If you can only throw precious stones at a woman, then you can only beat a man with his chest.

In Kirov, in the kiosk, the printer - on the upper shelf of the toy - parts of the human body - the ribs there, the skull, the brain...
In front of them there is a label on the glass "Collect yourself!".

95% of the population believes they belong to the remaining 5%.

The girlfriend:
Why did he look at me like that?
He doesn’t like women, he has a wife.! to
I was crying.

See also:
-bit > byte > kilobytes > megabytes > gigabytes > terabytes > petabytes > exabytes > zetabytes > yotabytes - right? And what next?
The Abyss!

The easiest enemy is the one who goes on you with his fists, and the most dangerous is the one who swears faithfulness.

Somewhere in the 1980s came the fashion of home birth. Judging by the ZH and other Internet, it did not pass now, but it began then. Back to nature, so to speak. They gave birth at their own risk in the bathroom, with the help of a husband and sometimes a friend who had already gone through this test. On the one hand, of course, barbarism; on the other hand, given the then order in the Soviet nurseries, home nurses avoided many problems and stresses. In short, the question is controversial.

Of my acquaintances, the first decided on home birth, Vera, wife
The Costy Bayanist. In fact, the Moscow intellectual is not in the face, his instrument is a guitar, but Kostya has always been original in all respects, not excluding this one. He plays virtuously, performed with the most famous groups up to Spivakov. Although not, Spivakov seems to be doing without a banana, but something of the same level. not shrinking
Kostia and low genre, easily picked up any song and always accompanied on our sidelines. To date, one of my brightest musical impressions is "Sunnychko lesnoye", performed under the banana of thirty drunk gargling.

When Vera gave birth, my wife and I were just waiting for the baby and lively interested in all the details of the process. I visited them on the fifth day. Satisfied Vera, pressing a tiny naked creature to the chest, told me that everything went incredibly easily and successfully. There was neither severe pain nor fear, because all the 8 or 10 hours that lasted while giving birth,
Kosta played her on the baseball. She listened to beautiful music, lusted for it and felt nothing but unlimited happiness. In addition, Kostya assured that from such a musical entry into the life of children should come with absolute musical hearing.

After a year and a half, Vera, in the same way, in the bath under Kostin Bajan, easily and painlessly gave birth to a second boy, and two more - a girl. And then she suddenly divorced Kosti and married Misha, also a guy from our company. This was not something special in our environment: everyone was young, free of prejudice, easily falling in love and over-loving, did not consider it a betrayal and continued to be friends with former spouses and their new passions.

Kostya left the apartment to the newlyweds and, recruited to some touring ensemble, began to travel with him around the world. Not a year later, his stomach began to grow again. When I heard about home birth,
Misha, the son of doctors and grandson of doctors, who had never eaten an unwashed apple in his life, came into horror. Faith, for her part, did not want to hear about any nursing homes and demanded a bath and a husband.

They came together to give birth in the nursery, with a doctor nearby, but as naturally as possible: a separate chamber, a husband nearby, and god, let no stimulations, epidurals, narcissisms and even more caesarean. By that time, experimental nursing homes had already appeared, where you could agree on such things - of course, on the mud and for money. Mishina's parents, of course, were not happy when their son married a woman with three children, and treated Vera more than coolly. But they fulfilled their parental duty, pressed on old acquaintances and provided all the necessary conditions.

Birth from the very beginning went not as in the previous three times. In unusual circumstances, Faith could not be reborn. Periodically the doctor approached, offered anesthesia, heard the refusal and again departed – apparently, serious danger has not yet been seen, although pain and suffering were abundant. Misha stood next to him, listened to Verina's words and was tired of being unable to help.

– Well, why did I drop the bone, – Nilla Faith between the battles. He would have played in the battlefield now, and everything would have passed. And you... you can’t even make a lip harmonic, nonsense.

There is no worse insult to a man than when a woman compares him to her ex. There is no more incentive for him. Misha approached the phone standing in the chamber (the luxury is almost unthinkable), at three calls reached the current Kostina friend, learned that Kostya was on a tour in some Manila or Kuala Lumpur, and recorded the phone of the hotel. The call there should have cost crazy money – hell with it.

It was a deep night in Kuala Lumpur. Pulled out of bed, Kostya could not understand who and why he should play in the battlefield. But the words "faith gives birth" awakened in him if not the brain, then the conditional reflexes. He took the instrument, Misha brought a telephone to Verino’s ear, and from there the divine sounds of the Amur waves were poured out.

“Well, finally,” said Vera, laying on the back of the bed and straining the necessary muscles. “Well, finally,” thought the little boy inside of Vera and helped to get out. The doctor approached, made sure that the matter went, and left, surprised by the psychics of the mother-in-law.

But idyllia did not last long. Telephone communication with Kuala Lumpur was interrupted and was no longer restored. The child is stuck again.
It’s time to stimulate, the doctor said.
“Don’t, please don’t,” asked Vera. I want to give birth myself, I want to give birth myself. You are a man, do something!
“After half an hour,” the doctor warned, “I will not listen to anyone. I don’t want to go to court either.
“Support,” Misha shouted, running out of the chamber, “you’ll be beaten.

So tell me, where in the reconstruction Moscow at eleven o’clock at night can you find a battalionist? Misha rushed to the nearest cabbage, where live music played in his performances. Music was, but in the form of a rock band.
Misha thought for a second if Ionic would go down for the banana, then looked into the second cabbage, the third, the fourth. I went down in the subway – there were poor people standing there, someone was singing a violin, but there was no bayana. He went out into the street trying to figure out where there was a concert hall or a conservatory. There was no time for the Conservatory.

“Lord,” said the unbeliever Misha loudly, “if you are, let me now hear the sounds of the bayana.

I listened and really heard. He was in Sokolniki, playing behind the fence of the park. He moved to the sound - under the lamp several elderly couples danced, they were also played by a young, slightly drunk man.
“Dad,” Misha cried, “I need you. Let’s go with me and I’ll explain everything.
The grandfather tried to object, but Misha, swallowing on one shoulder, with the other hand already dragged him to the car.
Will you put a bottle? I asked about the Balinist.
“I’ll give you a box,” promised Misha, “but go quickly.

When Misha, where the money, where with a terrible look broke through the cord of babysitters, with a crazy grandfather on a trailer broke into the chamber, there were already doctors and anesthesiologists. Someone tried to put Vera a dropper, she was weakly repelled.

Stand on! I screamed Misha. You promised me half an hour, I still have five minutes.
He sat his grandfather on a chair in the corner, pulled him in his hand and said:
and play! Don’t look there, you’ll faint. Look at the instrument.
What to play?
No matter what, the Amur waves.
It was bad to go out, the doctor said. What we didn’t do at the birthplace, but we haven’t played at the battlefield yet. A clear omission.
Okay, we really have five minutes. Listen to the concert at noon.
My grandfather played.
“My God,” said Vera, “how terribly false he is. Simply impossible to listen.

and gave birth.

What is surprising is that the three older Verin children have a musical hearing, but the younger is a gifted musician. He does not play on the bowling, but on the bowling. I know this young man’s nick and not so long ago I noticed this nick in the community dedicated to home birth. So, I feel we will soon hear about birth under the hood.

If the farm fields are filled with shit, then in the end, a great result will be obtained.
But who will explain to Russian television channels that this principle only works well in the agricultural sector?

They brought a 7-month-old cat Semen to castrate.It turned out that it was not Semen but Simon, the most loud of all, the veterinarian was angry, looking at the poor cat under anesthesia...

On the local forum in the section "health"
xxx: Hi, my brother 14 years old, 2 days ago poisoned, now like better, says he hurts the right lung, smokes 2-3 cigarettes, asks to ask on the Internet. He is afraid to go to the doctor and thinks his parents will burn him.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Your brother needs to smoke more, then the second lung will get sick. Drink more for more severe poisoning. From the parents to hide until the last, or suddenly at the age of 14 by the pope atta. If it gets stupid, let it go. Well, you can inquire how long it will last, but to the doctor in any case, it will burn. Why do these people have no brain pain?

My cat has the most honest rules: when he did not joke, he forced me to respect himself, he dared to blame me in the tapes.

“When I was in the army, one day we were brought out of time. Lots of delays. And they fed them for breakfast and dinner, where for a month or more. Tastefully, of course, but since their shelf-life ended, they had one side effect – a very excessive accumulation of gases in the intestines. Everything would be nothing, but when at 6 a.m. the daytime suddenly starts "PODJEM!!!" and 120 exploding soldiers are shocked, this is stress, and you just don’t get enough sleep.

You are an idiot, the manometer does not measure the man, but the pressure!!!! to

Called to court today. While waiting for the start, I remembered that there was one unpaid fine. And they need to be paid within 30 days, otherwise they can close for 15 days, even for a fine of 100 rubles. I see a fine from the same number as today, only last month. I don’t think I have time to pay it all, and 30 days have passed – I got it. And then I realized how wrong I was when I annoyed the strange month of February. February is so cute. And people are so nice that they invented February. And I was so lucky that it was only 28 days. February saved me from prison.

The full version

The feet are white.
Fingers five or six.
Nails grow on the feet.
Between them there is
Below the stomach.
On top of her back.
She has saliva in her mouth.
She is almost invisible.
The back of the white ass.
The tail is growing.
In front of her mouth
She eats compot.
Where the protein takes the compot,
Do you ask me?
Cannabis in the Duck
of apples and oats.
In the middle of the nose.
It has a smell and a little sludge.
If you get them
You can make a glue.

There are many parts of protein.
But there is not much protein.
They say he sings,
But in my opinion it is nonsense.

There is no beginning,
But it has an end,
It is sorry. Not every protein.
Only when the male...

What is the name of the new movie Alice in Wonderland?
He: Are you joking?
She : No

xxx1 - I have a 30 cm line at home!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
XXX - I have an incentive! xd

Guys, my mother is very sick:( you have asked for everything, I will ask, just for support, it will help:'( thank you all

Max: more in the roles of the monkey.
Max: Olivia is fucking fucking.
amdi: PELLMENI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to
amdi: it roll))

That kind of girl! I want to fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her and fuck her again, fuck her 500,000 times a day! Every day! No weekends and no breaks. 365 days a year! I am crazy about her figure!
YYY: Yes, you smoke, it looks like a fire, anyway...
And you are straight niibazzo Sherlock Holmes.