Why are you going without a mask? Are you afraid of getting coronavirus?
- I am 75 years old, I have hypertension, prostatitis, psoriasis, kidney stones, tachycardia and cats allergy. There is such a competition among those trying to get me wounded that if the coronavirus still gets into the body, it will just be in line.

Since childhood, she has cut off men from her family: father, grandfather, sister’s husband, boyfriends, husband and even mother (who has a short haircut).

I am not a hairdresser. It all started with the fact that my mom came from the hairdresser and on the back of her head, instead of a smooth transition, there was a leash. Mother handed the chest, the scissors we stood at the stall and under her sensitive guidance I aligned. My dad saw it and so I became a family barber.

And if I liked this process before, now I try to get rid of it. I bought a machine and shaved my husband when he baked. Sometimes, without warning, the swocker comes and no matter if I am busy - you need to cut.

And one day my husband (I am at work) calls me and says that my dad came and my husband had to cut him for the first time.

“Well, like a haircut,” I asked.

“That’s not to ask anymore,” the husband replied.

Pride is when you want to humiliate, pride is when you don’t want to humiliate.

The touching footage was captured by amateur photographer Anil Prabhakar from Indonesia when he was on a safari with friends.
In a forest reserve on Borneo, the orangutan noticed a man standing on his chest in the water in some pit, and literally stretched out a helping hand to him.
Orangutang stretched out a hand of help, and Homo sapiens photographed and lamented.

Sometimes you sit in a hunting bush, in a taiga, to the nearest home 100 km. You decide on the satellite phone to check the mail, and there comes out the advertisement of the type “Real Dating. Larisa, 30 years old, is 400 meters from you.” And you scratch, for some reason you look out the window and check the doors on the door...

We had a botanist at school, Sasha. He loved studying and was constantly on the computer. But not games, but interested in his 3D graphics, photoshop and programming.

The classmates reminded him that he was shouting and began:

- Let me write off the house, and we will walk in the courtyard, go to the gym, hang on the turnips. Do not give. We beat.

He was weak, so his notebook went all over the class. He was most affected by the athlete Vanya, who went to judo. Once there was a physics Olympiad at school, and I was there, Sasha and Vanya. And then Vanya turns to him when the teacher came out and says, "I did nothing here, let's exchange. Or do it to me.” Sasha objected, said, this is an Olympics, here everyone shows their knowledge. So this goat stood up and started beating Sasha, hitting him with his fist in his shoulder. The teacher soon came in.

After the Olympics, Sasha did not go to school. This villain after the end of the Olympics caught him on the street and struck him with his leg on his face. These are the mental Olympics.

Eventually, this Vanya got him so much that he moved to another school...

It’s been many years since I met Vanu, and he says that Sasha has settled into some IT company and became the head of the department. Vanya learned about it, learned what kind of work there, and wanted to cut out there with a sysadmin: "And what, shake up, you play dance all day, only if the network worked, and I am working here at the building, my back is already hurt." And Sasha calls, and says, set me up for work, as no, we are classmates. Naturally, he was sent, and I was offended by saying this:

- Well, we were children, I will not beat him anymore, and he, ugly, does not help, I asked him for good.

He concluded his speech like this:

- I did not beat him a little while, once such a bastard grew up...

Today in one of the shopping and entertainment centers was a witness to the following picture - the girl-cassor of one of the fast food restaurants shouted the order number "B6" on the whole football court, and from somewhere from the other end of her in response - "Injured!“”

The basic law of our country says: not caught - not a thief.

The closer the job, the more often you are late. I usually leave the subway, jump through the transition to the red, along with the crowd, the road is not popular, there are few cars. And in the office. This time something completely delayed, I am late with a little bit, the phone is red from the boss’s whisper. I jump out of the door of the subway, jump in the crowd to the road and here I notice among the crowd a man standing at the crossing and holding a boy aged 7-8, by the hand. Waiting for the green light. Around the brown movement of people, there - back, and they are standing, like those topoles, in the middle of chaos and waiting. Whether I was ashamed, or remembered that I also have a young daughter and in order to help my dad in the example, stood up with them next to them, with tears in my eyes watching as on the timetable of the light, slowly jumping figures 60, 59, 58 like rubber. I stand and cry. I hear a conversation between the Pope (P) and the child (R):
Father, why do people switch to red?
Q: Well, all of them may rush to urgent affairs, who to fire, who to the hospital
Q: Why don’t we go to school late?
P: My son, it is different. We are the fault of being late and getting up early. The transition and the rules are not to blame.
R: I don’t think they’re all in a hurry.
Q: How to explain. Remember we assembled the excavator from the designer "Young Technician"? When the large and beautiful excavator was almost assembled, we saw that we couldn’t get the coffin, because the trays were faulty and didn’t fit. Do you remember? I then took the missing parts to work and repaired.
R: Yes I remember it.
Q: So, when I cut them down, drilled new holes and sliced them off, they went perfectly and your excavator was done. As in life. Now we are standing and showing an example to someone. Sooner or later someone will stop, then another, third, and so on. Sooner or later, we will repair all the details and the transition to green light as your excavator will be set up.
At that moment the green burned and they went on. I was shy then, and now I want to say: Man, fucking, it works! I am the first repaired.

Well, if you don’t want to mention God in the Constitution, can you put at least the Amen at the end of each article?

I went to a Jewish company today. At the reception aunt very cute look, we held the following dialogue:

Are you going to coffee?

I - thank you I already drank today, I can't do much;

Could it be water?

I don’t need it, it’s cold outside and I don’t want to drink.

Do you want candy or cookies?

I (already laughing at myself) - too, forced to refuse, as with sweet in the bandage.

Hospati, what a wonderful guest!

Cosmetic companies are very...



Women's shower gels: strawberries and vanilla, chocolate cookies, tropical fruits, cream-champagne.



Gems for the soul:

Sir, we still have the smell of the toilet househouse!

Lay it in the gel for the soul! Let’s call it the sea breeze.

The Soviet Army. The daywalker addresses the senior: “Comrade, the cloth has disappeared, where else to take?” The angry flag cried out, “Mommy’s house take. The Baklan.” It turned out that the "Baklan" lived 70 km from the place of service and was the flight frozen. He jumped through the fence and got into the bus. He spent the whole night with his friends in his hometown and returned home in the morning. The harsh mother (the son knew) did not believe that he was released in the hatchback and without documents. He took the hood and brought it to the military. It was the right decision: the day did not pass and therefore under the article "leaving part" it did not fall. A voluntary dismissal. Called, sent the car, brought in part. They gathered to strictly punish, but it turned out that the order to leave the part was given to him by the comrade of the praporchnik and witnesses of the squad. The order must be executed unconditionally, accurately and on time. The command quickly drowned this story and the fighter was not touched. The word is not wrath.

Literally 15 minutes ago I finished doing a brain MRI. It is cheaper at night. I got out of the machine dressed, told to come to the reception, I go. There a girl with a very worried face says to me:

Next I am a girl.

D – (this quote) I have very bad news for you!

Did I get caught up?

D - We broke the payment terminal (I previously agreed with them for nothing);

I’m... girl you understand what I thought the least about the broken terminal at that moment?

D – Oh sorry.

Do not get sick! (They are :

The best and useless advice: be prepared for any surprises!

After the dentist had to visit the store of household appliances. The tooth to the treatment got difficult, ultracaine took on conscience, the jaw to the right did not feel from the word at all.
I walk with my husband on the rows of washing machines, I am interested in washing and chewing on the models I liked. The tongue does not listen - I try to gesture, from the overwhelmed and numb corner of the mouth, saliva betrayally blows. I don’t feel that, I’m all passionate about business. My husband carefully wipes my lips.
I hear behind the back the dialogue of girls-consultants:
Have you seen? Even marry such people!
Stop the diet!

“United Russia” is 18 years old.
Could she eventually eat us?

The story from the girl: "I go in a trolley bus. In front of me sits an elderly couple, a man and a woman aged 60. A woman looks at something in her smartphone. A man looks at everything around. Suddenly he smells, looks at me and asks, “What does it smell so delicious in a beautiful stranger’s bag?” I said, “The butterflies. Go to my friend.” He said, “Couldn’t we be friends?” The woman, looking away from the smartphone: “No, you’re already friends with me.”

Sometimes you sit in a hunting bush, in the taiga, to the nearest home 100 km. You decide on the satellite phone to check the mail, and there comes out the advertisement of the type “Real Dating. Larisa, 30 years old, is 400 meters from you.” And you scratch, for some reason you look out the window and check the doors on the door...

I go some warm evening by the Ryazansky Prospect. It is still light, and the headphones play an old good medium-heavy radio.

Meeting - two people, a little resembling the builders from "Our Rush", only without orange clothes.

I asked in a very bad Russian:

Where is the Skinhead Shop?

– to? ? to ? to

Strangely, strangers were not only not the target audience of the "skinhead-store", but also the active members of the opposing groups were not drawn by the composition and even the expression of the face.

Where is the skinhead store?

I shaken my head and said I don’t know. Where is the shirt? ! to The football club was, yes. To be straight? ! to

Only when I walked past that same store, I realized that they wanted just секонд хенд.