bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146397
 12.11.2017
It has not degraded. Just the frightened boys-programmers, who had previously broken into two boxes with a cat in a rental cottage, now grew up, moved to wives, multiplied, here and the most urgent question for them was "this terrible woman doesn't rubbish the borst, as my mom did" and "this terrible woman wants me to remember the toys, hobbies, names and the age of my children, PAMAGE!"

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №146396
 12.11.2017
I go on the street today. Someone from the insurance company walks behind the glass door. I see the girl squeezing. The city is small, every day someone is waving, someone is signaling... but the fucking... lighting. And I walked in response.

The girl removed the cloth from her hand...and also waved.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146395
 12.11.2017
Okay, I got it already. A normal mother is able to explain to a child the imperfection of the world. And why the uncle can allow pork, and the mother will not, especially.
My grandmother is like that. Very quickly to the child came to know that she is kind, because rarely appears in his life.
What is Tragedy? Don’t go to that uncle anymore. Or go and pack with pleasure. You can also participate in the process.)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №146394
 12.11.2017
Are you here like you are from another planet? It is well known that mice only eat cactus. They go to Greece crying and cuddling.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146393
 12.11.2017
The Domestic Makarenko:

A friend with a daughter came to visit. My daughter is small, 10 years old. I have my daughter on the couch to calmly eat the cake and put herself in the bowl. and clean. I go to them to dress up. Two pairs of eyes look at me. Young people - with the enthusiasm of the winner, adults - with the broken pattern...
The morality? Everyone decides how to do cleanliness and to what level. I can walk from the street to the bedroom in my shoes. I have allowed.

There is such a principle of pedagogy: uniformity of influence (school, parents, etc.). He was not invented as an idiot. And he is about the fact that the upbringing of the child is carried out in a single direction. Towards one goal for all participants. Never and under no circumstances should the authority of parents be undermined in the eyes of their child. And you are doing this for selfish reasons: you are looking for popularity in the child by devaluing the prohibitive measures of the parents. Prohibitions are not always bad, permission is not always good. You do not fully understand the distant consequences of your actions, and this lightheartedness is understandable – because you are trying to raise not your children.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №146392
 12.11.2017
I don’t understand how you buy shoes on the internet.
WOW: What is wrong?
I have two pairs of shoes from the same company. One forty second, the other forty third. And shoes of another company forty-first size. And all three pairs sit equally well. How do you guess the right size for your website?
Everyone has their own adventures. I buy shoes on the internet, you stick to girls on the internet. And there’s always a risk of getting upset.)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №146391
 12.11.2017
By the way, the age of the children. One of my acquaintances (from the family of teachers) claimed that the child is a baby lying on the back of the bed, all the others who are older are no longer children, but snakes)))).

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №146390
 12.11.2017
According to the mother and sister of the accused, the cash found during the searches was thrown to them.

We count. 9 thousand, let the boxes of 5000. It is 1.8 million bills. Each weighs 1 gram. Do you have 2 tons of sugar?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146389
 12.11.2017
The Corrector's Corner

> men should lie at your feet.

>> The Fatty Troll
Better between.

Not to lie down, but to lick. Are you just lying between your legs?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №146388
 12.11.2017
I am standing with my wife, waiting for the electric car on the platform. In the pocket, the sausages remained, decided to feed the pigeon. I throw a little, I see somebody throwing seeds. I raise my eyes - there is a cute girl and smiles to me, I also smiled to her in response. And the wife came closer, I feel her unhappy look, and, not ceasing to smile to the girl, slightly turned and said to the wife, "If, you are my sister," but it came out louder than planned. Smashed all three. It is shaken))

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №146387
 12.11.2017
>Yes, you’ve only eaten salad for the rest of your life "Oliver".

I don’t know if this is a curse or a blessing.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №146386
 12.11.2017
XXX: The bitterness of disappointment passed.
Yesterday I learned that my wife changed me with a colleague at work. Which I made it. There are correspondence boxes about how she admits that his MPH was in her! As she asked for more. It turns out that I lived in such a shrouded Santa Barbara that I did not even dare to guess. I have a question about jurisdiction. I broke up... and gave her a p$d not very much, but with blueprints, she went to write a statement to the menta, on the beating. What can light me?

YYY: Finally it is.
For a thousand years, there were no such positions.
Give mailboards, photos of colleagues and wife's breastfeeding.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146385
 12.11.2017
gt, "Ford is testing a new exoskeleton for working with raised hands over the head"
Aaa: It is an imaginary problem. The first month is hard, then the muscles adapt.
BBB: Here’s the screwdriver – why is it? There is also a fictional problem, there is a hole.
ccc: Yes, and on horses were normal, why do we need these cars
Ddd: The legs were normal, why do we need these animals?
Eee: In the ocean it was normal to swim, why do we have these legs?
fff: polyps force on the coral, why swim.
ggg: The unicellular normally photosynthesized, why sit on a coral?
Hhh: Yes, you can simply replicate your pH in a warm algae, why this cellular structure?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №146384
 12.11.2017
With the years, the questions are becoming less. Not because you know more, but because the answers interest you less and less.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №146383
 12.11.2017
I have been teaching organic chemistry for years. The subject is difficult, of course, for students to teach it hard, and not hurt hunting for many. And in order not to learn, they prefer to write from each other. Here and at the last exam, I observed in detail how two guilds did this. I checked their work - both wrote absolute nonsense, but almost identical nonsense. It was necessary, of course, to put both pairs at once, but I decided to have fun - one put a pair and the other put a four.

The result did not make himself wait, the "double" ran to me in the office with the demands, say, he and his comrade have the same answers, and he does not understand why he got two, and his comrade four.

I pretended to be surprised and asked them both to come to me for a check. They got mad, they went in. I, like, over-checked the exams, thanked both for their honesty, and the "fourth" rating was also over-checked by two.

And then I the view from the window, as they shouted to each other, and fisted their fists.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №146382
 12.11.2017
The USSR. dictatorship in school. The teacher reads:
God sent the crown a piece of cheese.
and pause. All the students write.
What do you pull your hand?
Marianne, and you said that there is no God.
There is no cheese either. What now - and not to write a dictionary?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146381
 12.11.2017
One acquaintance came and pointed his finger down the ceiling of the luster. under the ceiling. I went there, scuttle.

I would put such a competent after that in any of his visits a snack only in unwashed dishes. For the sake of hospitality: well, why the guest to strain and stretch?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №146380
 12.11.2017
My girlfriend was scared just before a heart attack. I brought as a gift from the trip two cute figures of cats, I put them at home on the table next to the monitor. That evening I sat down late, it was already dark when I went to bed.
I turn off the light – and in the total darkness, the light of bright green eyes rests on me.
Then I realized that the figures were phosphorescent, but had time to get upset.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146379
 12.11.2017
The new year is approaching and I would like to get it as a gift.

Q: Lovely, look, Facebook offers me to buy those eyebrows again, remember I showed? They are so beautiful!

M: * Half-hour lecture on tracking search queries and installing a blocking tracking plugin*

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146378
 12.11.2017
So I imagine: brought a mammoth into a cave - and immediately under the primitive crane washed his hands with primitive soap and wiped it with a primitive towel.

You have forgotten to wash under the mammoth crane.

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