Xxx: I was going to make an offer to a girl. I chose the ring. Naturally, I was very worried. I’ve been choosing for a long time and finally I liked one thing. I say, this is what I take. Next dialogue, I - I, PS - the salesman of the salon:

I: This is what I take!

PS: Well, they are paired, the second ring of what size?

I: Oh, I have enough of one.

PS: Usually, two take at once to be the same.

I: This is a strange fashion, why does it have two identical rings? We’ll come and choose what she likes.

PS: Look for yourself, this is rarely the case. Better take it right away (looking carefully at my hands).

I: Well, I don’t know... Two rings are somehow too bold, I’m not sure what the girl will appreciate. I will take one.

I took the ring and went to make an offer. Everything went well. And then, two days later, the bride says to me, “Why don’t you wear your own ring?”

The ring. his own. the couples. It comes to me here...

We arrived two hours before the opening. He bite his nails while waiting. Fortunately, it turned out that the seller understood which league I was from and put off the ring for me, although this is prohibited by the rules, and still waited until I finally got to me.

xxx: I went to the pharmacy before closing, there was a tired provider on the box, asked for a package of condoms. I received in response:

What do you have, big or small?

I was a little confused, as the girl was pretty nice, but not to hit the dirt in the face proudly said:

The middle!

She looked at me and replied emotionally:

A large pack of 12 pieces or a small 3 pieces.

Then I realized that I was slapping.

The good has almost defeated the evil, but tolerance has passed to the side of evil.

The theme of the lecture is “New York – the city of contrasts”.
I was not in New York.
And where were you?
In Istanbul, in Marseille
“Please, Istanbul is a city of contrasts, we will post an announcement.”

From some “contrasts” it remains only to shrink...

McCloskey is a family couple of wealthy elderly (61 and 63 years old) lawyers from St. Louis, who became famous last summer (28 June 2020).
A crowd of Black Lives Matters supporters went to siege the house of mayor St. Lewis, who dared to throw something they didn’t like. Police blocked the streets leading to the mayor’s residence. Then these “beautiful people” broke the gates of the mansion of McCloski (they have their OWN STREET) to pass through their private possessions to the mayor’s house. A fearless couple came out to meet them – he with the AR15 (civil analogue of the M16 assault rifle), she – with a gun. BLM racked up, retreated and sued them for “mashing up weapons.”
On June 17, 2021, the court sentenced the wife to a fine of $2,000, and the husband to a fine of $750. There was an offer to sell the weapons to a charity (I am sure the historic assault rifle would have been bought for good money), but the judge ordered the confiscated weapons to be released “under the press.”

And now, in my opinion, it is funny. The McCloskey family are not criminals, and are convicted of “misdemeanor,” not “crime.” Therefore, nothing prevents them from buying a new rifle in exchange for the selected one. What they did today.

Indeed, “this country was not called Honduras.”

Today you have no antibodies, and tomorrow you want NATO!

Xxx: When the red was burning, I accidentally shrugged my leg, and the guy stuck in the phone almost started crossing the road.



Yyy: The Perfect Crime

Xxx: years edak at 10 sat at home one watched cartoons. I drank juice from a heavy cup of fascia. The juice quickly ended, I sit and pull the remnants on the dough. Here, the circle was squeezed to the face. I thought, what if I pulled the air even harder? He did so. I sit and pull in the air with my mouth, I exhale with my nose. The bowl was sucked and held for forty minutes, while I stuck in the bowl.

The multics ended, exhaled with his mouth, the bowl fell away. I walk from the room to the kitchen through the hallway... I look at myself in the mirror and see that I have a huge, perfectly round, purple bleach on my half-face, below my nose, like the hammer of Homer Simpson.

In the evening, of course, I got a bullshit from my mother, and my father laughed to the heck.

I was 16 years old then. On the eve of Easter, my father went to work at night and asked me to paint eggs. I have never done this before and decided to look at the online instruction. The instructions were approximately as follows: “Driven the paint in the glass, drop the eggs there, wait five minutes, ready.”

Having done everything clearly by points, having laid the colorful eggs around the cushion, I went to bed proud of myself.

In the morning, the father returns, calls to the table, we beat eggs on each other and one is scattered. When my father asked me, “Did you cook the eggs?” I replied, “No, it wasn’t in the instructions.”

My brother and I have a 2 year difference. As a child, they were constantly fighting and sharing everything.

My parents left, I am 8 years old, he is 10. We made a caramel from sugar. They poured a kilo of sugar into the pot, melted it to a liquid state, and then the brother drops his finger into it in order to try. He begins to cry wildly because of the burn. But I’m not a bad guy, I push him up with words—why are you the first? I put my finger there...

Xxx: It was over ten years ago when microwaves just appeared and gained popularity. My parents for the new year, Santa Claus, pulled a microwave... New, white, beautiful and not just what, but the hollow LG) used it with great pleasure, as the grandfather said "THING".



Years went by, we children have grown up, began to leave the parent's house and when it was my turn (I was the last one) to leave the nest, my mother gave me this microwave, saying, "take a son, you need it, but a hot drink, and my dad and I will live without her, and there repair and buy a new one." And I am, of course, happy, single man, young man, in a separate apartment - the microwave is straight, the devil's machine, which replaces the cook)



Years went by, I grew up having a girl, a cat, moved to her in an apartment (of course, I took the microwave with me). Then I opened my office and thought what office would be without a microwave? I need people to somehow warm up food and pulled my old man into the office, and we and the girl bought a new one.



Years went by, my girl and I broke up. My office has already moved 3 times... and as if the moment of my move from the house of the girl back to myself had come) And it was decided to buy a new office - the customers are still going, and there is such a troubled old man standing heating food.



And since I moved to myself, so as not to buy 2 microwaves, I took the old woman home, let me live)



Years went by - I had a new passion, I did a major repair in the apartment, my favorite old cat has died.



And here at some point, when the girl washed the microwave washing - it's time to buy a new one, how much you can? She accidentally hit the screen with a nail and something started to go away.

It became interesting, we turned it and looked at it, we began to try to remove the pimples, and they became more and more, and at some point it succeeded and it turned out that we began to shoot the protective film of his mother.

The microwave at the time was more than 20 years old and we only noticed this film and then accidentally))

After the removal - she was as younger, became as new, fresh, white as if just bought) The desire to buy a new fell instantly and we continued to use it.



Years went by... Girls are changing, cats are dying, my brothers’ children are already in 6-7 classes, apartments are changing, the trees that we planted as boys are already giving full fruit – and my old man is still cheering and blinking every evening with his already a little dull lamp, heating up dinner for me.



Yyy: I’ve read the comment so far, your microwave has become like my native.

There is such a profession - it is good to get married from time to time.

There was once such a famous violinist Busha Goldstein. Selection of Odessa School. So this boy in 1934 was 12 years old, and in the Column Hall of the House of Unions in Moscow, the All-Union Senior Kalinin himself awarded him the order for victory in some international music competition.
The column hall, a 12-year-old boy, his mother before the very beginning of the ceremony recalls and says: "When grandfather Kalinin sends you the order, you say loudly: "Dad Kalinin, come to visit us." He said, “Mommy, it’s uncomfortable.” She says, “Bush, you will say!”
The ceremony begins, Kalinin sends him an order, the boy obediently says: "Daddy Kalinin, come to visit us!"And immediately from the hall a well-established voice, the wild cry of Busin's mother: "Bush, what do you say? We live in a communal apartment!"You think they got an apartment in a week? The next day!

by Igor Guberman

Unvaccinated people are removed from work, they are not allowed to go to restaurants and courts... But we argue that they will be able to come to the elections in autumn!

xxx: I have a neighbor a little: I taught her to do so very easily. I tell you: she spoke to me on some fictional occasion, the police came, we talked - they left. Then I approached her and told her that she was fined for a false call but they agreed to drop everything on the brakes if I just gave them a little bit for concern, took 500 rubles, took myself. Now the desire to use the police as a weapon no longer arises, the pension is so small.

Xxx: The case was in the late 90s.

I left the house at the age of 15, arranged as a carrier to the vegetable market, well, I arranged, attached to the herd, otherwise you won't call it, well, very "interesting" personalities lived there, someone was in search, someone was already sitting down, and there was nowhere to go, someone was just an alcoholic, and no one needed it, and someone left the house :)

We were 30-40 people.

I earned by overloading fruits and vegetables, and I ate the same.

In the summer, beauty, - watermelons, cherries, melons, peaches, generally a complete set for the growing body.

I lived right on the market, spent the night in abandoned villas nearby, went swimming on the river, in general, the young life boiled :)

And here, the careless, hot southern summer, with watermelons and swimming in the river, came autumn, and followed by winter.

Winter... who has not been a homeless man, you will not explain what it is for a wanderer.

It is cold, there is almost no work, and therefore hunger, you break from bread to water.

At the administration of the market we asked for a wagon, put a bourgeois in it, a good, there were no problems with fuel, melted it with broken paddles, spent the night in the same wagon, on the same paddles.

And here, on one such winter, gray, damp evening, we sit in a wagon, a man 12-15, (in the winter two-thirds of the poor disappeared somewhere, as if they were dissolving in the wet snow...), we warm up with the bourgeois.

There were two acrobat brothers in our intelligent company, deceased drug addicts, who did all kinds of shit. Mutted these traits in a spoonful of some infection, injected in turn, in the syringe still remains, and let me shake:

– Well you, Pioneer (my nickname), let’s go, it’s a shit!! to

And here I write this post, a 40-year-old Latinian uncle, I have a daughter, I have two higher education, with experience working abroad (Iran), with a favorite business, in my home, and I remember, as now:

Winter night, wind and wet snow.

I sit with the bourgeoisie, with the sleeves of the jacket a warm steam, on the wagon and the people lying on the wooden pads dance the orange rabbits from the flames, reflected in their thirsty eyes, the right cheek is heated by a warm light, rubbed in a bowl of wood, the spurs fly through the splinter of the drive to the floor, and I am persuaded to crash...



I sit down and think: what would it be like if I agreed...?



Yyy: What if you agreed and still lie there and let go of saliva, and we are the hallucinations of a dying brain?

I am afraid that future generations will no longer appreciate the tragedy of the aria "all my life to be in a mask is my fate!"

I got to call from different numbers a robot with speeches like "We offer you to buy an apartment in the city of Krasnogorsk".
I listened to the speech until the end, trying to hear the item "reject calls", and called the developer's office, and wrote to the mail - everything is useless. They promised to find out, but the cock was swimming there.
Then I started booking apartments. I book, arrange for a tour and don’t come, of course. The foolish managers are attacking me. But it passed only twice. Then George called me.
Hi to you. My name is George. Why didn’t you go on a tour again?
I did not want.
We are a serious company and we cannot waste our time. What time will you be able to arrive tomorrow? At 11 or 16:30?
George, you have struck me! I told you not to call me, but you go on! Get away from me!
If you continue to use non-normative vocabulary, I will block you on our portal and on the portals of all developers. You can never buy an apartment.
Never or never?
Never ever!
to shrink! Who said it?
I am telling you, George.
You are Gandalf, George!! to
George put the phone. No calls for the second month. A man’s word, fuck him in the mouth.

No matter what you say, television has lost its power. Some 30 years ago, Chumak and Kashpirovsky would have vaccinated 100% of the population of Russia in a couple of sessions.

Last weekend I took a taxi from South Moscow to Moscow.

The driver went to the highway and began to drive 140-150 km / h, periodically not observing the distance and not including turns.

After a while, I ask him to drive slower, because at the time I turned over with a friend in his car at a speed of 120km/h and I have a phobia.

Answer of the Leader:

“No problem, I’ve turned twenty times!”

True uterus grows poorly in our climate because it is constantly rubbed.