And they brought the Duche and the Führer to the field of defense of the troops... and a battle began, equal to which humanity did not know... The strongest of the Duche warriors was terrible and fearless - a huge fierce Negro with an Iroquois. He knew no mercy, and there were no equals to him... And he sowed darkness, and went to victory, terrible in his nakedness.
Ladies and gentlemen, this was Edward Radzinsky, the latest news of football. Further about the weather...

Alex: I’m not too cold, I’m not going to get married to her.
Sasha, you’re a man, you get married, you don’t get married. Have you married your ex-husband too?
Alex: also
Alexandra: And they also say that the grandmothers with the emancipation sum came together. What can they demand if the men themselves do not know who is the husband and who is the wife?
Alex: Sasha, these are your rollers, don’t get me into them.

In the cinema on the film "Apollo 18: Shots of the Soviet spacecraft, inside everything smoked, filled with blood, mountains of garbage. A tense moment, alarming music sounds. The main character: "What happened here?and "
Friend, a loud whisper: Something, you can’t see, the Russians were whispering!
Hysterical laughter in the back

I work as an admin in a budget institution. Today, once again, printing the official note on the promotion of Z / P, decided to show a fantasy:
" is very good.
A very respected and respected *name*! Below I ask you not to refuse my request and raise my salary to the number of thousands of whole (at the moment I get the number of thousands of whole), because my legs and legs have long since weakened, and my bread is more liquid and therefore I only trust in You, the Saviour!
What do you think of Prometheus?
And if seriously - tired of holding 4 floors of the network one for a penny...Sorry.

Alisey
Pepper and Cause. Have you invented this word yourself?

gvsmirnov
and negative. I persuasively acquired this vocabulary from non-fictional literature.

Alisey
“Perpetually” – I add obligatory to my lexicon!

If a person is irritated by small things, it means that something is not suitable for him in a big way.

I went to the bank to pay for the apartment. It is worth two rounds of people ten, joined one. We stand still. The guy in front of me is ringing the phone. His voice is guilty:
Yes, I am already going. In the trolleybus. Yes is. already soon.
and silence. 5 minutes passed. He calls again.
and yes. I go again. In a traffic jamming... honestly in a trolleybus. I will not be angry...until now.
Everyone is smiling. Five minutes later, I call again.
and yes. Well, now, there are a few stops... Well honestly I eat in the trolleybus.
Here to him turns a man and so confident bass:
We pay for the rear floor!
Someone from the neighborhood:
I have travel.
The man again:
The young man you have!? to
A guy on the phone:
I need to get my wallet. I will soon.
For the next 20 minutes, while we were in line, no one called him anymore.)

“Bash”

Boy, go to the store.
What about the magic word?
Shut off the internet!
I am already running!

I am already on C++.
Dmitry: Good at least not for rape))

xxx: Why do some singles not put at all, while others put after every word?
YYY: Because the law of preservation must be enforced.
YYY: If somewhere there are overclocked, it means they are not somewhere.

And you know, if you put gasoline in these flags first, and then something edible, then there will be no smell of gasoline, I asked the orgs!
YYY: You didn’t ask about gasoline.
XX: Well about the kerosene!
YYY: And I did not ask about kerosene.
Well about champagne, what a difference!

Anyone understand in the electric plates?
XX: So what is the problem?
Natasha is moving 😉

- Today was in the Duma at the awarding of the winners of the essay contest. You can’t imagine what they gave! 😉
The MMM?
The keyboard!!!...
"Aftar is a small man! Take a walk!")))))))

The Russian people will never be happy knowing that somewhere there is injustice.

From a practising psychiatrist:

A patient's case is described as confident that when visiting a gynecologist, she was installed a thought retransmitter with a surveillance camera.

xxx: A pleasant voice in the air: "Dear viewers! We conduct our direct reporting from [censored]. A great guest in our studio!and "
yyy: The ratings will be...))))

My brother got drunk and told Vasa that if I didn’t agree to go out for him, he’d start rubbing the condoms. Vasya said to Misha, who works with him, Misha to his fifth brother, brother Peta, and Peta to me.
xxx: I'll break the nose to the next man who'll say something about women
XXX: What do I do now?
Yyy: he tp, let him go, be a man =)

I send the rays of diarrhea to the creators of the Miler Defender and wish them that before sex the castration option is established as well as this kind of defender - without demand.

gcrepmvbx: Damn, kind of dumb to change the rear glasses on the faner, to mirror from the outside, what will the Haishniki say?

Lazy_63: Ask if he probably smoked

XXX: That is what! I met a girl and she is still a schoolgirl.
It’s worse when you meet a girl and she’s a boy!! to
Yes, Moscow is not Thailand
yyy: in some places it is just concentrated Thailand

From Habr:
Why are the idiots stupid?
You can have sex with them and let them go.