bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №74174
 12.12.2012
Letter from our Technical Director to a lawyer:

Hi Katherine!

How are you dealing? Is it all well??? How is your cat?

I wanted to wish you all the best on this beautiful day - Monday 31 October... year 2011....from Christmas.

Here we are at work... remember. Such an unpainted building. In the nearest suburb of Moscow, there are two such masonry devices. (in female - "such incomprehensible things") they respond to the nickname "charge lifts"...

So, some remarkable and sensitive people, who these are the most incomprehensible things we installed in the building (with a delay in only two Great Posts) want some incomprehensible money (i.e. the red people, or the fifths). What I’ve been borrowed is no worse...

And you, Catherine (Light Red Virgin!!) Tearfully and not once, during our common meals and influences... promised to help me in the settlements with these gentle and sensitive people, arguing all this with the words "g. but question".... I have never... I was struck by “unintelligible things.”

Please do not abandon us to the fate.

A copy of this message, by the will of fate, is forced to send the Tsar-Batyushka to the village of Tsar-Grad "Lotta", so that he from the height of 44,3 arshins (no... 9th floor) contributed to your speed, health and awareness.

They did not execute, but they cared for Svet-Ekaterina-The Wise-of the Family of Lawyers.

The head beats...

[ + 32 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74173
 12.12.2012
Today I went out on the balcony (1st floor) to smoke and witnessed a wonderful picture:

On the flower bed near the bench lies a blue man, lying in a layer of a-la sleep. Moreover, if he is dressed in normal clothes, I would even say a wealthy look, a little dirty. Two mints approach the body with smiles; pin - zero reaction; pin more and more - the body twists something, finally breaks up the zenks, sees the mints, silently climbs into the pocket of the jacket and stretches the mints, 200 UAH, five-hour. Mint receives "don" and the male is immediately cut off. And then one of the gentlemen of the police issued a phrase that charged me with a good mood for the whole day: "I paid taxes - and sleep peacefully!" The menta goes away, the body continues to sleep, everyone is happy, the curtain.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74172
 12.12.2012
Today, all my ideas about life have changed.
xxxh: I was in the tram... some man on the Nissan took off the mirror of the rear view of this tram... disassembly of the tram... and here the man gives out: 'you when you go, on the sides look, where do you go?'

[ + 43 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74171
 12.12.2012
And after an hour and a half of the guests come back - all the snowmen are broken,
broken down.

In the petard No. 8 or even No. 10, instead of a slower, you put a cloth, attach a beer jar to the thread and soak it in polyethylene so that it does not dry out. You roll the mine into the body, and the bowl into the head, so that when the thread is split, it is stretched. The thicker the snowflake, the better the dirt will be filled, only watch that the ice sheet does not get into the snow, or if there is little to fly away.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №74170
 12.12.2012
"Please arrange the signs of interpenetration... "it’s shit

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74169
 12.12.2012
We sit, therefore, today we are on a pair, waiting for the lecture, which is 10 minutes late.
Here another teacher enters the office, which we do not teach, does not rush to us, begins to slowly count and distribute to everyone A4 sheets. We sit quietly or little. At the end of it, one of the maids asked, “Why do you give us the leaves?”
and pause.
He: I do not know.
I picked up all the papers and left.


[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №74168
 12.12.2012
xxx: Tsoy is only a rare surname in Russia, in Korea these tsows are like dogs.
YYY: That is a little?

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №74167
 12.12.2012
Replacement of lost toys in a child

So my parents tried to deceive me with a puppy, supposedly he flew away, and then returned (in fact, he was eaten by a cat, and bought a new one). The deception was immediately uncovered by my sister, and then by me.

But, by the way, the new poppy was much cooler than the old one, he liked during the feast to spit the remnants of some alcohol from adult glasses, to spit the green onion from some salad and, sitting on his shoulder and smelling the garlic, say: "Mom came. Will you drink tea?"

Then I knocked him by the door.

[ + 118 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74166
 12.12.2012
Yesterday I sat behind my compass, I didn’t touch anyone, the sister suits:
This is all your influence! No longer approach the child.
I explain, the child is my 8-year-old nephew, her son. The statement is surprising because I am constantly crucifying from him as much as I can, and he is forcing me to do lessons there or something else. I drive with him a lot. Here is such a statement. I even thought I heard.
What is?
I want to get closer to Vanessa!
Glad, but what happened?
There was some psychotherapy in the school. Well, when a aunt (uncle) comes to the class, asks the children silly questions and, based on the answers, makes conclusions about development, the state of the psyche, and then converses with the parents. I continue not to enter.
Well and what?
- He was asked "Who is grazing on the lawn?" And you know what he replied?
What is?
Prepare for the rage!

Dart

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №74165
 12.12.2012
MeLaJkOo: In our work, we selected new projects, selected 5 people with the most comprehensive presentations. Well, so four came out, I go out, with an important view, I connect the projector to the notepad, I start broadcasting. Here, a dialogue window pops up, where my friend writes: Fuck, Mihan, the shorter of these yesterday's pins are not pins at all, and they are not stewardesses... And in this sense, his monologue continued with mine, well, I quickly sealed up the popping windows on the canvas and went on. And I understood that something wasn’t right only by the close eyes of people sitting in the room, who looked not to the canvas with the schemes of my presentation, but to my white shirt with monologues of my comrade (((
MeLaJkOo: But the project was approved, regretted, probably...

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74164
 12.12.2012
At the end of Max Payne 2, even those who laughed at the end of Hachiko laughed!! to

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №74163
 11.12.2012
xxx: Found archive behind a package with old shoes of dismissed employees

yyy: from this phrase waves Buchenwald

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №74162
 11.12.2012
Ohhhhh, the cat!
You are absolutely
We do not call you human.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74161
 11.12.2012
The boss called me "a miracle"
Congratulations to you ?
Oh, a miracle you are, says the rectal! And went away! I am in Aachen. and the secretary says it’s not scary yet that he once called her the “ovulatory sheep,” and nothing, they’ve been working together for the fifth year...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №74160
 11.12.2012
I decided in which centuries to make a house in German.
She opened a textbook (Soviet, 1985), exercise: translate the story into German: In the winter evenings the family sat at the table. We drank tea, talked about books, about work. Aunt Anna came after the concert, sat down at the piano, quietly sang. The lamp hanged low above the table. It was warm and comfortable. Then my mother died." O_O closed the textbook

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №74159
 11.12.2012
After three years of divorce, she decided to return to her ex-wife. In the first week of my life together again I remembered why I loved her :). After a month I remembered why I got divorced :(

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74158
 11.12.2012
How? How is? she cleaned the glass - broke the rear door, tried to repair and broke the broken part.
Is he with you?
No, I lost him.
Fuck me, my masha.

and MV

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №74157
 11.12.2012
A conversation in the kitchen:

“Well, for example, Juliet was 14 years old, what’s the problem?
- Oh, Romeo said - don't lie down, until 16 - no-no, he in response - yes to me, I want to, his knife and shot.
This is the shortest Shakespeare story I’ve ever heard.)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №74156
 11.12.2012
My husband is the head of a newly established department. Therefore, he actively manages the recruitment of employees. I found a leaflet at home, a telephone number and a signature - students of pedicure 2 pieces.

[ + 42 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74155
 11.12.2012
Remember the difference between "we eat" and "we eat".
"Edem" is "eat", and "eat" is "moving", and "we eat in the bus" means that we eat in it, but not the fact that we have at least moved from place!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna