A gentleman will not reject a lady, even if she does not yet agree.

When my daughter was 3 years old, I put her package of her favorite candy under her pillow one evening. She found them in the morning and asked, astonished:
This from where?
Without thinking, I whispered in a wakeful tone:
The elves brought.
I liked responding creatively at the time, and standing on my own until the last, adding convincing details to the fiction.

This story lasted for five years.

Who are the Elves?
All children have elves, they fulfill desires, they help, they give gifts.

- Mom, and the other children say, there are no elves.
Every child has an elf. But if a child does not believe in elves, they do not come to him.

How do they look?
Write them a letter and leave it under your pillow. They will tell you themselves.

In the beginning, the elves brought gifts themselves, their small puddles caused a storm of emotions. Then the daughter began to draw elephant pictures to tell what she wanted... then to write, rewriting letters from my mother’s draft, then to write independently in secret from her mother. Sometimes the elves brought the ordered not immediately, sometimes they brought something else, sometimes they wrote letters and told about themselves. And the older the daughter became, the more she liked the letters. When the mother and daughter were arguing, the indignant threw her in response that he would write the elves! ...and asked for them a good mom and 100 sweets. And even if my mom was angry, the elves always responded and reassured.

Once a daughter asked the elves for beautiful animals, just like in a magazine, which comes out once a month, with one toy from a whole collection of consistent marvels. And the elves just had a set of elves at school, and they commissioned small elves to make animals as a test task. The elephants overstated, first, they made the dragon, second, they accidentally revived him. The dragon broke up half the villages, and all the forces were thrown to rebuild the houses first. In the evening, the elephants, quietly whispering, locked themselves in the workshop, because they wanted to make a gift themselves, without the help of adults. Their business went slowly... generally, two months later, the package arrived from China, and this chapter of the fairy tale ended.

In 5 years, a lot of fairy tales were written, elephants and their names were invented, the description of the island and houses, the presence in the village of the main fairy elves, diseases, holidays, school, holidays. The daughter made gifts to the elves: one candy was enough for the whole village, and from small boxes the elves made themselves a whole house for guests, and yet they did not know what sugar is, and called it a sweet stone... The elves could not be shown to people, it is absolutely impossible, as in the tale of the Black Chicken. They would have to find another place of residence. But the elves still asked the main fairy to let them bring the girl to the village and teach her witchcraft.

And then my mom realized that it was time to end the fairy tale so that it would remain a fairy tale forever. The daughter still believed in elves, but was already o-o-o-very big. Do you know what people believe who just want to believe? How do they not notice the obvious little things that contradict their faith? All children will one day learn about Santa Claus, about the tooth fairy, about... and the elves should have remained a fairy tale.

When her daughter was eight years old, the elves brought her three wishes as farewell gifts:
You just have to start doing something and it will succeed.
You will smile enough to make friends with another person.
“When you become an old grandmother, we will take you with us, we will turn you into a little elephant, and you will go to our school.
And they also promised that they would trick mom and dad so that they would be kind and sometimes hid her gifts under the pillow. It should be noted that this last wish was fulfilled immediately, even before the appearance of any gifts from parents. Great power of conviction.

No, the daughter did not immediately accept the fact that the elves left. What do these mean: “You’re already big”, “You’ll soon stop noticing magic”?
What if I write them?

And in the house, there are still a lot of toys that the elves brought. The elves still exist.

The best player of the match Nigeria - Argentina was recognized Diego Maradona, who scored two squads on the court.

If we get pleasure from work, it’s a signal to the boss that we’re not working hard enough.

If Andrey Malakhov is thrown a dark patch on his head, he thinks it’s night, and he’s silent.

How do you explain to a child that France is not in Africa?

“Successful some Putin this time got,” Ivan Petrov told his wife Lyudmila. "The past was nothing like that - one Chechnya was destroyed, the other Crimea returned. And this... Pension wants to steal, prices are rising...
He breathed hard.
“Don’t worry, Vanechka,” his wise wife comforted him. God will give, the next Putin will be better.

In the mid-1980s, a kindergarten. To play with a toy, you had to show it to the teacher and ask for permission. And here I chose a racing car that, when you ride it on the floor, makes such a fierce wave at the expense of some internal mechanism. My fingers are pulling to take her, and one girl is shouting, “Don’t take it for Christ’s sake!” I thought “Christad” was the name of this toy. A few days later, I approached the teacher with this machine and asked, "Can I take the christarad?" The teacher made such round eyes: “You can, of course, take, mother!”

EMCHEESKA - ESEMESKA from MCHS

I call my voice, I feel like I’m not sober.
You are where?
“Sweet, sweet, I come home, it’s too late.
is exactly?
Well yes. You don’t believe me?
Turn on the TV...
Okay you...
Include it, I said.
It includes.
Okay well. Water in the bathroom?
It includes.
And now jump on your whirling bed. Not so loud. Are you a herd?
A scream is heard in the telephone.
Okay go to sleep. I love and kiss. You are smart. Not that your fucking ones are turning somewhere now!

As it turns out, it was actually:
Bar, football, beer, man 30-40 The body runs out into the middle of the room:
My grandmother is calling!
And silence... Switching the cell phone to a loud communication.
The guard turns on and turns off the TV.
The bartender puts water in the glass.
Three fans jump on the couch.
This is how 40 people can understand and penetrate!

Interviewer: “How do you think the 1970s Brazilian team would be able to beat today’s Argentina?”
Pele said “Yes.”
Interview: “With what account?”
Pele: “1-0”
The interviewer: “And that’s all.”
Pele: “Well, most of us are over 75 years old.”

and Taxi.

Take the girl young today. He sits in front of the smartphone. We stop at the light. A very beautiful girl, twenty years old, crosses the road with just a charming poppy. Short stretching shorts... All the male drivers accompanied this Empress of Pops with their eyes. The ass is right. They rarely meet. The perfect ass without a single defect.

My passenger makes a comment:

- A young man, so unceremoniously watch over the girls - мовеton. It is very low and not respectful. You insult this girl. This is pure water sexism.

In general, she read me in full.

And you know, I was so ashamed... Actually, we are watching like a prey. Not very beautiful. Women are first and foremost individuals. And they need to be appreciated for the mind and actions. And I apologized.

And when my passenger came out, I understood why. She has no ass. at all. The level. The board. I even felt that she was a little stunned. I did not watch. It is not decent.

I decided to go to the medical committee. For this reason, I went to the clinic.

The turn here is huge. No less than two dozen people and everyone needs to go where I am.

The lady came, tried to go to the doctor without a line, was stopped by three grandmothers. He tried to get into the middle of the line and was once again besieged by others already waiting. I decided to try my happiness standing in front of me.

Don’t go out of line, I’m upset.

“But I just have to ask, and I’m in a hurry,” she said.

Where are you in a hurry? The guy asked after me.

How to Where? I have a manicure in half an hour, she answered, as if it was a question of life and death.

In the end, they sent her to the end. While she argued with those in front of her, the place where she could have stood was occupied by four others.

In the struggle for freedom of conscience, the most unconscious have won.

Yesterday told: Students of the medical institute were sent either to classes or to practice (I don't know how it happens to them) in a dude and on the first day they were spent in the chambers to get acquainted with the situation, they enter the same chamber and the doctor with the screams "Asa, Opa!" He begins to knock on the palms and dance the lizhinka. All the sick in the chamber are immediately undermined and begin to burn with him, like at a wedding. The doctor danced for a couple of minutes, then went out with the students from the chamber and said to them, "Well here, outside people are somewhat serious, too tight, and here I rest my soul, there you will always be supported.

Lifhack for the government.
Pension reform should be developed by an ordinary employee with a white employee in 25 years, who will be retired in three years.

I went to the dentist at a private clinic today.

After carefully studying everything, the tooth fairy made a verdict: the structure of the teeth is good - you will die with your teeth.

Everyone wants to be happy, but many people want to be happy.

In our micro-district, the new building saw the same picture for a couple of years. Everywhere the trees are untreated, grown with grass, the bushes beaten, there are no flowers... except one house. There weeds are removed, trees are excavated, bushes are cut and flowers grow.
Every year a new drawing. On the question of whose hands is the matter, he received the answer "what kind of choked grandfather, like a former agronom or about that." I saw him, yeah, grandfather, he barely walks, works very slowly, but educatively. And he always worked only on the trees of his house, even more precisely his half of the house. It is about 17 floors, so it is not a weak part of the land.
But last autumn, he did everything he could and surprisingly went to our yard. 16 trees, cut out the grass in autumn, circles around the trees, a small shell or something there exploded and fertilized. I thought about what a good grandfather. And he also worked slowly and for a long time, half a day under the same tree. The fertilizer from the package, apparently purchased at his own expense.
Spring has come, snow has come down...and grandfather has never appeared. He probably died in the winter. There are circles around the trees in the yard. The grass does not grow as if it was done yesterday. Every time I look at him, I remember him.
There is no man, but the fruits of his labor are these, they live their lives.

Today, I finally admitted to my colleagues that they are gay.