bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №96170
 03.04.2014
xxx: "specially for Russia, the car was equipped with an enhanced suspension and a tank of washing machine with an increased capacity"
ууу: I would specifically install an echolot for Russia for the location of the forvater of spring pine trees. They would save the roof and the laundry.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №96169
 03.04.2014
here here :

For the older school age:
How is a cat different from a dog?
Warning, answer: "the dog laughs and the cat laughs" - wrong

— — —
Judging by how they bury their products of vital activity, cats are front-wheel drive, and dogs are rear-wheel drive.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №96168
 03.04.2014
From Bigler on the situation in Ukraine:

xxx - What do you have in the political atmosphere such that there are so many zombies? Then Yulin’s political body revolted, then Yanukovych is threatening.
YYY is black. A politician will grow up.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №96167
 02.04.2014
At the entrance to the entrance, he stopped and was attacked by an important lady, who, whitened by rage and whispering on the whole Grain Street, shouted, "How dare you smoke here?"

I was alarmed by the appeal to "you" and I asked very politely where she came from.

"I live here and I will not tolerate that different people smoke here", the lady replied and began to mourn further.

I humbly asked in which apartment they live, because something I do not remember her, although I also live here, for a long time.

The lady said, “Remove me from here, bomz.”

Here I experienced a cognitive dissonance, took out the key and went into the entrance. The lady rushed after me with a scream – "Don’t shut up, shit!!and "

I said that I could not let strangers into the entrance and I closed the door.
While I was waiting for the elevator, she was still in it.

Yes, I am tough.

[ + 58 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96166
 02.04.2014
While you all look with your mouths open and loudly discuss Crimea and Sochi, the deputies slowly under the noise accept laws and amendments that will not let us live... so develop a habit, if there is some noise on the television - that is, until people are awake, the mafia wakes up...

[ + 40 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96165
 02.04.2014
I came back from the hospital again. As I realized, doctors have only two conditions:
"What do you wear with these little things?"
"What are you doing?"

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №96164
 02.04.2014
There are all sorts of inquiries in Balin's personal office. In particular, there is a survey about mobile fraudsters and one of the questions - does the operator protect you from mobile fraudsters? Options of answers:
It protects
does not protect
something else
My operator is in conspiracy with mobile fraudsters.

Why is there no point "my operator is a mobile scammer"? After all, the connection of the unnecessary service quietly nothing but fraud and will not be called.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №96163
 02.04.2014
From the series: "Showed"
I came with my husband to the dentistry clinic, to treat my husband’s teeth under sedative anesthesia (This is when a patient suffering from tooth pain is handled not only by a dentist armed with a bunch of terrible glands, but also by an anesthesiologist. Therefore, the patient during torture sleeps, and does not torture himself and does not torture the doctor. I am as an accompanying person.
In our case, Dr. Son was not only a professional in his business, but also a humorous comrade. We go to the office, to a meeting with the anesthesiologist: - Good morning, why are you coming to us?
My husband replied straight: I came to sleep.
The anesthesiologist catches up the topic: Is it with Marina Yuryovna? He points to the dentist waiting in the chair. My husband cries.
Anesthesiologist concludes: Marina Yurievna is waiting for you, well, and your wife... please wait in the hallway!
I was sitting in the hallway, thinking: somewhere I was fooled or I seemed...?)) When her husband woke up, the first thing she asked was, “Well, what?” How did you sleep with Marina Yuryovna? Naturally, the answer was the male classic: Dear, it’s not what you think!!! to
In fact, thank the doctors.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96162
 02.04.2014
She sat down on a coloured bench, spoiled her sweater and jeans, which she bought instead of those in which she sat on the coloured bench last year.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №96161
 02.04.2014
XXX: Oh three, the bird three.
The hunter does not chase the pigeons.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №96160
 02.04.2014
The noisy neighbors:

111: A good subwoofer works 5-6 floors on the stand

222: Have you closed the entrance door yet?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №96159
 02.04.2014
Vasex: We urgently need a corporate psychologist for the company!
Sashok: I agree that when he boils up, you can go to the room to relax, fill him with a moustache, and then calmly take up this messy job again))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №96158
 02.04.2014
<XXX> It was strange to live... a Gypsies stood at the railway station, asked for a little bit, promised happiness. I said that there is no happiness and health in this country. With the words "You are right" she went to ask others %)

[ + 26 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96157
 02.04.2014
xxx: I have a lot of movies and pictures that I don’t even have time to watch, but they take up a lot of space. Can they be compressed heavily with a backup so that they fit on the smallest disk? It is not necessary to restore them later. I am unlikely to look at them.
YYY: Shift + Del

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №96156
 02.04.2014
to this
The child (10 years old):
What kind of actor does Chuck Norris play?

I immediately subdued—what, again the Handless?? to

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №96155
 02.04.2014
Elly: It was last summer. I am sitting on a bench in the park, such a little girl, warm up in the sun, waiting for my faithful. And as usual, my luck works - literally from nowhere, a drunken guy in the style of "hop" comes out. He comes to meet me. Posted near the bench, bleached something, finally issued a member question - who am I waiting for here? Hearing that I am waiting for my boyfriend, the guy apparently decided that he was unobtrusively sewn off and said: "Oh! And the guy is also a boxer, probably?")) I honestly answered – "No, the knight". And what "?“" And then he was so kindly knocked on his shoulder from behind. He turns – and behind him is my unseen standing. Just returned from the roll) Cutting the seedling in the shoulders, in one hand a helmet, in the other - a tail (only taken in the battle) and a collar in brown spots (accidentally the paint was spilled, but only I know about it))). And politely says, “Well, I’m a knight. Gopnikek looked at him from the bottom up, apologized and disappeared. I’ve never seen people shake up so fast ?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №96154
 02.04.2014
And suddenly, in its time, Christianity (or any other religion, or even all the present religions in general) also appeared as a pillar over something else?
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
You will not believe! In short, the new covenant will follow over the old.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №96153
 02.04.2014
Comments on photos of newborn cats posted on the forum

zzz: Photographs have a special value because they clearly show cat buds. It is known that they exist, but it is unrealistic to find a bud on an animal that has already grown wool (I have made numerous attempts). Here are the cats and their puppies.)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №96152
 02.04.2014
What is Spring 2.0? It’s when the flowers and other greenery under my window in the shore are ripping out of the snow...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №96151
 02.04.2014
If you want to look like a professional – always say "nuow, it was predictable", right after THIS happened.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna