bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №127993
 12.05.2016
I also found my old swimsuit. Also, my former was exactly 3 years old, 10 kg and two breasts size back. It was closed and I put it on, pressed in. When I realized that he was hopelessly tight to me, wherever I could and couldn’t, I tried to remove him, pulling the cowards off the poop first. The bandages on my neck and, instantly shrinking, the swimsuit pulled my knees to my ears. In such an asana, my mother found me sitting on the floor with her feet behind her head. While my mother slipped on the doorstep, the sister ran and five minutes of shame stretched out at fifteen, and the ass on the floor began to freeze. When I was angry and sadly pulled out of my insidious underwear, I had time to re-think my life, my present and future. So I know everything about the greed for children’s swimsuits.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №127992
 12.05.2016
The next time someone tells you, “I have the right to have my opinion,” say, “I have the right to have my opinion. And my opinion is that you have no right to your opinion.”

Then shoot the bastard and leave.
© by

[ + 19 - ] [10 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №127991
 12.05.2016
The future is only in Russia, because in all other places it has already arrived.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №127990
 12.05.2016
Honest Indian

Sergey and I studied in the first B.
One day, after the lessons, settled at his home to shoot from the real "air".
Not everyone was so lucky - to have a personal gun and not three penny bullets, but shoot as much as you go and wherever you want, only not in the TV screen.
In addition, the gun, even the example was not plastic, but the most real - wooden. Serega was afraid that the "air" with a wooden example beats a hundred times further than usual. Lying probably.
With a precise shot, we exploded the plate, frightened, grinded the fragments and made a small break, or before the arrival of the parents, the plates could quickly end.
Included a telecast, there was a children's film about how the same glorious guys like us and Serega, built the most genuine two-seat helicopter with pedal drive. At the end of the day, they got into trouble – they couldn’t take off. They twisted the screw like angry, but they did not break from the ground. They started dumping excess cargo, even some boards were cut off, but the helicopter did not want to fly for some reason.
We were so permeated by this dramatic story that we immediately decided to urgently build the same helicopter, in order to fly to Siberia to the Indians before the cold winter. We’re going to take off, not those guys from the movie. Here is only the load you need to really reduce and think to the gram. What is most important in Siberia? Of course “air.” How to ease it? Okay, I am trying to give an example. Saying - done, Serega buried in his grandfather's tools, found a saw and immediately crushed the example under the root.
This is where Seregin’s grandfather returned home. He looked at the fresh strawberries, picked up an unfortunate example from the floor and very much wanted to hear something from us.
We told them all. Where was it to go?
Grandfather, surprisingly, took the story of the Siberian Indians seriously and said:

- Listen, guys, your plan is good and I will not answer you, moreover, Sereza, I will cover you from my father, tell him that it is I accidentally dropped a gun from the balcony and the pattern broke on the asphalt, but for this you must promise me that you will take me with you. Three of the Indians. Do you know how I can break the pedals? We will not only take off, but in an hour we will be in Siberia. You just have to wait a little. I will soon be promised to do an operation and remove the German fragment from the knee, then we will immediately build a helicopter and fly away. Without that no.
How long to wait for your operation?
One year, two years, no more.
and oh! It is long!
Don’t worry, maybe six months. By the way, I also have screw boards on receipt.
The boards? Okay we wait.
Here are the good guys. Give me a promise that you will do nothing without me. As soon as I heal my leg, we will immediately build it up.
Give an honest Indian.

Often we gathered together, joked, drawn helicopter drawings, made lists of things necessary for Siberia, in general, seriously prepared for escape. A little more and...

Two years later, his grandfather was buried with a German fragment in his knee.
Serega and I burned for a long time and decided not to fly anywhere, given my grandfather "honest Indian"...

P.S

A celebration for you!
Remember all of yours and a little bit of Seregini’s grandfather.

[ + 32 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №127989
 12.05.2016
The Ministry of Economic Development proposes to overcome stagnation in the Russian economy by limiting wage growth.
- Right, and we need to start with the Ministry of Economic Development itself: no development - no wages.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №127988
 12.05.2016
In VK in a group on Unreal Engine, discussing a video with a fashion demonstration for Unity, in which the mechanics of creating scripts are visually almost entirely identical to the UE

Category: LOL
by LOL [2]
by LOL[3]
RS: LOL[4]
WH: LOL [5]
I am LOL[6]
MJ is LOL[7];
WX: Dear friends, I forgot to initialize the massive :) Or at least announce it.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127987
 12.05.2016
Supplementary

The guards who say “Goodbye” at night to everyone who goes out, just need to make a sign with such an inscription. And standing with her in her hands near the exit.

Both sides, in the morning they all say "Good Morning"

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №127986
 12.05.2016
xxx: I was recently shocked to learn that Pol Radu is 47.
Indeed, somewhere on the roof of his house hangs a portrait that is getting older than him.
YYY: He just got up on the roof to Elijah Wood and painted himself as small as he could.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127985
 12.05.2016
It is just an agreement. For the comfort. As with the holiday: you can drink on such a day. I don’t like it, think of your own. As if they were not Russians.

Psy the man! Your grandfather was born on January 7, and dies every year differently. Forget about it here.)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №127984
 12.05.2016
>>>>
And don’t think of all the fools who give the gaze.
>>>>

Perfectly on the machine, I pretend the distance and the probability of a sharp set of speed of the ashes with the trajectory intersecting with mine. There can be a lot of options: fucking under the spays, a heart attack (any other), a technical malfunction, and I am not a cat and my life is only one.
Yes, another stupid habit remained - constantly monitoring the roof for snipers and the road under the feet for stretching-mining.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №127983
 12.05.2016
[17:21:55] 1nk0gn1t0-:Politech was founded by 4 ancient mathematicians: Salazar Vereninov, Kandita Vishnevskaya, Penelope Odinokaya and Godrik Domchenkov
[17:21:57] 1nk0gn1t0-: One of them was a shit
[17:22:30] 1nk0gn1t0-: Vereninov wanted the students of Politek to be pure St. Petersburgers
[17:22:51] 1nk0gn1t0-: And took to himself on the chapter only by license
[17:23:18] 1nk0gn1t0-: It is said that after his departure, he left a secret room in the middle of the main building
[17:23:35] 1nk0gn1t0-: Where lives a terrible monster, nicknamed Pascal
[17:23:57] 1nk0gn1t0-: Which will deduct students who have not submitted coursework...
[17:24:21] 1nk0gn1t0-: Look in a month: Salazar Vereninov and the secrets of Pascal
[17:24:31] 1nk0gn1t0-: Blade my brain swam like you see

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №127982
 12.05.2016
“You’re a dumb chicken and you won’t anything in this life.” She wrote it on paper and asked her father to sign under his words. I did not sign for some reason.
In my favourite book, the protagonist did the same. People did not sign either. Most do not see a contradiction in expressing full confidence in something that offends another person, and at the same time refusing to sign under these words.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127981
 12.05.2016
A deep evening. He came home. The children are asleep, the wife behind the compass. and Dinner. My son is 2.5 years old. I saw him, I said:
Why don’t we sleep?
Silence goes on to the neighbor’s taboo
Dad, I don’t want to sleep! I am tired of sleeping!
“Son, let’s talk to you about this in 20 years?

by kemerov4anin

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127980
 12.05.2016
As my 88-year-old said to me:

My grandmother arrives at the stop. In a good coat of wool. In the coat. In wool shoes and boots "Goodbye youth" - these are vals with lightning.

30 years and 100 years is a different age. In old age, blood circulation is poor and the body of the elderly does not heat up.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №127979
 12.05.2016
X: What did you do on vacation?
YYY: The network checked, repaired...
XXX: What, has it fallen?
yyy: Oh, it fell and almost sailed away, breaking in places.
XXX: Did you not understand? O_O
YYY: In the village I was, fishing nets cleaned! and :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127978
 12.05.2016
At Krugobajkalka, a couple of kilometers from Port Baikal, where graffiti, rocky drawings and others are found on the rocks, there was Vasya, quite high painted someone's name, "1985" and a symbol of the festival of youth and students. Brightly, clearly, has not been washed off by rain, not a drop since then! The buildings painted in 1985 have been repainted many times. Or left irrevocably.
Someone in 1985 knew where to get an untouchable paint.
And did not tell anyone.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127977
 12.05.2016
A year for two (+70% +80%) only in the Zapolyaria and in the areas of hostilities (well so for understanding)

No, not only There were still people who could work in any city of the USSR and they were charged a guard for two years - workers of the counterchummy. You’ve probably seen in the movies of the pedos where they shout "call the CKZ!!!" and people come in special costumes and cover everything up to the squirts? These are only real diseases (pest, cholera).
My grandmother retired at age 57, with 74 years of experience.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №127976
 12.05.2016
They say, happiness is to find the one who was looking for you, if it is not a criminal search, a collection agency, distant relatives, about the existence of which you did not even guess, or the husband of your mistress, who guessed about you.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №127975
 12.05.2016
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Q: Am I registered with your team? You know I’m not against, but you can be against.
It is like what our foreign friends say.
See also: OOO
Tagged with: Velka
The valleys on Valaam are very strong.
The phone helped as it could.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №127974
 11.05.2016
Sold by 20280
The quote:
You can "read" while doing homework, walking or taking the subway.

Fucking seriously? No time now in the claim to the meaning of the said, but, modern, you completely lost the shame? In one phrase missing a few cracks is already something. Not even the generation of the EGE, as they like to say now, but it seems like a generation not allowed to the EGE. Pizzas, there are no words.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna