He borrowed a marital debt from his wife and gave it to his neighbor.

The remote control.

At the end of the 1980s, I worked on repairing household appliances. At that time, the profession was quite in demand, especially in remote villages, where the district household did not show the nose. One day he jumped through the road to his hometown, visiting relatives before the holidays. Here I was intercepted by my cousin uncle, he said, go look at the TV, he started joking something, he worked for half an hour, and then only whispered.
“Well, if I just look, I say, or I don’t have any tools with me.
- Yes, you just look, maybe spare parts are needed for repair, or I turn it on, just the "Time" program to watch is enough, and then both. My aunt is running to the neighbors to watch.
I went home to him, I see, the TV is old, light bulb, and the stripes on the screen will slide. I knocked it a couple of times and a picture appeared.
- No problem, contact needs to be lost, in a day I will come and do it. And you so far, if it won’t work, tap his pair, as I did and all.
The day I got somewhere in a month, the park was before the holidays. Everyone wanted to see "Blue Light" or "Light Steam" for the New Year, at that time it was a ritual of some kind. This time I was caught by my uncle’s wife. I started apologizing, but she shrugged my hand.
The TV works, but you go in anyway. My grandfather was so upset that I feared my house would be ruined. The remote control was built—with difficulty pronouncing little-known words, my aunt said.
It intrigued me. Then there were already televisions with a remote control, some housewives refined their televisions themselves, but it was difficult to stick the DU to the old lamp TV even with my engineering education. My uncle, of course, was a crafty man, with fiction, of the breed that has a shilo in one place. Moreover, when he retired, he had a time off, with his ideas he could swing the plane, but I did not notice something in his deep knowledge in radio electronics.
What I saw at his house really stunned me. The unhappy uncle became lazy to get up from the couch every half hour and knock his fist on the box. Therefore he assembled the entire structure. From the couch to the TV through the system of blocks was stretched a strong leash. At one end of the wool, under the ceiling, above the TV hanged an ordinary old valley. The other end of the leash was attached to some leverage, a spinning coil, which was attached to the wall near the couch.
Two days later, my uncle boasted. I knew you would have time and you’t look at me soon. My system works like a clock. In five minutes, the TV will turn off.
A few minutes later, the screens appeared. Uncle pulled the lever and the valley smoothly descended and slightly hit the TV, an image appeared. Uncle dragged the other lever and the valley, as slowly, took the starting position.
- I add a little sand to the valley, or with time to knock more and more!
Okay, I say, turn off your machinery. I’ll be stuck in my backyard while I’m running.
Ten minutes later, the repair was completed. I knocked on the TV a couple of times, checking if there were no unconnected contacts.
- All, understand, grandfather your design, you will not need it anymore!
“Sorry,” my uncle spoke in a sad voice. - And I already came up with a scheme, how to stick the old alarm, so that everything works automatically.
His thoughts were interrupted by his aunt.
Let’s get your puppets! Did you hear what the master said? It is a shame to invite someone here! You, if the refrigerator is broken, you will probably add a rocket to it!
At night I dreamed that an uncle from an old vacuum cleaner "Raket" built some kind of monster, which, splashing scars, was riding around the room and scratching a huge rubber hammer over the TV. And then I thought that maybe in vain has rushed to repair. Sometimes I look a little, in a month or two uncle would surely come up with a cute robot, who would not only knock on the TV, but also tea could make.
It is said that man invented all his inventions solely because of laziness.

- I don't know about others, and I would gladly pay - "tax on luxury."
So you pay him. Not for its luxury.

News from New York:
Two 20-year-old students from Africa who went under the ice in Central Park yesterday danced “Opa, Gangnam Style” in the middle of a snowy lake.

Dreams are fulfilled! Here is this:

by JD:
I have to put the stomach off.
KST is:
What? Do you also wear socks? and ;)
by JD:
Fig is there! Yesterday, Anka was crushed on a mine in the car, and her head doesn’t slip between my mouth and the wheel... :(

When you grow up and buy your car, you will know that the seat is moving away. So go teach lessons. Although, if you assume that the truth is written and everything is done as it should, and the head does not pass - then yes, drive the stomach.

The wife pleases the elderly child (21 years old baby) a scandal. "You have to do it! You did not! I called you, I asked you!" And so on. I connect - "What fucking thing did you not do, what did your mother ask for?". She replied, “I don’t call you!” and “I don’t call you!” The question to the wife - "You called?". The answer - Yes, I was going to, but I did not call the worker, but what to call - he is always busy, and the cell phone did not - he may not take it! But it must be done!" I’m "Habituate son, that’s their logic". And the wife’s last phrase – "Don’t make me extreme."

Z is. I’ve been together for 23 years and I’m not used to it.

In Russia, even the snow thought - it is time to roll!

I liked the phrase from a post-apocalypse novel:
"When the soldiers weighed the last menta, living in the city became really safe."

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Will you talk to me?
WOW: No
HH: What are you doing?
I am preparing a gift
Q: Do you want to congratulate me?
Wow, I’ll give you a box of soft signs, or I see you have a shortage of them.

Think about what a cheap shit, not a football stadium Sweden built, if it costs 1.5 times cheaper than a trampoline in Sochi.

Looking at the behavior of the suspects of the latest loud cases of theft of state money on an unthinkable scale, which, by inertia, continue to steal, you begin to think that even if they are taken to the hanging, they will wrap the wallet of the slayer.

On the anniversary of the breakthrough of the blockade on television was a program about the war. One veteran, an old man, just said a wonderful phrase.

I often think how many guys died, my friends, co-workers, and I am alive. Maybe it has something to do with God, the devil knows it.

Exler saw a fairy tale:

Ask the child who he loves.
A dog, answered the child.
Parents start to hint hard and ask who else.
Another dog, the child answers.
The parents hint.
Another white cat, the child replies.
The parents hint.
Woody and Baza, the child replies.
The parents hint.
“Looking on TV,” the child replied.
The parents hint.
- Still shooting birds in the iPad, - replies the child.
The parents hint.
“Drink water without bubbles,” the child replies.
The parents hint.
“Even Alina,” the child replies.
The parents hint. The child breathes hard and says:
I still love my parents.

Indeed, they will not be left behind.

I'm like my father's character, but not his growth.
If I had chosen!
HH: I was thinking about that. Here, they say, when souls are reborn, they fill out the questionnaire.
choose the country, city, parents, level of difficulty of life, talents and appearance, and then
All their lives are pumped, dying and checking out the results in the heavenly tournament table.
WOW: Oh, and I end up in heaven or hell.
If there are bonuses left, they can be exchanged for new spheres of life and fill in a new questionnaire for rebirth.

XXX: Hi you Pashko!
Hi, who is this?
XXX is your conscience.
YYY: Do not write to me anymore!

A commentary under the video, where an American tank runs through a burnt car, resulting in a bomb exploding in it:
"They are so mines mine, and if there is no tank then the saper ears clutches and drops the foot on the mine))"

The woman received a notification:
......
The increase in the average salary of pedagogical employees of preschool educational institutions of the Russian Federation is planned to be ensured by increasing the basic (guaranteed) part of the wage, by reducing the minimum salary to 3150 rubles.
......

X: Do you have a cat?
YYY : No.
XXX: It’s a pity... or I’d come, I’d swallow.

So you don’t love her anymore?
222 is not. I just love my job again.)
222: And I will devote myself all to her.)
111, and yes It will be better
222: Better is world domination. This is the work of... ballet.

Sometimes it is interesting to watch TV.

Today's fashion sentence: a glamorous guy with a nice smile, brought by a Jewish mother, dressed comfortably, but somewhat bagged.
The transmission was led by a strange company from the leading in a narrow on the belly tiny shirt, in a colorful butterfly and with an out-of-the-eye towel in the pocket of a basil jacket, a lady of the age with a decolt, as well as a slightly younger lady in an alternative shirt with a cut on thin keys and thin neck in abundant fears. They managed to dress the guy so that he turned into a scattered, finite Gandon in appearance, and even his smile became somewhat unclear.

The power of art, fucking.