The nephew asks, “What will you give me?”

I: And you are me?

She: The Painting

I: I painted you.

She: I don’t need a drawing at all.

I: What do you need?

It is a smartphone.

I : well. I will draw you the best smartphone!

My grandfather worked as an assistant mechanic.

Once, a small station opened near a village. There is a train on the rails, a scene was built near it, where an important uncle tells the people about such an important event. They listened mostly to women and children.

And then my grandfather looks out of the train and cries, “Come away, grandmother! The train will turn!”

People rushed out of the train. After a few seconds for them came, everyone laughed, and began to pull back to the stage.

My grandfather went into that joke.

It was served by Captain Anton Haritonov. He was able to serve in two parts before us, but there his position was reduced. Eventually he reached us. Then I asked him somehow:

and Anton! How was the housing in those parts?

Neither in that apartment nor in the other. But I liked the second more!

That is why?

"Well, in the first part, I was told: write a report, get in line, submit a certificate of form No. 1, other documents, and maybe someday the turn will come. The second one asked, “Are you married and have children?” No is! Go to fuck! It was quickly decided.

This incident happened 10 years ago. After a serious injury to the back, I went to work under an employment contract in a state organization for the position of an IT specialist. The money was paid ridiculously, but captivated by a clear list of duties and the ability to implement all my ideas without paranoid and contradictory information security instructions (at least I thought so when arranging for this job).



The problem of most state organizations is a very scarce IT budget, with amazingly grand tasks and plans. It is necessary to turn around and heal in all ways in the implementation of all the "hotels" of the management. Employees, who are eventually loaded with more and more work in the implementation of these grand plans, begin to conflict with IT specialists and often organize a serious sabotage of innovations.



At work, it was discovered that five employees did not have personal computers. More precisely, they were in the form of obsolete or unworking system blocks. The server was overloaded and needed to unload it as much as possible to spread non-profile tasks on other machines. The task was not trivial, but unexpectedly we were brought a sensory information board stand in anti-vandal performance. The tablo was proudly called “Information Kiosk”. The heart of this kiosk was a very good motherboard with the ability to organize a RAID-massive of 6 SATA disks and a rather very shaky processor. The special software kiosk worked only on Win-XP. Since the computing power of the kiosk most of the time stagnated, in the conditions of a shortage of free computers, I was decided to use them to the maximum for my work (and it was possible to run the miner). It was added two hard drives of 160 GB. The information kiosk has taken over the function of the main antivirus server as well as a network resource for the temporary storage of automatic backup of user data.



Night backup data scripts used the kiosk capabilities to the maximum. Since in HR the number of simultaneous access to the network resource is limited to 10 sessions, night backup had to be carried out in stages. Every hour, dozens of computers were "awakened", files and databases were archived, which were copied over the network to the disks of the kiosk. In the morning, the results of the night copying were transferred to the removable disk, which was carefully hidden in a iron box called a safe.



Two weeks later, periodically unexplained failures began to occur in my network – some backups, or even all stopped being copied to the disks of the kiosk and had to be taken over the network manually from users’ computers. I could not find an explanation for this problem. The test launches worked very well. You come in the morning - the kiosk is working, available on the network, not hanging, but the logs indicate the reason for the failure - the unavailability of the network resource. Initially, I was guilty of hanging an eight-port switch (switch), through which the kiosk was connected to the internal network. I had to put a whole cable from the server to the information kiosk and the problem disappeared for a while. Ten days later, she made herself known again. But now it was visible that the kiosk itself restarted at night due to a power outage. Well, that’s the problem for the “charming lunches.” I managed to lock the 1000th uninterruptor into the body of the kiosk and the normal backup operation was restored. I rejoiced – I achieved my own and solved all the problems that arose.



But two days later I was, gently speaking, disappointed. One of the guards complained to me. I prevented him from sleeping at night. This guard was a former officer and was well acquainted with computer networks and computers. It turned out that the night active operation of the kiosk caused the transition of its fans to enhanced mode of operation. The noise prevented him from sleeping.



First, he calmed the fans of the kiosk by disconnecting the eight-port switch, and then found an automaton in the electric shield that cut off the 220V power at the kiosk. But the interruptor I put inside the anti-vandal body caused him a feeling of tremendous indignation. As soon as he cut out the machine in the shield, the noise of the fans was added to a loud and boring scream of the interruptor that immediately appeared and finally deprived him of his night's sleep at the "fighting post".



The management ordered me to improve the ventilation in the anti-vandal body of the kiosk so that the mental balance of the guard post would not be disturbed at night.



This case was one of those that forced me to rethink my approach to the principles and rules of information security.

My parents usually blamed me in all my street fights. They said, “If you hadn’t helped, you’t have been hit.”

One case I will never forget. In our courtyard lived an 18-year-old schizophrenic, healthy even for his age, not to mention compared to us, 12-year-old boys. His peers naturally joked, especially because of his craving for not quite adequate things (coming up, squeezing people under their feet, laughing to give someone younger and say "joke"), but we sometimes played football with him, etc.

I was relatively new in the courtyard and especially with no one I had friends yet, some were stumbling, some "propiska" and, apparently, he decided that he also has the right to dig up to me, regardless of the age difference.

The guy just approached, struck me with a fist on the head, turned away and went. But at the next moment he had already rushed to his entrance. In a moment I understood why.

I still remember a father who, when he saw it in the window of the first floor, jumped out of the window, ran after him, and when he blocked the entrance door with something, the 50-year-old man jumped out, grabbing himself for a piece of armor coming from the wall and piercing the glass over the door, like the main character of the film "13 district" and jumped through it into the entrance. A couple of seconds later, the shizoid broke out from there, and the shizoid flew out of the entrance door (still locked with something). From comparing his skull to the asphalt he was saved by my fledgling mother, who stood up in front of him and began to swear to the Father Christ God not to kill him. Since then, the guy was going home as soon as I went out to walk in the yard.

For their child and for women, some fell, and for men even more. Do not be angry, Dad.

There is no such nonsense that the deputies of the State Duma of the Russian Federation would not have formed in the form of a law.

Yesterday was a story about how proudly it sounded: a Soviet citizen.

My friend’s grandfather bought a Harkov electric shaver in the 1980s. The shaver did not shave, but shrugged the scarf. The Marriage.
Grandfather packed this shaver and sent it to the factory by the manufacturer, attaching a note:
“I’m not asking for a change of shave, I’m not asking for a refund. I want only one thing – that the Chief Engineer of your factory should shave with this shave.”

I sent a good message with an apology.

Two grandmothers are talking at the entrance.
Have you heard of the garbage reform?
of course. They were then renamed the police.
Not about this!

My father is small, thin and has never played sports. He fought only once in his life and then lost the fight. But adrenaline, maybe despair, responsibility for a child makes a person a monster (in a good sense).



This is a childhood case. I was 10 years old. He went from school. It is 50 meters from home. I see my father washing his car near the garage. There is silence around and suddenly this silence is broken, some thunder. I turned around and the German Shepherd was behind. The big. Apparently not playing. I only had time to drop my wallet and take a few steps. The animal hit me in a moment. I am screaming. The dog breaks my jacket and a few more moments and I will be taken away. I remember this picture as if it had happened yesterday. Father runs, one calos has landed, a cigarette in his mouth. He jumps on the dog and rolls it like a rugby player. Then they both jumped, but the four-legged did not give up and jumped on his father. As his father said, he was just lucky to grab the shepherd with one hand for the lower jaw, the other for the throat. I saw my father slapping the dog with his head, and then a slash and a suffocating reception went on. Father suffocated the dog. I saw how hard it was, but I was stupid and couldn’t help anything. My father suffocated the dog and, as nothing happened, ran to me and looked at me, although his hands were bloody and obviously very painful.



Then I understood what my father meant. Let even in his asset one fight for a lifetime and one defeat. For his child, he will break even a shepherd and sure not one.

xxx: A mystery solved by only 6% of people. Three people want to share two apples. You only need to do this with a single knife.

yyy: I understand the option of “cutting out the excess” is not considered officially correct? and :(

Zzz: With a knife in your hands, you can’t share apples at all.

xxx: I have been losing weight for a couple of years, the results are excellent, was 94kg, became 106kg

You are not on that side.

xxx: I hoped that after 99 the counter would crash

XXX: How ridiculous the plot of the movie "Call" would look right now. You find a mysterious video tape and don’t know what to do with it.

YYY: A ghost girl calls her phone and can’t call her.

When my wife asked what to give you for your birthday, I said, a self-propelled machine. Today was the time and she gave me a robot vacuum cleaner. She walks after him all over the apartment, rejoicing like a child when he finds his own charge. And I think I will give her a self-propelled apparatus in the dusk, and I will also rejoice like a child with every drop of the life-giving fluid flowing out of it.

There was a problem: the door lock was locked, I stayed outside. I found the phone of a specialist on the Internet, they agreed that he would come in half an hour. I sit on the stairs waiting, listening to music in my headphones. It takes 30 minutes, 40 minutes, 50 hours. and silence. I call back. The Master meets me with the wishes of all the anal cards. Through the streams, it turns out that he came and... called the homephone)))) no one opened, he was psychotic and left)))) I sit around, as they say. The Spring...

A familiar instructor told me. Further from his words:



I have a client, a grandmother of 84 years of age. We drive with her, well, it’s a collapse. She does not always follow the rules, rides very uncertainly and slowly, how will she pass the exam? ? to ? to I do not know. They agreed to leave it out everywhere, and gave it rights. At the last session such a dialogue:



Don’t worry, I won’t drive anyway.

Why are you right?

Because of my grandson. He did not pass the exam and lowered his hands, deciding that it was not his. And I will come and show him that if I succeeded, he will succeed. This is not possible, we have to try again.

Seven years ago I worked as a trolleybus driver. I decided to share the story.

So it turned out that the trailer I worked on broke slightly when I left the deck. I had to turn on the nearest ring to drive my wagon back to the depot.

The first ring passed through an alley with densely parked cars. It was about the hour of day.(The second change )

I millimetage and wire past all these car jets, I get stuck in the fence set by the mega-hard Merce. I’t go there knowing he’s there. It is not visible because of the trees.

Conductor Tanya echoingly says, “Everything, Shurik, has arrived.” Do not give up. I look like that, well a rough car for such places. In front of the bank collapse... Okay, it wasn’t. I go out of the trolley and go to the bank. There is a girl sitting on the first floor and calling the phone. The dialogue.

I: “Sorry, you don’t know which Mercedes is in front of your entrance?”

She says “No.” And then trail.

I said, “Did you hear nothing?”

She said, “No...”

I said, “Yes, I broke it all over the way!!”

A minute of silence. She cried out, “That’s Gandalf Alloizich!” (I just don't remember the name of the grandmother she spotted.) And on the spikes he flies up the stairs.

I go back to the car, smiling. Tanya Conductor: “Well, nothing worked out? sent to?“”

Here a man in a jacket with open eyes runs out of the bank. He flies to the car, looks around, breathes out, smiles, looks at me and understands what salt is. He sits and moves the car. We are passing.

Tanya tortured me for a long time, how she could, what it was, and what I told them. Í did not admit.

When people are made of the dirt, the country becomes great.
When people are turned into crap, the country collapses.

I do not guarantee the accuracy of the story, the wife's brother told friends.
They decided to come to a new-fashioned water park in the neighboring area. They entered his address in the navigator and chased him. When the navigator lady reposted "You have arrived at your destination," the friends looked confused. There were only private buildings.
The question is, “Where is the aquapark?”"He somehow strangely nervously shrugged and pulled his hand into the side of the transparent, on which the huge letters were written "AQUAPARK HERE IS NOT!!!"

Moscow authorities will pay 86 million rubles for clouds on Easter. I don’t understand why Patriarch Kirill just won’t pray about this?

I stand in the line for coffee, waiting for my big cappuccino, and a woman speaking on the phone followed me in the line. Judging by the conversation, and the topics she discussed (employees, their vacancies in the company, etc.).I realized that she was the HR of one of the network shops.

And here she says:

- There is a guy working with us in the department - Sascha, so we want him to be fired.

At the end of the cable, she was asked:

How, why and why? Idiot or job foolish?

Her response was hard and uncompromising:

He is a strange one! He doesn't communicate very much, he doesn't drink coffee with us, he doesn't walk in corporations, and in general...



Well, I thought, and went to think, behind a cup of coffee, how hard an introvert is in the modern world.