what you got - the option is generally not worse.
Well, every woman will always, ALWAYS be dissatisfied with a man - "how, Opel, not a Mercedes?", "how, a Mercedes, not a Lexus?", "what am I, like a buggy, riding on the old lexus? He is 4 years old!" At first I did not understand, I thought - I am so bad, I cannot do everything normally, provide everything. And then I looked at the sides - and it is in chocolate, many and half do not have it. He took everything away, became loving and kind. Now I keep it strict, and she is just happy to go. The slave mentality - as long as the master is good - he is bad and I do what I want, and when the master is evil - any gift is a great honor! Only if I do not need it, I sought a companion of life and a companion to share all the joys and misfortunes of this life in two, and I got the slave Isaur - feed and fuck, and fuck life yourself as you want.

In the frame and on the wall.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120809
 20.11.2015
The first question that comes to our minds is: what hell did the unarmed journalists go with expensive equipment and money into the bad neighborhood of Brussels? Have you ever heard that there are places in a normal country where you shouldn’t go?
I have repeatedly observed with amazement in the residents of Moscow the strange unpreparedness to see European countries. I observed this even in my hometown, in the place of which Moscow guests persistently (sometimes for years) saw only a small reserve of fun inexpensive strawberries, decorated with church spires with cockroaches.
In the place of real Paris, they see wallpapers for the desk. In the place of real Liverpool - stylish black and white Beatles in their youth, sitting somewhere in the sun. On the site of the real Brussels - a shopping gallery in the old city.
The thought that everywhere is its Biryulevo, and some places it is times cooler than our daring fantasies - leaps away from them with peanuts.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №120808
 20.11.2015
vokindak: When you come, look in the refrigerator, what is missing. I will buy on the way home.
Cara: I bought bread, cheese, sausage. There is no black caviar in the refrigerator.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120807
 20.11.2015
xxx: the boss wants " somehow to process photos" for the site
xxx somehow
yyy: send to the community of photoshopers with the request "all chmoki! Take pictures somehow. I am so happy!"

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №120806
 20.11.2015
I work at a small point in the TC, I sell paintings by numbers.

At three o’clock there is no one, because it is the middle of the week, and here, unexpectedly, comes a young man. Then he asks what it is, “and why I was sent to you.” I tried to explain it as briefly and clearly as possible. We found mutual understanding, I ask what the girl likes, we have a little topic.



Maybe the girl loves nature more than animals. The people...?

The people? No is. The girl is a doctor. I love sex and sarcasm.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №120805
 20.11.2015
One professor was invited to the militia to read a lecture on the fragments to the menta... Since the menta did not want or could not understand anything, then when it came to the practical part and the professor asked what was more - "3/5" or "6/7", no one replied.



But the professor found a way - he formulated the question differently:

What is more: 3 bottles of vodka for 5 people or 6 bottles for 7 people?

The mentions immediately answered that 6/7 is more.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120804
 20.11.2015
What is news in Ukraine is a joke in Russia.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №120803
 20.11.2015
The daughter in the cartoon heard the phrase "I am crazy about love" and decided to find out this issue with us.
I sit with my wife and eat lunch. The girl approaches and asks:
“Daddy, did you go crazy as soon as you saw your mom, or after you got married?

[ + 50 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120802
 20.11.2015
From the explanatory chief of protection of the trade complex:
“I, Natalia, didn’t ride a wheelchair, I just got up on it to get the red cage from the top shelf, but I didn’t stand and fell on it. As a result, the hose itself clothed on my head, and I grabbed the hose along the road to brake. “Ege-ge-ge” cried out to warn the opposing buyers of the danger. And the empty bottles of cognac were rolling there before me.”

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120801
 20.11.2015
seriously?

EXACTLY the same, if the game-book-film is of poor quality (not running, instead of video tape, no sound, confused places of the page or pages are lacking due to the printing marriage), the seller is obliged to replace the product.

Just when I was in Arkham Origins after twenty hours the character stuck in textures and refused to go out, Warner Brothers immediately apologized and returned the money. Oh no, it was not so. They asked five times to send the system data, and then said "this is a known problem, you have a sew, we can advise you to start again." K - customer orientation.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120800
 20.11.2015
Conversation at work. Terrorist attacks are being discussed.
- But when I go on vacation, I hope that if the plane crashes, it is better on the way back, so that I can have the pleasure of rest.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №120799
 20.11.2015
I work at a small point in the TC, I sell paintings by numbers.
At three o’clock there is no one, because it is the middle of the week, and here, unexpectedly, comes a young man. And then he asks what this is "and why I was sent to you". I tried to explain it as briefly and clearly as possible. We found mutual understanding, I ask what the girl likes, we have a little topic.

Maybe the girl loves nature more than animals. The people...?
The people? No is. The girl is a doctor. I love sex and sarcasm.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120798
 20.11.2015
XXX - Here's how many stories I've heard about these light bulbs in my mouth! I can’t believe I can’t get it back! Fuck, I’m already on the edge, barely containing myself not to try myself.

yyy - Hm, and if you pour water into the opened bulb, freeze it, then break the glass and remove all the fragments, the experiment will be quite safe.

ZZZ – to go! It is beautiful! Our people are invincible.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №120797
 20.11.2015
xxx: Someone painted in the elevator, sorry fuck. And so he signed "that this is a shit!" And today someone glued under it a sticker from household chemicals "to store in an inaccessible place for children".

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna