bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №138791
 14.02.2017
The U.S. Justice Department warned the White House about the presence of Russian leverage of influence on Flynn.

Some were afraid of drinking.

Others are Billy Bons...

And I... he-he I was afraid of Flynn.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №138790
 14.02.2017
If you are attacked by a vampire, bite him first. At least he will be offended.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №138789
 14.02.2017
The neighbor's girl is playing with our puppy. He plays such a cotton chicken - he bites the chicken and chews the cotton. She chooses and condemns him.
Don’t eat it, you can die. You will be dead. And then what am I? You will say about me "look at this psycho. She plays with a dead puppy."

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №138788
 14.02.2017
Comments on the article "Central Bank sharply lowered the rates of the dollar and the euro"

Okay, let’s get up from the knees!
You: A country that is not always on your eyebrows on your knees! and ;))

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №138787
 14.02.2017
I sit with the dentist in a chair. It is anesthetic, I don’t feel half the tongue. Baldue, the eyes are closed. The doctor makes a blindness from the upper jaw. He holds a shape with plasticine in my mouth so that it freezes and does not fall, apparently. I felt something touched my tongue. Oh, it is a pipe that sucks out the fluid. I am bored. I chased that phone with my tongue, and then I got caught up. 3 minutes of fun. He went up and down and chased her around. I would continue to play, but the doctor asked if she could already take her finger or I was planning to lick it for a while.

It’s so nice, goddess! All this time I licked the little dentist with a badly sensitive tongue.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №138786
 14.02.2017
Kawaii: Where is the wall of memes? I am the current that stood in the traffic jamming, some dumb man slipped sixth next to our 2 and I didn't let him naturally, but then he equaled me, I cast a steep glance to assess who is there, and there a man with open eyes shows me a sheet with the inscription "NOW DISCURSE."

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138785
 14.02.2017
The moon will collide with Earth in 65 billion years.

I don’t know which Moon will collide with which Earth there, because our Earth and the Moon will die in 5 billion years when the Sun turns into a red giant. Without ever confronting.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №138784
 14.02.2017
How I miss those times when a boss (a man) was present in our group of grandparents. He is a rare boredom, but with him at least there were no long conversations about kids (which are far beyond 20 years), analyses, new fashionable furniture and, as usual, stones like to lose weight (eating cakes). I would like to work in silence...

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №138783
 14.02.2017
“Mona, what did you throw out the tea bag?”
The thread has gone over.

xxx: this monia is a rare transjira, with wire bags to buy...

Why did you buy it right away? Maybe I gave him a birthday...

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138782
 14.02.2017
I walked into an alcoholic store, and there was such a cute girl at the box office. Well, I gather the will in the fist, with a light movement of the hand, I fix the hair, and, having come up with nothing better, I say to her, "And you knew that if you drop alcohol on the scorpion, he will go crazy and will regret himself until he dies?" I stand alone and smile. I read it somewhere in the social media. The networks. I’ll wait until she answers something so that I can continue the dialogue. She looked up and, without smiling, said, “My dad got drunk and opened his veins in the bathroom.” To say that I almost literally did not burn out of shame is to say nothing. He stood up and tried to pick up words to apologize. After that, the saleswoman stumbled and said she was joking.

This is the second year with this joke :)

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №138781
 14.02.2017
They are the ones who go to work and build the country (and grow up to be competent engineers), they are the ones who protect the country and in the woods too (maybe shoulder to shoulder with you), they give birth to many healthy children, among which there are geniuses. And it is the arrogance and hooliganism with education that make breakthroughs in science.
......
"It is they" do not build the country, but "adhimate the mobs". For the work for them is somewhere from "west" to "there is a hard work". They are either sitting down (ideally), or able to shake up the apartment on the first floor, re-equipped into a shopping mall and proud of their successes in business. The country is built by botanists. Botanics in glasses, from childhood collecting herbariums - these in science. Botanics quietly engaged in machinery - in quiet workplaces.
There is nothing going to be built. He has a different paradigm, "press at the loch". Turn your head off before singing these songs.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №138780
 14.02.2017
The future wife scheduled on February 14th - said romance and all affairs.

I thought it would be possible to give one gift less a year.

Revenge came from where I wasn’t expecting – gave birth to my son on my birthday. I no longer have a birthday.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №138779
 14.02.2017
And now imagine, all the same, only underground pipelines within one chemical plant. Authors to repair some of them. And... the same thing,
rushes and spills for the factory, sex and fines for workers.

Outsourcing is when the functions that employees have to perform are given to third-party firms.
The repair of pipelines is called a subway.
Managers of Hueva

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №138778
 14.02.2017
When people are forbidden to speak, they begin to conspire.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №138777
 14.02.2017
One of my friends arranged for a new job, and by profile he is a PHP programmer.
He was invited to a company.
The interview with a staff manager, a young girl named Katya, went very quickly:
“When I began to describe the projects in which I was involved, I saw how quickly her eyes began to dim, and sparing her psyche, said that I don’t want to load her with the technical side of the matter, but after studying the company and its implemented projects, I can confidently say that with its tasks I will cope.”
Katya gladly said that in this case she would appoint an interview with the director himself, and invited the next day to him - an impressive, caring uncle.
Uncle lazyly looked at the compilation of his projects, spoke for life, and then said:
Well, by profile you are like us, but to make sure, I would like you to do a test. He gives him a print.
It’s shit,” a friend tells me, I look, there’s one technical task on four and a half pages. Work for a week or two. I honestly said to him:
Thus e. Do you want me to work for you for free while you decide whether I need you or not?
It is a pity that you are so concerned about it, my uncle. How can we make sure that you fit us?
“Let’s do it,” my friend replied, “you’ll pay me a salary, twice a month, and I’ll consider whether your company is suitable for me. If the salary comes on time and without delays, then I think everything will be okay.
Uncle was offended. Was it worth?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №138776
 14.02.2017
Has anyone met an older man? How is it? What will be advice?
Retirement after 10 years.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №138775
 14.02.2017
Why-why girls are freezing"... You were given such ears of shit on tactical rejection that you wonderly give yourself, as in one, previously seemed normal, a man could fit? Most women know this option. And we’ve also heard of situations where rejection is literally slapped, if not worse. So we try to move quietly. Address your claims to the inadequate of your gender.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №138774
 14.02.2017
Spellw3aver: 50 Shades of Grey is a genre "Drama"
Masrood: Babies from any hernia can make a drama.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №138773
 14.02.2017
> A conversation with one of the students. I wonder what is the difference between speed and power. The speed is faster, and the power is more powerful.
Artem 9 years

At the age of nine, this is normal. And here is an adult aunt at the university taught us the C language:
The difference between a reference and an index is quite obvious. The indicator is indicative. Hehe, and the reference is referenced. You know"

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138772
 14.02.2017
#Understands

I have a father's brother's son's friend's philological education - so he doesn't want to communicate with me for some reason.

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