bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №79760
 05.04.2013
If the taxes were paid in Russia all working citizens, pensions could be increased by 1.5 times - Olga Golodets.

If you submit anything from the office of Olga Golodets, the mono will double GDP. and Anonymous.

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №79759
 05.04.2013
He was in the Tax Inspectorate.
It turned out that I tried to cheat the state for 800 rubles,
But he was exposed and sent home with shame to rework the declaration.
How do people spend billions?
I do not understand.

[ + 79 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №79758
 05.04.2013
I have always liked the creative approach of technicians. I have one acquaintance. The astrophysicist. What they do in the laboratory besides work, and what they do outside it, I am personally upset. I don’t think that can come to mind to an ordinary person. It’s from the same series as the idea of flying at the speed of light, refrigerators. Here, do you know how you can bring the airport security service to hysteria and be completely innocent? They were flying to observe a solar eclipse. Departure from Domodedovo. My friend took a piece of foil and cut a gun out of it according to the exact sizes. I put it in the notebook, put it in the backpack and put the backpack on the tape. Follow this dialogue.
Young man, what do you have in your backpack?
Nothing, books, notebook and notebooks.
I have a gun on the screen. This toy?
There is nothing there.
Open the backpack. Without sudden movements.
The staff of the SB approaches and surrounds. They nervous.
Well here please. There is nothing here.
The officer inspects things, finds nothing suspicious and asks why to put the backpack on the tape again.
Young man, what are you mocking? Look at the monitor. This is what, fucking, is it?
Maybe your equipment is broken?
Now you break up.
In short, the officer fell into a state of altered consciousness. A friend soon admitted and said that he had such a foil layer.
In short, physicists are driving. All from April 1.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №79757
 05.04.2013
The fun incident happened on the third day :)
A younger accountant, a blonde in the shower and in life, was instructed to have a bank client. Even without opening the instructions given to her in the bank, she relocates the task to the IT department. Well, herrrrr with you - I'm going to generate a certificate well and everything there depends. In order to make the certificate - you need a FIO on whom, a phone (where the PIN codes are rolled), soap, well, for the little things like INN, etc. Well, FIO gave the wrong employee, it happens. How did you get a left-hand phone? Generally the Left! The publicity. At the question subsequently - and what is this phone followed the answer: - Well, when he was dictated by Andrew, I first wanted to indicate my own, but then changed my mind and called the phone of the accountant.
The first four digits of yours, the other four digits of the headbook. Wait for SMS.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №79756
 05.04.2013
Today on the planner, the chief engineer gives instructions to the chief mechanic:
- It is necessary to make a list of units where the same equipment fails too often. All, the candy-flower period with them is over, it is time to move to more active actions.
I’ve never heard of such an honest order of fucking. =) is

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №79755
 05.04.2013

In the refrigerator it was dark, deserted, cold... And only a small mouse under the freezer quietly and sadly sang something, the master of the rope loop.
Mouse in feathers: what Berezovsky reminded me of...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №79754
 05.04.2013
I remember being a student at the end of the 90s, standing with a friend in line, money only for bread and milk. We are counting three wallets. A woman standing behind me leaned toward us and said quietly:
Are you not falling down?
Looking under your feet - there is a 500 ruble note.
I had already opened my mouth to honestly say that it was not us, as my friend's elbow flew to my side, so that the whole spirit came out of me and the tears turned to my eyes. And my friend cheats that, say, we are so stretchy and bla-bla-bla, thank you. I go out of the store and I feel awkward.
- I saw your expression of the face, I immediately realized that you were gathered to crack, idiot, thank God I had time.
I still remember ?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №79753
 05.04.2013
I work as a trainer. Dialogue in class:
I: Write the topic. Primary and uncertain integrals.
Student: Is this something from the "Harry Potter and the Secret Room" series?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №79752
 05.04.2013
On the 1st of April, Peter went on. Record on the wall:

The sky:
Oh the earth! The whole surface is white. and ;)

The commentary:
Once upon a time the sky was so joke over the earth, and since then it has been rotating ;)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №79751
 05.04.2013
I went to a friend in Yekaterinburg. We sit in a taxi.
We are there somewhere...
Are you from Sverdlovsk?
No, from Yekaterinburg.
Taxi driver: 200 rubles
What if they were from Swarovski?
Taxi driver: then 100!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №79750
 05.04.2013
The node is separate. I am pregnant with terrible toxicosis, I leave the toilet after another attack, apologies, vomiting, and on the way to the bathroom to rinse, I machine-wipe my mouth with my hand. When a 3-year-old nephew of his husband saw it, he was shocked and asked, “What did you eat there?”!" O_O

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №79749
 05.04.2013
The first television images of the Earth from the first weather artificial satellite (53 years ago):

las68: And pretend, a photograph comes from space, and on it - a cube.

Or an elephant with a whale :-)

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №79748
 05.04.2013
The phrase of the day (the employee said today): “I don’t know anything... I’ve only worked here for 2 years.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №79747
 04.04.2013
Berezovsky died, and it was immediately revealed that the Mi-6 was involved in the death of Lumumba. I think someone has finished a place in the archive "Totally Secret"

[ + 22 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №79746
 04.04.2013
xxx: It is time to make a march of necrophils, or somehow intolerantly...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №79745
 04.04.2013
xxxx: And those who served in the army are given any social nonsense?
Yyy: you can hit everyone’s face once a year and swim in the fountain.
zzz: like muscles are left to use after service!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №79744
 04.04.2013
xxx: Tell me, please, the calendar of women's menstrual oriented to men:
to be able to track the cycles of several women, by attaching to a specific group in the contact list. And if there are functions "who can today?", warnings about PMS and ovulation - generally super will be.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №79743
 04.04.2013
XXX is a cat.
Tagged: cat
XXX is a cat.
Tagged: cat
zzz: This is the highest concentration of cats I’ve ever seen in dialogues.
and cats!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №79742
 04.04.2013
The town was called the Great Place. ?
I personally knew a man from Chuvakov. They have two villages, Big Chuwaki and Little Chuwaki.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №79741
 04.04.2013
Top pearls of my boss:

I saw this service and started toiling my hands.
And then it will start to pull the knots...
There will be a lot of extra costs...
Do you ask me a question or do you want to hear the answer?

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