When 50 kilograms of fat were sent to our house, it meant that one village pig in the world became less. And when a month later the fat was gone, it meant that now in the world appeared two adult pigs with higher education and two cute such school-age pigs.

Google is shutting down its Spaces messenger just ten months after its launch. The service will be completely stopped on April 17, 2017

A-Stahl: Google often shuts down projects lately before I get to know about them :)

In the restaurant:
Barman, can I repeat it?
I repeat, I went...

“Look, a man, and he has two strips. The woman is pregnant, I am afraid.
“Petrovich, shut up, drunk fool, we’re in the police. I apologize to him, Comrade Major.

Discussion of news:
In a year, a three-tiered healthcare system will work in Russia.
XXX: At the end of level 3, do you fight with the boss in the form of a chief doctor?

Siri in the iPhone is the devil of some kind)))) I take my one-year-old daughter by the sleeve, I say, "Let’s go and try to sleep!"
And the voice from the phone suddenly said: "How is it, Julia?! It is now 12:20!"
I barely put my pants on, I replied.)

I see, the tracker poured "fantastic creatures" in quality. I say to my wife:
Today we will have a movie session, "Things" appeared.
She asks me whispering:
Neighbors from above?

XXX: I have a question.
xxx: Here the father calls his son by his name, and the son becomes, for example, Alexander Dumas Jr.
And if the son also calls his son, will he become an inch-average?
YYY: He will also be younger.
Yyy: But if a father has a second son and he calls him the same, then something is wrong with his head.

A family of philologists.
Husband (M) works as the head of the repair shop in the tram deck. Two blinds (C1, C2) come to him and blame each other, exposing a situation that contradicts any engineering thought.
M (half loud, without interrupting the controversy): “Hospadi, how tired I am of your scandalous...
C1: Anatolich, and we heard it!
C2 (seeing from C1): And we understood that you insulted us somehow, but we did not understand how!

to this:
The cat is covered with cement. To wash or not to wash, is that the question? Suddenly, when it gets into the water, it completely cemented?

This is how the expression “Monumental Cat” appeared. and :)

I admire the female intuition. My phone ran out, I took a friend to call, tell my wife that I would be delayed.

She took the phone, and I, having no time to say anything, heard, “Yes, my unsaturated frog.” How did she know that I was calling? ! to

A cat on the chest that stops nightmares
And then someone calls to sink out of the kitchen and you realize that the nightmare is just beginning.

I remember a nightmare from a childhood when I dreamed that two identical dogs were walking around the house. And one of them tried to convince me to kill the other, justifying it by the fact that the appearance of the second exactly the same dog is suspicious, and a speaking dog is more fun than the usual.

“Sasha, I specifically opened another account to apologize to you. You amused me right. I am a bitch and a bitch. A grandmother and a fool. I stumbled on you then and sent you to the fucking drink. And the rat, one of your white-collars in the stones, has fired me out. You are very good and fair. Sorry and I want to be friends again.
I forgive you.
And all of it? Did you not hide? Totally starring? Talk to me!! to
“I’m still sleeping, we have two hours difference with you. I went to write and I want to sleep a little more.
In vain I wrote to you. I apologized again. and forget. Sleep and go on the fuck! It was worse than before! Reading is disgusting. And the commentators are all fed, alone! I do not forgive you, wow!

About "Beyond the Note"

I had a case - in a quite decent collection participated the Gypsies, when they came to the soundtracks, one of their singers sang frankly by, which was polite asked, did she know that this is a different tone?

Her response became a hit:

What a hint of tonality-shmonality, we live in a free country!and "

In the original (sorry for the mat, but you won't throw the words out of the song):

"fuck the fucking key-shmey, in a fucking independent country we are"

72: Not long ago, the first ice. I come to my house (I live in the country) on the opposite of my site in the cane, a jeep is standing up with his ass in a tree, the tracks are visible from the meeting flew out, turned and his ass went forward. I asked if I could help a neighbor.
I was so overwhelmed, such an earswash was poured out... He was there so much at midnight. All those who stopped helping.

He was on the right path, not in the right direction.

I look at hotels in Ufa on booking.com
"Do you not mind choosing the option a little further?" - gently asks booking and offers me... "Murmansk 2159 km from the city of Ufa. It is 26% more expensive". No no thank you.

If a man doesn’t call you after the first sex, you haven’t gone through the casting.

On the eve of the New Year, a lady rents an expensive, elite apartment for a day. He pays tax without agents and contracts, says, for a business meeting, asks to stay incognito. She was not even asked for papers. Comes to this apartment by taxi, asks the driver to wait a few hours, money is not a matter.
Orders the house a whole beauty salon (manicure, pedicure, makeup - all things) And here the juice begins. A courier enters the apartment with a costly necklace (gold, diamonds - all as needed). The lady measures, breaks without hesitation, say, today is the most important day in her life, a very important event.. bla bla bla.. she likes everything, says, will pay a fee, now only money from the room will bring and all as is painted, manicure with a necklace on the neck is hidden in the neighboring room.
There is no scene.
Girls from the beauty salon, in anticipation of the fee for their heavy labor, a courier with an empty box from under the necklace and some accompanying documents in their hands, look at the door waiting for the lady with a large amount of money.
The final.
Opera works in the apartment, questioning the victims of girls - manicures, the courier of this with an empty box. The taxi driver came in to ask when the lady will go... He was also left to talk... here comes another active person. Courier with iPhone. He said he was scheduled for delivery for a certain time, but he was late. The opera kicked him on the shoulder, said that today he was very lucky and let go with God.
Apartment on the first floor. She went out the window. I did not see her anymore, could not find her. According to the description of the victims "probably a Gypsies"
Opera is enthusiastic.

Instead of a copy of the Reichstag, I propose to build copies of the German economy, the standard of living and the quality of the goods and services produced in Russia.