bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №111228
 26.03.2015
Discussion of a difficult client:
That is the behavior of the baby. Lots of noise and noise, but I can’t say.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Even though babies are easier to understand.
X: Yes, and listen... can I give him a breast? Not my own, of course.
Give it up, forgive it.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №111227
 26.03.2015
Doctor: I understood what a difficult post-Soviet childhood was.) I broke out the old things and found a half-sleep, which I bought in class 7-8 "for growth". He is now almost up to me - it is a 30-year-old man under a hundred kilograms of weight.)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №111226
 26.03.2015
>>> we and the cat were exactly lazy of the highest degree - now 3 minutes stood in front of the inner door /*which he knows how to open perfectly*/ and stupidly waited for who would open first...

And who won? The cat?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №111225
 26.03.2015
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XXX is good to do. I came today from work, hoping for a miracle, turned the music into the contact and there. All creatures are like this.
I am slightly upset, I cut off the sab (totally, even the power cable pulled out), I turn off the columns, twist all the wires, carefully put everything in the corner and... music played, her mother!!! to
XXX I, carefully riding the bricks, look around, no. I am home alone.
xxx music definitely plays next to, not loudly so as if bullied
xxx intuitively looking for a cat, he can do a similar henna, but here too. Not near him.
XXX is here for me! The monitors are playing!! You fucking imagine, the monitor stands and a song is singing to me!
xxx for about 7 years of its operation it happened for the first time))) I forgot long ago that the columns built in it
xxx immediately recalled the funny joke about the boy: what before it was silent?! Everything was fine before ?
XXX is shorter
xxx a little calmed down and soberly assessing the situation came later - I put the HDMI cable recently, and he and the sound calmly so transmitted)
xxx here

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №111224
 26.03.2015
What a delicious food!"

Smaug stumbled - "Many!"

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №111223
 26.03.2015
I’m often asked, “Well, you’re working, you’re dancing, and what else are you doing?” It puts in an impasse.
What I am still busy with. I leave every day at 9 a.m. and come in at 10 p.m. What else I am busy with. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes I eat.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №111222
 26.03.2015
zz (09:06:21 26/03/2015)
No matter how old I am, I will always know that one centimetre is two cells.
xx (09:07:18 26/03/2015)
Now the bread is less than a kilogram and the milk is less than a liter.
Do you think the cells are the same?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №111221
 26.03.2015
The husband:
The boss had a anniversary today.
I am :
Did you congratulate him?
The husband:
I greeted him.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №111220
 26.03.2015
<She>: You don’t cheat me there?
<He>: Of course I am cheating
She is younger than you and I am the first.
<She> O.O
<He>: I’ve been with her for almost 3 years
You can even say I am not cheating on you, but I am cheating on you.)
<She>: >.<
<He>: She is also almost 3 years old))))
<She>: You are about the car, right?
<He>: And who do you think of?
<She>: Who I just didn’t think about -.-

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №111219
 26.03.2015
Why did you take that the child showed scary pictures and scared something else there? At this age, some people already have menstrual periods, so they will have to give some information. Why do you think that a girl must be intimidated to death, so that she doesn’t run away at the first spike of hormones? The normal language is not understood by children. Why, in your opinion, it is normal to say, "Don't go down in the pit - you will fall asleep, you will get sick," but it is not normal to say that from unprotected sex there are pregnancies and / or infections with severe consequences? Of course, if you carefully hide any information about “this” (or even write down what “this” is ugliness), and then take and drop, the reaction will be far from normal. But who’s the parents.
I remember how girls (just 12-13) of our class were gathered and taken to the medical office to receive brochures about menstruation, female anatomy, contraception and the consequences of sex.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №111218
 26.03.2015
3 days of the most beautiful toolkit for reporting and collecting statistics :) did not sleep or eat! To find out that I have 24 people under one login! And the fucking statistics look like one column)))) matched in number with All ^^

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №111217
 26.03.2015
A man who believes he is participating in elections and a man of the psychic who thinks he is ruling the world are just different stages of the same disease.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №111216
 26.03.2015
The Cuban dissidents.
About Castro is a well-known fact, described in many sources, but few know about Den Xiaoping.
When China turned his face toward America, Bzejinsky began to threaten Deng Xiaoping, saying that the rights of dissidents were violated in China, and the United States would be forced to adopt an amendment to defend their rights, similar to the one they adopted against the USSR (Jackson-Venic amendment). To what Deng Xiaoping replied – no problem, how many Chinese dissidents are you willing to accept in the U.S. – 20 million? Thirty million?
This issue has not been raised in the negotiations.)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №111215
 26.03.2015
The creator of Adobe Flash Player must issue a short-term passport to update it every three days! In the name of justice, shit!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №111214
 26.03.2015
I came with a girl on the cartoon "House" (6+). The situation: the heroine locked the alien (let's drop the details where and how), and he in every way captures her about liberation. It does not surrender, and then the following dialogue occurs:

If you don’t let me go, I’ll shoot you in the eye with a laser. We are so capable! A Alien is screaming.
If you shoot a laser out of your eye, I’ll blow up your skull. A girl answers him.
You can’t explode a skull.
As we can! Just blowing up the skull is immoral, so we hide this ability, the girl explains.

I lean to my companion and whisper to her ear: "In children's cartoons and movies often whisper two-dimensional jokes, the hidden meaning of which is understood only by adults, so that they also have something to have fun while watching. It was a joke ". The reaction exceeded expectations. and :)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №111213
 26.03.2015
The WOT Forum
xxx: help find the melody of capturing the base, I want to put it on the alarm
Do you go to school with a rombo?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №111212
 26.03.2015
What do you have against Win 98? It is not 95!

It is obsolete for 15 years.

You are also outdated by 27 years, but many women will say that Ivan is still outdated!

But 27 years ago to conquer the heart of any normal girl you could at all in a couple of seconds - smile enough and sweetly let go of saliva

Also win 98 - 15 years ago he conquered at a glance, and now only cognizants or license owners (such as Sheldon Cooper burned it up)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №111211
 26.03.2015
The student has a car. I had a friend in the group. She lived near the town, in the village. The family is not rich. But the old penny was given to her, the eldest daughter, so that she could go to college - the bus is going badly. And nothing that penny - then, 15 years ago, the car on the entire faculty of students was only her, and the bridesmaids did not take off. And yes, a noticeable car.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №111210
 26.03.2015
My brother-in-law is fiercely Orthodox, he goes to church, counts with his father on all life matters, until now he has not fully agreed that my husband and I did not get married.

On the weekend we went to visit him, we went into the apartment. The first thing I heard from him, even before the greeting: "In no case put your bag on the floor, otherwise the money will not be paid!"

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №111209
 26.03.2015
"The Cranberries of Monsters": Google did not do it, and Yandex could. We do not have such companies monsters organize.


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