As soon as I begin to talk about God, I feel like someone’s hand is stretching to my wallet.

One night there was a fire in the neighboring house. Police, firefighters and ambulance. I went with my daughter to look at it - it turned out that the fitness club on the first floor was burning. The 12-year-old daughter looked at the smoke clubs and calmly said:
Someone burned too many calories!

The fact that the country’s leadership knew everything in advance is confirmed by the fact that even a month before the crisis they banned blasphemy.

I, I and only I know how to save the resource from death! Quotes are sent by people with an IQ below 110 units. Also, people with an IQ below 110 units are physically unable to learn their native language at a level that allows them to write without mistakes. It is enough to turn on the spelling, syntax and punctuation filters, so that click, troll and other "ololo" went into the RO custom mode so loved by the users :)
Five or seven years ago, I tried to read the resource alone or at home, so that because of the laughter, the reason for which is not everyone understands, not to be taken for a miserable. Now I boldly open a page at meetings: the emotions I experience from viewing quotes, colleagues take for concerns about holding affairs.

Funny review of the application in the market.
Super I don’t know how I’ve done before without this app. Now you don’t have to constantly look at the website if the trolley bus is coming soon. The phone reminds me that it is time to go out! And in general, I noticed that as I started using this app, it became less irritable, the career went up the mountain, a girl appeared and the hair became soft and silky!

Can you have an accountant at your disposal?
222 - is
......
222: - Although the weather, I'll call him right away, it seems he's already out.

WannaCry got a name long before we met. In principle, they have the right to demand.
The Russian language appeared slightly before the appearance of Belarus, Moldova, Kyrgyzstan and Ukraine. And your claims to the language can be removed.
– – – – –
Again, they will say that the Jews are all to blame ;-) The Russian language originated from Sanskrit, and such purely Russian names as Ivan, Mary, Peter are Jewish. Not everyone understands humor, but I risk.

Yes, I would rather survive post-apocalypse than in this crumbling civilization!!! to

I’m waiting for the new year to sleep. It’s 12 and I’m going to sleep.
Go to sleep on January 1 at 00:00 and wake up on January 10 and 12.
11 to get yourself in order and 12 to work.
A modern fairy tale about a sleeping beauty...Russian women.

My mother is a teacher of higher mathematics at the university. I gave the students a control on derivatives. Then check the work of a student from Turkmenistan. Clean white sheet of paper, above the name and name and accurately written: The table is arbitrary.

The Beer. One of the bartenders, passing by in non-working hours, from the store, decides to look around to say hello to a colleague and everyday people. Among the purchases is a bowl with eggs, which is placed on one of the tables.
One of the everyday people comes in, sees the pot, begins to joke out of anger:
What is it? Who put your eggs here? How not ashamed? Remove your eggs right away!
It’s not mine, it’s Slavica!
“Slavik, take off your eggs from the table!
They are not eggs.
And what?! to
These are chicken fruits!

There is an ancient Chinese curse: What would you live in the era of change... Which form has cursed my country?? to

Holmes, why do you think the Ukrainian army, which has been bravely fighting with the Russian army that has captured Donbass for six months now, is not trying to recapture Crimea?
This is elementary, Watson. In fact, there is a Russian army in Crimea.

This
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And if the thief Serdyukov, the maniac Chikatilo, the Kushchevka bandits and other law-breakers suddenly announce that they are oppositionists and liberals suffering from the bloody regime, will you also go to rallies in support of them?
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Fantasing is good, but the fact that at the time of committing their crimes, Serdyukov and the Kushchevs were members of the EP where to go?

Talk to my wife tonight:
Have you bought the cola?
I: So you went to the store.
Q: Why didn’t you tell me I wanted cocaine?

The cat was fed from a pipette.When he was a kid, he used to sleep with his husband on his neck. Now this 7-kilogram monster sleeps partly (with a tail) on my husband's neck, partly (mordy) on me. And it would be nothing, his whirlwind is strengthened, his moisture is elevated... but before going to bed he injects all the washes near the house, and is terribly offended that his beloved is driven out of bed...

The Unforgettable University:
So, ladies and gentlemen, we take the notebook, open and divide the page into two halves. On the left you will write your version of translation, on the right - the correct one.

20:48 The Russian Federation Council intends to recognize the transfer of Crimea to the Ukrainian SSR as illegal: it was a revolutionary act
In general, it seems to me that the parliament of Mongolia must now be overthrown, and a law must be passed to abolish the exit of the prince of Moscow from the Golden Horde.

I go to the staff department today.
The cry (third size in a deep decoult) leaned over the table, saying, “Look, my eyes are red?”
I could not see the color. I am a daltonist.

The student girl was wildly confused when a computer science teacher offered her to get rid of the cycle and increase the buffer size.