Congratulations on my birthday:
I: Slavik, brother, congratulations on birthday, happiness, health, all that)
He: Thank you very much)
I: Here I remember when you were born...Oh how I was happy!
He: Yes, bone, when I was born you were minus five. :D

I was in the tram. As a result, one grandmother fell on the other, a small mess began with the clarification that it is necessary to hold stronger, etc. My young man watched everything with interest.
I: Stop listening
I like scandals.
I: Intoyga scandals, investigation, revealing everything that is hidden.
Q: Who pushed whom? The domino principle. Raccoon driver or natural selection? Where did the pension go?! to

The coolest parkourists in the world rest in front of Russian grandmothers seeking to take a seat in a discounted bus :)
I saw myself. Crownstadt-Lomonosov ferry crossing (under Peter), the ferry is shuttled. It remains about a meter to the pier, the apparel is naturally still in a vertical position. And then the bus, his mother, arrives.
What an apparel!! Grandmothers under 70 years old, waving with their sticks and bags, land in 1-1,5 minutes. on the shore and begin the assault of the unfortunate PAZIK. The special forces, if they saw this, would be nervously smoking on the side.)))
I had to hold my grandmother in my arms. She also entered in the courage "fight"! I promised to take a taxi!

on a dating site.
Q: What book do you read?
M: "The Devil" I can’t read at all.
Is this the one wearing Prada?
M: This is the one who wears lappets and grandchildren. Leo Tolstoy, The Devil, 1889

At work, I was spotted at 650p today...Dr. one of the directors. Revenge "I don’t love it for that amount" I didn’t pay for it.

Laika

Advice to the patient:

<<aaa>My personal record is a 1600kg safe by Sberbank, 30 meters of corridor, climbing the stairs to the third floor, then another 10 meters. In one haru, using only a manual tool
bbb>It would be interesting to capture this on a video and then show it to Egyptologists. Or they, the poor, still do not understand how the pyramids were built.>>

Buy a Nippon!! to
As a building engineer, I will tell you in secret: staircase marches in residential and office buildings with a 123% probability will not withstand a load of 1600kg. Cossacks are shrinking, and - hello!)

In one of the departments, in honor of February 23, the girls gave their defenders a cake in the form of a female breast.
Did you see our cake? There is no hunting.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
zzz: throw, came the aitišnik cake saw, thought it was a soft toy and grabbed one breast with his hand!

Strange people these Armenians - their men shave their moustaches, and their grandmothers are not.

In the trip to nature I take RPSH with bullets BLIK - children love when loud.And here, three years ago, in the deaf forests near Murom, again our friend stuck - the duck is not fresh, the duck is vodka, but he suffered for two days, while telling everyone what a nightmare!Now imagine..night, full of silence and darkness, all are going to sleep, drinking the norm.The other takes the toilet roll and with the sows-No, all! The last time I die, don’t ask me!!- Goes to the side of the bushes under the pine (there is a special place).It was necessary to accurately determine the time- approach, removal of pants, planting, tension-Shoot in the pine,GROHOT,HURT!!! And...expensive male, thank you and a glass of vodka, as a recognition of the successes of non-traditional medicine.

Late in the evening we stood with a friend at the stop, and behind the couple passed clearly under the closet. The boy (p) to the girl (d) say:
Q: I will never fly into this dumb land again.
Q: What about me without you?

From Twitter. You’re lucky if you live in a country where the ambulance and police arrive faster than pizza and sushi.

from 21.02.2012 The day wasn’t special.
But in the evening I was taking the subway, from Gostiny Dvor - to Electric Silya. A few guys gently gave up their place to the girls. It was evident that they themselves were tired.

Dick, I know it’s not funny, I know there’ll be trolls who will bustle.
But I will write here: young men, you gave me a smile, let you have the most elegant women and non-breaking comps!

XX: What do you know about torture?
What do you know about Dialope?! to

No one knows what’s going on with the man on the other side of the screen. He seems to write smiles, but in fact he dies of pain, and tears roll on his cheeks.
Yyy: Or sitting on the toilet

by Habr

You can not shoot yourself in the foot, but easily hang yourself in an absolutely empty room.

... and, therefore, we stand in this mile-long queue to the box office, as two cute girls approach from behind, and one of them so cuddly:
Young people, is that what, flashmob?
- So it would not be to bring everything to bed, this imbecile loudly, sprinkling with saliva, shouted in her face "This is - Sparta!!!11!!!11!" ):

At 3 o’clock at night, I go to the entrance, I look at my newspaper in the mailbox, I take it... I open the door, and there my mom wakes up, runs out and says, “You are what?” Where was it?" and I "go to the newspaper" and give the newspaper. She cried and went to sleep.)

From the Health Forum:

Olga
Good day! I am 19 years old, with my regular partner, we can’t break the virgin pleura, that is, start normal sexual relationships. I would like to know if you are performing surgery to break the virgin pleura, if its cost and consequences are given. Thank you in advance, all hope for you.

Rodionov A.S., obstetrician-gynecologist, director of the center
The cost of this operation is 7500 rubles. under the narcotic.

Aries Wolf
I am not a mother, but I only use non-normative vocabulary in order to express my emotions more fully.

Dmitry
Because of the lack of literary knowledge.

Probably did not want to go to them simply - there is a German company, for three delays are fired.
Three days late? The nightmare. I would work there for three days. Maybe four...