I have a acquaintance. The most genuine Jew with the big letter E. Red-haired sensible little, in the head of a bunch of earnings schemes, love for my mom's freshman.

Then I asked him for a couple of transparent bottles:

Everyone loves the halloween. Why is this a national idea?

He replied with a thoughtful thought:

There is no. Jews are about savings. Here to buy a bouquet to your lady, trading for 500 instead of a thousand, it is Jewish, but to spire it with a "challenged" bowl, my friend, it is already a scam.

My mother took me to a psychiatrist at the age of 10. I asked what was wrong with me.

The psychologist replied that everything was okay with me, and something was wrong with her.

Two different types of people interpret the word profit in different meanings.

A joke or a drama. of Novosibirsk. A flock of 17-year-old children climbed to the roof and began to go down what was fun. On the family, walking down, joyfully crumbling dropped a spade, hitting the father, who carried a baby in his arms, a spade in his head. Have fun! ? ? ? The man in anger broke the bastard's jaw. The baby! 17 years in total! The Baby B.D. And the funniest thing that will be judged is not the fools, for the attempt to kill two or more persons, not the cattle of their parents, who gave birth and raised animals, but the man who dared to offend the cattle. A fun day. b.

Why do cigarette packs have such scary inscriptions and pictures? My kids are smoking!

Interview: “Tell me a little about yourself.”

I said, “Maybe I will not. I need this job.”

Everyone knows that drinking a lot is harmful, but not everyone knows what a lot is.

“General of Cossack troops” captured a “feet” from Mumbai

Everything in this story is fair, starting with the honest and true headline. There is a "general of the Cossack troops" by the name of Vlasov. So he decided that it would be nice to meet a beautiful girl and get acquainted. In the “Mamba”.

The acquaintance was successful. The general liked the girl. The girl liked the fact that she was interested in a whole general. The couple met and went to the general. The night was gorgeous, but in the morning Cinderella, that is, the fairy girl, disappeared.

In principle, we all know that real princesses do so so that the prince, well, or the general then finds them, passing through the thorns to the stars and then everything will be fine. But this is not the case. Because it turned out that along with the feather, 340 thousand rubles, the certificate of the general of the Cossack troops and the American passport disappeared.

After all, as it turned out, real Cossack generals do not live in the country of breezes and asses, but come here to visit from a more suitable for the life of the real Cossack America. At home, generals come to visit. Rest there, to spend the march. This time, the inspection did not go well.

And not sad. Because if General Vlasov passed to the enemies, then any patriotic fairy tale must punish him.

Why do Russian feminists not fight for equal retirement age?

We film a hall for a football game in one institute. Usually the key is taken by who comes first. The watchdogs knew us, gave us the key without any problems (in any case there is a list)

But I’m coming here recently – there is a new watch with a view of “go on***, I don’t know you.” I say football. I found a list in my magazine. At that time there were other men.

She said that the key from the hall will only give that one (well, the type of organizer who signed the contract)

We ask: How do you know that this person is he?

Tag: checking documents

We: And if he can’t come, what do we do?

Wachtarsh: So he will call me and tell them that he will not come, then I will give the keys.

The player has long stopped playing football. Therefore, they did not know what he was doing at the moment. I left, called the watchman, presented myself as an organizer. I said I cannot come. She asked the guys to give her the key, which she did.

And with the appearance of the winner, the wachter says when transferring the keys: you see, you could have done everything right away!

P.S Sometimes people complicate the process when you can do everything normally.

I sit in the McDonald’s and drink coffee. Right in front of me is a high stand with the same high chairs. On one of these chairs grandmother puts a little boy of five years old. Right behind him the caring old lady puts a chair for herself.

The boy is trying to grab something out of the food, but the grandmother says, “Wait, now I’ll sit.” Finally, the old lady settles right behind the boy’s back, takes a big hamburger in both hands and commands: “Bite.” The boy is listening, but the grandmother is dissatisfied: “Bite more, you didn’t have breakfast.” This is how they are managed with a sandwich. The boy uses cola exactly as well without the help of his hands. At all the attempts to take food on its own, the grandmother cries: "Well, I have cleaned my hands, stop talking, eat, let's!"

I hope he writes on his own.

A colleague has not slept for several days, complains: the neighbor after the death of his wife drank and started listening to music at night. and loud. I feel like I’m with him every night, the wall between the apartments is thin. Meloman could have been understood somehow if he had not been deaf. In short, I am tired. He called him in the apartment, knocked, did not open. Probably he does not hear. I am an erudite. by jpg*

Every night, at two o’clock, the sausage begins and ends at about four. He started walking around the neighbors, looking for contacts of relatives, found, gave the phone of his son. The son twisted his finger at the whisk, and the father was deaf. However, he wrote a SMS to his father and came to find out. It turned out that the son himself brought him a watch from the radio and, when he adjusted the time, managed to set up the alarm.

Oh God, how much you look like, and behind you, the same face.

My aunt’s acquaintance after the divorce pulled to the extreme. I decided to jump with a parachute. The first jump is a crack in the spine. A month on anesthetics, jokes "I had to do diving, fool!"
After 6 months call:
I call you from the hospital. I was hit by the scratch!

What is the difference between Viper, Vegan and Alcoholic?
You know them for 10 minutes:
1st Weiper said steam is 14 times safer than smoke.
2nd A vegan has said he hasn’t eaten meat 28 times.
Three You still don’t know that an alcoholic is a buoy.

My aunt’s acquaintance after the divorce pulled to the extreme. I decided to jump with a parachute. The first jump is a crack in the spine. A month on anesthetics, jokes "I had to do diving, fool!"

After 6 months call:

I call you from the hospital. I was hit by the scratch!

I was seven, and I considered myself a genius of cooking because of my mother's repeatedly praised ability to cook sausages without burning a pot.



That day I came back from school. My parents didn’t come from work yet, so I could watch TV. He was alone and stood in the most prominent place in the living room. They showed a culinary show.



- To prepare a home caramel is very and very simple, - said the uncle of the host with a smile. He had a very disposable face, you trust him right away. You need sugar, a little water and a pot.



Since it is very simple, I need to cook it, I decided and went to the kitchen. She mixed sugar with water, put it on a strong fire and waited. However, the contents of the pot did not rush to become caramel. I went to the television for explanations.



- The main thing in the preparation of home caramel is the constant mixing, - with a smile explained the good host.



Not a question! I ran to the kitchen, took a tablespoon and boldly swung up with the pot with the intention of mixing everything. At this point, the sugar mass bullied, the spoon obediently entered and froze. Now it could not be pulled out, nothing could be mixed with it either.



How is it? I was upset and ran to ask for advice from a good uncle from the TV.



If your caramel is too thick, don’t be upset. You can always add a little water to it, the good guide explained in detail.



exactly! How did he guess? I ran into the kitchen, poured water and looked carefully inside, whether it was time to mix. The black mass at the bottom under a layer of transparent water was not like the golden caramel from a TV.



What kind of shit? I wanted to get angry, but I didn’t have time. The pot began to black rapidly. In panic, I still guessed to turn off the plate and remove my cooking masterpiece from it. You could now watch the broadcast.



Now that your caramel is ready, you need to wash the pot. To do this, it is enough to pour it with hot water.



I seemed to do everything according to the instructions, but the spoon was still not pulled out. Mom had to come soon. In order not to be caught with my shame, I wrapped the pot together with a spoonful in a bag and, looking shy around, took it to the garbage.



A month later, my mother asked me:

Have you seen a pot in a flower? I don’t remember where I put it.



It’s been more than twenty years, maybe you should tell her?

I was once mocked in the anorexic community — when they claimed that very thin girls are beautiful because the straw allows you to enjoy the natural beauty of female bones, and I offered to cut off the skull to enjoy the beauty of the skull bones.

We lie down with a girlfriend and lazyly discuss her girlfriend’s prompt wedding.

Yes, she had already gone to the ZAGS to file an application yesterday.

Was she alone there? :)

You don’t need to be present in both cases, you just need both passports.

0 0 What?

What is?

- Draste, you printed my photos, and my phone tablet monitor is brighter and more interesting or / - I didn't work well there...

Well, let's see what can be done and if anything - immediately re-print. Everything is ready, you can take it.

Where are the first pictures?

We write them into marriage and destroy them.

But I’m “special” about my photos, they can’t just be destroyed!

Why not?

They need to be burned or buried. In the woods / in the mountains / in the ocean... in a clear day / on a full moon / in Ivanacupalu / Shabash

- For the first time I hear this, we regularly destroy and there were no complaints, but if you still need them, then you can buy them back.

- How to buy it out, they are broken, you will still throw them out... and suddenly someone will find them and ruin me. Give it up, are you sorry?

We will destroy them.

How to destroy?

This is so...

I put the pictures in the shredder and they break down into a bunch of pieces.

Will you take the cuts?

No need anymore! I could give them whole!