told a friend. He was interviewed for the position of assistant director. Company as a firm. The local producer. Known in the region. After the conversation c. He was left in the office waiting for the director. From the director shed fresh alcohol, but he kept vigorous. After some time, the director called the secretary, and she immediately brought them the count, drinks and snacks. have drunk. Then again... And again... He doesn’t remember how he got home. In the morning, the director called and said he was accepted. It really works for the second year. Sometimes the boss hurts.

Drinking is harmful!

I sit at home tonight. A bell at the door. There are two people on the threshold: a boy and a girl aged 27-30:

Good day!

The good...

We are a federal investment group specializing in attracting contributions from potential retirees and increasing their well-being. And we came to you on the recommendation of Victor Fatherhood. Do you know such?

Uncle Vivian. Yes, I knew him. He lived here...

- Yes, judging by all, he has a good opinion about you and he recommended you as a reliable and stable investor.

Guys guess it. Are you from hell?

In the sense?

- Uncle Vitya died a year and a half ago in a drunk ugar. What investments? Goodbye to! Uncle Vite greetings.

It was in the 90s, I was probably 5 years old, and I really wanted to taste beer. For some reason it seemed like lemonade, with the same bubbles, cold, sweet. But to try it, of course, nobody allowed me to.



So one day, on a hot summer day, I walked through the street and saw a glass bottle of Zhygulevsky filled to about half. The thief looked around in search of the adults, picked up this bottle and made a small swallow. I didn’t like the taste of the content, and I refused to drink beer for 20 years.



P.S I still prefer to think that there was really beer. Do not discourage

Why do we work at 8 a.m. and the neighboring store at 9 a.m.? I want a chocolate tea.

Why not buy a chocolate at night and eat it for tea in the morning?

If I buy chocolate in the evening, I will eat it in the evening.

Buy two.

I and two will eat tonight.

and OK. How much chocolate do you need to eat in the morning?

I never had so much chocolate before.

The great humanitarian project of the Ministry of Culture and the Ministry of Education – education needed.

State Duma Speaker Vyacheslav Volodin explained the removal of Kyrgyz debt: “The strategic partnership includes both debt removal and the adoption of other decisions. What we get in return, the question is not very correct, a partnership is a street with bilateral movement, a partner can put a shoulder – it will always be more support than money.” Dear state, write me a mortgage, I will also put my shoulder down someday. In addition, my shoulder will be more reliable than the Kyrgyz...

It’s not easy to climb the career ladder. It is necessary to constantly turn away from those who are crawling down.

The oath

“The oath is terrible to the wise, but ridiculous to the fool.”

It was somewhere in the middle of zero.
I just moved to work for a new television company and my first day of work just came to a sluggish corporate on the occasion of the Soviet Army Day.
Nobody knew me, I knew nobody, I think during the intercom and we will meet.
A television company gathered at the table almost in its entirety: from assistants and administrators, to directors and operators.
Began toasts for the army, for men, for women who are waiting for men from the army, well, and all in the same spirit.
And since I’ve never tried any alcohol in my life, I’ve been lingering more and more on strawberries and tomato juice, but people quickly noticed that the new director isn’t drinking at all and asked: “Driving?”
My mood was playful, especially in a strange company, I didn’t want to give out the true reason for my sobriety and I decided to talk:

- Yes, you know, I am in shock, so sometimes I want to remember youth, drink, relax, just not to convey words.
Especially on such a day, and especially for acquaintance.
But this is the case, when I served in the army and was about to be dismissed in the first batch, we and friends-dembels got the selfie and, of course, after the defeat, we dropped a farewell drunk in the fleet, noted a quick defeat.
Shortly in the morning, we were caught by our captain, the commander of the company.
He was a man, but fair. We, of course, understood that today, instead of a dumbel, we will all go to the local hauptwacht and see our mothers only after the New Year, a month in three.
The captain suddenly says:

I am sorry for you, fools. Okay, let’s do so – if each of you here and now gives me his male word that he will never again drink any alcohol in his life. Never at all, not a drop at all. Then I forget about your drunkenness, and you go to the barracks to sleep and spend the days quietly travelling around the houses. Decide to.
We all gave our word. Everyone except one.
And here, it’s been more than twenty years since I can’t drink, not even at the wedding, or at the New Year. I only smell traffic. It’s awful, but for now I keep my word. Where are you going? No one pulled my tongue.

The audience was very surprised and after the pause spoke:

What fucking word? Let him go! You will think. Twenty years have passed! I would just dumb and immediately send this captain a picture of how I’m swallowing.
Old man, are you serious? Forget it! You were only twenty years old. You will think, the word given, if few people have any words given, especially on such a serious matter. The captain has long kept his promises. He forgot it a hundred times. Half of life passed. I, as a lawyer, say, he took advantage of your impasse and made a cabal deal. Especially in words. Drink and forget.
I objected that it was our conscious choice, because the one, who did not promise anything to the captain, the next day sat on his lips and actually stuck for another month for two.

Someone said:
- You need to find this captain, talk to him in the soul, maybe he will meet you and allow you to take your word. Not a beast. Twenty years is not enough. I have to agree. and?
And all the others how? Have they dropped too?
How do I know? Everyone spoke for himself personally.
Yes the trouble. It is a shame at twenty years to cut off the way to retreat. And now not even a glass of expensive vinyl drink. But nothing to do, a promise is a promise. Don’t let God get that way.

Many years have passed since then. Laughter is laughter, but on that day I immediately understood and a hundred times later I was convinced that of all the people in that television company, I could only trust those who advised to find a captain, or mourned about the expensive wine, but those who advised to spit and forget the oaths, I could never rely.
And not only me...

Today I saw an old lady helping a boy across the road playing with a smartphone.

told a familiar doctor. A story without prints. But I quite allow.

Samara, a businessman of the 90s. Very thick. Problems with the liver began, he arranged a consultation with a local doctor, by acquaintance. The doctor took him and said that "he will prescribe therapy to him, but the medicine will not work, because it will be absorbed in his fat. And that before the therapy he needs to urgently lose weight. " Refused the money.



The businessman was upset and told the secretary that he would find the best, not this monster in a mint coat. The secretary booked a consultation in America, to the glory of hepatology, a turn to him for six months and some wild price for consultation. Three months later, for a huge bump (analysis, out-of-schedule consultation, trip, accommodation), he sits on a consultation at the lighthouse, which tells him:

- I will prescribe therapy, but the drug will not work, as excess fat will be absorbed in your body, you need to lose weight.



He came back and began to shrink.

As a child, I was often left with my grandfather. Grandfather is a professor, teaches at the university, a respected person. He has a hobby, collecting wine. He proudly calls himself an enophilist. When I was six years old, I was taken to a "exam" at the little girl's school before going to school. One of the tasks was to name the antonyms. I called the word “dry” the antonym “half-sweet.” My parents talked a long time with the teacher.

I have a few bottles of men's columns from avon (not advertising). My wife worked, now my daughter. So, there is a healthy bottle among them, but the smell I don't like very much, and what is there, I don't like it at all! I sprayed them after shaving and instead of a deodorant used and burned the wounds, used something to wipe-wipe, did everything so that this ugliness would end faster. And he, the infection, does not end and does not end. To throw away it is a pity – a gift, and money is worth it, and I am far from a millionaire. Other columns were rarely used, berge. And suddenly in the days I watch - and shit that, literally for a few times left. Uriah! Well, I will finally start using cool, proven and wonderful columns! Nothing predicted trouble.

23 February. In a solemn atmosphere, my daughter gives me a gift:

Congratulations, it is for you. I know you will like.

I turn the curtains and... the eyes are rounded, the jaw falls, the tongue is covered with selective mats, because in my hands I have BLA...Y! The same healthy bottle, the same column!

“Daddy, I knew you’d like it, because it’s your favorite column, you use it so often. Dad, have I guessed?

Of course, my sweetheart, I got in the top ten. thank you!

I love my daughter very much, but what to do now with this stinking column I don't know, I can't stand the second marathon.

My mom told me.

She walked out with my older sister, who was 3-4 years old at the time. The sister is digging in the sandbox, the mother is watching on the bench next door.

Here, children come to the venue, one of which is a 5-year-old daughter of the administration, and begins to command.

So, from here we will scratch the sand, fold here (waste cars), there is a parking, there is a gasoline, the rest of the toys in the corner.

My mother can’t stand it, she asks:

Why are you commanding here? You have to play so that everyone is equally involved in the game.

“And I,” said the girl, “will become a boss when I grow up.

You are playing in the garbage. Do you want to be the manager of the garbage?

Well what! - a child parishes, - let at least the garbage, the main - to be the boss!

My neighbors on the left (a young family couple) organize a loud scandal every morning. She goes to work and tells her husband that he is unemployed. He thinks that she doesn't understand him, because he's looking for something worthy, etc. And I hear it all very well, because noise insulation in new houses is absolutely no.

This morning I hear familiar screams from the left. The husband says to his wife, “Tania, you don’t hear me at all! There is a wall of incomprehension between us. “”

And then I hear the voice of the neighbor on the right (in general another entrance) saying, “The wall at him, shit! There is no wall here because I can hear you. The wall is crazy! Find work or actually cover all the walls with bricks again! You are a fucker at home! “”

A familiar woman-dietist told yesterday a funny story from the 90s about one of her patients. I will call her Marina and his Sergei.



Sergey in the past was an athlete, then engaged in business, succeeded in it. But relaxed without the daily stresses that were in the sport. Again, the "shale" money appeared, delicacies, alcohol and so on. As a result, the guy gained under 150 kg, hardly got into his jeep. I asked for advice from a friend of Marina. He sent her a fairy fee if she left all the former clients and took care only of them.



Marina took care of the matter. I developed a special diet for Sergey strictly on hours and with certain products, bioadditives, a complex of exercises, acupuncture, massages, meditation and something else there (I am not special in these matters, so I did not get into the details). They met once a week, convened daily for correction and control.



Sergey was a disciplined client and strictly followed all her instructions. The results did not slow to affect after a short time - he really began to throw out the excess, which inspired both to continue the classes with even greater zeal.



A year later, Sergei dropped about 80 kg, was absolutely happy. He built, broke down, paid more to Marina than he promised. It was the last meeting, when he said by phone that he could not come to her - he had an urgent business trip for a couple of weeks. Sergey promised to come immediately upon arrival from this trip.



He called Marina, told her he had arrived and was ready to meet her.



The bell to the door – Marina opened and (further her words quote):



“I almost fainted – Sergey stood on the threshold with a huge bouquet of flowers, smiling to the whole mouth, but...He was even thicker than before we started our classes! At least 200 kg at first glance. I am in total shock!

How! How could he recover in two weeks what he lost in a year of hard work?

I could not say a word. In my head there were thoughts about my complete incompetence, about some kind of Sergey’s illness, about the need to change the profession.



What happened to you? I asked when I could speak.

Nothing, everything is fine! Here is my brother brought to you, he also wants to lose weight, seeing my results!

With these words from the back of the first "Sergei" came out the second - a complete copy of the first, only already thin and ardent, with the same smile on the face.

“Sorry, Marina, you decided to play a little bit with my brother. This is my twin brother, we are constantly confused.



I almost killed them both later. “..

Do not be offended by your fate, she still has to fight with the hustle.

This is the story of a woman whom some people thought was a blonde. She walked into a large hypermarket and saw a stunning pot for 8 thousand rubles. Expensive, but she liked this castrulence so much that she bought it.
Coming home, all the stickers laid off and let’s bake and steam in it all kinds of tastes.
The next day, she went to the store again to buy something, and there sold out. And this pot instead of eight costs just three thousand. Any insult could be resolved.
But our girl instead took and bought another pot for three thousand. I came home, took the cash check from yesterday’s purchase and returned with it and with the new pot just purchased to the store. Say, yesterday, here you took for eight thousand, it did not fit me, I want to return, everything new, not even opened.
I returned eight thousand. She was not a blonde.

My wife brought a second cat.
The first cat thinks I’d better bring a second wife.

raccOOn18: guys, I can confirm as a girl - size is not important! You can split up)

Chlenovoz: But yet you have raccOOn18, not raccOOn13...

One day, I was driving from work on a standard soil, tired and overwhelmed after a long day, looking out the window, thinking of my own. My stop was a bus stop, so I wasn’t afraid to go through it.

Unfortunately, as it turned out later. Shortly before I stopped, the guard suddenly stopped on the foot of the shops and a small coffee shop, the driver knocked the door and wrapped it in the sunset. I thought, “Where is he, 5 meters before the stop...” and fifteen minutes later, when my legs in the frozen bus began to freeze, I was obscured. I sit all in black, I am a little girl myself, in the dark cabin I was not noticed, the stop at the route is final, near the night bus stop. The driver of the bus decided to go out to eat.

I opened the door – locked. It is impossible to climb onto the driver's seat, and the conscience to leave the bus open didn't allow - the driver here has everything to change.

In short, I kissed for forty minutes. When the hopes left me, the driver finally returned, cried, got into his place, was going to start the engine, and...

Do you bring them to the stop?! to

I haven’t seen such high jumping fat men.) And there are no such round eyes of fear either.

Porzhali, of course, drove until the stop and did not take the money for the trip).