The FBK case was listened to in a closed mode, because it contains secret materials.

Don’t we know all the palaces yet?? to

A large swarm near the sarai, where we had snows from the yard all the winter, did not melt before the May holidays.
On a hot spring day, playing in the courtyard, I noticed a traffic jamming from a melting swarm. He pulled and pulled out a whole, untouched bottle of vodka.
Nothing surprising was this, the father sometimes on the way home hid his ass in such a way that there was something to heal in the morning.
I picked up the bottle and joyfully ran into the house.
and Dad! and Dad! Look what I found!
Oh you are! – said the father, and clarified, looking at the label. Where are you?
and there! In the shrine of Sarai!
The mother, who was sitting in the room and stuffing something, was unhappy with the topic of "alcoholics who will hide, and they themselves do not remember where they hid." Nothing good was predicted.
Meanwhile, the father opened the bottle, smelled, made a swallow straight out of his throat, and suddenly splashed.
The water! He said confused.
The water? My mother questioned suspiciously.
Well the sticks! My father broke. I'm glad I'll have something to drink after the bath!
- To you, alcoholics, what a bath, not a bath, just a reason! My mother burst. Where is the water from? Was it exhausted?
Under the blockade? No, it should not. The Father said.
He again thoughtfully smelled out of the bottle, and suddenly said.
Look, what is the number?
My mother raised her eyes to the calendar.
It was April 1st in the morning.
Well then I understand! He stumbled on his father’s forehead. His father’s son played. The young man! And the traffic jamming, most importantly, how clever it was, I didn’t even notice.
He approached his mother and threw her bottle throat under her nose.
If you don’t believe it, smell it yourself.
It is to the corpse! Mother is out. Smell any other infection.
Her mood clearly improved. She laughed, stood up, opened the closet, took the chocolate from the top shelf hidden for this occasion, and handed me the words.
The boy, the boy! We need these alcoholics!
And the upset father went to the kitchen, and demonstrately poured the contents of the bottle into the dishwasher. His mother watched the process on his shoulder.
The most important thing is the vodka of Yaroslavl. My mother showed me the label. We didn’t sell this time!
He breathed out again, threatened me with a finger, and placed an empty bottle at half a dozen of them in the corner.

However, from the bath, the father returned unusually cheerful and conversational.
I found it somewhere! My mother was surprised.
What a man will not find after a bath drink! My father laughed, looked at me, and suddenly blinked. This is not Christian!
My mother responded with her hand on him.

And for me it remained a mystery how cleverly and at what moment my father tricked to replace the bottle I found in the shed with a bottle of water, which he poured into the dishwasher.
I didn’t ask, and now I don’t know who.

The Deputy Prime Minister of the Russian Federation proposed to reduce the number of regions through their unification.
I propose to reduce the number of officials, through their unification in one place, on the Colyme.

The man took his girlfriend home. He loved his girlfriend very much, simply adored it, and could not wait for the date to end.

Ask me why? No, not in anticipation of loving delights and gentle feelings, he just had a very swollen stomach.

I had to smile, hold on to a lucky bite, but the cold sweat came out on his youthful forehead and everything bubbled treacherously in the gut.

Near her house, the girl invited a guy to visit her, motivating this with the absence of her parents. It’s stupid not to agree, right?

And, the guy from the last forces, having gathered his will and his betrayal belly in a single piece of nerves, boldly stepped into the rescue shell, hoping to relieve from the cursed meteorism as soon as possible.

Entering the hallway, the girl whispered to her lover that he should enter the room, and she said she would go to the kitchen and prepare something for tea.

The guy, in a semi-deaf state, felt in the darkness what a door and literally crashed into a dark room, deep into the lungs of the air, he sown released from his boiling volcano a long drizzling sound of an orchestral helicopter.

And, beginning to squeeze, he nervously tried to squeeze out of his belly all the gases that had long tormented him.

It was like some wild African dance, with its own accompaniment.

Then, to hide the traces, he smelled a terrible odor, he invented nothing more than to remove the painting from the wall and scatter it around the room.

After the exhausting creative action, when he last waved, like an albatros winged painting, the light turned on.

Why did you not turn on the lights? His girlfriend knocked off the switch and...

Have you read Gogol’s Revisor? Remember, at the end of the dark scene?

Imagine a guy standing in the middle of a room, holding a picture in his hands.

And on the couch, with the eyes drawn out of horror, lies a sweet couple - her sister and her husband, tightly pressed to each other, with the appearance as if they were flying down in a burning plane.

Imagine what a shock they experienced when, as soon as they began to fall asleep, someone broke into the room in complete darkness, sitting down, began to whisper loudly and, then, taking the painting off the wall, began to mock it, as if he was conducting some satanic ritual.

Xxx: Fuck, I recently got out of the courtyard and tastefully kicked in the car, the fucking smell is up the eye cuts. And at this moment a neighbor comes, with whom I have mutual sympathy. She sees me, I see her, I smile at her, and she’s supposed to stop, apparently to go where I should, and I’ve gone by. The pirate...

Often the exchange of opinions turns into an exchange of insults. But he rarely exchanges compliments. Something is wrong with those opinions.

I rented an apartment with a student. Sometimes I get a fake Tinder account, get acquainted with it there and after a short flirt I promise to come visit. It’s nice to see him beat our apartment afterwards!

Russia is such an open country that our secret agents are world celebrities.

Xxx: As a child, I was pursued by a nightmare, I periodically woke up from the fact that someone was looking at me through the window (in the second floor). This "somebody" was a character from the book, (I tried to stumble this book - it didn't come out)

And then, a couple of years ago, I dreamed I could fly as Superman, and I decided to fly to my village. It’s midnight and what to do? Let me look out my window, and I saw a little frightened self there!

This is how my brain jokes about me :)

Xxx: I was surprised as a child by the Italian fairy tale "The Wise Catherine". If briefly - after the wedding, the couple did not get along, and the man, throwing his beloved wife into the well, went on a tour to meet the adventures, and the port ladies. The wife, coming out of the well, followed him to Naples, Genoa and Venice, where changing clothes and haircuts intercepted the faithful before the local priests of love. The husband (who most likely had slight vision and brain problems), after a couple or three years, was tired of the catch, and returned home to check whether he had been widowed during this time. When he arrived, his wife met him with three children, whom she named by the towns where they were conceived (fantasy, hello). Then they hugged, and heep-and.

Xxx: What is the name of when you lie, but you want to lie even stronger?

Yyy: The Mushroom

I have a friend who works as a nurse in Morga. Contrary to popular opinion, he is a very fun and sociable guy. He loves to gather friends for a joke xD Jokes about "joke from work" will not laugh anyone.

Here is the story he told him after drinking another portion of beer:

He went to the local market for meat. It is hot in the market in June. In the meat row stands a sellers aunt, pulling Hunting Strong. Next dialogue (D is a friend, P is a seller):

Q: Can I have fresh meat?

Q: It’s all fresh!

D: Aunt, I work in the morga, I know very well which meat is fresh and which is not.

Aunt presses a beer and gets really fresh meat from underneath the counter. Since then, it has only been purchased. He says he also gives discounts sometimes.

At three o’clock at night, a man (m) writes to me on the air.

Q: Hi, do you sell a straw?

I: Well yes.

M is OK. You are comfortable if I come to you now.

I look at a friend, on an undrunk beer: okay, come

The man comes drunk, but in the costume, you can see that he is not craving. Taking the ointment.

Sorry for the curiosity. Why do you need a sting in the middle of the night?

M: I argued with my friends that in half an hour I will find a snail and bring it to the bar...

In response to Navalny's "Smart Voting" project, the Russian authorities will launch their own program "Smart Vote Count".

In the summer of 1981, a phone call was heard in the apartment of the young but already super-successful Soviet composer Alexander Jourbin.
In the USSR, a member of the Congress of Mexico came as part of a delegation. The Soviet Union had views of Mexico, so it played and tried to charm different figures from this developing country as much as possible.
The Mexican woman was asked - what would she be interested in seeing in the Soviet Union, who to meet?
The deputy replied that in her youth she was engaged in music and she would be interested in learning how things are in the Soviet Union in this branch of the national economy.
It was decided to show the goods with the face. The most suitable for the charm of the MPs recognized Jourbin - 36 years old, a member of the CPSU, at the time the author of 6 musicals, 3 operas (including the first Soviet rock opera "Orpheus and Eurydice"), 2 symphonies and several concerts for piano with an orchestra. This is not counting the many songs and melodies to the movies.
At the appointed time, a member of the parliament arrived in the apartment, accompanied by an interpreter and an accompaniment.
We met and drank tea. Jourbin, which is called, laid off his tail and told about all his achievements.
The shocked deputy listened with her mouth open about rock operas and symphonies, and was forced to admit that there was nothing like this in Mexico. Jourbin played several of his melodies at the piano.
Deputy, which is called “was captured”.
Finally, Jourbin recalled that his guest also had something to do with music and offered her to play something.
The deputy refused, saying that in no way could she even think of sitting behind the instrument after the great Jourbin, because his rock opera was played (think only!) Approximately 2,000 times.
After such gracious words of the guests, Jourbin went to the box office, got one of his plates, wrote and endowed it with a deputy.
But Jourbin tolerantly insisted.
The man finally surrendered. When I was young, I wrote a song. I will fulfill it for you now.
The Mexican sat down for the instrument and played. And even sang.
A ringing silence. All three Soviet comrades lost their jaw.
Jourbin joked something about what he considered this song a folk song. But not. The author of the melody and words sat behind his piano with his own person.
It was Consuelo Velázquez.
And her B.

Why is Rosneft not a foreign agent? The shareholders are foreigners, the board of directors are foreigners. Revenue in foreign currency from foreign counterparties. Where is logic?

Even making mistakes in a person must be in their favour.

If Coley and Olli were asked on that day, “What is the shortest month in the year?” they would have answered, “Honeymoon.” Only four months after it began, when Olya finally first had a need for a dress (at least for the weekend), they and Kolya left their room in the dormitory, holding in their hands a slice of a fortress, bought by the young man for the wedding in a fold-in by all the students and teachers of his home school, and headed to the female fortress Perelmutter.

On that day, Cole knew exactly that his wife was the most beautiful woman in the world, Olya knew exactly that her husband was the noblest and smartest man, and they both did not know the female messenger Perelmutter at all, so without thinking they pressed the button of his doorbell.

and a! He cried out to the prostitute, opening the door. And finally! — screamed this rapist, similar to composer Ludwig van Beethoven, what a brilliant musician is painted on portraits in that period of his life, when he was very old, a little crazy and himself is already deaf from his music.

Do you see Rome? Perelmutter continued, addressing someone in the depths of the apartment. By the way, they are customers! And they still came! And you also told me that after I shaved the hood for Madame Lisogorskaya four years ago, no one of the sensible will come to me!

“We’re with you about the dress,” Koala began. We were told...

Do you hear Rome? He was broken by the Perelmutter. They told me that the dress was for me. Thank you God! There are normal people on earth. I thought everybody was mad. Only you can hear around you: “Carden!”, “Dior!”, “Lagerfeld!”... Who is this Lagerfeld, I ask you? He cooked the porridge, entering the collar. He is dressed as the Queen of England. No, please, if you want your wife at her young age to look like the Queen of England now, you can go to Lagerfeld!

“We can’t go to Lagerfeld,” calmed the crooked Cole.

This is your great happiness! In turn, he reassured her.

“Because, unlike Lagerfeld, I can really make your wife a queen. And not any English! A real queen of beauty. Well, now for work... But first the last question: do you know what a dress is? be silent! You can not answer. Now you will tell me: rushes, wraps, pulls... Erunda! Maybe even Lagerfeld. The dress is completely different.

The dress, young man, is first and foremost a piece of matter, created to shut down everything we lose from a woman and to open up everything we win from her. Do you understand my thought?

The lady has beautiful legs. So we sew it something very short and thus win on our legs. Or, let’s say, she has ugly legs, but a beautiful bust. Then we sew her something long. In other words, we close her legs. But we open the bust, emphasize it and win already on the bust. And so to the infinite... Well, in this case, — the carpenter looked closely at Olya, — in this case, I think, we will not open anything at all, but we will, on the contrary, sew something very strict, absolutely closed from the neck and to the feet!

What is “totally closed”? I picked Cole. What will we then win?

In the colour! I joyfully cried out. “These raspberries on the green background you brought to me, I think, are very cute! - And, having picked up his crush meter, he began to skillfully measure Olya, writing something into the notebook.

“No, wait,” said Cole, “something I don’t quite understand!” Do you think that in this case we can no longer open anything at all? For example, what do you like with your legs? Do you think they are too thin or too fat?

— What about here? — replied the prostitute, without breaking off from work. Is this the matter? The legs can be thin, can be thick. After all, different women have different legs. And that is good! It is worse when they are different in one...

Something something? I picked Cole.

Maybe we’ll get out of here, right? He asked Olga.

“No, wait,” her husband stopped. What are you saying, dear? How are they different? Where is?! to

“Look at me,” said the prostitute. Do you not see that the right leg of your charming wife is much more massive than the left? She is more muscular...

He looked at Cole. What does that mean, Olga? Why didn’t you tell me anything about it?

What was talking here? I was upset that. In school I jumped a lot. He defended the sporting honor of the class. My right leg is shaken.

Well here! He solemnly shouted. What I am talking about! His left leg is normal. The human. On the right, it is clear that she is in a strong position. No is! This defect must be closed!

“Well, let’s say,” said Cole. And the bust?

And this too.

What too? Why is? To me, on the contrary, it seems that on her bust we can in this case... it... as you say there, very much win... So I absolutely don’t understand why we shouldn’t open it?

“You see, young man,” Perelmutter said, “if there were not a carpenter in my place, but, for example, a sculptor, he would have answered your question as follows: before you open any bust, it must at least be installed. I think you and I have the same problem. Do not be upset!

Think of it, Bust! Believe in the power of human imagination. We should correctly drape the fabric even what we have now, and the imagination of men easily drape under this fabric something that Mother Nature, with all its power, is unable to create. And this does not only apply to the bust. Take her face, for example. I, by the way, was always very upset about what the invention of ancient Eastern fashion designers, such as the...

So, do you suggest wearing a parapet on it? I was scared of Cole.

I didn’t say that...

“Cola,” said Olya, “let’s go anyway.

Stay still now! broke her husband. - I must, at the end of the day, figure it out... Listen... e... I don’t know your father-name... well, you persuaded me with a bust... Yeah, I see myself now... But what if we try to win, say, on her thighs?

That is how? Interested in the pork. Do you suggest opening them?

Well, why, you can, as you say there, emphasize... Make some extract...

— It is possible, — agreed the prostitute. - Only first will you emphasize where you see her thighs, and then I will make her an extract in this place. And in general, young man, stop rubbing my head with your foolish advice! You have already done your job. You are married. So you think your wife is the most beautiful woman in the world. Now my task is to convince at least a few more people. Yes, you too, lady, “Let’s go from here, let’s go!” If you want to be beautiful, be patient. All of. Today the work is finished. Samples in four days.

Four days later, the murderer Perelmutter met Kolya and Olya right on the stairs. His eyes shone.

Congratulations to you, young people! He was screaming. I have not slept for three nights. But, you know, I know what we will win in this case. Apart from color, of course. Really on your feet! Yes, not for everyone. Our right leg is, of course, pushed, but the left is normal. The human! So I propose a cut. on the left side. From the middle of the so-called thigh to the very floor. Do you understand?

And now you imagine the picture: a sunny day, you and your wife are walking on the street. She wears a new dress with a cut from Perelmutter. And everyone rejoices! Those around you – because they see your spouse’s luxurious left leg, and you – because they don’t see her less spectacular right! I think genius!

— Probably. — Axius agreed to Cole.

Listen to Rome! He screamed into the depths of the apartment. And he still doubts!

A few days later, Olya came to pick up her dress without Carly.

Where is your worthy husband? I asked Perelmouth.

– We’ve split up... – Olya whispered. It turns out, Cole did not expect me to have so many shortcomings.

Oh, that is what! She told the prostitute to invite her in. “Well,” said the carpenter, helping her get a really beautiful and very suitable dress. I didn’t like your ex-husband right away. We ladies have a blind eye on this. Think of the shortcomings! You may not be eighteen now. So, don't jump a year or two in height - and both of your legs will become exactly the same. And the hips and bust... If there is a market in our city "Privation"... In general, believe me, after some time you will still have to come up with the shortcomings. Because, frankly, we men only admire women’s merits. I love you... I don’t even know why. Maybe because of the shortcomings. My Roma, for example, had a huge number of them. Maybe that’s why I still love her as much as I did on my first date, even though she hasn’t been there for ten years.

How is it not? Olya was surprised. Who are you talking to all the time?

With her, of course. With whom else? And you know, this is exactly what I wanted to tell you about your ex-husband.
If a man really loves a woman, he cannot be separated from her even such a serious trouble as death! Not that there is a half-crazy parrot Perlemuter there...
Rome, am I right?

by Georgy Golubenko

Do you have a dream in your life?
Of course!
What is?
I want to watch the ballet “Lebovino Lake” on TV.
Oh my God! What is this dream? Turn on the “Culture” channel to watch...
I want to see it on all the TV channels!

Great work on the recovery of the country’s economy is decided to start with a big drunkenness on the May holidays.