bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №136355
 28.11.2016
As a student in the 1st course, at the very beginning, I learned that we are studying a Venice person. After the classes went to drink a beer with fellow students, where I shared the news: - And who has seen in our course the crown prince of Laos? Standing next to me, in sight - a Kyrgyz named Fanka - we have just met, with an insult in the voice said with a thick southern accent: - And I'm the sho-her dog? It turned out our Fanka Sufanovong Fansaem, the king he never became - uncle pushed away his father, and stood on the path of democracy - but immediately after the end of the uncle appointed him minister of chemical industry...
and c)

[ + 31 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136354
 28.11.2016
(Comments to the news about the publication of the list of NKVD employees, with the note that "they are all cowboys!")

YYY: At the domestic level, I often encounter people who claim that their grandfather, grandfather, or grandmother had been repressed on a political basis. And so the USSR is a bloody regime that deserves its own “Nuremberg.” At a closer examination, it sometimes turns out that the whole "politics" was reduced to the banal theft of a bag of grain from a public cage in the year of famine. That is, all the same "I have the right to a hamon!", as is the case with the present.

xxx: In our factory, the archives were collected, we reached the documents for 37-38 years. There were many repressed. I started reading the details of the case, was surprised. In some places, the punishment is very serious.

YYY: Wow, and I’m talking about...

xxx: Well, I found a document that the engineer of the factory was shot and his subordinates in the camps. I started reading the details. Instead of checking the steam car, they went to drink and play cards. The steam car was released without inspection and the boiler exploded, there were victims. The punishment came accordingly.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №136353
 28.11.2016
I study in auto school. Yesterday was my first trip in town. The instructor is a man over 60. I'm not in a hurry on the street, I'm not speeding more than 40 km / h. We go out to the prospectus and the instructor says to me, “Switch to the fourth, hold the turns.” I switched up to 60. Let him be baptized. I didn’t feel well, I dropped a little. I ask :

Is it all so bad?

and no. The church was simply

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136352
 28.11.2016
Worked for a while in the state office - in a way a very convenient place for a student overtime: the salary is socialist, but the training leave is given without problems. In general, we were three in the department – me, the boss and Katya. And it immediately happened that the boss spoke to me in the tone of "we are smart people with you", but Katya he did not especially appreciate, so he did not entrust her with responsible tasks.



After six months it turned out that I actually do half the functions of the manager and somehow quite a lot of the work of the ordinary employee, and Katya only fills in numerous tablets and orders crafts, because she is stupid and will not cope with anything difficult.



In general, in order to understand that the stupid here is not Katya, it took me a lot of time, and to the stories about "I worked a lot, pulled everything on myself and became the general manager" I have been skeptical since then, at least because the deputy general director of that state firm five years later became Katya.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №136351
 28.11.2016
The market. In the middle of the crowd is a man with a dog.

The dog’s waist is so thin, just chewing.

Pulling my wife into this spectacle.

Suddenly the man stops and loudly, to the whole market:

I feed her, I feed her.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136350
 28.11.2016
Wut: He’s under the eight. By the eight, Karl!
Lily is Carl.
Lilita: – Karl – when you can’t say ‘bl@d’!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136349
 28.11.2016
Mike O'Leary: Being a controversial figure, Fidel loved nature. He loves to feed sharks between Cuba and Miami.
Deplorable Michael: Osama bin Laden is a controversial figure, but his contribution to aviation security is unprecedented.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136348
 28.11.2016
XXX: And what will there be in the 3 yotaphone?
It will be smarter than the iPhone 8
zzz: but will be released simultaneously with the iPhone 10

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136347
 28.11.2016
A dozen boards lie on the path by which people go to the store. On the side of the path there is a free space of 20 meters wide. During the hour of work, no one turned and didn't get around - everything went on the usual straight route along the boards.
Then came the cyclist. It miraculously did not fall, moving the boards.

Dick how many people trained - placed boards in the pit to pass was possible)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №136346
 28.11.2016
I am saddened: the cat has learned to urgently stop screaming when I approach...

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №136345
 28.11.2016
About Tuesday or Wednesday, I saw a man in the business room who literally ran into the store and said loudly from the threshold: “I need a perforator.” I wrote about this post in the social network. The first comment: "Well, and how has he been in a hurry, until Saturday still a little time!".

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136344
 28.11.2016
I didn’t expect to miss our military films so much. It seems that since the time of the “Brest Fortress” (which, as if in general Belarusian) nothing good looked, and then understood that it does not seem, and so it is.

I will start with feelings. It was very unusual. I don’t know what the domestic cinema has done to me, but I’m not accustomed to good war films. It seemed that it was about to start a joke about the breasts, about the good Germans, and about the chicks of the Soviet commanders. But the minutes of the movie passed, and it didn’t appear. And only by the second half I was able to forget all the shit that was filmed by our Bandarchukomi and Mikhaloskaromi, and finally, to immerse myself in the storytelling with a clean head.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136343
 28.11.2016
Normal people are somehow deeply upset whether they will celebrate the New Year or not.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136342
 28.11.2016
Washed - dressed - dry hair. Simple scheme, what is incomprehensible?

Well, for example, I understand that your hair is very short. It would be below the pot - you would also have become clear that in the scheme, dressed with wet hair - all the clothes are wet - went to dry, dried the hair, now you have to dry the blouse, jeans, trousers, and a shirt.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136341
 28.11.2016
I suddenly understood English grammar in 9th grade as a mathematical representation of Russian. And since then instead of "between 3 and 4" began to have a solid five.

You are good. Do you share the function equation with the rest?

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136340
 28.11.2016
aaa: And the words "played" are not in the Russian language, because the postfix -is- in the reversal form of the verb is nothing more than a "self-setting". It would sound strange "to lose yourself", don’t you think?

bbb: That is, it’s stupid to say ‘the dog bites’ because it would mean that it bites itself? :o) (Well, and even more wildly it sounds "I do not sleep" – because "sleep"-that is an unpassing verb!)

Ccc: I can’t help but smile.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №136339
 28.11.2016
I watched extreme sports on YouTube 15 years ago and modern. It feels like everything has become easier before trying not to kill yourself.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136338
 28.11.2016
Hi to. No good times of day. Hello and greetings, and respect expressed, and health wished. And not to penetrate.

Funny beginning of your letter.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №136337
 28.11.2016
I forgot something, by the way, you go to the shit, well in my sense, you go to the concert?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №136336
 28.11.2016
I fantasize about men. As always. I imagine a man sitting in a decree with two children. My wife works. And here, she comes home, say, at eight o’clock, shakes his son and sits down and looks at the TV. Or he goes to drink beer with his friends, and then comes back at twelve.

A man who sits with two (three, five, etc.) children, prepares, leads their clinic and so on, everyone claims that he looks bad. The press is like that. He walks around the house in stretched trainers, not in strings. The haircut is done once every six months. I have broken up, Carro.

And the wife is already looking at colleagues, with whom she is much more interesting to communicate than with a man, who tells only about what news in the playground. Then she leaves, and makes a lip certificate of income, so that the alimony is not paid, and the children remain with her husband. Who will run out as he wills. Who needs two children?

If you know a lot of such cases, you can safely say that in Russia full gender equality and pheninism have triumphed.”

c) Leda Garina

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna