There was a funny incident yesterday. I cook pasta in the kitchen, and we can't smoke in the community, but everyone smokes, and smokes usually in the kitchen. The opera comes in (well a student, but kind of a guard something) here, goes into the kitchen, and I at this time caught a spoonful of pasta and checked for readiness, turned my back to the exit face to the window, I cool, the steam naturally goes.
He goes in such a way, sees from behind the back of the steam and such a "opla, kuurim" I turn with a spoon from which the steam comes. He broke and he left.
I still don’t understand how I managed to hide a cigarette under a spoon.

I posted a joke on the site, the moderator replies to me: "Your joke (history) "Too many p***s divorced..." was not missed in the section "Joke" on the site, because it violates the rules of the section or is not a joke." And the joke is in the topic...

As in the anecdote: "A uncle comes to the bank, he wants a loan for a gay club, he is asked, "Who will go to you?" In the loan they refuse, and he says to them: "And you come..."

I am a doctor.
A thoughtful man comes today to the reception, complaints about burning during urination, blood noticed more. Everything indicates banal cystitis, urine analysis is done. Explain what, in men, although much less often than in women, but urinary tract infection occurs, nothing terrible.
The man is somewhat ugly.
Then he asks - but at work they had a man alone, hearing about his problem, shared that he was also ill, just a couple of days ago, and he had chlamydia found, and even forbidden to go to work, said, very contagious. (Everything is right, but if in the eye, a trachoma is such a thing).
I explain to him with a blue eye that from a colleague at work he was unlikely to get chlamydia, it is purely sexually transmitted. She explained in detail - the fucking man is not fun. I sent urine to the flora, I prescribed antibiotics - I don't understand anything, what else he needs, what is dissatisfied?
Finally, after all my detailed inquiries, I gave birth - and my wife has the same thing, I went to the doctor today...

I have been married for 9 years. I have two sons. It all started with the fact that I blinked at a cute girl on the street, as a drop of rain hit my left eye at the moment when I turned my gaze right into her eyes for a moment.

xxx: My code is perfect, so I have questions to compiler developers.
YYY: I have a question to the staff of the psychiatric hospital where you were treated.

Most Russians very much want to hit the head 1) Orphographic dictionary 2) Orphographic dictionary 3) Mathematics textbooks for 5-6 class.

Wergon: Nastya, you’re like a promzone, just as wild and unrestricted, and I’m here to certify you.
Wergon: Your Production
Wergon: Your Products
Wergon: Implement your quality management system
Wergon: carry out a fire audit of your passion
Wergon: Develop the special technical conditions of your body
Wergon: Explore your facilities
Anastasia: not forgot to calculate the time of evacuation from my heart?

A very strange recipe for soup.

After such a soup, your ass will learn to tuum "Immortal power", even if you are a nihuya never dowaquin.

I never understood that you were so upset yesterday.
YYY: Well how to tell you... Played with friends in the "hat", I was in a pair with a young man at the height of puberty, so to speak. I explain the word “order” as “quality” when a guy doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t stick to girls. Especially for drunk" In general, his answer to “impotence” made me think about a lot.

Forum, discussion of the model of the car, then conversations on the topic of its use:

"The cooler the jeep, the longer to wash behind the tractor"
The Jeep is a type of car that will get stuck where no other car can get there.
Everyone thinks it’s not about him, but it’s a misconception.
So, in most cases of auto obstructivity, the matter is not in the passability of the car, but in the "preload" :music:

To all of the above, I can add the cruise phrases from Murphy’s Laws:

Principle of Auto
A car has to drive, a man has to think.

Law of Electoral Gravity
The object will fall in such a way as to cause the greatest damage.
The investigation of Clippstein
The most fragile detail.

Law of Field
You cannot fall from the floor.

Watson's Law
The reliability of the equipment is reverse proportional to the number and position of persons observing it.

Schmidt's Law
If you ruin the car long enough, it will break.

Axioma of Cana
If nothing else helps, read the instructions.

Let the gods decide my fate. I need an exam alone.

News: RedHat blocks Russian accounts
The discussion:

Wait for elections on the 25th, after which there will be real sanctions, not jokes.
You are tired of your sanctions. I have lived my whole life in the country of the “last dictatorship of Europe” under the fifth sanctions and more. And all are alive. Everything is reduced to the mutual measure of pishun, and if there is something to trade, or to buy, everything as appropriate, bring, build, or buy. And in general, we are talking about the practice of blocking, there are more yellow resources for politics, sanctions and bribery.
What are you proud of?
I am not proud, I confirm the fact. If you have a slug on the second round, it never ended at the edge of the potato. That doesn’t stop us from being adequate, drinking cola, walking with iPhones, and using the internet.

Two office blonds, without pressing “private”, merged the correspondence into the corporate chat:
Do you make bikini completely, but remember yourself as a baby?
I leave a thin strip like Hitler’s.

The work got up, the men on the cigarette half a day argued about something...

TomaTheSpook: I was told my new favorite story of my childhood
TomaTheSpook: At the entrance exam to school solved all the examples, logical problems, told a poem, but failed to "how morning food is called"
TomaTheSpook: Because I never got up before lunch in my life

He is:
You need to use something easier in the attack.
I am :
and UGU. The landing. He is so airy!

You, all of you, whispering, shaved, you have gone astray.

May he forgive you for this.

--------------------
Man I support.

First, only the real sloppy didn’t know what would come out on stage. Six months ago, this miracle happened. The cancer, as usual, came too late.

Secondly, I don’t see a connection between the fact that some fool has attached a female breast and a male beard to one body in order to shave his own. This is a kind of female absurd behavior. And considering that there are hundreds of posts on the topic of "going, shaved", this is also contagious behavior of lambs. Why don’t you spend your whole life here? "I went, joked" "I went, I broke up" As if it all looks very clever and funny, but in fact - a joke for the scant.

Third, you didn’t know WHO wins Eurovision. I, for example, love the Lordi band, and their participation in general and the victory in particular proved that this is far from a song contest.

Well, and the conclusion: I don’t watch the fucking competitions, I didn’t shave my beard, and I wandered from the high tower without breathing on this beard-crack. Listen to good music and you will be happy.

I sit like this now, here in skype to me a message from grandmother "What do you do?" I write that your borst eat, and she is like this time and call begins)I replied without a camera, she began to get upset and say "Take on the camera I will check how you borst eat!" At the same time, also made me with her spoon in my mouth to squeeze

xxx: guys, there is a MySQL Guru free
I need a small lick.
You write, we decide.
XXX: I am ashamed
XXX: I made a small request.
I don’t like the conclusion.
xxx: I need someone to look at the request and point out the mistakes
One day I had a problem on the forum.
xxx: so there was a crab before that stunned me that the answer was - better not to be born like this.

Discussion of Robots

The xxx:
The Three Laws of Robotics
1st Do not harm a person, let them decide, once they have invented.

YYYY :
2nd Do not prevent someone from hurting others.
Three Blinking and blinking with lamps.

I like to read the labels on the cosmetics before using, so that there is at least the placebo effect. Absolute hopelessness fills the inscription on shampoos “Fructis”: “Nothing will make your hair stronger” :(