xxxh: And I paid for the money from the sale of charm in the line, the internet and electricity.
We have to pay for the water...

Fuck, so delicious to eat, that now even cooking my husband and children...

Juli: What does Epic Feel mean?
PTR: Well... personal trouble (developing into a universal disaster)
July for example?
PTR: For example, when you go to visit your aunt for her birthday, you want to go to the toilet early in the morning.
PTR: And no matter how you try to adjust, the stone member (morning stand) is still aimed at the nose.
Juli: Is it an epic feel?)))
PTR is no. This is a personal trouble. The sleeping brain finds a brilliant solution - in the kitchen to put on an empty bottle and then the contents carefully pour into the toilet, without splashing anyone!
PTR: With a lot of tension, trying not to shake, you do business in a bottle of lemonade. At this time someone woke up and moved in the direction of the kitchen.
You quickly put a bottle on the table and surprisingly smile to the aunt-name...
As usual, aunt is tormented by a dryer and she tries to swallow out of a bottle. You cannot even say anything. It only darkened in the eyes of horror.
PTR: Your beloved aunt still gets a lemonade in her mouth and in a few seconds splashes everything out on you.
PTR: Here’s what, silently looking each other’s eyes, reveals the true meaning of Epic fail.

xxx: I had a couple of acquaintances who had superconductivity. First he accompanied her, then she accompanied him and so on to infinity.

I realized that I became a real father when, watching two ladies walking next to me (one is a super sexy blonde with long legs, the other is a woman of 30 with a wheelchair), I began to look at not the back of the blonde, but how technically the baby is packed in the wheelchair.

However, she looked at her legs, and what a blonde, and what a sexy...

Conversation with a friend. (Sasha, the girl of Dima, have been dating for a long time)
I: Where do you get the fingers under every eye?
I sit with my mother and drink tea. We decided when to congratulate the grandmother with dr. I say that the day is busy, the mother is trying what. Well, I take from the value and lament that I will go to the mistress, although I went to the billiard with the guys.
I: Fuck, your mom loves Sasha!
The smoke: UGU Well, she squeezed, let’s say what a goat I am, well, and I went...
I: A double blow?
The smoke. Then I showed that my stupidity knows no boundaries. As the mother told the truth, laughed, all affairs were reconciled. Well, I told Sasuke in the evening, instead of being stupid...
I: I did not understand?
Dima: Then I understood, but I just uttered the word ‘love’... Fuck, where did the baby have such a blow...

xxx: Worst of all, when with the phrase "You’ve fallen to the bottom??7" are addressed to the servo...

urgently! A scan is required (it is a scan, not a photo, you need a good quality) of the working surface of abundantly used toilet paper. I pay 5 euros.

And the freelancer’s answer: Ready to do the work for free on the customer’s scanner.

A virus is detected on your perforator, the mechanism will be stopped

XHH: I sit at work, listen to music, play chobits. Here, in the doorway, a barista appears with a kind of barrel, staring at me for 2 minutes, then shouts out the phrase "Mmmm, chobits... Odmin means... I will not offer books and there is no beer, apologize" and goes away... I thought seriously: why are we all like that? and :(

A textbook accidentally left in the toilet by someone suddenly helped a man who had been treated for dysentery for a month to learn Spanish.

My sign is Neptune!
Who do you need to be to pass ALL the tests, ALL the commissions at the FSB office, and at the last interview, with current generals and other surreptitious uncles, to answer the question: "Why did you go to the FSB?", to answer "I am a Pokémon, I want to capture the world!"... >_<
did not take...

One day I went to a small clothes shop. Approaching one of my hangers, he gives:
- Such a feeling that it was all sewn by the stubborn clown sadist daltonic sick in the head.
It was at this moment that the worker approached from behind to hang the goods and with a look in which the hatred of the enemy of all mankind was read, she issued (not in a raised tone):
He is not a Daltonist.

On the forum, a girl writes:
We need a computer towel! The laptop does not work. Wind was flying. Maybe a virus. I do not know the details.
If there is such a person in the UK, please call the number xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In three days

To all who responded, thank you! The problem is exhausted

MMM: Does the computer work? ))))))))

A person’s intelligence is not determined by the amount of what he knows, but by the quality of what he does.

Grandmother
There is a boy in Lviv, Bogdan. Not really a boy, 15 years old.
Since childhood, he has had some cowardice in the family. Mom and dad have long been separated, grandfather died, and in addition, in recent years, with scandals and murder, three fathers have already had time to change.
Mother is all nervous, from morning to evening disappears at work, you can't ask for a good word from her and there is only one person in Bogdan, whom he loves with all his heart - this is his lovely grandmother.
On the fingers of one hand you could count the days when he fell asleep without talking to his grandmother before bed. They never had secrets from each other. Grandmother and grandson were each other’s souls.
The first love, the first bruises and losses - any little thing on the same day was known to the grandmother, but she kept her grandson's secrets more reliably than a Swiss bank.
Bogdan grew up, married, and over the years he himself became a good adviser to his grandmother.
Her mother was even a little jealous of their idyllic relationship.
One day, the guy came back from school and went out to the yard to take a walk with the dog. He sat down on the bench, smoked and saw that next to the next bench is a old lady sitting with a suitcase and looking at it to the disgrace.
Bogdan became uncomfortable and he asked:
Grandma, did you want something?
The old lady did not answer and called her cell phone.
Suddenly the guy was also called, he took the phone - it was his grandmother:

Hi Goddanko, hello my little one.
The shocked boy did not turn his eyes away from the stranger, he removed the phone from his ear and shouted:
– Ba – Bush – Ka!! to
Then suddenly he threw on the neck to the grandmother sitting on the neighboring bench.

P.S
Until this day, the boy has never seen his beloved grandmother in his fifteen years of life.
She was all these years in Greece on earnings, helped the family a penny and every day of God, no matter what, called her grandson Bogdanchik to find out how his day went.

Trust is when you are told, “You know, and he is walking with you.”
And you say, “Let him walk... He’s warm clothed...”

You are a great Combinator, straight like Bender :)
I don’t know, I didn’t look at Futurama.

Strugatsky wrote the book "Picnic on the side". Based on the book, Tarkovsky made a film. Based on the film, a game was written. Based on the game, a book was written. Based on the book, a film was made... We bet what this story will turn into in 20 years?

She: My vibrator is calling you for a duel.