bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №99733
 27.06.2014
Yesterday in Tbilisi collapsed the multi-story building, which was built by Moldovans, hired by a Ukrainian firm on Estonian money, which Poland borrowed from England. The building was built according to a project developed in the United States. Georgian experts concluded that Russia was to blame for the tragic incident.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №99732
 27.06.2014
According to statistics, 80% of synthesizers mimic the organ.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №99731
 27.06.2014
Adygeia - rafting, trial, excursions to the sea through the mountains, wonderful water from which the hair is like silk.
The list can be continued to infinity.
And I, fucking, now what, hate all Russia?
------------

As I said before, don’t confuse tourism with housing.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №99730
 27.06.2014
From the discussion of the smartphone (almost everyone is dissatisfied with the camera of the phone), one of the comments:

Benefits: I like it
Disadvantages: I can't see
Comment: A blue film is glued to the camera lens. If it is not taken, blue and blurred pictures will be taken. He suffered himself and picked the balance of white, until he accidentally saw the film.
and :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №99729
 27.06.2014
It was in 2005. A call from Moscow to the Far East. 12 hours of night. The officer responds as required. They are demanding a commander.
D: And he is not.
M: How is it? Where is he? Give it MAMA!
D: And he is not. They are home.
M: Why at home?! to
D: The part is enough. Salary is delayed, everyone is home.
The money was sent by airplane within 24 hours. The guard, of course, excuse and deprivation of the prize.The whole part was suited, the pencil lamented, thanked.

Callers in Moscow never look at the clock or the map. They need it, they need it now!
The officer was humorous and courageous.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99728
 27.06.2014
The insurance company. The Client (Russian!!!) Completing an accident notice. (Punct and grammar have not changed.)
The circumstances :
XX moved on its strip, it was a night visible good, suddenly a wild beast (loose) escaped from the forest. I didn’t have time to shut up and I started crawling."
Thanks to the beast!! scratched the whole department. made our day.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99727
 27.06.2014
Sky: In the past, when I was walking in brides and I was standing on the status of 'pollocked', contextual advertising was delighted with variety: wedding photographers, guests, wedding dresses, wedding arrangers, cakes.
and now, being already a wife, the contact offers me to make a mortgage, take a holiday loan and buy diapers (

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №99726
 26.06.2014
xxx: I had an OZK chemistry somewhere. Here it will be an offgenic spectacle: such a customer comes in, and here a guy in the chemistry crunches on a cut under the Aztec heavyweight, chanting with a grout through the anti-gas filter.

It's fine, someday in my workshop (computer and near-computer rails are repaired) a daylight lamp crashed from the ceiling behind some fig, and crashed capital, a new one was sought for a few days, and a workshop in the basement, that is, windows are not provided in principle. And even the cuddled cat slipped through the ventilation not clearly from where and died a little without adding to the hole, in connection with which the smell there stood just heart-threatening. In order to not smell so strongly, I had to place a few flavored candles, which as badly got red and flushed left red streams and bunches of red paraffin on the floor.
Woooot...
And now the picture with oil: The client goes down to the basement, passes into the room, where in the dark, in the light of the flashlight, under the thunderstorm, the long-haired body instruments with a solder, and around him here and there red undertones, like intestines, hanging from the tables. And all this spectacle is complemented by the persistent smell of carcass.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №99725
 26.06.2014
Sasha_Pain: Oh, names ;D My favorite topic. If I translate the second part of my nick from English, I will get my last name ;D I like it very much, I don't even know whether to change it in the future for courage or not. It will not be better anyway.)

If a son is born, be sure to call him Maxim. and ;)

Whc: May Name from Hort. by Batt Hort.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №99724
 26.06.2014
XXX: I look at the vacancies on the website.
MCU "Service of city cemeteries"Leading lawyer
The only lawyer in the institution.
The only living lawyer in the institution.

WOW :
quiet and calm customers, peaceful atmosphere... deadlines all in the past... come to us to work!

xxx: ahahaha


[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №99723
 26.06.2014
Lost the Internet, I call the operator with a bad voice, I demand explanations...
The operator shakes 30 seconds and gives out:"You have a session suspended"
The only thing I could say was: What is the session? I have been working for a long time!
I probably heard how the operator rjet)))

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99722
 26.06.2014
I am standing in the box with a cart. A mother with a troubled son. My son is periodically pulling my cart from his side. I talk to him sometimes with disapproval, but for now I’m silent.
Suddenly I recall that the preservatives stockpile at home is close to completion. Not thinking for a long time, I take a pack for 12 pieces from the stand and throw it into my cart.
I see the child’s mother’s suspicious eyes.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №99721
 26.06.2014
From the discussion of repellents in the forum:
When traveling to highly mosquito-borne places, I take a PMM (modified Makarov pistol), with lighting and a laser target. It is best to target the mosquito in the eye, but even if the hand shakes, and you get into his ear - the mosquito, of course, will not kill, but his health will not be the same.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99720
 26.06.2014
E-cigarette, rubber woman, non-alcoholic beer... what next?
YYY: And that’s what you’re writing to me in the simulator?? to

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №99719
 26.06.2014
The Habr:

XHH: The forums are very complaining about high crime, have you encountered it in these three years?
WOW: Crime here is at the collective, primitive level. They are mostly trying to steal quickly. But that is not a problem. The main thing is not to give a reason. You cannot leave things unattended. You need to close the doors well, put good locks. I have not been stolen for three years. But I know of a case when people on the 3rd floor climbed through the window to steal the refrigerator with food.

[ + 52 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99718
 26.06.2014
We correctly calculate fuel consumption - 600 km divided by 100 liters! We get that the hammer eats only 6l/100 km, and that’s not enough! I speak to you as an engineer.

____________

You are an engineer, not an engineer. I am telling you as a student.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №99717
 26.06.2014
to this:

No need to think about how to earn both on the tower.
__________________________

Explain to me someone (we are not locals ourselves), where does the general opinion that parents need to earn a child on the tower come from? What does this mean? Studying in Oxford? Sponsoring scientific experiences? I have a friend, all crying that her life is difficult, because her mother did not give her education at the time. What had her mother to do? She ate, drank, dressed, did not drive out of the house. True, the daughter did not want to act with the help of the brains, and to pay for admission mother refused - apparently, this is her deepest fault, and there is no forgiveness for her.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №99716
 26.06.2014
My companion is very self-sufficient, even on the phone called the box office movie tickets to book, at that end, so they say- "but, what can I help?", and he so appeals to me -"oh, and what to answer, what do we want?" Me this is his character trait, at the end I got, I answer -bl#@de ask - what are the peppers in Ukraine!" He stumbled, looked at me, turned and replies on the phone uncertainly-"am...and what are the peppers in Ukraine?...O_o

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №99715
 26.06.2014
Fifty Shades of Grey is the story of how a 3-year-old boy walked in a white jacket on a children's stove.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №99714
 26.06.2014
Let me bring the quote to the end.

Do not read Soviet newspapers until lunch.
There are no others!
Do not read any of them!

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