I went to my friend at the car workshop. We sit down, we talk, we drink coffee.
With a thunderstorm and a scratch, a broken "six" enters the gates. From the cabin, a Roma camp will be discharged: Dad, Mom, 5-6 Roma. Someone comes out of the luggage.
“Well, fuck, the Indians have come. It will start now!
I: What will start? Why the Indians?
Friend: - Now you will see how the Indians changed the beaver skins for glass beads.
The main Roma approaches us, shining with golden teeth:
Guys, I would like to change the glue. There is no money, there is a magnet.
My friend: Do you understand?

Are you single?
- No, charged and I want to shoot!

Once I was in college, a class that started at 8 a.m. Many grandparents and grandparents died in that semester. Then I postponed the class for 15 hours. The deaths stopped. This is how, friends, I save lives.

My friend and I worked on HTML websites. Simple business cards for hairdressers, shops, etc. I took a penny for keeping my pants.

Then a business lady came out and called us for a meeting. We met in the dining room of a dull business center, where food is not cooked, but heated. The business center was so terrible that we drove 15 minutes from Tushinskaya. On the bus, and then another 20 minutes walk, through some field in the fierce frost.

They came to the meeting, the first 20 minutes the girl used terms such as “target audience”, “coaching”, “digital revolutionary” and so on. He looked at us like a fool, as a director.

Then she laid before us a few sheets of drawings (a pencil from the hand) and told the essence of the project, so within a month we had to create her a mixture of VKontakte (which just appeared) - youtube and yandex - a global site combining all the other sites, so that each person and business had their own page. The world conspiracy.

We, of course, stumbled on, but we explained intelligently that it was incredibly difficult, long and most importantly expensive. The answer to this question is “%Ui, we work.”

We looked around and asked how the lady was going to pay for development, servers, etc.

What I got the answer:

Are you stupid? You know how much money we get from advertising. That is billions of dollars! I offer you 20% of the profit for development!

And then my friend said, we will definitely take on the project! Only without you! We don’t need you, thank you for the idea.

You would see her face. The number of misses that night exceeded all available limits.

You look at the current heads of the force structures and think: When will he finally acquire the title of a deceased general?

I boarded a subway car. I usually drive at the end of the car – I stand next to the small three-seater benches. And the place in the middle is occupied by a small, but very intelligent look of an uncle with a huge cat carrier, which has solid sticks on the sides and on the sides, and in which sits an impressive look of a black and white cat.

And next to them sits a cute girl in a short shirt and a fun jacket.
The cat immediately became interested in the girl, more precisely, her knees (very tempting by the way), and even more precisely the socks that were on the girl's legs, and immediately pulled his leg to them. The girl does not see harassment — she looks to the other side. The cat pulls the leg, pushing out of diligence the tongue, robbing predatory fingers with the nails.

The owner also got distracted. The cat had almost reached, as the girl saw the hairy scarf and so elegantly, female, turned her knees to the other side. The cat pulled his leg and insulted.

A puppy, not a hooligan. You are a educated cat — polently asked his owner and also moved off the cat car.

I will not tell you about all of the punches, but specifically this copy, in addition to education, clearly had a lot of merits. For example, treachery, vengeance, sabotage, hypnosis, guerrilla, theft and business.

Ponchik understood that it would not burn out with the socks, pulled both his legs out of the front wall of the cage and tried to kiss anybody. Everyone prudently retreated. The cat breathed, released an impressive mocked tail from the catch, and revengefully haired the girl's shirt with black and white wool. After this, he stumbled into a huge black and white mocked ball, put out his ears from the top of the cat car and began to gently look at others.

The girl, unexpectedly asking her uncle, “Can you?” grabbed Ponchik in her ears. The cat covered one eye and said nothing.

Through the station, the beast got bored and began to roll in the cage, crushing the cat owner in addition to the catch. At the shy “Ponchik, no stop,” the cat laughed disgustingly and continued to roll around the cage with a stunned “ego-gay.”

Then the girl got the phone. And on the phone was a mess: a hand-wrapped brush of multi-colored threads. The cat lost the gift of speech. And then he found her and struck the sticks with his whole face, so that his nose and eyes swelled even further from the cage.

O O O O O O O O O O!!! The cat said, “I can’t give you this wonder you can’t love it forever!”! to

The MMM? I did not understand the girl at first.

This is magical!! The cat said convincingly. He thought a little and added, “Cats. Aa to?

The girl smiled, pulled off her handcuff from the phone and asked the cat’s owner, “Can you?” He was upset, the drum: “Ponchuk, how are you not ashamed?” but then sneezed.

The cat was delighted, carefully took the brush with his teeth and immediately hid somewhere deeper in the loaded (or overwhelming, like a kangaroo) pocket. Then he hanged his leg from the carrier and stumbled, suppressing the noise of the subway.

So they drove to the end - the girl smoothed the cat's leg and smiled to some of her thoughts. The owner of the cat just smiled and probably thought that it would be good to buy a deaf carrier with a hole for air and on the wheels. And what Ponchik thought nobody knew, because, anyway, he was an educated cat.

The fiery deputy tribune Yarova: “If we now allow to transfer all senators and deputies, then crime will come to power.” I am embarrassed to note: if senators and deputies are planted, then crime is already there.

I talked to a client of our company. I learned that she has a twin sister. I started discussing this topic, and at some point I jokingly asked the question:



What is the worst thing a twin can do?

Go to porn.



This is indeed a terrible thing.)

xxx: When I was 27, I was taught to debba in GDB by a girl who was 24. She has a driver under Linux Kernel wrote =) Very nice, contrary to stereotypes.

Yyy: Just Sanya didn’t cut her hair then.

Dishonest attention is easily recognized by a silent snoring.

There was the feminist Samantha Brick. She worked as an executive producer on top channels such as MTV. The job was prestigious and highly paid, but she didn't like "glass ceilings", and most bosses were misogyn. She decided to prove to them all that women can do well without men! After all, women are not inferior to men in anything - so why not organize their own company, where only women will be accepted? Smart, capable and career-oriented. They will work in harmony and sisterhood, without any ugly males there.

If a man in Britain tried to organize a company under the slogan “we don’t accept women,” he’t get out of the courts. The company would go bankrupt without having time to emerge, and he himself would be affected by feminists and made a crestomatic example of a dreamy patriarchal misogyne, after which he could only count on the work of a carrier. And so, everyone very much endorsed the idea of Samantha Brick. Try to say something, you won’t be happy.

said and done. Samantha laid the house to get the start-up capital; the area in which the company was supposed to operate (television) was well known to her, and Samantha’s reputation was high. The seven women she hired were delighted with her idea. It is true that they demanded high salaries, but it is fair – good professionals demand high salaries. And all wrapped...

A week later, the employees split into two cliques: those who worked together before, and the rest. The “Other” were not invited to lunch and coffee, and even when women met after work, it was easy to see who of them was considered cool and who was not: from who in what places sat around the table, who with whom was polite.

Then the battle began for clothes. Everyone was here for themselves. It was constantly said of the ugliness: one over-dressed, the other a false garment. If any girl demonstrated renewal, she was praised in the eyes, and in the eyes was subjected to devastating criticism. This rule had no exceptions. Samantha’s deputy, Sarah, refused to accept the best candidate for the post of secretary only because she didn’t distinguish between Missoni and Marc Jacobs brands. Samantha did not object.

Sarah still disliked the young employee, formerly his ex-girlfriend, because they came to the office with the same bags received as a Christmas gift. That is, they managed to make compliments to each other, but became enemies - at the expense of the company. Two other employees came into the office in the same jeans. One said that the jeans look better on her because she has the eighth size, and the other employee has the tenth.

Other employees were divided into those who used cosmetics and those who did not. Typical comments were “is she ever hairy?” Everyone in the bus probably thinks she’s a prostitute. Of course, all such comments were made behind the back.

Everyone was on a diet. If Samantha bought a sandwich with tuna, her eyes were called a pig (Samantha's size is 12). The two thickest girls liked to talk about the fatest, “If I were such a thick girl, I would have committed suicide.” Another pretended to drink low-fat latte – it was actually fat.

Leaving work to visit a beauty salon was fine. One girl was always late because of the fact that she painted her hair every morning, and when Samata put it on her face, she became very angry. He explained the reason for his delay. Others just arrived late, and if Samantha pointed at the clock, they said something about the late electric car. In the office, work was second after talk about shopping, boyfriends, and diets, and the poisonous comments of two employees who ticked their teeth on the third, Natasha. Six months later, the hostility reached such a degree that they simply took Natasha's laptop and refused to return it. In order to settle the incident, Samantha had to cancel all meetings and return to the office. Sarah refused to intervene, she didn’t want to be a “evil cop”.

Then the women began to argue openly. One of them said something ridiculous about the other, the other did not stay in debt, then the rest joined the quarrel, and soon in the office stood or and blasphemy. The quarrel ended in the fact that one of the women began to cry, and her friends were comforted. The group was divided into two parts: one in the office, the other in the toilet. Each group mocked the other in every way, and the work stood.

Then Samantha wrote instructions on how to be mutually polite. Everything revolved around the fact that all colleagues had to be respected, criticism and gossip were prohibited. Everyone agreed, but in reality nothing changed. The girls continued to behave like before. And when one of the employees began to undergo a course of artificial insemination, she splashed out her hormone-induced anger on others without warning and without apologies. The same happened when someone had PMS – which happened very often because all employees were women.

But the hormones were only the second cause of absence and bad mood. The first reason was a love life. When one of the women broke up with her boyfriend, she sent Samantha a letter that she should be "super understanding and tactical with her at work." Her tears at work continued for a week, to the great joy of her enemies. The other, meeting with the two at once, instructed the employees what to say to which of the two guys. He had an excessive sexual appetite. And okay, but she devoted in detail her intimate life to all employees, whether they wanted it or not. Samantha often received complaints about her rude tongue.

The quarrels diminished when Samantha hired two male operators (operators have to pull heavy equipment by type of activity, so men usually go to this job). Women were distracted from their quarrels and began to flirt with boys.

A year later, the company had financial problems. Sarah was hospitalized for a month. Even she did not respond to the calls of people demanding payments on the bills, which destroyed the company's reputation. In an attempt to save the company, Samantha sold both of her cars, but it was too late. In March 2007, less than two years after the company was founded, it collapsed.

One girl confessed to me that in her past life she was a witch. How was it necessary to sin in order that after the torture of the Spanish Inquisition and the public execution on the fire to re-incarnate in Barnaul?

I remembered it before the New Year. December, I’m still a kid, I’m sitting in the kitchen with my older brother and mother. Here the brother says:

Have you already written a letter to Santa?

I look at him with amazed eyes:

Meaning of letter? How to write? And what will be? Where to put it? And what? And how? And why? ...

Brother: Just write a letter to Santa Claus, put it under the pillow and indicate there what you want as a gift for the New Year!

I: And that is all? Can I write anything? Anything at all? Even a helicopter? ? to



Mother with her eyes open does not have time to put in the words and brother continues:

Yes, whatever it is! This is Santa!



I happily flew to write a letter, not even paying attention to the possible further fight of my mother with my brother))



And here is the New Year, I climb under the tree, and there are gel pins with glitters! I asked them! Three blades of silver! )) My happiness had no limits. At that moment, I really believed in miracles.



Years later, I met again with my mother. 30 December. Me, mother, brother and his son.

I get up from the chair and say:

The Noble! Have you written a letter to Santa Claus?

My brother’s face stretched out.

You can write anything! Whatever you want, I continue.



My brother was not as fortunate as my mother. The tribe wrote “iPhone”. He was about 6 years old then. But he eventually got a chocolate in the form of an iPhone and other toys. No more letters to Santa Claus. I’ve been writing four years since the first letter. I stopped when I found all my letters in my mom’s closet.



Morality: To believe in magic, consider the possibilities of bathi.

Once, as a twelve-year-old girl, she asked her father-in-law not to masturbate with me anymore. By rounding and increasing the size of my mother's eyes, I realized that I was rubbing some fierce wild. I had to admit that I heard on TV that masturbation is a bad habit. And bad habits are smoking, swinging on a chair and biting nails, the last eye was just doing it. I no longer use words whose meanings I do not fully understand.

I received a warning today.

The Employer is us (Yesterday):

We are all one family, if someone at work, or even at home, have any problems or difficulties - approach me boldly, as I can try to help. Just talk, just approach me. We are all in the same boat.

Colleagues - the employer (today at all):

Hi to you! How do you live?

Don’t make a family...

(K) – Then don’t advertise your small boat anymore.

Yes, the idea of making December 31st a non-working day is not bad, because on December 31st almost nobody works. But if the 31st is not working, then it will not work already on December 30.

There was in one Siberian city a remarkable theatrical actor and director, folk artist Boris Nikolaevich Kiselyov. He told a funny incident that happened to him in the 1970s, on the eve of the New Year.
The trade union committee instructed two artists in the image of Santa Claus and Snowmen to travel through the apartments of theater workers and congratulate the children with the coming New Year. It should have been done on December 31. Father Christmas was appointed Boris Kiselyov. It is understandable: the best candidate for the role of a good grandfather in the whole city cannot be found. A favorite of the public, ballagur-veselchak - a solid appearance, a chic voice. All would be nothing, but on the evening of the same day Boris Nikolaevich was to play the main role in the theatrical New Year's performance - and he was simply obliged to remain sober by that time. The artist perfectly understood that a hospitable Soviet man for nothing would release a expensive guest from his apartment without a traditional drink "on a pad". To refuse in such a situation was to offend the masters.
How to? The artist found a way out. On his chest under the de-Morozov costume he installed a large medical heater. He inserted a pipe into it, which ended out with a plastic wreath. This wreck Boris Nikolaevich fixed and hid under his beard - somewhere in the neck.
Congratulations to the children at home went according to plan. When Santa was offered a drink to the owner to say goodbye, he did not refuse, but pulled off his beard and carefully threw the contents into the wreath. Who saw where the alcohol actually went?
After the evening performance, before going home and greeting the New Year, the whole group of artists gathered for a short feast. This is where they got the baking soda. When its contents were poured into the dish, they saw that there was a liter of three pink, pleasantly smelly liquid. In taste, it was not bad.
Boris Kiselyov, recalling that working day, said: "And what is interesting, the alcoholic cocktail was enough for the whole group that gathered." And he added, “Imagine how the show would end if I had to drink all this alone.”
This happened more than forty years ago. Per today the ingenuity of the theatrical artist will help someone to meet another new year in a healthy mind and a solid memory.

I want the main tree of the country to hang on the main new year tree of the country.

My girlfriend had a very good grandmother.

A nice woman, but here is her habit of asking everything thoroughly. In childhood, friends of a girlfriend didn't even want to call her on the home phone (the cell phone wasn't everybody then), call for a walk, because if you suddenly rush to Antonina Pavlovna, it begins:

Who is asking her? What did you want? Where do you want to walk? In the cinema? In what movie? Who else will be there? What kind of saucer is this? What class do you go to? half an hour.

Then a fraudster called my grandmother. Presented to the police, said, your son shot a man, urgently need to transfer the money, so that the son is not jailed. (Popular at the time of divorce, and with the son they guessed, so the grandmother generally believed them)

and carried out:

Whom did he beat? At what time was it? Where did he drive? What did he do there? Who else was in the car? Which car was he in, his wife?

In short, the fraudster dropped the phone.

Monday is a bright day that marks the beginning of a joyful working week. Therefore, on Monday, it is better not to go to work, so as not to obscure the holiday.