bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №43614
 23.02.2011
About the domestic car:
I respect the domestic cars. There are those who change the interior for the better, there are those who work on the exterior, like Subaru. Well, and domestic cars - they are the same all the time.
Well, the cows have been cleaned...

[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №43613
 23.02.2011
Client: – Alexander, of course you did everything very well, but for some reason now when I look at the layout... there is no such... do you know... to... VAAAUUU... as in the beginning.

I: Hm... how much do we do the project already, a month or a half? The picture is just getting used to you. You know, men when they see a girl for the first time say “WAAAAAAAUUU”, and then 20 years will live with her and somehow without a VAU.

Customer: - Good... convinced...

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №43612
 23.02.2011
A second-class girl comes from school after a dictatorship on Russian and asks this question:
How do you write "head" or "naked"?
Well, I answer, "naked"
Why didn’t Irina Vyacheslavovna correct me?
And proudly showing a notebook. I look and get hysterical. The phrase itself sounded as follows: “The Branched Horns adorned the head of the deer.”" And my brilliant son interpreted it as “The Branched Horns adorned the naked deer.”"
My husband and I were riding like horses. Harsh children are gone.

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №43611
 23.02.2011
There will be 666 days left until the end of the world on February 23.

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №43610
 23.02.2011
I understood why humanity is like this... Who are our heroes from childhood? The ugly, ugly and ugly Carlson? The greedy, stupid and naive Winnie Pooh? A fan of vaccinating democracy in the animal world of Mowgli? Psychotropic Mummy Trolls?
Volchanka: Troll, liar and virgin Unknown. ))))

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №43609
 23.02.2011
Anastasia: How can you explain the psychic of a guy when he, on my question "Why don’t you talk to me?", spoke to the whole institute: "You didn’t give me!!and "

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №43608
 23.02.2011
111: Now next to the employee was talking on the phone - "Namordnik is her one must. You’ll be leaving one man!! And turn on the Chronicles of Narnia, she loves them, will sit and watch"!
111: I thought

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №43607
 23.02.2011
I had a dr.
A friend stayed overnight, warned his mother in advance... well and naturally, that if the alcohol did not go away for nothing, he ate in the mud. The first time he fell asleep in the hallway... well, as he fell asleep... lay on the floor in the middle of the hallway, hugged his shoe and turned off. He was stripped, told to go to sleep.
“Ugu, a half-lived body bubbled, took three steps on the four, and depicting the wood fell asleep...Split again...opened his crystal-clear eyes, stood up, never lowered, reached the large room...take a run and jumped to the bed...and judging by the snoring, fell asleep in flight.
Until now, the shit, does not remember that it was at all.

[ + 90 - ] Comment quote №43606
 23.02.2011
A girlfriend in love writes:
Fuck, this is a fucking thing!
I dreamed today - only I and he, he stands in the door and calls me to himself. I go in, and there is half-dark, the whole floor is filled with burning candles, everywhere are hanging shift colored canvases, like curtains, which slightly roll from the barely captured wind, playing quiet classical music...
I’m dying on the threshold in a light air...He’s quietly coming to me with two glasses of champagne...and I can’t even move, I’m standing with this kind of O_O eyes and I look fascinated at him, he’s looking at me, smiling.
I am ready to start dressing right on the threshold, I take a step towards him...
And here the BAC, suddenly I realize that I’m not me at all, but, fucking, the tractorist PETR Ivanovich!!!! to
Then I jump out of the tractor in a wild cry (!!!) And continuing to mourn and waving over my head with my hands, I flee to the distance in the red sunset on the fresh-blown field.

Tell me, that’s okay at all, right?

[ + 86 - ] Comment quote №43605
 23.02.2011
XXX is fucking
xxx: I went to the link "what to do when the nail is broken"
Only two comments: "take it" and "matter"
XXX: The fucking people here.

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №43604
 23.02.2011
m - mother, b - younger brother (7 years old, goes to first class)

B: Mom, I know how children appear!
M: Well and how?
B: I need to put a male piss into a female, but I don’t understand how, it’s soft.

[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №43603
 23.02.2011
The child returned from school, where they were writing a piece on the topic of “How I Spent the Summer”. Well, he wrote there that he spent the whole summer with a mazenka (the most beautiful girl in their class), that they were playing a doctor and that he was playing so much and so much with a girl for the first time. That is true, because we were neighbors in the country with her parents. The teacher put a pair and wrote with a red pen: "It is necessary to write about real events, not imaginary." Not a fucker?

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №43602
 23.02.2011
Husband for an hour. Repair is not offered.

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №43601
 23.02.2011
MDA! The boys made...
The association - on the 3rd course in the summer arranged my father in the expedition to work.
It was in Siberia in November.
The track near Lake Round (ideally round, by the way, even rumors were circulating that it was a wreck from a nuclear bomb) In the summer in the taiga it is hot - up to +35 can come, the mountain, so decided to rest on the shore - on the sand less disgust. Suddenly I hear the song and in 15 minutes a man-hunt rushes to us (the local people are like that). The most fun that he was dressed as for the winter - unts, sink, gloves behind the belt.
Sit down to drink tea.
and thanks.
After an ear, a snack and a cup of tea, I begin to ask the person why he is dressed so badly for the weather.
However, in the winter, the stomach became ill, taken to Tyumen, to the hospital, the intestines were cut,
Then they told me to lie down, and I had a flock of forty deer, and I got up and went.
A short man 600 km walked on the taiga from Tyumen before us 4 months "H it was fun - where to feed, where to pour vodka"
Far away from home?
- And nothing at all - I will go to the cemetery, I will worship my parents (there is such a thing in
20 kilometers from the Round - there the dead are not buried, but hanged on
Tree type of tree toys, the first time I saw - almost a breath from
horror, I was 16 years old and I was alone - lost), and there to the left and through
Two weeks at home.
They gave the man a cigarette, a bowl of bread, and he went on.

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №43600
 23.02.2011
“Soma, guess the mystery: He was born in England, grew up in Brazil, and died in New York.
of Russia. What is it?
...??? to
The football...

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №43599
 23.02.2011
You live in Russia! There is even a working day - a holiday!

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №43598
 23.02.2011
I will come to her at three o’clock at night.
xxx: and I will sing on the guitar under the window song - Chief - 17 years old
When I wake up, I get married.
If not, I will throw a stone.

[ + 56 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №43597
 23.02.2011
If bandits or thieves are trying to break into your home, don’t call the police, they just won’t have time to come. Quietly sit down at the table, turn on the computer, in and without rush type in any runet search engine something like “Putin is destroying democracy in Russia,” “Putin is a tyrant,” “Down the crab!” and wait. Your salvation is near.

[ + 82 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №43596
 23.02.2011
As a sister, I will say that my brother is still a fairy dude. Segonda was for dinner boiled potatoes and fish in oil. So he, the dog, rose sharply and ran to the toilet with a cry: Fish wants to be in the sea! and the sounding. The result I was stifled, Daddy with a full mouth of potatoes cuddled and all the content on Mom, who was sitting opposite, and Mom fell from the chair and cuddled lying on the floor. And the brother could not get out for half an hour and prayed in the office.)

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №43595
 23.02.2011
What is the right thing to say, iPad or iPad?

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