On the site of vacancies attracted the phrase "Manager of the territory".
An advertisement for the area...

Today in the metro. Hours of hell crowds of people. Everyone rushed to the door, and the car was already filled like a bench with beans. There are two boys, and we don’t go in with them anymore. Between us there is a man, and he falls into a covenant, but he clamps his door in half his body. The dialogue of the boys:
1: Look and look! The liquid Terminator.
2nd is Hera! He just passed through the wall!

A man who has not had sex for a year is considered a virgin again.

The Bulgarian joke
According to the decision of the Bulgarian government, the end of the world on December 21, 2012.(Friday) will take place on December 29, 2012.( on the Saturday )

RBC News: France Recognizes Rebels as ‘Legitimate Authority’ in Syria

Should Russia Recognize Anders Breivik as King of Norway?

From the Cyber Forum:
X: What if x = 100 it becomes -100, if, for example, -567 it becomes 567, is there any function that does this?
Function of multiplication by (-1).

Katie took the battery. Dialogue with my husband:
Go get the cat.
I: I don’t want to get her.
Husband: Oh, you don’t want it, and you always get me! Tell me, how did I deserve it?
I: Married...

Revelation of a child drawn to the work office
Although I was completely immersed in the working atmosphere when I ran from another office with the words "Help! We play in words, we lose""

XXX is
I thought he served, and he was on the resort :)
YYYY
I was once asked - "You are in the army or in the Internet cafe?"=D
Probe caught, how to say)
XXX is
Do you work in the headquarters?
YYYY
Bread, take it up.
XXX is
Could it be above the headquarters? All the bosses are sitting there.
YYYY
I am above the chief, I am not the commander of the base 8)
XXX is
What is the cook?and :)

Oh, he’s a programmer, what will you do to me?
I give advice. Hang your webcam when you’re trembling.

Based on Religion *
The sect. We make our own zombies.
Agah and the sacrifice of virgins
They are not translated, they are not translated.

I only drink a glass of red wine once a week.
It is wonderful!
...which does not prevent me from suffocating the whisker for the remaining six days
- O_O

I work at the post office in the city of N, handle packages and send them to other areas. So here comes the day a strange box wrapped in scotch, and on it the address of "Father Christmas", the sender's address is not. We went to show this package to the boss, to ask what to do with her. Well, I had to open, we open, and there a sheet of paper and colored pencil is written "Father Moros padari iron road" and the drawings are different.. there is something vague like Santa Claus, snowmen and snowmen are different)) It was very nice. If there was the sender’s address, they would send a toy to the child.

Why is it so sad?
Wife: I did sports today, and I am now so bad... I do everything, I do it, and I get worse and worse every day...
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
Whoever has a cow, whoever has a goat, whoever has a sheep, and whoever has a goat. Be careful, you are a fan of anecdotes. I am also polite. If you understand what I am talking about.

Today my dad told me on the phone how to get him to work.
Dad: Do you see the road forward goes four hundred meters, and then turn to the left?
I: I see
Oh, oh, I will call you again.
I walk on this road, I get to the turn... the phone rings:
So don’t go there, you go to the other side.

- My parents on the country will be removed.Big house, bathroom, all business...
The car of N-N-Nada.
...now, all Mortal Kombat releases, all Alpha seasons on DVD
On her body!!! to
and solidarity.)

Exler: The refrigerator Vityaz actually lived for 20 years. At that time, the Soviet people did not need to change the refrigerator more often.

Why change it if it works? This is not an iPhone.

A friend told during the discussion methods of fighting neighbors-smokers:
The neighbor from above regularly threw the bulls into the windscreen. Once the bull will fall right in front of your eyes. I picked up the nearest aerosol and light bulb. Well, I was terrified in the ventilation of the serpent! A wild scream of horror from the neighbor above. No more bulls.

The last blow the system tries to inflict on a great writer or poet is to torture children with his works so that they will then stay away from artistic literature for the rest of their lives.

When I was in a position to think about who I wanted more: a daughter or a son, the mother-in-law told me a story about some parents who wanted a boy very much.
The mother-in-law was studying at school, and one day at an anatomy class, the teacher told her former classmate the following:
The young men married, the wife became pregnant and gave birth to a daughter on time. Everything is fine, but the husband says: here would be a boy for us, I want a son. Well what! I need a son! A woman becomes pregnant and... in 9 months a twin is born! The girls! My husband is a little in shock. (Very unexpectedly - about ultrasound at the time and didn't know) Well...Three daughters - it's already cool, but I want a son! A woman wants to please her husband and becomes pregnant again. It is time to give birth, take her to the birthplace. My husband is nervous, waiting. After some time, the nurse comes out, approaches the stand where all the information about the fasting is written: well there is No of the chamber, the sex of the child and the weight... well, the shorter fits and opposite the surname of his wife (this is all happening in the eyes of the poor daddy) writes 3d. Three girls!! The man is ill, he no longer understands anything, ask the nurse did not have time, and she has already gone. It takes 10 minutes... The same nurse comes out, approaches the stand and... corrects 3 to 4, the letter “d” remains... That’s it! After seven girls, the wife categorically refused to try to conceive the boy.