In Russia, it is difficult to predict when you will be snatched, and when you will be searched.

Our deputies in the formulation of laws are unimaginable!

Smoking and drinking pregnant Russian women were offered to be punished.
“The draft proposal proposes to establish that in case of the person who directly carries out the holiday of tobacco or alcoholic products (the seller), doubts about the absence of pregnancy in the woman who purchases tobacco products (the buyer), the seller is obliged to demand from the buyer a document allowing to establish the absence of the state of pregnancy in the buyer”, – said in the explanatory note to the bill.
https://lenta.ru/news/2018/04/19/siga/

What smoked the deputy of Lenoblasty Vladimir Petrov?
How does he imagine it? All of us!! Absolutely all more or less caressed women (that is, even thin ones) are required to have a certificate from a gynecologist about the absence of pregnancy. Update every 1-2 weeks.
No is! Not so! The cashier at the expense of the institution provides a test. A woman, not leaving the box office (what to be ashamed - the law is the law), writes. and all! You can buy cigarettes or alcohol.
I totally agree that a woman should not drink or smoke during pregnancy. But! If the legislators even create such strange Drafts of Laws - this is a pizzade!!! to

“Fuck you, not the property tax!” - condemned Baba-Yaga, adding chicken legs to the bush.

I took myself in a distant almost childhood (years of 12) a chicken hand. She was wearing her worms, feeding her hands, she used to me herself, did not run away. And I will come to her, eat and sit next to her to learn more.

Here somehow I sat next to me, and the bird looks at me in the face, blows up next to me, as if he wanted something. How it falls in the eye! Fortunately, right in this second I decided to tilt somewhat... The clove hit me slightly above the right eye, literally half a centimeter (there have been many years, and the red spot is).

I learned to cook chicken very early.

What is the gender equality we are talking about, if when a woman is compared to a cat, she is cecual, and when a man is with a cat, he is fat and naked?

So, like many children of my age, I spent part of the summer, as well as weekends and holidays in school years with my grandmother in the village. I thought the most dangerous animals I could meet there were dogs, snakes and alkas, which were not so many. There was something more dangerous. My friend’s father had sheep, and he had a tribal sheep-lammy, aggressive, just a shit, the size of a tank and with strength slightly inferior to Chuck Norris. Usually he was isolated in his personal squad, where he ate, slept, and was naked with a iron barrel, when he got bored, he carried out a gate or fence and went to kill... everyone... One day even I got pitches in my leg, I had to fly far.

Well, at one time, the alkas used to spoil dogs and steal the courtyards, but my friend's father was not finger-worked, he heard this, he chased the dog for the night in the barracks, and in the courtyard launched a lamb, who, by the way, did not touch his own, but the strangers were scorned at once. I don’t know the details, but the thieves got puzzles – one still walks with a trunk, the other has a very curved arm and a broken eye.

Baron then lived for a long time, but he never got on the shale, feeling old age with a scream - "in Valhalla!!!" He ran into the last battle with a huge tractor K-700.

In Chinese companies it is considered prestigious to hold Europeans. This means that the company can afford a foreigner and dilute the colour of narrow-eyed eggs in square meters. M is

Anon: So my friend was invited to work in a Thai hotel (a prestigious skyscraper), came to rest, spoke English - got a job with a good staff (standing at the reception), worked there for 3 years, was the only Russian in the hotel, he was even enrolled for a vacation (when he worked) to be more comfortable, because our even wealthy tourists can’t speak English.

I don’t understand, is it the job of a monkey or a white gentleman?

333 The monkey.

Conversation of two friends.

I visited him in guests...

Well and how? ! to

What can be said about a man whose pride is a rectangular plate in which you can cook all kinds of plates, attention: not breaking! ? to ...

Blythe, where he got that, I want it too!

She shot today:

People like you hold this world.

What is this quality that does not allow him to fall?

- you are from the rare male caste of "lovers of small boobs", God keeps you...

and stopped.



I do not consider 1.5 small, but nevertheless, men, we are the backbone of the nation!

I recently bought a subscription to a fitness club and it wasn’t so happy.

You come to the gym - all the figures and muscles are cooler than you do.

You come to the pool and everyone swims better and faster than you.

You come in the shower with all the scissors more than you do.

I am not created for fitness.

The city of Krasnodar Volgograd-Kazan. Due to the weather conditions from Krasnodar we depart noticeably later, and the connection in Volgograd is only 20 minutes. And here we are still in the sky, the descent does not even smell, and the landing on Kazan, judging by the landing ticket, has already begun. I approach the stewardess, and still, I seem to be late to do all we die. The stewardess with the poker face says you will have time for your Kazan.



Here the landing is over, and we are just descending, I am already in panic, but the stewardess’s poker face is unwavering. Finally, we sit down in Volgograd, I run to the right gate, trying to pick up the right words such as this is not me, this is the other plane and what should I do... And the landing in Kazan is just beginning. Not believing my luck, I sit in the transfer, we get to the plane, and there... THAT DAM! The same plane, the same crew and the same stewardess with a poker face on the board: I said you’ll be able to get to your Kazan.

The motto of the officials: "The power to sweeten when there is something to steal."

Swedes and buses.

The Soviet Union at the end of the 1980s. Restructuring and publicity are moving across the country, the Party and the government have allowed enterprises to conduct independent foreign economic activities.

I, a young specialist, work at one of the machinery factories, and we were attended by Western delegations with proposals for cooperation.

Our factory was large, and its passenger fleet consisted mostly of the “red” Ikarus, who doesn’t remember – large 40-45-seat buses with soft seats. At the time, in the cities of the USSR in general, there were very many "Ikarus": "yellow" used on urban routes, and "red" - excursion or interurban. And if the yellow "Ikarus" were somehow different from each other - single, "harmony" - then the red were all like twins-brothers.
In our factory, the red "Ikarus" in the amount of about a dozen were intended mainly for the exits of employees to the sub-chief farm "on the shelf", "seno", "kartoshka" and so on. And in the rest of the time, they were chased around the city as travelling cars, because Volg had nothing in the farm: the director, his couple and, of course, Partorg.

So, we receive another delegation from a solid Swedish firm in the number of two people. I am ordered to meet them in the hotel tomorrow morning and bring them to the factory. Transportation is of course factory. Our translator tells us:
"Listen, I met them today at Icarus, so they refused to get on the bus! They couldn’t understand why two people sent such a large transport. Elie convinced, almost pinks in the bus caught...
How do I deal with them tomorrow?
Don’t worry, they promised to give “Volga” tomorrow.

We have not cheated on Volga, and here we go to negotiate with the Swedes. Driving 20 minutes, they are men of company, fun, trembling about it. They can’t calm down:
- Yesterday my wife (one of them and his wife came) walked a long walk around your city, and then could return to the hotel on the bus! He is very proud of that! So I told her not to be too proud, and that I was also riding the city by bus!
In two minutes:
Why did you send us such a big bus? It’s fuel, ecology and everything else.
It must be said that environmental issues were already very relevant in Europe at that time, and the extent of our equipment’s impact on the environment was one of the important topics of the negotiations.
What I could answer:
Well, it’s logical: a big factory is a big bus!
“Okay, if so, we’ll get two buses tomorrow. They laugh. We are two!
Okay, two is two! I said the same with laughter.

The next morning no miracle happened: all our Volga were occupied and I was given Ikarus. We arrived at the hotel early, the driver stopped the bus right at the entrance, and I went inside waiting for the Swedes. They come down, we go out. And what I see: next to our "Ikarus" is parked the second one! Here, the main thing was to withstand the “dirty face”, but I managed! I turn to the Swedes and say this very seriously:
You asked for two buses, here are two buses. Who will go in which?

After I managed to catch the completely crazy and frightened Swedes in the hotel hall, I persuaded them for another ten minutes that it was just a joke and that the second bus just accidentally arrived!
We were a little late for the talks. :)

© EugeneSPB

We live in Germany. My son came from school and said:

“I met a guy today, so he learned that I was Russian and told me that one day they played Russian roulette with the whole class.

At this point, I thought about myself, “Well, what a nonsense! They played all the class in Russian roulette.

It turned out to look like this:

As soon as the teacher asks the first question, the whole class raises hands. To whom the teacher pointed, he lost.

In order for the people to be silent, they are shut their mouths like little children with the events of emptiness.

It is said that the history of Armenian radio began with the reservation of the Yerevan dictionary: “With capitalism man exploits man, and with socialism everything happens the opposite.” After that, the radio station became the character of numerous anecdotes, beginning with the phrase "the Armenian radio is asked".

These anecdotes were so popular that the representatives of the real Armenian radio were uncomfortable. At the beginning of the 1970s, the All-Union Meeting of Radio and Television Workers was held in the Column Hall of the House of Unions in Moscow. When the chairman announced, "The word is given to the representative of the Armenian radio," there was such a whisper in the hall that the poor representative was not allowed to start the speech for a long time. When the laughter finally became a verse, the same representative took the microphone and said, “We are often asked...” They say, after that, the work of the meeting was completely paralyzed.

Doctor, will you recognize me? I sold you my diploma of graduation from the medical school.

Anyone who has at least once studied and passed the theory of PDD knows that there is an insoluble situation in the rules of traffic.

This is when four ordinary cars arrive at the same time at the unregulated crossroads.

With the same road coverage on four sides.

Each of the cars gets an "interference to the right." In life, such a road situation hardly happens. but.



You’ll cry, but I’ve been in this situation as a passenger.

It happened in Mongolia. They also drive according to our rules. I don’t remember where we were going, but it doesn’t matter.

There were four cars at the crossroads. I am watching this pathetic situation.



They left in two seconds. I ask the Mongol, why?

“Whoever has a larger car, he has an advantage,” the Mongol driver replies to me. (There were two grasses and two grasses)

“Well, I can understand it,” I don’t lag behind, “but why was the one on the left passing first?

and E! You don’t understand the Mongolian rules. The one on the left is the driver’s test of what was on the right. We have so. Respect the age.

I work in a medical institution. There are not many fun situations, especially on the day of duty. And here is one of those, told by a brave gynecologist...

A woman arrives at night with a directing diagnosis: "A foreign body of the vagina." They take her to the gynecological examination room, the doctor looks, and there is a decent piece of fresh carrots, he pulled it out. He wanted to keep the woman under surveillance, but she refused. And here they sit in the doctor's office, the doctor makes her a discharge. He asks, “If it’s not a secret, how did you get the carrots there?”

Woman: "You understand, my husband and I drank a little in the evening and decided to diversify our sexual life, took carrots, cleaned, the process went! And then suddenly she broke in half... And a part of it remained in me.

After her following words, the doctor barely containing the attacks of laughter, pulled out of the doctor's office and remarkably rattled.

Woman: "To get the fingers of my husband was absolutely not possible and then he went to the kitchen behind the stove!!!"

I live in the private sector.

Long tried to get rid of the mice in the house, closer to spring they disappeared.

They were eaten by rats.