Never call your girlfriend to bed with the phrase "Lack of wood!".

I came back yesterday from work and forgot to call my wife (usually after work). My wife asks me why I didn’t call. I said I just forgot. I got another question: and how to understand it? This question put me in an impasse, I still can’t understand what I had to answer.
Dear girls, can you tell me how I should have responded?

One of the advice is to take your face seriously. Smell suspiciously to the right, then to the left. And you whisper to her ear:"Electric turtles steal the emulsion" is the only correct answer.

As a friend asked how it translates "I Wanna Fuck You Now" well and I licked something like "I want to say that you look amazing" I didn’t think he would behave until he heard how he decided to "blink" with knowledge of English and loaded this phrase under the English of the 50s, the whole audience just cried...

Conversation at dinner:
"Dad, I read here that when there is no food, there is always fat in the freezer and dry lemon and garlic in the refrigerator.
It is all lies. There is still ice in the freezer.
The light in the refrigerator?

Is there blood on your hands?
– What? I have stumbled.
Killed someone? The priest clarified.
“No, no,” I whispered.
Then you’re rubbing my head. Look at how many people are involved.

Dewarist

On the day of March 8, I call my brother and ask how he congratulated his girlfriend.He is talking about a festive kiss, festive pasta....And at this time his girlfriend catches the phone and says that he has little that he did not give anything, because even early in the morning ran to the subway and... sold tulips presented at work!

<xxx> I was fucked all night.
<yyy> is sweet? The Gent? The Arch?
<xxx> a girl :(
<zzz> and

Dear brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters! Love to you, happiness, mutual understanding and constant connectivity! With a celebration!

Cat, odmin, shredder, bouquet

For three months, you fucking all the brains with your skyrim! Is it the same with the mass effect?? to

They tell stories so much that my hair, even in the most shaved places, comes out of my skin to shake.

<Siouxsie> I am also eye-catching and
<Siouxsie> is all the same!
<Pierre_Dix> Siouxsie: It is in the glasses he seems big!

March 8th: Make a gift to your wife, take a shave!
Where to shave?
How you complicated the task with a gift:

"My father told me that when he was in the army, they brought liquid nitrogen and one soldier opened it and pushed his finger there and it froze and fell.
- O_O
I couldn’t sleep all night then.
What would it be like if he pulled something else?
No, I thought they had fluid nitrogen.

Yesterday at work, I was told that today I should come all as beautiful: in a shirt, a blouse and heels. I thought even today everything would go well and not have to climb under the tables of juggers. This is fucking =/

I bought two cats: a boy and a girl.Name Aston and Martin (Asti and Marta in Russian).
Aston Martin has bought...
Wow wow, how then?
Okay, it just eats a lot.

from JJ:

Here you walk through the street through the mole, and by the edge of consciousness you note that a snowflake is flying right into your face.
Such a big snow.
Oh, the big snowflake!
A huge snowflake!! to
...and at the next moment you are already pulling a white plastic bag from your head.

From Vitradispersio:

It has long been noticed that by a chair on the toilet you can immediately determine the matriarchate in the family or the patriarchate. If it is customary to leave the chair by default raised - the patriarchate, down - the matriarchate.
There is still caterpillarism. This is if little that the chair is lowered, and the lid is blocked, so that the sacred cat does not drop into the toilet :).

7 March *

Do you congratulate your girls?
yyy: oral and cake + greenfield tea set
Oral: Oral is not verbal.

“The architect covers his mistakes with a plush, the mistress with mayonnaise, and the doctor with a blade.”

Photography
I recently met an interesting guy named Sasha. High, representative, secure – in general, a real gentleman. I was lucky to be at his home. A very polite and economical wife quickly arranged a table with all the accompanying elements. We sit, drink, eat and talk. And here I see a picture in the frame on the wall. In the picture – a slim dark girl, with a slightly sloppy look. I am polite about the owner, who is he? The husband does not look at all, for the daughter - the age is not suitable, so why does her photo occupy such an honorable place? The owner laughed and told me a very strange story.
Several years ago, when he was serving in the army for a period of time, six months before the dembel, a fellow servant showed him a letter from his sister, in which she wrote that one of her friends very much liked Sasha, whom she saw on the photo sent. And this friend just begged her to let her write Sasha a letter. Sasha had no girlfriend, so he gladly agreed to the correspondence. Soon there came a letter from Nasty (that was the name of this girlfriend), which was so complicated and beautifully written that it incredibly captivated our hero. Plus, in the envelope was a photo that Sasha could be said to have fallen in love with.
They started a novel in letters, which then smoothly grew into a phone novel. By the time of his demobilization, Sasha no longer imagined life without Nasty, and this despite the fact that except for the photos he had never seen her. And here, after the service, he goes not home, but to a distant unfamiliar town to his beloved. Just imagine what a shock he experienced when it was discovered that instead of a black beauty with dark eyes, Nastya turned out to be a red and simple girl who was absolutely not in his taste! Sasha, of course, scandalized quite a bit, but quickly calmed down, as the stunned Nastya immediately confessed to the deception, assuring, however, that all her letters were written from the heart. Having placed all the points over I, Sasha went to the station, to buy a return ticket, and the girl killed by sorrow, like a shadow, plunged after him - to carry. At the station, it was possible to get a ticket only the next day, and, seeing it, Nastya began to ask him to spend the night with her. The city was unfamiliar, there was nowhere to go - I had to agree.
Well, as the reader probably guessed, the next day Sasha did not go anywhere. Only two weeks later he appeared at home with the bride, from which his parents (very, by the way, solid people) had, as if gentler to say, a slight dizziness, from the "pleasure" for his own son. Despite all sorts of troubles that stood in the way of Sasha and Nasta, they married, and live, soul to soul, raising two red son. From a happy family life, Nastya flourished, turning into a real lady - with a proud attitude and aristocratic manners. And here in memory of their unusual acquaintance, Sasha and Nastya decided to hang on a prominent place the same photo, with which, in fact, began their happy life.
Well, and now, the most interesting: who is this stranger, whose photo was put into the envelope of Nastya? The porn star Sasha Grey.