bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №106234
 02.12.2014
Mother shares the impressions of the gifted car registrar:
M: I’ve been with him today, he’s cool, he talks, he tells me where the mints are. Only I can't get rid of the thought that he and my voice are recording, I'm still singing there, singing, talking to the car... and now we will buy a phone, there Yandex.
You will be the third...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №106233
 02.12.2014
Instead of paying so much money to a lawyer, it would be better to buy a couple of witnesses.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №106232
 02.12.2014
Hey Misha, you didn’t have to eat the elephant oats. But I just tried. It was boring in the community, let me think I will fly with a friend for a weekend. It’s done, so you have to go for a meeting. Sally, here suddenly the door opens and his wife declares (she worked as a chef at the Nants). Well, what do you do without a snack, she counted right from the threshold, Jura go down to the garden, I brought two bags of liver with my tongue there. We broke in the bag, there are two bags. I light, so I am the lighthouse, and my friend unleashes my bags. He unleashed, pulled his hand into the bag and got out of there a deer penis, got into the second bag, there is the same nonsense. It was necessary to see his expression of the face, as he stood and in astonishment looked at the deer's reproductive organs, turning them in front of his own nose. Then he with a decisive and outrageous look, holding a member in his hand, decidedly broke home to arrange a break-up. You who, right from the threshold, he said, two bags of uev brought and feed me with them you are going to? My wife also made it, but I immediately guessed where the bags came from. Upon arrival home, during unloading, the bags were confused in a hurry - her bags were apparently caught by someone from the Nance, and she got them. In the hants this delicacy is considered to be here they and their pearls home. In general, she burned us this delicacy, we ate it. No, it looks like a sausage, this is just a hole in the middle.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №106231
 02.12.2014
xxx: Offer of the Customer: "... by design gl.p. Please specify in the contract that you provide us with 2 options at first, if we do not confirm, then you do 3 options. If we do not claim, then the amount for the design NNNN rub. It is excluded from the cost of work and we provide you with a ready-made design. Page of"
YYY: You give me two variants, if we do not approve, then another 3 kg. The Opar. If we do not assert, then we do not pay for the pancakes, but baking ourselves) From your own baking))))))))
And sugar with you will take for simple.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №106230
 02.12.2014
Teacher at the Institute:

I am now rotating in that direction, and the vector of angular speed is rolling out of my head. If you turn in the opposite direction, where do you go?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №106229
 02.12.2014
to this:
Non-existent birds are not glutes!
These sprites are designed to save the resources of the server on which the simulator of the universe we are inhabitants is launched.
A variety of sounds is an embient that has gone into synchronicity with the actions of the characters.
We live in the MMO.
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Sadly, my player has completely abandoned me, and I sleep and get fat without him.

[ + 48 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №106228
 02.12.2014
A friend told him that the faithful woman told him that men can’t do everything that women can do, but they can give birth, for example, breastfeeding, and so on, but women can do everything that men can. He thought, he thought, he said, but you can’t scratch the eggs. In response, she quietly scratched his eggs. This dispute ended.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №106227
 02.12.2014
Found in the Arms Forum:

"The best safety technique is to get older, as far as possible without turning off..."

I agree with all 100.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №106226
 02.12.2014
I am a student. I had to make a youth card in the bank. In honor of the 21st century, you can write a statement via the Internet. I wrote and left contacts. All the works. Technical issues: "We will contact you. We will do it in a month". A month has passed. I call on the mountain line, say, you is a daz (What is das)? There was nothing, we know nothing, create a new one. Oh, and I’m writing for the second time. Again a month of waiting, the call did not pass. I come to the bank with a passport, in 10 minutes my aunt hangs the system in the window, I go to another, in 5 minutes and she hangs the system. I go. At home, I apply for the third time, at the end I attribute (and you’ll understand, I’m a very polite person...I’ve always been...until that moment) "Fuck it already! Please answer me at last!" in the trail. One day a girl from the bank calls and reports that my card request has passed, and in 2 weeks I can pick it up (!After 5 minutes again calls and reports that I already ordered the card 2 months back and she has been waiting for me since September (!). There is no scene.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №106225
 02.12.2014
XXX, I have a story for the movie. Working title "The Matrix: Recursion" There is a large corporation dealing with virtual reality. And here is the corporate office - there are administrators sitting and administering this virtual. And then one of them discovers that they are themselves in a whirlwind and administer themselves.
Yyy There must be a condition for leaving the recursion.
You can just drop the net.
Yyy and all will die.
XXX is gone.
And if you film in Hollywood, they are sitting and admin, and here one of the young admin is robbing a piece of the system. A part of the city disappears from the window.
Xxx A

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №106224
 02.12.2014
And we have the phrase "inette fell"; means that the luster again fell half a bucket of the wire pair, which we have not laid since moving on the plinth.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №106223
 02.12.2014
"we realized that we don’t even know roughly how the object is called"

Very healthy students =)

I remember we had:
The teacher forced him to fill in a checklist - checked whether the students knew the name of the subject.
- the teacher sent to the dean to find out the name of the subject, after the collective mind nobody, including the teaching, could remember the correct name (every year the subject was renamed)
- the teacher wrote the wrong name of the subject - the one that was in the previous semester
When filled in the check-in managed to put the check-in or exam in front of another subject (neither the other name of the subject, nor the other name of the teacher was embarrassed).
No one knew the correct name of the subject—neither the students (which is surprising here), nor the teacher, nor the dean. I decided to use what is more usual.

And this is all with different lectures and not once.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №106222
 02.12.2014
nnn: Daughter (2nd grade) writes composition from the painting "Again a couple":
The painting depicts a wealthy Soviet family".
Why did you decide that your family was rich?! to
- Mom, they have a carpet on the floor, and in a poor family would hang on the wall!
O_O

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №106221
 02.12.2014
Many people drink as if they are afraid that they will be taken to the organs.

[ + 48 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №106220
 02.12.2014
There is justice.
The Sunday. Beginning of the eleventh evening. I stand in a row to the box office, at the Green Cross, because this is the only decent store that operates 24 hours a day in Schmitovsk. The place is muddy, in the house above the store elite housing. Four people again. The first is a grandmother, pulling out of her wallet the last little bit for 2 oranges on a stock for 29 rubles. The next pair is a sports shit from Armani, a man with a silicone girl, followed by a young man very modestly dressed. And accordingly, I. Grandma is chewing, hands shake, anxious, delaying the honorable audience with her excavations. The couple begins to cheer, demonstratively shutting their eyes. Cassircha, a young Asian woman, also demonstrates disregard in all her appearances... Finally, the grandmother scratched her 17 rubles. There are free bags on the box, the packery immediately switched to the basket of Armani pairs, and the grandmother’s oranges kicked. The grandmother is trying to open the bag and put 2 oranges there. I ask the packer to help the man, it’s exactly 2 seconds. The girl’s patience is broken. She begins to whisper that it is only necessary to let the store through the fake control, and below a certain social level not to let it! The treasurer begins to say that after the store joined the veterans support program by May 9 and lowered the prices for some goods, they were "tortured with these disabled people, they are not right"! I say that you will go to your republic and there you will talk like this about your old ones. And then discussing customers is mildly speaking not ethical, about professionalism will be silenced. And then there is justice, and you will not be forever young. I am answered that they have small salaries, and in general... there is no justice. There is an exchange of kindness. All this time the modestly dressed guy stood and listened attentively. His turn is right. The couple packed their bags, the grandmother tries to remove the social card from the wallet and leave, the guy asks her to stay. Calls the security guard, calls the administrator. Everyone stands and looks. The guy appears. He was the general manager of the entire network of crossroads. The taxpayer was fined 5 trillion. The manager and the packager at 3.5. I asked my grandmother to go with the guard, take a cart and buy everything she needed. At the expense of the punished.) Then I asked the employee to bring my grandmother home with the shopping. While he will be in the neighboring cafe to drink coffee, the administrator will come to him with the FIO number and the contacts of his grandmother, who will bring food for 2000 p. every week for a month. I ask for what? He said for indifference and active civic stance. ))) All three rounds in the box office just slid through... and justice is there!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №106219
 02.12.2014
Winter has arrived. Women are hiding in nurses.

[ + 40 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №106218
 02.12.2014
As an example girl, I helped my mother in the household from 10 years, and not only dust once a week from the family crystal to wash. And when I was 12, my mom was operated and her cats were forbidden to lift anything, no loads, etc. So and carpets, and drawers, and curtains, and clothes to wash, paint and smooth all I. And the garden under my mother's guidance, carrots, onions, potatoes planted and crushed, I want to live. In the forest, she collected apples, pears, cleaned the vineyards, cooked the strawberries.
And it was in the famine of the 90s, and my dad was earning half a year for a thousand and a half worths.
So boy, girls, when prepared, can do anything.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №106217
 02.12.2014
XXX is Blythe! Where is my pizza?It is :((
I have your pizza. I want a million dollars and a helicopter. If I don’t get the ransom in an hour, I’ll start sending it to you in pieces!

[ + 30 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №106216
 02.12.2014
My mother worked on three jobs, two of which were cleaning in private houses and apartments. The father reproached her that she “served” someone, that such a work was humiliating. He was sitting at home. To what my mother replied, "If I need to feed my children, I am ready to go to the panel, but I will not let them starve. andquot;
What do you say?
— — — —
Can I say it with respect to your mother?
In those years it was very difficult for everyone. It was not only necessary to extract coins for the maintenance of children, but it was also impossible to buy something. And the re-evaluation of values occurred most powerful. A father who was accustomed to some status was also difficult to break himself and go to a less prestigious job. Men break difficulties more often than women. But the most important thing I want to say is that your mother did not go into prostitutes!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №106215
 02.12.2014
I drink a poison.
Suddenly you want to die.
The Last Strength
Honey prolongs life
© yv@n.©ff

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