People who come and smile in the morning.
Be more serious!
I tried to repeat this this morning, but as a result, my facial nerve was stuck (

The following conversation took place at the cafe:
One cappuccino please.
Ordinary milk?
In a joke I say:
On the cow.
There is no cow. There is ordinary, soy and almond.
I breathe :
As usual please.

Fish has a beneficial effect on the cerebral cortex. Therefore, idiots sometimes need to be lazy.

xxx: I had a swimsuit under my ass, which was fixed under my buttocks with rubber. Standing at the stop, I calmly let go of the gases waiting for the route. A second after 45 came almost empty "gaze", I confidently loaded in it and sat down with my back to the driver. As soon as I opened the jacket in order to get the money, I understood what a real silent betrayal was.I realized with bitterness how the dirty broke out of the jacket and began to fill the salon. Feeling helpless - you can not escape, the shelves are closed, sit down, aggravate the situation even more.

It was more than fifteen years ago.

A woman came in the street and asked if I wanted to go through a social survey. In general, I passed it in two minutes, standard questions - age, education, approximate income and other labia.

Then I was told that I was suitable for the next stage and whether I had an hour and a half time now. I had free time, there was nothing to do, so I agreed to continue. A woman led me to the coffee shop, a minute walk, and hand in hand to a cute girl. There was almost no one in the cafe — me, the girl and the boring bartender behind the bar. Then I was informed that one of the breweries was going to expand into the market and they are tapping the ground to conquer the market. And now they are conducting a social survey to adjust actions.

In general, I was served with several varieties of beer, the bartender on the "team" of the girl brought another glass of beer. and my task was to taste the foam drink and describe its organoleptic properties - pros and cons. Therefore, it was necessary to express your wishes that could be improved.

Further to evaluate provided their advertising posters, audio advertising, bottle labels - another advantages and disadvantages, and what can be improved.

It all took a little more than an hour. But, I was drunk with beer, provided with a brilliant and humorous girl for a conversation, gave presents (a pen, an opening, a barrel), gave "on the road" three bottles of cold beer in a branded package and paid 1000 rubles.

It is a pity that this happened once, not every week afterwards.

The ancient Greeks invented orgies, and the ancient Romans began to bring women there.



Yyy: The perverted ones!

Xxx: Dating is literally a sex interview where everyone hides previous work experience, and some have not even resigned.



Yyy: Some come with no experience, but they portray themselves as specialists.



Zzz: It’s hard to find experience, even if no one takes an internship.

Xxx: guys, why did we abandon the socks after kindergarten?



Yyy: Niko did not refuse. My wife was warm. The men first crushed and rusted, and then I look at one, then the other in the pants.

So when I came in socks with a belt, no one was surprised. I'll be quietly teaching the strings.



Zzz: Tell me, you work in Rostelecom, right?

If a fool doesn’t try to help you, it’s a real help.

In 1916, when the U.S. debated whether America should join the First World War, lawmakers from Nebraska proposed their bill. It is necessary to hold a national referendum and every person who voted to participate in the war would immediately become a volunteer and go to the front.

The difference between a prostitute and a wife is that a prostitute for your money does your desires, and in marriage for your money you do the desires of your wife.

My father had a worker at work. His father ordered him to build a staircase. He managed quickly. He said, “It is ready.” His father said, “Okay! Now go up the stairs.” Swarmy replied, “I’ll probably try it again!”

The following conversation took place at the cafe:

One cappuccino please.

Ordinary milk?

In a joke I say:

On the cow.

There is no cow. There is ordinary, soy and almond.

I breathe :

As usual please.

My acquaintance had:

There were five brothers and sisters. One of them lived in Moscow, bought an apartment for Vernadsky. Then he dies and the apartment remains for the brothers and sisters, because there were no children. They decide to surrender the apartment, and the money is divided as follows: a month to one, a month to another, etc. In order not to shake up with the documents, they design the apartment for one of the sisters. After the design, she masks everyone with pencil, sells the apartment and no longer communicates with relatives 🤷

Xxx: It seems that in the 90s there was a popular series about Marianne. So in us one marginal family decided to call her daughter Marianne. In the council barely answered, and Marianne would have died.



Yyy: You know, with the name Zdechli in principle no names will sound good.



Zzzz: Dasztobwy is a good name.

XXX: Continuation about the oligarch-histeric⁠⁠...who I worked as a secretary for almost a year.



In general, the work could have been interesting if the oligarch had not been so hysterical. It looks like an adaptation of "The Devil Wears Prada" of the Russian spill. Of the differences - eternal matyugs + we did not run anywhere, for this there were couriers and drivers. The secretary’s task is to sit in the office 7 days a week from 10 to 10. It is best not to go anywhere, even to the toilet. The schedule is respectively interchangeable. But we didn’t answer the calls at least at night, but his personal assistant was on the line 24/7.





of occupied tasks:



- To arrange for a balloon tour in France (the oligarch rested there with his family).



Looking for lost glasses in France. Everything was done by telephone, but considering that the boss only visited the hottest places, there were no special problems: it was necessary to just call all the stops on the list of movements. In a restaurant, she disappeared and was found.



- Order in Switzerland a platinum clock suspension (the old broke). Long to find out what are the delays and how it is called in French. Whether it was from Switzerland or from Monaco, it was necessary to get a passport for a suitcase that stood like a kia ria. The oligarch forgot this passport in the store, and without it it is not enough.



Find the discs on his porch. Those that were no longer released. Definitely only two. 4 is no longer suitable - I didn't want to overpay. We called all possible sellers and even wrote to the factory. But here is the breakdown: the disks were found, but the guy gave only a set and refused to divide.





In general, for a man who had a dozen cars (including Maybach and Mazerati), several houses (on Rublevka, in Switzerland, in Maya), he was surprisingly greedy. He was always afraid that he would be fooled. Everyone was suspicious, from business partners to the cook. To monitor us, he even installed a camera. Or suddenly we disassemble passies during working hours.



And coffee from the coffee machine employees can not - it was predestined only to the oligarch and his businessmates. Moreover, in the Moscow office, 10 people worked from the force, all the others were on Sakhalin. But our separate task was to chase the office plankton from the royal coffee. Therefore, when the oligarch was absent, and colleagues looked into the reception room with the question "can?“We always answered, ‘Finally!’ Take it with you and put it in your pocket.)





He was also very good at saving. The salaries of secretaries. We had half the official and half the premium. When dismissed, only the official part was paid. This is how a dozen secretaries will be fired in a year - and you can buy new glasses.

I am 17 years old, my first love. Camomile, butterflies and other romantic shit that usually happens in puberty.

And despite the fact that the hormones take down the roof, I realized one thing in my life right away: my safety is my problem. So I immediately worried that by the time of X, I had a condom. So he lay in his pocket and waited for his hour.



What could go wrong?

My mother, unfortunately, a lover of shaking on my personal things finds a condom and the following happens:

1st I am immediately accused of being a prostitute and will end my life on the panel.

2nd Mother goes to the boy’s parents. “Either you give the grandmother and we don’t write a statement, or let your son throw away that prostitute.”



I’ll say so, years later, I understand why the guy’s parents were openly against our relationship after that.

Of course, all relationships are gone. I was classified as a prostitute on all sides, and so I gained a “reputation” solely for my desire to be “safe.”



Not always the actions of parents are adequate, there are parents so frozen that children count days to leave the father's home.

As a result: you should not label the children, sometimes they themselves are very even "enchanted" by the actions of their relatives.

I also have a good memory on my faces. I was 16. I met a girl. After a while, I realized we had met somewhere before. I asked him what school he was in, he said. I am in 197th. It doesn’t coincide... But somehow we didn’t get together and in a month we broke up. At the end of the 10th grade, he began collecting photos for an album. I took a photo from 2nd grade and recognized it among everyone. I decided to call her. Yes, she studied with me until 3rd grade and then we went to different schools.) I was surprised, but I didn’t remember my school days. Another case was - as a child, my friend and I walked through the park, we were stopped by two older boys and picked out the little stuff. After 40 years I came to a new place of work and among the collective one of them was that “the thief.” Not thinking long, I said I remembered everything. He turned away, then approached and apologized for the past, gave me a pack of cigarettes and asked not to tell anyone about the case. Then we made friends with him.



YYY: How evil you are. I remember the guys who tried to print money from me on October 20, 1998, at 15:37, and you remember it 40 years later.



XXX: That is what I am.) This colleague once said - эх, where to get the money to upgrade the car. I reminded him – Go in and into the park, you know how to do it.



Fuck you are toxic.

xxx: I found myself in a hotel, turned on the telephone, and there is a Marvel movie "Shan Chi. The Legend of the Ten Rings. The episode where the protagonist tells a friend that his name is Shan, and she tries to repeat.

The Hero: Shan

My friend: Sean

The Hero: Shan

My friend: Shen

The Hero: Shan

Advertising by Ashan! The channel shows Ashan's advertisement for 5 seconds and then releases the movie.



yyy: Perfectly Integrated Advertising

One man installed a special system to prevent his dog from escaping the site: a fence with sensors and a necklace. The essence of the device is that when approaching the fence, the collar begins to feed. If the dog runs out of the boundaries, it will be hit by a weak current discharge.

Every morning the dog approaches the fence, the collar begins to feed, the dog waits for the sound in the collar, the battery does not sit down and runs away.