bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 80 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45215
 30.03.2011
I work in the prosecutor’s office.
Recently he served as a prosecutor in the court.
The accused in the case was a citizen by the name of Trevo and eventually received 4 years.

Now I have to have a son and build a house.)

[ + 111 - ] Comment quote №45214
 30.03.2011
A friend says:
Well we come to work on March 8th, all the girls on the tables have roses (the boys tried)... and I have NO on the table!! I turn to our men with a look of complete disappointment, and they say to me: "You are not a woman in the shower - you watch football, you drink beer with cups, you know about the compass... you have no roses in the shortest."
And then, as they roast, get out of the closet, they suck me and say "Thank you, don’t shut up, the main thing is not what is inside...the main thing is that you have a breast!!!! (They are "

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №45213
 30.03.2011
She: Well, suddenly I will have some ability to fulfill your wishes. :D
Where do I need to waste?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №45212
 30.03.2011
The realist does not care how empty or full the glass is, it matters how many bottles are left.

[ + 166 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45211
 30.03.2011
Covered
I have a producer-general on one TV project – a gorgeous woman of fifty years, but she looks like 39.
A very bad girl... behind her back everyone calls her Gorgona, for her gentle temper probably...
But there’s one strange thing about her – it’s her mobile phone, it’s uncomfortable even for an old retiree... and that’s with the fact that Gorgona’s laptops aren’t cheaper than three “pins” and she changes them right away as soon as Steve Jobs seduces her with a new model.
At first they told her:
- Throw away this pre-dump crash, even the black and white display in it.
To which Madame stoned, shrugged her face and whispered in response:
I’m not paying you for giving me cell phone advice. and what
You are not satisfied with me!!? to
On her birthday, the entire company has been down on expensive phones several times. Madame driedly thanked... and continued to walk with her old man. And so for ten years!
And two months ago, during a meeting, everyone noticed with horror that the back cover of her phone went away and was wrapped by a Scotch RIGHT TO THE SCREEN... Since then no one has even hinted on Gorgone about the novelty of telephone construction... In the corner there were jokes like: “she has an egg in the phone, and death in the egg...”
And what about if a person is everywhere driven by a personal driver - it is stupid to teach him life and discuss his Scottish phone.
But I still took the risk...
He went to the Savelovsky market, tormented the surprised merchants for two hours, but found what he was looking for.
The next day, while no one was there, I looked at our lady in the office and said:
- Although March 8 has already passed, but I still want to bow and
Give you a mega stuff.

With these words, I put a new back cover from her old phone on the lacquered table.
She unexpectedly quickly grabbed her, kissed her, and... separated herself.
Her hands did not listen and I myself replaced the cracked lid with a new one.
When I was already in the door, the Iron Lady said:
Thank you, you don’t know what you did for me. I will live my
The little boy! He has become like a new one!
...You know, this phone has two minutes of a dictionary recording of our conversation with our husband. He called, congratulated me on my birthday and said how he loves me, even sang a piece of the song about the mammoth... Almost nine years have passed.
He never returned from that trip and died in an accident.

But she is not Gorgon.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №45210
 30.03.2011
I don’t like the weekend.
You just get to sit with a cup of coffee in a catch-up chair near a burning fireplace... And then it turns out that you have neither a fireplace, nor a chair, nor even a cup of coffee...

[ + 92 - ] Comment quote №45209
 30.03.2011
XXX: LOL
I downloaded something on p2p.
XXX: And the same guy from whom I was downloading began to push this from me when I finished.
xxx: I wrote him "What are you doing? I just downloaded this from you"
xxx: "Give my song back, fuck"

Punched (c)

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №45208
 30.03.2011
Can you tell me how to distinguish a Japanese from a Chinese?
yyy: The Geiger Counter

[ + 83 - ] Comment quote №45207
 30.03.2011
Just a joke!! to
Official note
I wear a special. clothes, namely - jacket x / b insulated, I want to report the following.
By the fact of birth, and in connection with individual physiological characteristics, i.e. Charismatic brutality, increased muscularity, corresponding habitus (and the accompanying abundant hair) noticed a strange pattern.
Under certain conditions: increased solar and magnetic activity or in the pre-threatening period, being dressed in the above vest, I get into some energy circuit.
Thus e. The hair on the body stands up with oak and sparkle sparkles on the entire area of the epithelium (except for the head).
Due to the specificity of the production. explosion and fire safety, have to use personal grounding (metallic chain) from belt to ground. There is no alternative to the jacket-socon jacket-power field!!Not a spark!! Based on the above, please allow me to wear a sweater jacket.
Signature / FIFO
The resolution
In order to avoid education
Producing static electricity
Daily shaving of body hair.
Head of the section G-IZ-107 FIO

[ + 55 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45206
 30.03.2011
[12:32:10] KillTheShadow: We had a butterfly
[12:32:30] KillTheShadow: the sweet spring butterfly
[12:32:36] KillTheShadow: I was so overwhelmed...

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №45205
 30.03.2011
Rules of Dance Competitions

The participant shall be removed balls in the following cases:
1) for singing music accompaniment."
Ruby creativity at the root.

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №45204
 30.03.2011
by phone:
It hurt so much because you have a big pitch!
Putin’s bomb attack
and?
Let everyone hear!

[ + 84 - ] Comment quote №45203
 30.03.2011
A new initiative specifically for President Medvedev is the transition to Latin.

The advantages:
1st In fact, nothing will change, while the whole country will be put on its ears.
2nd Certification of the whole people (not only philologists and teachers of Russian language).
Three Change all signs, reprint all books, etc.
4 is The people of 10 years will be occupied with disputes about how to write those or other words better and will hit politics.
5 is It will definitely go into history.
6 is Babok can be washed so much that the Olympics and the World Cup in football did not dream of. Officials will support everything.

The shortcomings:
1st People can get angry. But if it goes away by itself without a revolution, then anything is possible.

c) from the Internet

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №45202
 30.03.2011
Shoei: 29.3.2011 Meeting of President D.A. Medvedev with students in MEI
Wally: Cool
Will you go? ?
Shoei: no) do not let anyone)))

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №45201
 30.03.2011
All the most incredible adventures usually begin with a bottle of beer after work.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №45200
 30.03.2011
How do you sleep???? to
Yyy: Without a soft sign.

[ + 56 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45199
 30.03.2011
xx
From Bora
If aliens arrive, they can be boldly thrown into the shit! They don’t know what "Our" flowers look like.

xy
And if you knew, you can’t even throw flowers. How will they look at the civilization throwing away their cut off plant genitals?

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №45198
 30.03.2011
Another call to TP:
I> I have a static IP address service connected but it changes
Do you> now have the internet?
I> yes
He> then I don’t understand what your problem is.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №45197
 30.03.2011
Q: How to speak French?
Tagged: masturbating
Zzz with language.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №45196
 30.03.2011
All switching lasted 10 minutes. What is the probability of randomly clicking on channels to watch 10 minutes of broadcast without sound?

I once downloaded the movie, with a normal name, scrolled into 8 different places in the movie - everything is okay, sat down and watched with my wife - it turned out to be crazy.

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