bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №17081
 07.06.2009
We have an ordinary office building - a bunch of small offices occupying 1-2 rooms. One of the neighbors was attacked by the police. with the OMON. Since there was no clutch, I went to the toilet to wash the cup after lunch. I go out, I hear from the men’s toilet the “adieu song Glados” (well “this was a triumph...”), and vocal, without music. I think “I need to ask where they got it.” I’m standing, waiting for someone to come out of the sort to ask. There are two Omonovets out, and one of them is singing this song. Falcetom (with some sizes (I am 178, so I’m not low). The second to him:
Listen to singing. Woo, he’s kneeling at me. People are scared.
The first stops singing and ironically asks the partner:
That is, you mean that if we go to the address, but I don’t sing, we’ll be less afraid?
The second, scratching the cask:
Actually yes. Lana, let’s sing something else.
The first, flashing at me, gently picked up his machine (bad, if he so hugs his girlfriend - she's the only one I envy!) “You are so beautiful, no matter what they say – Words can't bring you down!”

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №17080
 07.06.2009
From one forum:

Question:Here, please tell lovers of pets))) How I can get rid of the tooterier everywhere! And not scattering out of the cat’s toilet all over the apartment, you know what?

Answer: Make him a fool.

[ + 189 - ] Comment quote №17079
 07.06.2009
Researchers studying the phenomenon of female breasts found that a man who contemplates female charms for 10 minutes a day can extend his life by 10 years. The appearance of naked female breasts calms the nervous system, improves mood and increases potency.
Bring to the top! Everyone should know!and :)

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №17078
 07.06.2009
The exams are tightened.
From July 1 to obtain a driver's license in Moscow and St. Petersburg will have to pass an additional test on the site: "Probka". The subject will have to sit in a special metal box for at least 2 hours, without attempting to move from place.
Every three minutes, with the whisper and the sounds of the sirens, a basin with a hail will pass by, imitating the passage of a government court. The test will be considered to have passed prematurely if the subject does not pronounce the words "Pidarasa" at least for the first forty minutes.
A spokesman for the GIA press service, Radar Zasadov, told our correspondents that if the initiative succeeds, it could be implemented throughout the Russian Federation.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №17077
 07.06.2009
It’s fun to watch the glamorous girls.
Yesterday "type unknowingly" said that I have a car, like the main character of the movie "Green Lighting". There was no departure from the girls. Imagine how they will be surprised when they see "the same" 402nd "Moscow"...

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №17076
 07.06.2009
Places - life is beautiful, but these places are very difficult to reach.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №17075
 07.06.2009
Work with your head, not a computer.

At the dawn of the development of nuclear technologies before the USSR and the United States arose a problem.
Determine the dependence of the force of the nuclear explosion on the decomposition. Americans
came to its decision with the American scale: purchased the latest, and
time, equipment, for the crazy money borrowed specifically for this
A supercomputer case.
The test field was covered by kilometers of transmission from the sensors to
The Registered. After the test, the data from them were scored in perfocards and miracles.
techniques, gladly flashing with lamps, kilograms glotalo these same
maps, heating out the thinking process of movement. And he is,
The long-awaited result is the pillars of numbers in your hands.

The Americans were very proud of their production, if pride was
Lighter than the air, the pieces of American physicists would circulate in
The Stratosphere. The time has passed, the secret data has ceased to be so.
There was pride in the result and the Americans published their data.

Following them, our scientists published the data of their tests. by V
The prediction that the Soviets will appear in a deep backward comparison
With them, the Americans began to check the data. It turns out that the Soviets already
A more accurate sign! Uncle Condratius broadly revealed to Americans
Its strong boundaries.

Terrible thoughts waved in their heads - if the Soviet data were so accurate,
It was not a supercomputer, but a super-popper.
The computer, and the technology in general, does not read American at all. Well,
Once this happened, the Americans in all pairs equipped a delegation on the
experience in the USSR. Arriving at the Soviet colleagues, they took the bull for the roga - and
Can you show the glorious apparatus that you were expecting?
of data.
Yes, he is in front of you.
Soviet colleague pointed to the aggregate, the closest relatives of Iron
Felix (the mechanical arithmometer)
“A-a-a, secrecy,” the Americans thought, “is pretending. We know
to you!”
Per you will give us the equipment with which you worked.
by Poole? With hopes, they stumbled.
The assistant left, returned with the brick, which was placed before the scientists.
This simple object plunged Americans into hypnotic trance. Vote if
If there were bricks made of printed plates and semi-proofs, then
If it were all clear, this is an ordinary silicate brick, just what
The Pronumerated. The Americans became perfectly obvious, the Russians laugh.
They are not overwhelmed, but are overwhelmed.
From the composition of proustration, they began to draw a story of social
and testing. It turns out, the bricks were rated and placed on the radius of the
the center. After the explosion, the roulette soldats measured the distribution, which
Every particular brick flew away, and then a group of collaborators
The simplest physical formulas determined the high pressure.
Congratulations to Soviet science!!

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №17074
 07.06.2009
The husband:
Which Aunt is coming?
The Wife:
Number or shit?

[ + 74 - ] Comment quote №17073
 07.06.2009
In the morning, I went to work.
I remember the tea is over.
There is only green in the house.
I have a plastic bag that closes.
He poured tea into it.
I went to work and threw tea on the table.
The boss comes in, looks at me, sleeping with red eyes,
In the package,
Again to me...
He stumbled unbelievably and said:
"Aha, tell me what this tea is!"

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №17072
 07.06.2009
XXX: What are the plans?
The Napoleonic ones!
Take Moscow and catch the puzzles?

[ + 84 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №17071
 07.06.2009
A big thank you to the unknown guy in a green compass, Panama and backpack, who yesterday helped a girl with a wheelchair with two children and heavy bags to get from the platform to the 2nd factory street and pulled the wheelchair and bags to the 9th floor. You were the first and the only one in 2 hours who agreed to help me.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №17070
 07.06.2009
You have accessed my personal page protected by copyright laws. The content of this page has been downloaded by your Internet browser and saved (cache) on the disk of your computer without my permission. You violated my copyright. Your IP address is registered in the system log of the server, you will be sued in court.
In order to resolve the dispute extrajudicially, I propose that you, within seven days from now on, transfer a sum of 100 Euros to my account.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №17069
 06.06.2009
Ann (14:26:07): I am 9 June 12 thousand. Days are fulfilled
14:55:54): I see a lot of work there too :)

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №17068
 06.06.2009
I eat with my colleagues.

one sitting talking to a new client, says:
How are you called? And Anton Sergeevich? Fuck your mother, Anton Sergeevich, don’t sit in the tea...

I could not listen further.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №17067
 06.06.2009
A young man named Andrei, who restored my screw yesterday, SPb "Marine Cascade",you did not leave the phone >_<, Come in guests, a? I will feed you again.)

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №17066
 06.06.2009
A familiar girl:
Eat cabbage in anticipation of a miracle.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №17065
 06.06.2009
XXX: The old cell phone is often swallowed. The problem was solved by the method "about the knee" - helped unsuccessfully...
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
XXX is an anti-attack. How to set up (

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №17064
 06.06.2009
N.bin: We have 5.1 sound in the club
N.bin: five columns - one works

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №17063
 06.06.2009
In Finland, young people with internet addiction are granted a postponement from the army.
They do well in Finland, instead of running around the offices and collecting certificates, it is enough to lead a normal lifestyle.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №17062
 06.06.2009
It does not contain humor:
Those who were threatened by the phone. And I don’t understand one thing: how can you steal from retirees who don’t have anything? What kind of shit should you be?
Please warn your grandparents to be as vigilant as possible.

--------------------

It contains humor:
Father at the old job in the department all uncles over 40 were, only 1 young employee (25 years old).
And in general the case: called most employees of the company on the mobile type "Daddy,share,I am in the police, talk normally does not give, need urgent money ", and so on. and etc. Well, the smart uncles, who had sons, immediately called them and learned what and how. And the last was the youngest, here is a dialogue on the mobile:
Father, give it up, money is needed.
Do I greet you? My unborn son. What is your mother’s name? Or I cannot decide.

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