bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124540
 17.02.2016
On the website:
Schedule or interval of movement: 7-20, 14-45, 16-00, 17-15 (from Autornikvaksal) 7-50, 15-30, 16-30, 17-45 (from Spirits Factory)

XH: Error at the point of departure
WOU: related to the destination)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124539
 17.02.2016
She gave her younger brother (9 years old) to play with a tablet. Result: History of Google requests.
When a meteor falls on Earth,
What kind of graduation,
The nearest black hole.
What to do if you are captured by aliens
How to make a time machine at home.

Attention to the question. What is science fiction to read? "The War of the Worlds" Wells is already reading.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124538
 17.02.2016
Is there a remedy for burnout?

and no.

Is there soda?

It will be next week.

It burns and I am now.

There is a way to make the burn last for a week.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №124537
 17.02.2016
Stop writing so many books here.
Especially not funny.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124536
 17.02.2016
It is humorous :-)
It is educational –
Social and political? % of (

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №124535
 17.02.2016
My classmate's name is Martynova, often annoyed by Martyška, she is offended.
Story: She brought me a flash, I should have. The flash was bought by her father and it was made in the shape of a monkey. He gives me a flash and says sadly:
Life is pain when your father is a troll.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №124534
 17.02.2016
The Oak E1:

Shit, shit, how old are you?

Olisa La vie en rose: It's not a secret at all

Anna-K (not a blonde) by Figase You are good for me mommy.

Olisa La vie en rose: and by photo you are me

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124533
 17.02.2016
What is the name of the new X-ray? X-rays are also X-rays. It is X-ray. What will foreigners think? It should be called so that the Russians can understand it. It is ecstasy. And to write Lada X-taz.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №124532
 17.02.2016
Correspondence with the client:

Client: - your candidate does not please us, because in the resume she writes that she is married, and in fact divorced

Pruffi: - We clarified, the girl in divorce for three days. The resume was sent to you a week ago - then she was married

Q: But why didn’t you anticipate such a turn in her life? Will she give birth in a week?

Q: Listen - pregnancy at 8 months is a pretty noticeable thing. This time. Second: Girls usually do not get divorced in the eighth month of pregnancy. So we give a guarantee that she will not give birth in a week. In the eighth month of pregnancy, girls are looking for a new job.

Q: - Send, please, an official warranty with a seal that you guarantee that the candidate will not give birth within a year

R: No, we cannot provide you with such a document.

K: But why?

R: First of all, it is illegal. Second, we simply can’t guarantee this – we can’t take responsibility for the future of people. We can only say one thing - the girl at the moment is serious about her career. She likes your company.

Q: I realized we need a man for this position.

Q: What if he suddenly dies within a year? Did you know that Russia has one of the world’s highest mortality rates of the creative class among men over 30?



The client is out of Skype.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124531
 17.02.2016
I took the client to the suburb of Moscow, I return at 3 o'clock at night. There is a woman with a child standing at the stop, it is cold on the street, I cannot pass by. I stop, and there a Gypsy, fucking, because of my upbringing I can no longer make a poker face and drop it. I asked to take it to the subway (~25km), okay, I still go to the other side. I was nervous and nervous all the time.)



We arrived at the place, sprinkled in thanks, reminded that it would be the best day for me, a million thanks etc...



I look like everything is in place, even somehow it became uncomfortable that I thought badly all the way... Checked again, and, no, everything is okay, the ball pen was missing)

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №124530
 17.02.2016
A few years ago I worked as a computer science teacher at PTU. And as it often happens, I had a problem group that did not want to study computer science - tractors. And one day one of my students asked me, and why do they, future tractorists, computer scientists? To be honest, I did not find the answer, but one of the students quickly explained that the new tractors have a fuel meter, all the data from it goes to the on-board computer, and that it has long been possible to connect from a regular laptop to it and increase consumption, which will give grounds for the allocation of more fuel that can be melted and sold. The story is not remarkable, but all to one began to attend my couples, and the overall score of everyone grew)))

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124529
 17.02.2016
Zzz: The former chief sanitary doctor of Russia believes that the Americans have drilled a hole in the border and let poisonous mosquitoes through it.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124528
 17.02.2016
A good guy at work told me.
Spartak is a cool series, but Blythe, I went to Wikipedia and read that they were all killed...I thought they would win...
Hhh: And before that one of them told another that Tolkien has a book in which the events after the VK films are told.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №124527
 17.02.2016
I watched a video on a titub about the folded cross on the head of the patriarch.
One of the stones:
God Mode Off

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124526
 17.02.2016
For the normal work of the team, the number of podcasts in this team must be equal!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124525
 17.02.2016
Once a very nice client came home, on the way to a pleasant conversation, before leaving the car, she said to me:

“Do you want a cake?”“”

I am confused and answer:

“No, I have to work, and I’m married.”

She nodded, pulled out a homemade cake with berries from the lady’s bag and said:

“Take, my sister gave me, and I don’t eat flour.”

I had something to think about while eating it.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124524
 17.02.2016
Corruption begins when public affairs become their own business.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №124523
 17.02.2016
How to teach idiots.

There are people in the world who sincerely consider themselves a gift of nature to mankind. Especially if it works as a kind of choked manager in horns and copits. Only such managers do not fully understand what everyone else is doing here when it comes out. Of course, I have seen such chickens on the roads and they have become a lot of them in life. One of their highly intelligent actions - as a rule - is caring for a loved one in multi-storey houses. Usually for themselves, they block the water, heating, ventilation for the rest of the residents, let the hot water from the neighboring water pipeline into their bathroom, connect to the networks of others, etc.
Here and we have such wonders of intelligence decided - who to crash and who to cut off someone else's ventilation - and the hell they have in their apartment some foreign pipes and to connect the extractors is more convenient out into that hole and not into their own. As a result, the neighbors get their onish and scratch. On the just remarks - what fucking they entered the ventilation of others - they look surprised - and where to go, in their own. Jilin inspection is not allowed on the threshold. Everyone is sent. Okay well. To put them in the mouth of what is going on in the gamut.We will act according to the law. We go to the management company and housing inspection with statements. We warn that the offenders will come to them themselves with complaints about their rearrangement. They do not believe. well well. Wait to. Those who have blocked their ventilation holes from the bottom for a while leave in the pipe a slide of nasopharynx and dog cockroaches. And those on top, having closed the upper course for a while, launch the vacuum cleaner together with a cement bag. Those who have not destroyed anything and have not crashed know about this will not, as each apartment design provides its own ventilation. Those who decided to use someone else's - run to the management company with complaints. Together with the livestock inspection, they carefully check the "appellants", draw up acts and send them to the court with pleasure. Not quickly but effectively. I recommend.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №124522
 17.02.2016
Black and white men enter the bakery. The black man immediately steals 3 small pancakes and puts them in his pocket.
And he says to the white:
"Look how cool I am, I worked so well that the owner didn't even notice anything!
“It’s typical for you,” replied the white man, “I’ll show you an honest way to do the same.
He goes to the bakery owner and says:
Give me a cake and I’ll show you the magic.
The intrigued owner gives him a cake, he eats it and immediately asks for the next one, the owner gives him another one, and he eats it again and asks for the next one, and the third cake goes to the same place.
The owner asks:
What was the magic you did with the pancakes?
And the white answered:
Look in the pocket of the black guy.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №124521
 17.02.2016
I work at two tram stops from a psychiatric hospital. The other day, my tooth got sick, I went to the clinic, which a colleague advised. She is an hour’s drive from work, but also near a psychiatric hospital (other, of course). It is a very strange feeling when you wander all day from one idiot to another, and tomorrow morning you still need to go to the psychiatric clinic for a certificate that you are not their client (to work is necessary, as part of the clinic).

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