He was on a business trip to the United States, lived in a small town for four weeks, and went by car to the office every day.

Once we went out in the evening to walk, it was already dark, we made a circle and we had to go to the other side of the street on the light.

Well, I studied the mode of this lighting machine with accuracy to a second, not once I passed through it, I decided to joke. We approach, I calculated the desired lighting mode, and so I pull out my hand, as if with the controller, and, like, I press the buttons - hop, the lighting switch, but the green lighting is lit in the right direction not for pedestrians, but for cars.

I stood so astonished, I looked at the invisible controller, said, it works incorrectly, knocked it on my leg a couple of times and again directed it to the light and op-pa! The lights are already on for pedestrians. "I put the control in my pocket, we go to the appliances.

And in 5 minutes at the apartments we are caught by a police car with an enabled luster.

We spoke with him for 20 minutes, the pockets all showed, he explained, well, as if he understood and believed, and he says to us this:

You don’t joke anymore, three people called us right away.

Calling from an unknown number. I pick up the phone at work.

The voice: Hi We would like to offer you a super-popper treatment program. Massage, acupuncture and analysis. Five days of procedure and absolutely free.

I: Why is it free?

Voice: This is a joint program with the municipality...bla-bla...

I : I understand. When will I start paying my loan?

The Day on the Third...

The asking counsel is not eager to fulfill it.

If the cats come, who else will come? I had a kindergarten surprise once.
We walked somehow with Daddy on the rose, on the forest strip. Suddenly someone slipped out of his feet. Look at a chicken type. In the puff still, colorful, and on the back - so generally stripes, as in the bucket. “The caterpillar!” - immediately identified the dad and said, "Look and listen, somewhere must be the mother with the rest." We were standing, listening, listening – nowhere. They took the caterpillar with them and brought it to the apartment. My mother had a cognitive dissonance, and when he turned off, it didn’t make sense to say something for or against. The birds remained. He was called Prochor.
The peach was rooted without problems: he ate almost everything he was given, even boiled eggs and dried cabbage. I caught him a fly every day, the fly he appreciated. On the balcony he was placed a large cardboard box with a good shell and leaves, in which he went for the night.
Well, he was ugly, of course, but only on the smooth floor! Father, as the chief specialist on training (not just the puppets), in two or three cracks made him understand that from the bed, sofas, carpets, you have to go down first on the linoleum, and then scratch your masterpieces. Unbelievable, but the fact: the prophecy has learned. Here we lie with him on the bed, I read a book, and he, falling to my side, cleans his mouth. Suddenly he stands up, knocks and knocks - jumping from the bed to the floor, planting clay there - and back, to the bed, to me under a barrel.
I loved when a sunspot under the window appears, to sit on a warm floor and chemistry. At the same time, he began to fall to the side, the legs from under him on the smooth floor went to the side, and so he rolled on the side, like a cat of any kind.
And once I come to the kitchen in the morning, I find a picture: Mom is sitting, Prochor is on her knee, she holds a cup in front of him, and he is drinking something from there. Coffee with milk...
But not all cats are mackerel. Prochor had real feathers, and his dad said, “He should be taught to fly. Otherwise, he will not survive in the forest.”
He said – he did. Prochor began training. He strongly opposed bird flight. From a small height, he either simply reluctantly jumped, or intentionally clung to his hand with his nails. The height was increased. Then he stumbled, touching with his nails the hand raised with him, to descend on it down, on his shoulder, and it was not so scary to be breathed from there. No flights were made. And here the prophecy began to grow. “Oh,” said the dad, “then it’s definitely a cock. I don’t know what he did in the woods, but it’s a cock. And once a cock, it is not necessary for him to fly... but to fight to learn - it is necessary!" Must – must be. Training went to Parter. The dust was scratched with the foot, and he attacked her. He did it with excitement and zeal, achieving success. As a result of the success, everyone had to wear two socks on each leg - then there were almost no bleaches.
In general, with good nutrition and proper physical upbringing, after a couple or three months, we had an elegant guard cock of cherry-brown colour, with green and blue feathers in the tail, cheerfully arming at 5 a.m. on the balcony. “Hmm,” said the dad, “but now he needs a chicken!” Dad knows what he says. Needed so much. And from acquaintances from the village was brought a young chicken, the same varied. The chicken was brought in the evening, and Proha had already slept on his cradle in a box. True, the box was no longer on the balcony, so that it did not fly away unintentionally. "The chicken should be planted directly to him now. Then you wake up in the morning as if it was. Otherwise he will beat her,” the father instructed.
In fact, in the morning Proha saw a strange mademoiselle, knocked her only a couple of times on the head, indicating who is the chief here, and the family idyll came. Only in the evening we had to leave until late, and when we arrived, there was complete defeat in the apartment. It seems that the village chicken with a complete lack of manners was trying to find a place for insects. She quietly waved in the bathroom, on the shelf in front of the mirror, dumping everything there stood on the floor. After removing the fragments and wiping out a slice of toilet water, my mother said, “Either she or I.” Prochor and his young wife were sent into exile to the village to the same owner of the chicken.
We were there later, a year later. The dust was mattered, still increased in weight and size, there was only one eye. "Therefore, the whole harem - entirely his, said the master, - he made my cock then almost to death, lost his own eyes, but it had to be cut, so as not to suffer. Strangers are all afraid to go here, although people, even cats, are not talking about neighboring cockroaches at all."
Without much hope for the effect, my mom called him, “Please!” He stumbled, listened — and suddenly the kaak will come to her, running! He ran, we slapped him... The next morning I watched — the father was sitting at the doorstep on the corks, stretching the bread on his palms. Procha someday plunged around, then stumbled on his hand to cling, as before... Although now he was barely fit on his hand and hardly balanced. But I remembered! They say “chicken brains.”
And Proha was an individual, a person of a chicken breed, not worse than a cat.

Together with the Internet, it is necessary to prohibit Russians from looking out the window, because what they will see there will most likely defile the great power.

I took one of my familiar Uzbek taxi drivers on business. They talked. She asks him:

Are you married?

I have two wives!

Oh how! How did you succeed?

and simply. My first wife gave me a daughter and she was told she would not be able to give birth again. One child is too little, especially a girl. I gathered a family council. He proposed to divorce, build a house for them and help them. My wife did not want to divorce and decided that I would take a second wife. The other had to persuade for a long time, but she agreed. We now live on the same plot: the house of our first wife and daughter and our house with our second wife and son.

Is it suitable for them?

Absolutely!

How are you living here alone?

Why alone? Now my first wife and daughter live with me. Soon I’ll go with them home and take a second wife... we’ll have a second child with her.

The case was this summer, the place of action - Estonia, a lake. Datsuing faces - my husband and daughter of puberty age. We walk quietly by car along the lake, in the very center of which a duck floats phlegmatically. The Estonian sometimes blows up. From the back seat there is a heavy breath of the daughter:

The poor duck. I froze her ass in the cold water. Solitary so...

Is someone lonely? Yes, she’s happy, there’s not a single rot around! And most importantly, silence - not distracting from the driving, my husband revived.

There’s no one around – that’s all her sacrifice! I was pleased, and a minute later I added:

In fact, it’s just a duck swimming... The problems here are only with us. Let you understand: my husband works all his free time in Moscow in a taxi and is slightly tired of people, my daughter is 14 years old with all that follows, well, and I love to eat, yes.

In fact, the master in the house is the one who can strain the mistress in the tapes, and he will have nothing for it.

In one office worked a chief of the security service, a great man, a former military, calm, reasonable, but unfortunately not very healthy. Due to deteriorating health, old age, he wrote a statement on his own, and was honoredly retired. Everyone thought that the boss would be appointed by the masters, but no, the boss decided to invite a "professional" from the side. A large enterprise, several buildings, production sites, a sea of equipment, almost a thousand employees, in general, there is somewhere to unfold. And there were, frames of metal detectors, turnikets and electronic passes, video cameras almost in sort, weekly reports to managers who came out and went in at what time, photos from external surveillance cameras with labels who smokes it in the wrong place, and so on. The people were slightly tense, but the conflicts continued, with attempts to inspect bags and bags at the exit, with the disconnection of the internet at workplaces, the ban on the use of cell phones in the offices, and the apophysis of this activity became the order for a full inventory of everything, including in production, with a withholding from the salary "for lack". And all in time unlisted consumers, materials, found themselves in the "fries" of the workers. The city is large, there is a demand for specialists, and a decent welder finds a job within a couple of hours, and a accountant with production experience within an hour. In a month, a man of thirty key specialists wrote a statement, no one counted the various workers, and the personnel department broke up, and ran to the directorate with the suggestion to shoot the shark, or at least to castrate. The director came in, themselves from the production, everyone understands, the chief security officer was kicked out, the former chief was taken in his place, and the staff department rushed to call the already dismissed, and offer fabulous allowances for returning to the native enterprise, and those who wrote a statement, but didn't have time to resign, dropped a premium, and also gave a allowance. It was me to the fact that this story was told to me by a friend who was very upset by the fact that she did not have time to write a statement, and received neither a prize nor a surcharge. In her hearts, the friend said, "That's how it turns out that the more you tolerate, the more.

Have you seen my diamond ropes?
You had no time!
This is exactly!

I sit at home, suddenly the electricity is gone and turns on again. At the door and talking. I open, I see a woman standing, with such a business look, and a man of 50.

Hi, who are you and where are you from?

The woman, the chairman said.

Why are you in the shield, you are an electrician?

I am an electrician.

Yes is? Great I say. How many phases in the HRT, for example?

Silence in response.

The man says three!

I worked in a security firm for a while. I come to work in the morning, and a newly changed manager tells me:



There was an alarm button in a store. Well, I sent the GBR, and I call there myself, suddenly a false call. The cable is not taken. And to me in a few minutes, the guards call back: "Put the challenge as false, and yes, we will write a complaint on our firm." I ask, “Why?” A lady with a dog was walking along the shop. And the dog at some point began to target the corner of the store. The administrator pressed the alarm button and after our arrival convinced us that we should take action. She was culturally sent, offended.”

In the village where I spent my childhood, there was an interesting economic situation. In the center worked a spiral factory. Well, the burdu (residues from the distillation of alcohol) was delivered to the peasants. They fed pigs.

In short, everyone was pleased.

Especially the pigs.

Example as in the world today. The ergonomics are the same - you pour the pigs burdock, and they are satisfied. Buzawa, World Cup 2018, Major 3.

The pigs were usually slaughtered during the holidays.

The previous archaeological layer was used to store the burda. More precisely, the stone basements of previously demolished houses.

At one point in my childhood I fell down. When I played.

Burda was approximately on the belt.

Well, I logically thought they’d be feeding pigs tonight. In the hole will be put a hole. And then I scream:

I am here!

The evening came and no one came. I went, tried to sit - and no fig - in the sitting position of the burd above the nostrils.

And you know why nobody came to the pit to pick up a pig burdock? And not only in the evening. And all night! People were not pigs. They were looking for me!

Are you lucky?

What another! One day after the search, I found drugs that gave me mint.

They did not find!

Belief in a bright future is the belief that we will be taken back from yesterday.

“Once in a Soviet film, Bergman saw a Russian oven where an old lady slept. It made such an impression on him that he built the same in his home on the island of Faroe. Bergman lay on it with a glass of red wine, stared at the sea and meditated.

Did you have any hidden fantasies?
I would like to glue your mouth with Scotch.
M, continue to...
That is all.

It was five years ago. The place of action is a deep provincial city, with a population of 15k people.

A former classmate turned into porn. Photographed by Peter's team. According to the plot, they meet her on the street, continue to get acquainted in the cafe and almost immediately offer sex for money. She agrees and the two guys have her pretty good.

We watched this video (not all, by the way) three. I and two Koreans. One of them is her ex-boyfriend.

After watching, the ex-boyfriend, who was silent before, said, looking sadly at the floor:

I didn’t give it to my ass...

The second, pulling beer:

Well, at least one of our people got out.

A strange 21st century. The eye did not have time to blink - almost 20 years as from a bush.

The bathroom has been broken for a few days. I finally went to see what was there. Not repaired, not repaired. Which woman bursted something in style a couple of times:
Dad can’t...
After a couple of minutes, the daughter (4 years old) comes with a toy - a music phone and says:
Daddy and Daddy! My phone is broken, do it!
I pressed the button, everything worked, nothing broke.
My daughter whispered:
“No, Dad, you didn’t understand. Let’s, as if it broke up like this: the song plays my favorite about the Pony, but not to the end...
and escapes. Mom is so upset (artistically) telling about the breakdown, and that there is hope that Dad will get rid of it.
Then he rushes to me, takes the phone, turns on a favorite song and runs back to his mom:
- Look, Mom, look: Dad fixed it, now it works until the end! This is an engineer! This is a good guy, right?! to