I propose a tax on non-smokers. Judge for yourself: from smokers - a huge amount of money in the budget from the sale of tobacco products. In addition, smokers who die earlier than non-smokers will save money from the country’s Pension Fund. Non-smokers are the only losers.
Please consider my proposal!

My daughter went to my grandmother in the summer. She is 5 years. He helps in the farm.In the evening he meets his sheep, the shepherd of which is chased by the shepherd to the beginning of the street, and then who is where they run.Since sheep are stupid creatures by nature, they are met with pieces of bread, or they can run past the house."Your" sheep are recognized by the attached bright clothes of a certain color. They have pieces of bread, others are driven away (bread is not enough to feed everybody))) The daughter likes to meet sheep. Every evening she gets her bread and runs to her sheep, gives them pieces of bread, and they run after her to the yard. But someday, Aries Borke, something didn't like in the behavior of the girl, and he began to push the daughter in the back. It pushes her to fall, waiting for her to jump up and run away. He pushes, he pushes again. A grandmother runs to save her granddaughter. granddaughter to her. A few steps before the grandmother moves on to the strut step, smashing the hand of the sludge and tears, gives out:

Grandma, where is Grandpa? Let’s cut it off to the fucking mother!! to



Grandma is a teacher of Russian language and literature. To say that she lost her jaw is not to say anything.)))

When I was 15, I wanted to go to the sea to rest, but there was no money to travel. I decided to earn them. I bought a newspaper with ads and started looking for a low-skilled job. I found a suitable ad. I called. I was invited by the manager of one of the shops. I needed a truck.



I was small, but not stupid. The head of the warehouse assured me that the first week to work for free, but then will be paid money. Oh a miracle! I’m going to be charged, and I’ll be paid for it! It is incredible! He will only give money at the end of the month, just like the rest of the workers. He sent this “non-companion.”



I go home sad. Walked on foot (approximately 14 blocks to the house). By the edge of the ear he heard a man standing on the street and loudly spoke to the phone: "Have you gone to hell! I will find another assistant. Go on! “” I don't know what bothered me, but I approached that same man and actually asked for helpers myself.



He agreed that he would pay every day. I started working the next day. Started very early in the morning. I woke up at five in the morning, drank tea, made sandwiches and left the house before my parents woke up. The work was simple, but very difficult: it was necessary to pull the solution, to pull the sand, to pull the cement, to pull the bricks, to pull the boards... It was necessary to pull a lot of things.



Started the concrete mixer at half-seven. From three o’clock we had a break. The master went somewhere, and I rested right on the building. By the end of the first week, I learned to sleep on broken boards. By the way, daytime sleep recovered well. Even going through hell was impossible. Then they continued to work until six and separated. Every day I had 250 rubles in my pocket. Sometimes I earned 300 (if you were delayed). In a year and a half, I went to the sea. It was the hardest money in my life. Even before the sea I got a smooth chocolate thistle. The palms represented a layer of muscles. I never thought that another mosquito could form under the mosquito.



It was then that I learned to value every ruble. I was very sorry to spend the money earned afterwards and mossels. That summer, I realized that I didn’t want to work this way all my life and I needed to go to the universe. No matter where. Work with your head, not your hands.



Since September, I’ve been trying to study like I’ve never studied before. That was when I got a real incentive to learn.

When I was a child, I had hamsters. fruited above measure, for which they were occasionally hunted, and planted in different aquariums: females in one, males - in another, respectively. This gave me food for reflection: the females began to fight, and in the end, the two simply bite. The males, after a couple of days of celibacy, began to actively curl each other in the bats. As a result, a few of the smallest and weakest died: the intestines rose from the buttocks. Yes, the females eventually started with lesbians.



In the summer, I took them to the house. There I allowed some especially obedient people to walk: I let them go, in the expectation that they would return. They returned. One (I called him Bublik) was a truly deserved veteran: he was constantly in history, but managed to survive. He did not have the left eye (he fell into the mouse), and both ears were broken into the slats (it was already rattled on the moths of the dacha). On his back he had a couple of seals, which seemed to be scars (it was he who met the courtyard cat).



As a child, I had to eat caffeine pills (low blood pressure was), so these wheels I always had a breakdown (in the class I was like a dealer). When I got home, I saw a package of pills. There was no pill. The bubble reached the package - and dragged it to himself in the cage. In short, that evening he was stunned more than ever: all night he was jumping in the wheel, scratching his legs, like a natural racing horse. From time to time, he fell out of the wheel, drank from the drink for a long time, after which he fell on his side, and shaken in convulsions for a couple of minutes. Then he jumped, and again on the wheel. By the morning he calmed down and I thought he would sink – no! He fell asleep and began to crawl through the cage. After a couple of minutes, I pulled out the slice: a piece of the pill, under-eaten the day before - and tasted it deliciously. Since then he has become a caffeine addict. Because of this, he became the real alpha male of the entire hamster herd, having bite everything that moved within reach and what could not. in rare moments when I didn't throw him another pill - he was wildly irritable, and against this background - he tempted the cat heavily (he had to take to the veterinarian, sew his foot and cheek). The cat then nodded from him at the corner.



He died not so epic, but extremely bloody: he came out of the cage for an evening promenade, and I, not noticing this bastard, entering the room, closed the door. His back was under the door (in the gap between the door and the floor). When I went out, the door clogged, so I pushed it harder. At the bottom, something crumbled, and the hamster fucker was blotted with a half-circle at the entrance to the room.



Blessed the whole apartment.

I was 15 years old, I went to my girlfriend for her birthday, but something went wrong with my girlfriend, the fever rose, the girl got sick. Well, I sat for half an hour for decency and went home. I go in and I hear this - ah, ah, oh, oh. Okay, I quietly closed the door, went to the kitchen, made tea, sat in the corner, drink. Here I hear running, laughing in the hallway, flying up into the kitchen, red like crabs, sweating, breathing like horses after races, well, though not naked - mom in a coat, father in families. And here I... They stopped, the eyes opened, the hair stood inviting.

What are you doing here?

I drink tea.

- Oh, and we slept, slept, got up, decided to drink a cup.

We pour ourselves, we sit in silence, we drink, my mother tries to bring the breath in order, my father looks at the ceiling.

I sat down for a moment, went, I say, to sleep. As I walked out into the hallway, I heard a breath of relief.

One day after lunch, my grandmother looked at me for a long time and finally said:

You are not so terrible.



Thank you grandmother, life has become much more fun.

Pessimists immediately marry full women, so as not to be disappointed.

The New Year's Adventures of the Cat.

For some reason it is believed that the most suitable name for a cat is Vaska. I do not know. Among the cats I know only one. And that not entirely. Not exactly a cat. But formally yes. And so – no.

There was a New Year's event with Vasks in one office. Whether gas drivers, or oil producers, or maybe even gold miners. Two young men from the office were returning from a six-month long journey. Before the New Year. It looks like the movie geologists, if you look above the collar. Beards, mouths airy with northern thinning. You know the north, right? Unlike the South, only oil is washed if rubbed with sand.

The costumes were dotted with cravates. And it must be said that working in the fresh air exclusively contributes to the development of the muscle frame. Dresses with T-shirts on the shoulders. Why in the figures is indiscriminacy and fear. So that the clothes do not break up in joy. In the airplane, a liter of CO was eaten to the bottom - that an elephant was crushed. But there is smell. and cognac.

They came back before the new year. Right in Domodedovo, in the old yet, and maybe Sheremetyevo is also not new. The drivers had to meet them. Slots anyway. But they forgot to call in a hurry, or if there was anything else in the dispatch. did not meet. We hired a taxi. One sat in front, the other, clearly from behind. There was a passenger in the car. A boy in the corner.

- Son what, - the driver asks, who is in front of the castle, - took a ride with him?

No, the driver is not my son. The boy was at the airport. Third day in turn. They tried to surrender to the militia, one time escaped, the second little that escaped and bitten everyone there and scratched. He says nothing about himself, fleeing, looking out of the shelter. His name is Vasco.

Both of the passengers, Vaskoy. As a cat.

“You are the shit cats,” the boy reacted, “and I am Vasily.

These beards are even stronger.

- Don't be offended, boy, go with us, we will introduce you to this Cat. We are now in the office for a party, we have a tree there, the artists with Cobson, the Cat is there too. You will like each other. What if the boss takes you back to the airport?

and took. Meet the cat. The cat is not a real cat. And the entire director. And what they call him like the Cat Vasco is just friends. This is Vasily Ivanovich Cat. Vaska Cat liked, he took the boy home, to meet the new year. Cat one, Vaska one, two more fun to celebrate the new year. Almost thirty years ago.

Now one of the worries is not what it would be in retirement, what a pension at sixty-five - a man in full blossom of strength, a hundred-fifty lying bump. But on a trip, a cat moves in his place. Vasily Vasilyevich Cat, son of the Cat. A graduate of some prestigious institute, whether in oil, gas, or diamonds in general. No, I know exactly which one. I know the real name, but I don’t know. Everything happens on Christmas and New Year, if you believe it. If you don’t believe it, even more. But less often.

An intelligent man runs for beer through the ranks of the workers.
Where are you going, glasses? The workers shouted to him. Do you see the working class standing in line?
What a working class you are in 70 years of no revolution!

When I first looked at the matrix at the age of 9, it made a big impression on me.

Everyone in school asked each other what kind of pills would you choose? And of course everyone said red, it's so cool shooting, fighting.

At the age of 15, after reviewing it, I thought to the hell this boring and boring life I was against the system, exactly red!

Now I am 25 and recently I revised the matrix again, and even without thinking I realized that well in the ass all this, of course blue, I want to eat deliciously watching the series with my wife and to hide with friends, and not that’s all that’s in the movie. Let me lie in the water with a hole in my neck.

The next day he asked this question to a colleague, he was 32 years old.

He said that he would not even go to the morphine, he needs to take the child from the kindergarten, pay the mortgage and in general in a week he has a vacation.

Question: 40 years old, how are you doing this?

My friend works in a small provincial town as an ambulance doctor. They have this practice: if the patient requires a complex, but not very urgent operation, he is taken by car to Moscow, to go at 7 a.m., so it is quite acceptable. Naturally, it is an ambulance and naturally, doctors accompany it. They usually go to the capital fast and without stops, and back already relaxed.

One day a brigade of doctors returned from Moscow; the patient was taken away, in Moscow they stayed for a couple of hours - and back. They have been there for a long time and everybody wants to eat. They stopped at the street grocery store, the driver and the police officer closed the car, and my friend went to order something. It was empty in the tavern, but when the service staff, consisting exclusively of representatives of the southern republics, saw a doctor coming to them, in the form very strongly resembling the form of the staff of the sanepidemnadzor, there was no one left. Turning the chairs and jumping out of the windows, the cashier, the cook, the cleaner and the rest rushed away.

After a little thought, the brigade decided not to eat here, but to look for something with more confident staff.

I ordered at the Ural factory an electroplate, sent a package with a charged payment. I came to pick up after work - and here is the day of issuance of pensions... There are no electronic tickets and 1 window is working. Pensioners receive pensions, without counting over, put them in their wallets and leave. It is my turn - there are 1415 rubles. (cost of the package + transfer) I give 1500. The price is 85 rubles. 1 to 2 rubles. I think - the turn bucht - type you that do not trust the Russian Post??? I recounted, I calmly say - 8 rubles are missing. I silently poured 8 coins for 1 ruble. I take the package, I go under the grave silence of pensioners (I think they have shaken their trust in the Russian Post).

The two meanings of “a man who was betrayed” and “a faithful man”

Listen, it went well. – Our director said, looking at the printing of the presentation I wrote. - Laconic, all in essence, without any mute. Written by myself?

by Sam. I stumbled.

I did not expect, to be honest. My boss shrugged my head. Where did you learn so much to express your thoughts?

I answered something distracted and uncertain and went back to my desk. And I wondered myself – but really, where did I get such a longing for shortness?



And then I remembered how my dad and I went on a telephone conversation with my grandmother, who lived in Kazakhstan and was going to visit us for the New Year. I was 8 years old. My dad and I took six trolleybus stops, walked a mile and sat on a bench at the post office for half an hour. Then, standing with him in a tight telephone cabin, I listened to a long dialogue about air tickets, the country’s economy and the health of our numerous relatives.



Finally, when the paid minutes were over, Dad gave me a phone call to say hello to my grandmother. I told her how I was doing at school. And finally I heard from her the question for which I generally agreed to this journey:

Grandchildren, what do you bring as a gift?



Turn around. Half a minute of strength remains. I have no money with me. My father whispered loudly in my ear.

And then I realized that in thirty seconds I would have to explain somehow to my 60-year-old grandmother what a dendy cartridge with the game “Battletoads and Double Dragon” is.



In general, I have a shame on words from wherever I come from and everything else. From childhood.

I live on the fifth floor and periodically bombarded by the fact that you have to turn on the lighting in the entrance. My neighbor shuts him off on the staircase. It motivates savings.

I decided to put a screw to turn on the light. I sit down, eat and cry out at the entrance. I go out and see my neighbor in the dark. He fell, poor man, and broke his hand... Saved.

I sit with my kids in the kitchen. They have dinner, I have eaten and I have a beer.

The phone call. A friend of my wife asks me to call my faithful friend. I answer that, say, she left to visit her mother, and did not take a return ticket, so we do not know when she will come back. The young man interrupts me:

I’ll be back tomorrow, Doc.

How do you know?

I called yesterday.

Why did you not tell me?

I did not want to upset you.

Instructions to CEOs: "Fast and cheap is very expensive"

Crisis of Middle Age

He first jumped a parachute at the age of 39.
Something then in a friendly company suddenly turned out that most of the interlocutors in their youth were engaged in the parachute section, who did one, and who - three jumps. I thought, “I dreamed of jumping with a parachute when I was a child. If not now, then when?”
I learned that there is an airport in the Egoryevsky district, which organizes jumps for those who want to do so on weekends. I came to this costume. This pleasure was worth four hundred rubles then.
I thought once and enough. But it did not happen. He was very scared this first time.
Here I am sitting in the plane on a hard metal bench. Under the feet is a reliable floor. You just have to go out nowhere.
Luke is open. And I see there far below the earth, lines of roads, machines - like ants, the forest - like grass, and people can not be seen at all.
And you have to get out of such a beautiful reliable plane just to this very nowhere.
The knees did not tremble. The fear was in the area of the stomach. It is unimaginable! Never previously tried. When he refused to fill his grandfather’s bed in the army, he was less afraid. In fact, it was far more dangerous to health.
And now, I look into that open lookout, and I know that I will refuse to jump now. No one will push me out.
Go back to the airport in the plane.
There are such cases.
Nothing special.
Money will not be returned to me. We were warned about it. Fuck them!
And here I am in this airplane almost decided that I will not jump, but remain sitting on this beautiful bench, grabbed in it with the fingers whitened from tension, and wonderfully so I will sit until the very landing, when the airplane, jumping on the cushions, will ride on the ground runway, and will turn, and the pilots will go out of the cabin to the salon, open my lounge, kick off the railway, miss forward, and the technician will give me a hand, and I will not accept this help, but I will jump out, crossing the railway, on such a wonderful ground, and I will be indifferent - what the pilots, instructors, parachutists say and think about me, because I will sit in the car and be comfortable, and no one will be able to get me here again
Except for myself.
Because I know that there, on the ground, I will swear to myself that I have not jumped. I will look into the sky, which was so close, and I did not take this opportunity to step into this sky.
I will come here again. But next time it will be harder to overcome the fear. Because the road back in the plane I will now wipe out.
That’s how I thought, fascinated looking into the open lounge, and waiting for the team of the issuer.
And in the first round he threw out a truck with a parachute to see where he would take it.
On the second – released a “shooting” parachutist, who is also a “primo”, but has already made several jumps.
I was trembling of fear all that time.
And only then he commanded, “First five to prepare!”
We stood up.
I went second.
He blinked his eyes to the back of the first, so that he could see nothing more, and fell right behind him.
But the instructor, holding his hand in my chest, held me.
He looked out first, his parachute opened, and only then said to me:
I went!
I ticked my hand toward the open hole behind which there was nothing, and asked:
There there?
He laughed and sneered.
In fact, we were instructed half a day before.
The first men came in and came in. There was no rise. Waiting for the wind to cease.
And from time to time the one, the other instructor gathered all, and told, what and how.
How to go out.
You need to press your hands to the chest, take a step, and compress your legs together.
How to open a parachute.
The dome should be flat and round.
And what to do if his stroke crosses.
In which cases to open a reserve.
How to open it.
How to control the situation during the descent. Not to collide with another parachutist.
How to run a parachute.
How to land.
How to collect a parachute.
They were repeated. But we all listened carefully.

One guy, I remember, asked the female instructor:
What if you forget something?
She shrugged her hand:
There is enough time. You will remember!
Would something suddenly happen?! to
She reassured me:
Nothing ever happens...

And now, in the plane, I asked:
There there?! to
The publisher laughed and sneered.
Breaking his mouth in a silent cry, melting his legs and hands, he fell out of the boat. The flow of air turned so that before my eyes incredibly quickly flashed the field of the airfield, the sky, the forest, the flying plane, again the forest and again the sky.
If I pressed my hands to my chest at the exit and pressed my legs together, I would fall exactly like a drop. And I was scattered. Here is the turn.
I was able to think, “Yoooo... How can I manage something...”
And then I felt the cotton of the opened parachute, and almost immediately the slopes of the suspension system crashed into the perineum.
It was not very comfortable. But it was a support. It was no longer scary.
The engine of the aircraft was removed.
The space that opened up to me was deaf.
I remembered the word “eye” in one of the books. That is, what goes into the eye. What you can look at. This eye was incredibly spacious. The sky was near and around me, and a little lower. It seemed even noticeable that the earth was round.
I turned my head to see more and remember everything.
Because I wasn’t going to climb a parachute into the plane again and feel my stomach shrinking from terrible fear.
I wanted to sing, or just scream. It is normal. Many are so.
Meanwhile, the earth was approaching.
Here I realized that I have long since been downstairs in the megaphone:
The second in the first five. The right side!
I was the second in the top five. And it was I had to pull the right control bean to unfold facing the wind for a softer landing.
In general, it is preferable that the primers always immediately turn face to face with the wind, so that they are less carried away. I may tell you about it later. And as he once wandered and did not listen to commands from the ground.
Now I pulled my right, turned to the wind.
The instructor cried again:
The second in the first five. feet to land.
It is I have to move my legs together, and slightly bend them in my knees.
I followed the team, and I looked down.
The earth is getting closer and faster! And even faster! and more!!
I only had time to think:
and fucking! She is fucking on my feet now!
And she really, she was fucking on her feet! (Hmm... do not replace “fuck” with “shoot” and “fuck” need to come up with what to replace to be as short and emotional)
I fell down. The dome didn’t have to be extinguished – it fell down by itself.
And here I lie on my back, spreading my arms and legs.
I am so good!
So well...
I thought they were looking at me from the plane. They watch before landing and after landing. And my current posture, when I lie down with my legs and hands spread out, means I need help. I jumped up and smoothed the plane with my hand. It should have been done immediately.
Then he assembled the parachute with a "cock", as taught in the instruction, and went to hand it over.
And I remembered here!
I remembered that I went out wrong. I turned around because of that.
After opening the parachute, he did not examine the dome.
That, descending under the dome, did not look - where are the other parachutists, and if there is a dangerous approach to them.
What I didn’t look down, I didn’t go down to another dome. (Al it was in the top five, but I should have seen it anyway.)
At first, I did not hear the command from the ground.
Everything was wrong, and it had to be changed.
In the next two months, he made 14 jumps. Somewhere on the sixth I noticed that there was no fear anymore, and the only thought was to do everything right – and out, and down, and landing. Then, he abandoned this case, but ten years later carried his son there and jumped with him for the company.
Go out on the stream and I can now.

As taxes to pay, it is from anywhere in the country, and as a place to get in the kindergarten, it is by register.

3 months ago she moved to Russia after 13 years of life in Seattle and its surroundings. In Russia she studied, but never worked, and in America she studied in the universe, and worked in corporations. What I remember about how Americans learn:



1st There is a very short distance between teachers and students. This means that the teacher can be called simply by name, and you can also ask the stupidest questions and he will answer you. You can eat "Doshirak" (in America the brand "Cup Noodle") right behind the barrel or put your feet on the barrel. The teachers are not insulted.

2nd The textbooks are super-interesting, with pictures and lots of colorful schemes. In the textbooks there is little water and the maximum of useful information and all in simple words. Everything is essentially chewed to the smallest details and gradually written. For me, as a foreigner, it was very complicated.

Three It can be deducted for writing.

4 is Works and all "courses" when checked by teachers are passed through a special program that seeks plagiarism. I got in one day.) But I was “green” then and I didn’t know about it. I was very embarrassed and I didn’t do it anymore.

5 is What is interesting, when you distribute proven works, they are placed on the front side down, so that others do not see what you have been placed. The type of thing you have to choose whether to disclose your assessment or not.

6 is Some teachers on especially difficult subjects evaluate work on the so-called. “The curve.” This is when the best work (even with mistakes) is taken for 100%, and the rest depends on how far they have gone from the best.