bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109603
 19.02.2015
The day went well - half an hour consulted a consultant in the store. Gone with visits - separated satisfied

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109602
 19.02.2015
...the engineer-system engineer complained here that he was humiliatingly written in the military "PC Operator" :-) But this is how it was when I received this document.
What specialty do you have?
The mathematician.
There is no such military accounting. What should I write to you?
Well, write "pilot fighter"!
I can not!
Why is?
You are not a pilot!
I’m a mathematician, but you don’t want to write that.
Do you know how to use a computer?
Or maybe.
- Then I will write "Operator PC".
Moral: A representative of any unknown profession in the army morphes into a PC operator.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109601
 19.02.2015
seberya: As my grandmother said when Daenerys received the Imperfect: “Batty, how will she feed them all?”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109600
 19.02.2015
— — —
It seems not everywhere: I was taught that "it" are not people.
— — —

It was offensive now!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109599
 19.02.2015
The trick in marriage: after a hard day, it was skillful to mask the zeal under the table of pleasure.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109598
 19.02.2015
I read a discussion of some minors about who wrote "Brothers Karamazov". At the end of the discussion they came to the conclusion that it was Gogol. I turn to my young man with the words:
The people believe that the "brothers Karamazov" was written by Gogol.
If I am not mistaken, then the Karamazov brothers are writers.
<square>

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109597
 19.02.2015
A wild puppy ran around our base. You throw food - picked up, and in the hands did not go. And sleep in an old dog booth thrown into the forest.
One old hunter learned about this, and he told us, “Catch me this puppy, I’m out of it.”
I will raise a super-mega-hard hunting dog, and I will pay you well, because in the wild creature, there must really be
Great hunting instincts.
Well, a day or two passed, we drove like a puppy into his cabin, one put a bag at the entrance, and the other bended the cabin and shakes. Shakes, shakes, and there are no puppies in the bag? I looked into the bucket. Of course, the booth has no bottom and the puppy is already sought.
two hundred meters in the forest, and we still catch him at the entrance...
They laughed so well, yes.
And the puppy was then caught with the help of... a levelier, but this is another story.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109596
 19.02.2015
... experimentally it became clear that "OK GOOGLE" also reacted remarkably to "fast google", "spote google", "field google" and tp

I brought a dog a few years ago. I looked at the puppy and thought it was a cowboy. He called Major. After the first flow, Major had to be renamed Moiva, but the dog still responds to Bober, Topor, Upper, etc.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №109595
 19.02.2015
"To be honest, I have a considerable merit to the domestic literature: I stopped writing poems in time and forever."
(c) L. Lagin (author of "Old Hottabich")

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109594
 19.02.2015
It is easier not to do it yourself than to ask others to do it and wait until they do it.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №109593
 19.02.2015
He didn’t make poverty, but sold needles.

I was given eight kopecks on the way to school: on the trolleybus there and back. In good weather, I tried to save them and walked.

In the middle of the road, if the weather was good, usually in the spring, at the intersection of Kropotkin Street and Lenin Street, I passed by a disabled man.
He had no hands, his whole face was in scars, in the place of his eyes were holes of empty eyelids.

He was wearing a dark gray, lost telogreek, with holes on his shoulders that he did not need.
The chest on the telogreek was carefully sewn in rows with needles of different lengths and thicknesses. On the left, that is, on the right side of the chest, the beginning of each row confidently indicated the Order of the Red Star with silver and bloody enamel. There were three rows.

Those who wanted to buy a needle probably had to throw money into a canned tank. That is, the money was in the bank, but how it got there, I never saw. I didn’t see if anyone pulled the needle out of the telogreek. I think the one who needed the needles went after them to the store. But the disabled man stood upright, facing the northern sun, all day long.

When I was walking back after school, while the rare Leningrad sunshine was still shining, the disabled man was already standing on the other side of the street. He once again submitted to the rays a pale face with dark deep scars. The needles also shone with hardened tears, led by three orders.

One day, after delaying from class, I saw an elderly woman slowly bending up with a bank in her hand, taking the disabled home. I guessed she was probably helping him cross the street following the spring heat.

Both of my parents were seriously wounded in the war. They were active and did a good job. I could not at the age of ten understand the complexity of social relations, but I felt the peculiarity of a disabled person.

I tried to jump through him as quickly as possible without looking at him. For some reason I was ashamed that I didn’t buy needles, I didn’t throw money in the bank.

Again, in the good spring weather, every year between the boys there was an epidemic of play in the "floor". You had to hit the wall with the edge of your large coin, and if it, jumping back, hit the coin of another player, a win was counted.

We were beaten to this game by high school walkers, and the rules were constantly changing, so we, the younger ones, were usually losing. I lost no more than the saved eight copies. But I have repeatedly seen and heard how my peers were losing money from breakfast, and even money given to them by their mothers on a trip to the store for food.

One day, I heard the praise of one of the players pulling out a basket of coins from a blind disabled man. Some laughed, most were silent. I said nothing, and then I left. I didn’t play in the “Park” anymore.

I was very scared when I put four pennies in the bank for the first time. and escaped. The next time I put eight copies. He left quieter. A few days later I went back to the disabled, put in eight copies and said:
Hi to you!
He answered with a deaf voice, with an unchanged face:
“Hello, boy, thank you,” he added, while silent.
I will recognize you by steps. You are not afraid of me.
On the contrary, I was terrified. He struck something unclear and ran away.
Does the disabled know me? Does he know that I am afraid of him? And you probably know why?

Three weeks before the end of the school year, I went to school along a parallel street. In the summer we went to Dacia. The next fall was rainy and I was going to school on a trolleybus. I did not see a disabled person in the spring.
And I never saw a face with scars again, above a telogreek without sleeves, wrapped with rows of needles for sale. After the orders.

***************************************************************
It is now known that at the end of the 1940s, the most degraded disabled dispersed by the War across the country (footless, handless and the like, embarrassing the eyes of the inhabitants), the Soviet government took out of the big cities. For Leningrad disabled people the place of expulsion was designated the island of Valaam, in the center of Lake Ladoga.

When I was already an adult for the first time got there with an excursion on a heatway, we were met by a few legless people on small square boards, with wheels pulled from below. They tried to sell their own baskets to passengers.

But the guests were mostly running by. They rushed through the forest to see the magnificent Cathedral with an entrance made of black granite and columns made of pink granite, with a dome that at that time still preserved pre-revolutionary goldenness, like yesterday. Rushed to join the art, to eternal beauty, running past the living miserable deformity.
Probably none of them had to hear in childhood from the mouth of a disabled person:
Do not be afraid of me!

1954 to 2014.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №109592
 19.02.2015
A friend from Tbilisi. She says it’s scary to leave the house. Georgians are caught on the street and sent to Ukraine by ministers.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №109591
 19.02.2015
I can not!
— — —
All the babies are fools, all the men are fools, happiness at work.

Where does it all start? from acquaintance. Girls choose those who know best how to meet, communicate with, who is interesting, etc. But strangely, it attracts other girls as well. Therefore, such guys do not experience a shortage in the attention of the opposite sex, and therefore little value one particular girl. So if it’s stuck with something, then yes – feats and stars from the sky. If not, go and find another.
No normal guys? Yes, just look not there. They do not always know how to be charming and make acquaintances, dress "spontaneously" and so on. Since they live alone, they know how to cook / wash / clean, and will appreciate the person who is nearby. Pay attention to those you usually don’t notice. Don’t get into the extremes, enough some phrase like "lead me after work, I’m bored to go alone".
(And don’t give the example of familiar shit, there are fools everywhere)
— — —
Rarely in consideration! Start with the original as you want. Let it go somewhere...
Cotte and Odmina in the shredder - do not sleep!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109590
 19.02.2015
In any unclear situation, use a condom if the brain has already turned off or has been stolen.

I am divorced and she is divorced, the children have grown up already, we are going to get married, we are doing repairs in a new apartment,
I asked the dryer in the bathroom to make, and there is one wall brick, the other-drink.
I don’t know what kind of attachment to use, where to stretch the condom?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №109589
 19.02.2015
I have a contradiction in my eyes:
We don’t like the “brunny” and the “martian stars” in bed, but if you bind, tie and even shut your mouth, it’s very even.
? to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109588
 19.02.2015
xxx: I usually broadcast that when same-sex marriages are allowed, I will register a relationship with my friend. we will have a beautiful family, always comfortable in the house and we will have the same interests with her - you can walk on men )))))))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109587
 19.02.2015
Today I was in the ZUPE in Krolovo, told how they put 300 uninterruptors. They were in a separate room, a company came to install. I started testing, testing something. On the second day, they almost fainted when instead of a salutation they heard "Boys, if you didn't write in the instructions, you can't connect the input power plug with the output, we would probably never try it!" I will immediately say the result is unknown.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №109586
 19.02.2015
OlegMax February 18, 2015 at 10:53 #
And you can also build a time machine, go back to 1995, introduce Rasmus Lerdorf to a girl and, thus, save the world from PHP.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109585
 19.02.2015
Comment on the video showing how the world is perceived by schizophrenians:
I watched the video: a normal day, as I usually do.
Stand up... no...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109584
 19.02.2015
"With work experience, with work experience..." Lies is everything. Let me reveal a professional secret: we need to do our own business. Like everyone, in any case. And the phrase about "experience" is a type of code. You can not say to the candidate - "YES, you are also DNIWE EBANOE, five years lost in the dota, downloading references in the internet, and why you pay a salary - for the fact that you know how to tap into the search for a Google topic that you will be told? They know the code word and immediately begin to tell about their work at the department (and what kind of shit without working at the department during their studies? Each technician spied at least a couple of stands, each proger dropped at least some utility on the water, etc. D is By the way a person tells in detail about his accomplishments, his abilities are immediately visible. If a person has done something real, the chance of passing is 90%. The remaining 10% fall to those who even tried to do IBD at the department.

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